Harry Potter and the House of Meditation

Chapter 13: Backlash

Not everyone handled the news of Harry's engagement to Luna Lovegood as well as Mr. Lovegood did. Luna got quite a few comments from her fellow Ravenclaw students, most of which questioned Harry's sobriety, and/or sanity, and it was no better in Gryffindor tower.

Ron was especially thunderstruck. "You're the one who bought the ring and you didn't tell us?"

"I didn't tell anyone," said Harry honestly.

"Oh, Harry, I think it's wonderful," said Hermione, giving Ron a very dirty look. "When are you going to have the wedding? Next year after Luna graduates?"

"I'm not sure yet," said Harry nervously.

"Mum is all in a dither," interjected Ginny, as they all sat around the Gryffindor common room. "She thinks you're much too young. Dad thinks it's great, though. He's very fond of Mr. Lovegood, you see, and he says Mr. Lovegood is over the moon about it, now that he's gotten used to the idea, but Dad's already warned me and Dean not to even think about it."

"Well, I should hope not!" said Ron, outraged. "It's different with Harry. I mean, at least he's got a bit of money and that house Sirius left him."

"The Grimmauld Place house?" Hermione shook her head. "Oh, Harry, don't take her there! She'll ditch you in a day! I can't even imagine what she'd think of Mrs. Black!"

"If Luna could help Harry handle you-know-who," said Ginny with a smile, "I'll bet she could handle Mrs. Black. I'd buy a ticket to see Mrs. Black trying to figure out Luna!"

"We'll see," said Harry. "We'll see."

When he and Ron had gone to book the field for Quidditch practice, Hermione turned to Ginny. "Does Mr. Lovegood really want them to get married so young? My parents would kill me if I got engaged at seventeen."

"I'm guessing from what Dad says, it depends on how long they stay engaged," said Ginny, "but Mr. Lovegood likes Harry. He thought Harry was very respectful to him when they told him about their plans. I mean, what father wouldn't like Harry? He's smart and famous and well off, and Luna's father knows that Luna adores him. He's known for ages that something was going on there. I just don't think he knew it was so serious."

"He can join the club," Hermione sighed.

With Voldemort gone, Harry should have been happy, but instead he felt rudderless, as if his whole purpose in life was gone. His new, almost normal life felt strange to him.

He tried to find other things to fill the hole in his mind where Voldemort had lurked so long.

Facing up to the fact that he'd been neglecting his schoolwork, he joined Ron in letting Hermione drill them in N.E.W.T preparation.

And there was always Quidditch. His mind always cleared when he was flying. Besides, he remembered the pride he'd felt when he had first seen his father's name in the trophy room. Perhaps his child would feel the same way some day.

That was one of the few concrete thoughts he'd had about being a father. It was very unreal to him. He certainly didn't feel like one, and of course, when he saw Luna, she didn't look any different. He wished in a way the baby would hurry up and start showing. He really needed more evidence of it than a casual conversation with Dumbledore to make it seem real. But then he remembered that they'd agreed to keep it a secret as long as they could, and he'd put it from his mind.

This new regime lasted a couple of weeks. Then Luna cornered him one Friday night after dinner.

"Harry, we need to talk."

"Can't we do it later? Ron and Hermione and I are supposed to get together tonight and quiz each other from some sample N.E.W.T. papers she's got."

Luna looked at him grimly. "This won't take long. Come here, Harry. I don't want to be overheard." She was not her usual dreamy, easy-going self, which made Harry take her seriously. He followed her, perplexed.

She pulled him down the hall to a tapestry that Harry knew concealed a hidden door. Once they had slipped out of sight, Luna turned to face him in the small room.

"All right, Luna. We're alone. What is it?"

"Do you want your ring back?"

Harry blinked. "What did you say?"

"Do you want your ring back? Because if you do, you can have it! I don't have to marry you and I don't have to keep this baby, and if you don't want me to, I won't!"

Harry tried to speak, but she cut him off. Words, bitter words, quite unlike Luna, came tumbling out at him. "We haven't spent any time together in days. You're always off with Hermione studying or practicing Quidditch. What am I supposed to do with myself? It's no use studying. I know I'll never finish school now. And I have no one to talk to because I can't tell anyone what's going on! I can't eat! I can't sleep! This baby affects everything I say and do! I'm totally alone here, Harry. I know it was my decision to do what we did, but I didn't do it alone, and I can't go on alone!"

"You don't have to," Harry sputtered, stunned. Luna had never turned on him like this. It was like being pecked to death by a dove.

"Then help me, Harry! I know it's not the same for you as it is for me. You can go on as you always did, but I can't! I'm carrying YOUR child twenty-four hours a day and I can't think about anything else! If I can't talk to you, I can't talk to anyone, and you just haven't been around."

"Luna, I'm sorry. I've been a total idiot. If you want to tell me off all night, you have a right to, but not here. Let's go to the shack."

Harry and Luna slipped out into the night. As lightning flashed in the distance, they made their way silently down to the secret tunnel into Hogsmeade.

Chapter 14: Making it Real

When they set out Luna still looked furious, but when she stepped into the kitchen of the Shrieking Shack, she collapsed into tears at the table.

"Luna, don't cry."

"How can I not cry?" She sniffled. "Until recently, I thought I was someone I knew. Now I've thrown my whole life away, and I don't even know if you still love me."

"I love you, Lu," Harry said, taking her hand. "I have no idea of what it's like to have a baby. I really don't. But I do love you, and don't even think about giving it up. It's mine, too, like you're mine. I'll try to do better, I swear."

"Do you ever wonder what it is? " Luna asked through her tears, which were falling as freely as the rain now hitting the roof over their heads.

"Well, not much. I just hope it'll be okay. You know, ten fingers and ten toes and all that. Why? Do you care what it is?"

"I just wonder, sometimes, what to call it," confessed Luna, scratching absently at a stain on the table. "I was thinking about the grandparents."

"What about them?" Harry was totally confused again.

"If it's a boy, I think we should call it James Emmitt, and if it's a girl, I think she should be Lily Pearl."

Harry stared at her for a moment, then grinned. "You're on! I like that!" He tested both names again, feeling them roll off his tongue. "That makes it more real for me already!"

"I hope whatever it is, it looks like you," said Luna seriously. "You're so much better looking than I am."

"You look fine to me," said Harry drawing her off her chair onto his lap for a long kiss. " I have missed holding you, you know."

"Now this," breathed Luna, "feels real."

"Yes, but..."

"But what?"

"Would it hurt the baby if we..."

Luna laughed. "Is that what you've been afraid of?" She got off his lap and taking him by the hand drew him off his chair. "Best thing a dad can do for a baby is to love mum." And she led him upstairs.

Harry woke to the sound of thunder, and looked around wildly, trying to figure out where he was. He had spent several hours trying to convince Luna he still loved her, first in the most concrete way he could think of, then by listening again to all her complaints and fears. Admitting his own fears had led to another round of what Remus Lupin had so quaintly dubbed leisure time activity.

"How long do you think it will go on getting better every time?" Luna had asked drowsily.

"Forever, I hope," Harry had answered, and then they had both fallen asleep.

Now it was obviously the middle of the night, and a stormy night at that. They were going to be in deep trouble, and Harry considered waking Luna to see if they could sneak back into the castle, but she was sleeping so soundly and looking so peaceful, he couldn't being himself to do it. Something came to him, something he'd heard long ago.

"We might as well be hanged for a dragon as for an egg," Harry muttered, and wrapping his arm protectively around Luna, he went back to sleep.

The next morning they had just started walking across the lawn from the whomping willow to the castle when they were met by a furious Argus Filch.

"Where have you been all night, Potter?" He raged. "You've had the whole castle in a right flap! To the headmaster you go, and it's times like these I wish Professor Umbridge were back!"

Ignoring the stares of their fellow students as they crossed the hall hand in hand, Harry and Luna went serenely up to Dumbledore's office.

"Please sit down."

Harry and Luna sat.

"Please close the door, Argus, and from the outside if you don't mind."

Snarling, Filch did so.

"Please explain why you did this," said Dumbledore. "I could sense you were very much alive, but I was very worried about you, as were your friends and most of the faculty."

"Professor, I'm sorry you were worried. I never intended to be gone all night, but Luna and I haven't had a moment alone since she got out of the hospital wing three weeks ago. We have a lot of things to discuss and a lot of things to settle."

"I can understand that, Harry, but you simply cannot disappear like this. I am responsible for your welfare. Where did you go?"

"Harry showed me the Shrieking Shack," said Luna calmly. "Then we got caught by the storm."

Dumbledore stared into her open blue eyes, and Luna stared back. Finally he sighed. "Very well. But if you ever feel the need to do this again, you must let me know." He suddenly looked older than ever. "I can't help thinking that I failed you, and that I'm failing you still. I thought that once Voldemort was defeated, you would have the chance you deserve to be carefree children. Instead I find you shouldering even more burdens that no one your age should be forced to bear."

"It's not your fault, Professor Dumbledore," said Harry. "I didn't listen to you, and Luna didn't listen to me. The choice was ours and ours alone, and so are the consequences."

Luna laid a hand on Dumbledore's wrinkled one. "The way I get through things like this is by telling myself everything happens for a reason. Some things are meant to be. Harry and I think we are meant to be."

Dumbledore looked into her eyes again and realized they seemed as distant as the skies. "I hope you are right, my dear. I hope you are right." And still troubled, he dismissed them.