The Pensieve

A Living Nightmare

Draco woke up an hour later on a sofa in the sitting room of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. At first, he couldn't remember how he had gotten here, but, seeing Ron sitting in a chair next to him, looking as if the world had ended, the memories rushed back to him.

"Ron," he muttered softly.

Ron gave a start and looked over at him. "Oh, Draco. You're awake." He sniffled. "I hadn't noticed."

"Please, Ron," Draco begged. "Tell me it was just a nightmare. Please!"

Ron shook his head sadly. "Sorry, mate. It's not a nightmare. Harry's dea-"

"No!" Draco shouted, covering his ears. "No, it's not true! It can't be!"

"Draco," Ron said, prying the sobbing boy's hands from his ears. "Draco, I know it's hard to face, but you have to face it eventually!" Draco covered his face and refused to be reasoned with. Ron sighed and decided to call in Hermione. She knew how to handle these situations.

~*~

When Hermione opened the door, she found Draco sobbing into Ron's shoulder, with Ron patting his shoulder awkwardly and not looking extremely comfortable about it. When she walked through the door, Ron looked up and gave her a relieved smile.

"Hey," she said softly. He responded with a look as if to say 'Don't just stand there! Help me!'

She sat down behind Draco and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Draco," she whispered. When he didn't respond, she continued, "Draco...I told you not to give yourself false hope. Harry wasn't going to come out of that, and you knew it." She resorted to the oldest (and lamest) comforting thing to say in the book. "Draco, he was in a lot of pain. and we should be glad that he doesn't feel it anymore." It was lucky that Draco still had his face buried in Ron's shoulder; otherwise, he would see that she didn't believe a word she was saying.

She squeezed his shoulder. "Draco, I know it hurts, but-"

"You have no idea," Draco sobbed suddenly. "You have no idea how much it hurts!"

Hermione sighed. "No. I don't." She thought for a moment. What could she do to make it easier for Draco? Probably nothing, she admitted. "Draco...would it help you at all to see his body?"

Draco looked up at her and sniffled. "Maybe a little, I guess."

"Aright. I'll take you to him."

~*~

Harry's body was in the same room he had spent his last few weeks alive in. He was still lying on the bed, a calm look on his face. For a second, Draco could almost fool himself into believing that Harry was just asleep, but when he brushed a hand across his face, he was ice-cold.

Hermione shut the door and left Draco alone with his husband's body.

Draco sat on the bed, tears falling down his face. "Harry, I'm so sorry," he whispered, laying his head on the dead boy's chest. "I should have been here! If only I hadn't been so stupid..." He sniffled. "Maybe I could have helped you."

The door opened behind him, and Snape slipped silently in. "I thought I'd find you here," he said softly.

Draco bolted up and whirled around. "Oh, it's you, Severus." He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. "Did you want something?"

"Yes, actually, I would like to speak with you concerning... concerning Potter's death. Am I correct in thinking that you would rather hear this somewhere else?"

"Yes, of course." He followed Snape out of the room. "What is it you wanted to tell me?"

"I assume Potter has informed you of the connection between himself and the Dark Lord?"

"Yes, he has."

"Dumbledore and I have some speculation on that. We believe that, because of this, if either Harry or the Dark Lord died, the other would die also."

"So, what are you saying exactly?"

"What I'm saying is that, since Potter is dead, Voldemort may be dead also!"

Draco's eyes grew wide. "Yes, I know...Ron and I killed him!"

"What?"

"We killed him! We performed the Killing Curse at the same time, and we killed him!"

"How is that possible?"

"We don't know. He just...died. Which means..." A horrified look came over his face. "We...we killed Harry! I killed Harry!"

"Now, Draco, you mustn't think like that. It's more likely that Voldemort died because Potter died."

Draco thought for a second. "Did Harry die during one of his attacks?"

"Yes, he did, but I don't see what that has to do with -"

"Then no matter what, I'm to blame! The attacks only happened when Voldemort was feeling extremely murderous, or had some surge of emotion. When we attacked him, he was feeling both! If Harry died from the attack, then I'm to blame, and if he died from Voldemort dying, then I'm still to blame! This is all my fault. I should have stayed here!"

"Please, Draco, don't beat yourself up over this."

"It's too late for that."

~*~

I'm on a cruise! Draco thought delightedly, as he leaned over the railing of the grand ship. He was on the port side, looking at a small, deserted island. This is just what I need, after everything that's happened! That thought brought everything back to him. All that's happened? Then why on earth was he on a cruise ship? This must be a dream.

Just as he thought this, he heard Harry's voice calling to him. "Draco!"

"Harry?" Draco shouted, looking all about him. "Harry, where are you?"

"Draco, help me!" Harry yelled back, and Draco realized the voice was coming from the island, and, sure enough, when he looked over, there was Harry, standing on the beach. "Help me!" Harry shouted once again.

Draco looked all around himself for something he could use to get Harry off that island, to bring Harry back to him. "How, Harry?" he shouted. "How do I help you?"

Everything became foggy, and Draco realized he was waking up. "No," he said, groggily. "No, I don't want to wake up...Harry!" He yelled his husband's name and sat up in his bed, tears leaking from his eyes.

~*~

At first, Draco considered just going back to sleep, until he remembered that Severus was staying at #12 Grimmauld place lately while he was doing some work around the area. Draco eagerly ran to his room.

"Severus!" he yelled, slamming his godfather's door open so hard that it rammed into the wall.

Snape sat bolt upright. "What is it, Draco?"

"You're good at interpreting dreams, right?"

"If the occasion calls for it, then yes, I am a fair dream interpreter."

"Believe me, the occasion calls for it!"

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, never at three in the morning does the occasion call for it!"

"Please, Severus? Just let me tell you the dream before I forget it!" His godfather sighed and nodded. "Good. It started off with a cruise..."

He relayed the dream to Snape, who shook his head and said, "Draco, I'm sorry, but all that I can see this dream means is that you miss Potter, and you wish that you could have saved him, but there was nothing you could have done." He pondered it a moment. "It also may have something to do with the funeral today."

Draco groaned. "Oh, right. The funeral."

"Draco, if you don't want to go-"

"Of course I want to go! I couldn't be there for his death; the least I can do is be there for his funeral!"

~*~

Draco was seriously regretting that choice later on in the day. After the eulogy, people were allowed to go up to the open casket and look in on The-Boy-Who-Lived. After that, most people stood up in the back of the church, talking. Not many of them would be going to the actual funeral; that was strictly for family and friends only.

Draco was the last one to go up to see Harry. He walked slowly up to the altar, the longest walk of his life. He gently caressed Harry's calm, peaceful face. Choking back tears, he lifted one of Harry hand and placed a single, white lily under it, before placing it back on Harry's chest.

"I love you," he whispered, and closed the casket lid.

He went through the funeral in a daze. He couldn't believe that they were going to stick the one person he loved in the cold, hard ground, and that he was just going to let them do it. The mourners stood around the grave, and each said a few words about Harry. But when Draco's turn came, the words wouldn't come. There were no words to describe the love that he had found in Harry, nor were there words to describe the pain that he felt now that Harry was gone.

He barely felt Hermione's hand on his back when she placed it there. "It's alright, Draco," she said softly, and they moved on to Ron.

When the service was over, they all took a clump of dirt and dropped it into the grave. This, for Draco, was the worst part. That final thud the dirt made when it hit the coffin pained Draco more than anything else. With that thud, he sealed Harry's grave; cut him off from the only person to ever love him. That thud forced Draco to admit that Harry was gone. And he was not coming back.

~*~

That night, Draco had another dream about Harry. He was standing at the top of the grave, looking down into Harry's open coffin. A single tear slid out of Draco's eye and landed on Harry's cheek.

Suddenly, Harry's eyes opened and stared straight at Draco. "Help me!" the corpse whispered.

Draco woke up screaming, and even Snape couldn't understand the meaning of this dream.

~*~

Draco spent that day contemplating suicide. True, it wasn't the most wonderful subject to consider, but it certainly looked better than what he had been going through, and maybe it would mean that he and Harry could be together again.

"Draco, really," Hermione said comfortingly, "eventually, the pain will dull. You'll hardly notice it's there!"

"But it will never go away," he responded matter-of-factly.

Nothing anyone said would ever make him feel better, but he decided to leave the suicidal thoughts for another day.

~*~

That night, Draco had the oddest dream yet. He was in his room when Harry walked in.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Harry cut him off. "Don't talk, just listen. I don't have much time. Draco, I've been buried alive! Well, technically, I haven't, since I was dead when I was buried, but I'm alive again, Draco! Please, you have to believe me! You have to get me out of this grave or I'll die again!"

"I believe you, Harry!" Draco responded. "I do! I'll get you out!"

~*~

Draco barged into Snape's room. "We're going to need some shovels."

Snape, who had been reading his favorite part of his favorite book, looked at him as if he had gone mad. "And what, pray tell, are we going to need shovels for?"

"Harry's alive! He came to me in a dream! We need to help him!"

"Draco, I-"

"No! Tell me how ridiculous I am later! Please, right now, just help me with this!"

Snape sighed. "Draco, legally, we cannot do this. Now, I'll floo Dumbledore and get him over here. We'll discuss how to handle this."

~*~

"Draco, really, are you sure this wasn't just wishful thinking?" Dumbledore asked softly.

"I know it wasn't! He came to me, it was true, and now he's stuck in the ground, dying, because you both are too afraid of breaking the law to help him!"

"Draco, please, calm down," Snape said, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"There is a way we could do this tonight, Draco, but I need you to do something first," Dumbledore said seriously.

"What? What is it?"

"I need you to tell me if you truly believe that Harry is alive."

"Of course I do! What kind of question-"

Dumbledore silenced him with a wave of his hand. "No, Draco. Not what you think. What you feel. Look deep inside your heart and tell me: is Harry alive?"

Draco closed his eyes and searched the deepest, most guarded place inside of him. He concentrated as hard as he could, looking for the one thing that could save Harry.

Suddenly, there it was inside of him! It was like a heartbeat that wasn't his own. It was Harry's.

"Yes," he whispered happily. "Yes, he's alive!"

Dumbledore smiled. "Well then, Severus, it looks like we've got some digging to do!"

Snape grumbled below his breath but followed Dumbledore to get some shovels.

"I want to come!" Draco said eagerly.

"No, you stay here," Snape said distractedly.

"But why? I want to help! I want to see Harry!"

"No, Draco, it's best if you stay here." Snape rolled his eyes. "It really is, just in case we get arrested."

"How can you make me stay here?"

"It's for your own safety," Dumbledore said, handing Snape a shovel.

Draco sat down in a nearby chair in a huff. "Fine. But you'd better tell me the very moment you get back with him!"

~*~

Two hours later, Snape went to get Draco. He found him slumped in the chair he sat in, asleep.

Rousing his young godson, Snape said, "Draco. Draco, wake up."

Draco sat bolt upright. "Severus? Where is he? Is he all right? Did you get there in time?"

"Hush, hush," Snape said with a smile. "Come see for yourself."

He led Draco quickly to a room. Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore were standing outside it, beaming at Draco.

"Good going, mate!" Ron said, clapping him on the back.

"Now, Ron," Hermione said, smiling. "Let him go in!"

Draco tore the door open and closed it quietly behind him. Lying on the bed, sleeping peacefully, was Harry, his husband, alive.

Draco walked over to the bed and sat down, tears in his eyes. He laid his head on Harry's sleeping chest and felt his head rise and fall with every breath his lover took.

He fell asleep to the synchronized beating of both their hearts.

~TBC~