In The Moonlight

"In The Moonlight"

"Another blasted ball," James Potter muttered, tugging at the neck of his dress robes as if to give himself some air. "Forcing innocent fellows to dress up just because the Minister of Magic is going to be at the school for a few days--"

"Be quiet, James," his girlfriend Lily Evans ordered, silencing him with a firm kiss upon the lips. When she pulled back, she tucked a strand of her famous red hair behind her ear. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with formal occasions. And you do look nice in dress robes."

"But--" he began to protest, only to be silenced by another kiss. When it ended this time he looked very satisfied.

"Ahem." Sirius Black cleared his throat. "Lily, I don't like these blasted dances either." He winked devilishly at his best friend's girlfriend, pursing his lips at her.

"Oh, too bad," Lily cooed sympathetically, making no move to kiss him, which subsequently drew laughter from the fourth seat at their table.

"Shut up, Remus," Sirius said to the laugher, putting on a wounded air.

"Poor, poor Sirius," Remus said compassionately. "The Ladies' Man is actually turned down for once. How ever will you survive?"

"I'm sure he'll manage," James put in, and kissed Lily's cheek.

Lily smiled fondly at him, then sighed in the direction of the deejay. "I wish they'd play some music we could actually dance to," she announced to no one in particular.

"Why? The Slytherins seem to be getting it on out there," Sirius pointed out, snickering.

"Yes...who'd have thought Lucius Malfoy would ever score a date with Narcissa Erickson?" James asked.

"Well, they're the two most egotistical people in the school," Remus said, "They quite deserve each other."

"I have to agree." Sirius looked across the dance floor as he spoke, which was rather bare for the number of students in attendance. Most were sitting at tables with their friends, chatting with each other, instead of subjecting themselves to the potential humiliation of the dance floor. "Oh, look - Severus Snape is dancing by himself. You know what they say about people who dance by themselves this early in the night, right?"

"Their shirt's coming off by midnight," the other three chorused.

"Yes, we know, Sirius," James said. "You've only told us that joke at every school function since our first year."

"And it's our sixth year now, and it's bound to come true eventually!" said Sirius quite hopefully.

A different song began to play as they spoke, and a blonde fourth year slowly approached their table. "Bet it's for you, Sirius," Remus muttered into Sirius's ear. He was right.

"Would - would you - maybe - dance with me?" she stuttered, trembling in front of where Sirius sat.

"Of course," Sirius said smoothly, standing in one graceful motion and extending a hand to the blonde, who promptly commenced giggling as if he had told her the funniest bit of gossip she'd ever heard. They were a proper contrast - the short, almost plump, blonde girl against Sirius's tall, tight body, and his sleek, dark hair--

Remus found himself noticing these things, but was not surprised. He'd been noticing Sirius ever since their first year, when James had introduced them on the Hogwarts Express. The definitions of hetero- or homosexual never seemed quite real to him - to his mind, it was simply a matter of fancying individuals. But Remus didn't usually speak of fancies, male or female. Lycanthropy had convinced him at an early age that there was only one romantic ship for him to sail on: celibacy.

Still, there was something about Sirius's casual grace, the depth of his dark eyes, the strength that would be found within his oft-sought embrace, that made Remus wish Sirius wasn't such a ladies' man. But there was no chance of that: Sirius was easily one of the most popular boys in their year, perhaps in the whole school. His charm and wit and devil-may-care manners were beyond irresistible to the girls, and to some of the boys as well. The only one who loved Sirius more than his 'followers,' as James, Lily, Peter, and Remus called them, was...well, Sirius himself. He knew he was beautiful. Then again, Remus knew it as well, and both appreciated and despised it, for many reasons.

He didn't realize he was staring out onto the dance floor, watching Sirius holding the girl in his arms at a safe distance - 'Not the one for him tonight, apparently,' Remus thought to himself, feeling a bit sorry for the girls' soon-to-be-dashed hopes - until James waved a hand in front of his face.

"Something wrong?" the bespectacled boy asked, his blue eyes bright behind his glasses. Next to him, Lily watched in concern, her fingers casually entwined with James's on the tablecloth.

"No...not at all. Why?" Remus was lying through his teeth. He glanced onto the floor again, rather relieved to see that Sirius was still not dancing closely with her.

"Because you're staring. What's going on out there? Let us in on it!" James laughed. Remus only smiled and shook his head.

"Is there someone you'd like to ask to dance, Remus?" Lily guessed, her smile widening.

What harm could there be in telling the truth? "Yes, actually, there is."

"Who?" James asked eagerly, as Lily responded, "Well, go ask, then!"

"Can't tell...you'd never believe me, and they'd never dance with me." Remus shrugged, then brushed a bit of sandy brown hair out of his eyes. Across the room, it looked like Peter was getting turned down for a dance; Sirius was changing partners, swinging round a fifth year Hufflepuff he'd been out with on several occasions - the former star of one of Sirius's many 'conquest' stories, he was sure.

"How do you know?" Lily pried. "You obviously haven't asked yet."

"Right. I'm all up for public humiliation tonight. Afterwards, how 'bout we go shut our hands in the castle doors?" His voice was a bit sharper than he'd intended; he amended the comment with, "Sorry...guess I'm a bit...yeah."

"Well, it's up to you," James said, standing and offering a hand to Lily. "But you ought to at least try. C'mon, Remus - you're a Gryffindor - be brave. Just go ask."

As Lily stood, she leaned over and whispered to Remus, "How could anyone resist your charms? Go on." She smiled at him and let James lead her onto the dance floor, holding him closely as they began to move.

Remus shook his head. As if Sirius would ever dance with him - in public, no less. That proposition was a disaster waiting to happen. All the same, Remus didn't want to look like a complete wallflower...

His problems were temporarily solved when a blushing Ravenclaw came to the table and asked him to dance. He accepted after only a second's hesitation, thinking, 'Well, if you can't dance with the one you love, love the one you dance with...or something like that.' But as he held the girl and touched her long, dark hair, he found himself musing on the fact that Sirius's was much softer than hers...

When the dance ended, he excused himself and slipped back to the sidelines at a much safer location - near the edge of the hall, where hardly anyone was dancing. He wasn't sure if he was going to stay for the rest of the ball or not...perhaps he could escape...

"Moony!" an excited, familiar voice exclaimed. "You're hiding too?"

Whirling round, Remus found he had chosen Sirius's exact hideaway. The dark-haired boy was leaning against the wall, his arms folded, tucked away from the crowd. "What are you doing back here?" the intruder stammered, flustered but somehow undeniably pleased.

"Hiding from the Hufflepuff. Won't get off my case tonight...I danced with her once, now I have to free up for all the other beautiful people." Sirius winked at him. "In which case, you're looking rather sharp tonight."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius, you're such a head case. And I think if the 'beautiful people' are looking for you, they won't think to check over here."

"Maybe I've already been found."

This phrase stopped Remus dead in his tracks, and he turned his gaze from the crowd to stare at Sirius - not gaping, with his mouth hanging open, but a careful, curious look, watching the changing expressions on his face. Just as he was going to ask what Sirius meant, Sirius murmured, "Remus, I think that Hufflepuff has spotted me...where do we go?"

He saw what Sirius meant - the blonde girl was squinting in their direction, taking a few hesitant steps toward them. "Up here," Remus instructed, taking Sirius's hand and leading him through a well-hidden door.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked as they tripped over steps in the blackness. There weren't even any torches lit along the staircase, but Remus suddenly appreciated this, as it gave him the rare chance to keep hold of Sirius's hand, which was warm and soft against his own fingers.

"Balcony," Remus muttered, putting out his free hand to feel for the knob-less door. Finally he felt it, and with a squeaking protest from the hinges swung it open.

It was as if they stepped into a different world, on the unused balcony that circled the top of the Great Hall. The teachers had decorated up here, but there was no one else who had found the secret passageway that led to the upper circle. Candles flickered softly, and the music and conversation below them seemed so far away.

"When did you find this?" Sirius breathed, staring at their surroundings in awe. He had not let go of Remus's hand yet.

"A while back...just fell through the door, really." Remus wasn't admiring their surroundings so much as the way the candles cast their shadows across his friend's face.

"Well, it's beautiful." He glanced over and squeezed Remus's hand, giving him a quick grin. "Thanks for saving me."

"You're welcome..." Remus murmured.

They were silent a moment, still taking in the careful decorations of the upper circle, still linked at the hands. But after a moment, Sirius cleared his throat softly, and stepped closer to Remus. A nervous minute later he began to speak. "Remus...I..."

"You what?" the smaller boy asked, turning to face him.

It seemed to take Sirius's breath away. "Gods..." he whispered, bringing a hand up to cup Remus's face. "You're...you're so beautiful."

"Sirius..."

"You really are." He began to trace his fingers over Remus's soft brown hair, his eyes never leaving his face. "Has anyone ever told you that before?"

Remus swallowed hard. "Sirius - I know...I know what you do to people you fancy. I won't let you do that to me."

"Do what?" His hands left the other boy's face, trailing down to grip his fingers.

"You - what do you call it? 'Love 'em and leave 'em.' We're too good of friends, Sirius, so just don't do that to me."

Sirius looked genuinely hurt - Remus wasn't sure if he was being sincere or putting on another act. "Remus, I would never do that to you."

Far below them, a couple approached the deejay, giggling. "Do you have any Muggle songs?" the boy asked.

"'S matter of fact, we do. What you want?" They placed their request, then returned to the floor as the music started.

On the balcony, Remus and Sirius were still standing, linked at the hands, staring at each other. "Please believe me," Sirius said. "Don't you want this too?"

Remus sighed. "Yes, but - I want it to be real. Not some passing fancy at a dance. You can't just brush me aside like your girls."

"I would never do that to you!" He shut his eyes in frustration. "Don't you know how long I've wanted you?"

"Then why haven't you approached me before tonight?"

"Because...I've been afraid."

A new song started.

In the moonlight, when the shadows play

When the thought of what could happen takes your breath away

Sighs and whispers, quiet laughter in the air

Unspoken invitations everywhere...

"Afraid?" Remus nearly found this hard to believe. "You, Sirius Black, who's been with every girl in the school except Lily, you were afraid? Of bloody what?!"

There was a depth to Sirius's eyes that Remus rarely saw there. "Of losing you. Scaring you away or something."

"How would you scare me away? We're best friends, remember?"

"I thought...you might not want me..." Sirius's voice grew very soft, and he finally looked away. "You might never want me, and I'd be left looking like a fool."

"Never want you?" Remus repeated in disbelief. "Sirius - I've always wanted you."

In the moonlight, all the words you say

Make it relatively easy to be swept away

In the half-light, can we trust the way we feel?

Can we be sure that anything is real?

"What?" Sirius repeated, shocked.

"Always. Since the day we met. You're the most...attractive person I've ever met. And fun-loving, and sensitive, though you don't want anyone else to know about it - and smart..." Remus trailed off, not wanting to say too much. It was just so easy to say these things now, on the balcony, on a night made for romance.

"Why - why didn't you tell me?"

Remus smiled wryly at him. "Because I was afraid you might now want me," he quoted, "and I'd be left looking like a fool."

"Remus..." the dark-haired boy whispered, taking his friend's face in his hands as though to kiss him. But Remus turned his face away, denying the kiss.

"Sirius, I'm not sure if this is a good idea."

Stars keep secrets as they're wandering discreetly

While the echoes of a song go drifting by

We must be careful not to lose our way completely

Or the magic that we see here, we can't be sure will be here

In the morning, with the moon away

And if in each other's arms is where we've meant to stay

In the lovelight, when our eyes have grown accustomed to the daylight

We'll see what waits for us to share

For all the things we've dreamed of in the moonlight will be there...

Sirius looked hurt again. "Remus, I would never try to hurt you!" he exclaimed. "You know that. Why can't you believe me?"

Remus blinked hard. Were those the beginnings of tears? There was certainly a lump in his throat. He took a few steps away from Sirius, to clear his head. "What would you do if the object of years' worth of your affections suddenly offered himself to you, suddenly admitted he'd loved you too? Would you believe it? Wouldn't you think it too good to be true?"

"I wouldn't know..." Sirius murmured. "It looks like mine is walking away." The sadness evident in his voice nearly broke Remus's heart. "Guess I'll be seeing you, Moony."

Remus turned around to see Sirius walking towards the door, returning to the dance floor. He could tell simply from the slump of his shoulders that he was about to cry - and suddenly a thousand memories were clamoring for Remus's attention. Sirius's glee when first becoming Padfoot for the full moon. Sirius begging to copy his Potions homework. Sirius lying to take a detention and keep his friends out of trouble. Sirius defending his friends' good names to the point of fistfights with Slytherins. Sirius embracing him, holding him so tightly--

"Sirius!"

Both boys stopped, facing each other on the balcony. Sirius's expression was so hopeful - Remus's heart was pounding, he tried to catch his breath before he spoke.

"Only if you mean it, Sirius. Do you mean it?" He paused. "Do you really want this?"

There was an odd glimmer in Sirius's eyes. "More than anything I've ever wanted before. I--" He paused, gathering courage to say the words they were both anticipating, and Remus was breathless.

"I love you, Remus."

Remus knew for a fact he had never said those words to any girl he'd ever fancied, ever been with, ever made the object of his conquests. It was a rule he spoke often of to his friends when relating his adventures - 'never tell them you love them, unless you mean it.'

And they were in each other's arms - Remus wasn't sure who'd run to whom, but they were there, holding each other, seeming to laugh and cry and finally breathe at the same moment. "I love you, Sirius," he whispered, at last holding him like he'd dreamed of doing.

Their kiss began very gradually - their faces tilted up, their foreheads touched, their eyes remained tightly closed. Then their lips were softly pressed together, a soul-searching kiss. It was just as Remus had always imagined it would be...soft, tender, slow and soulful. He was trembling when they pulled away. Their eyes were locked together, amber light meeting the depths of darkness, reading in each other's eyes a thousand whispers and secrets and admissions. Their hearts pounding, they kissed again; and their mouths curved into smiles as they pressed their lips together after so long a wait.

Stars keep secrets as they're wandering discreetly

While the echoes of a song go drifting by

We must be careful not to lose our way completely

Or the magic that we see here, we can't be sure will be here

Below them, Lily and James were standing arm in arm, watching the tall shadows on the balcony kissing. "Looks like they finally did it," Lily murmured sweetly, smiling for her friends' happiness.

"Told you the song would work." James grinned proudly.

"But they're certainly not dancing!" she laughed.

"Neither are we," he reminded her, and they followed suit and kissed as well.

In the morning, with the world away

And if in each other's arms is where we've meant to stay

In the lovelight, when our eyes have grown accustomed to the daylight

We'll see what waits for us to share

For all the things we've dreamed of in the moonlight will be there...