Harry Potter and the House of Meditation

Chapter Nine: Dreams, Debates and Decisions

Harry was dreaming about a small hut in the woods, a place he'd never been before. The door opened, and Voldemort stood before him, surrounded by a strange red light.

"You wish to end it, Harry Potter? You have the power to do so at any time. Whenever you wish to make it stop, all you have to do it come to the House of Meditation. I will soon know you are there, and I will meet you. And it will all be over, one way or another. "

"Harry, wake up!"

Ron was shaking him. Harry opened his eyes. He felt clammy all over, and his scar burned as it had not burned in over a year. He sat up, clutching his head in his hands. Harry panted, taking in great gulps of air

"Is he puking again?" Neville Longbottom asked sleepily, sitting up in bed.

"Not yet," said Ron, glancing over at Neville, and then back at Harry. "Harry, what happened?"

"It was Voldemort!"

"What! Again?" wailed Ron. "I thought this wasn't supposed to happen anymore!"

"He isn't supposed to be able to get into your head, Harry," piped up Neville, who was now standing at the foot of Harry's bed. "You're supposed to be able to block him out."

"Usually I can" said Harry, breathing a bit easier, "but I wasn't thinking about blocking him tonight. I was thinking of other things. And he really wanted me to have this message. He put all of his power into sending it."

"What did he say?" Ron asked, curiosity getting the better of his worry.

"I need to find out what the House of Meditation is," Harry said.

The six closest friends held a meeting in the courtyard the next morning, with Harry and Ron quickly filling Hermione, Ginny and Luna in on what had happened the night before. As usual, Hermione had the answer.

"I've read about the House of Meditation. It's a very quiet, hidden place where high ranking wizards can go for solitude and reflection."

"Where is it?" Harry asked eagerly.

"It's sort of a secret. It's unplottable as far as I know. I expect floo powder could find it, though"

"The big question," Ginny said calmly, "is why does he want you to go there?"

"Obviously he wants to goad Harry into going to this place alone," Luna said. "He wants to have it out with you, Harry, but you mustn't give in."

"If that's the only way to stop him," Harry said grimly, "I'll do it."

"You don't know it's the only way!" Hermione began to panic at the very idea. "It may be a trap."

"Maybe Harry should tell Dumbledore all this," offered Neville. "He would want to know if Voldemort's been messing about with Harry's head again."

"He shouldn't be messing about with your head, Harry," Hermione said. "You must remember to clear your mind before you sleep. Haven't you learned your lesson yet?"

"I just forgot, that's all!" Harry yelled. "I had a lot on my mind!"

"Well, try not to forget again," offered Ginny, as they headed back in for breakfast.

"Pretty hard considering everything that's going on," muttered Harry.

Luna, hanging back, took Harry's arm. "I know you feel helpless, Harry, but don't try to do anything alone. If you lose, we all lose."

Harry managed a small smile. "I'll be careful, Lu."

"You'd better," she said simply, giving him a quick hug. Harry would have liked nothing better than to hold onto her, to let her concern envelop him and calm him, but this was not the time or the place. He let go of her with a sigh.

She took note of it, and smiled knowingly. "Meet me in the library after dinner," she whispered, as she headed to the Ravenclaw table.

Harry didn't see Luna all day, but the prospect of a good long talk later got him through it. He met her in the library as they'd planned, and they quickly found a secluded spot in between the shelves of books.

"Feeling better," Harry?" Luna asked, looking at him carefully.

"Not really. I know Voldemort's past, present and future are all connected to me, and I'm tired of it. I just want this to end. I'm tired of being a good boy and hiding in the castle while innocent people die and Voldemort keeps slipping past the Ministry and the order." Harry fixed his eye on the shelf behind Luna's head for a moment, glaring at an innocent enough looking copy of Weird Wizarding Dilemmas and Their Solutions. "I wish there was a solution here for me. I'm tired of it all," he repeated.

"Luna glanced back at the book behind her and smiled slightly. "I know you're tired, Harry. I know you're feeling helpless. But you've got to hang on. I'm sure you'll get some new information soon that will help you decide what to do."

"Voldemort's given me all the information I need," said Harry. "I just don't have the guts to go through with it."

"You're not being fair to yourself. No one is braver than you are, Harry. You've proved it so many times. Don't think like that."

"I'm especially tired of thinking. I wish I could just shut my mind off for awhile."

Luna leaned in to him. "Would it help if you just stopped thinking and let yourself feel for awhile?"

In spite of his miserable mood, Harry smiled down at her. "Is that a bona fide offer?'

"Absolutely." She tilted her head slightly, and Harry saw his earrings sparkle. Closing his eyes, Harry brought his mouth down to hers, pulling her close. They kissed and kissed, clinging together until they were both breathless, then Harry rested his cheek against her hair.

"You feel so good," Harry whispered.

"So do you. You feel good and you make me feel good."

"No matter how miserable I am, you always make me feel better," said Harry.

"I want to. I'm trying to. Harry...I love you."

Harry froze, then pulled back. "Luna, I can't..."

"Can't say it? That's all right, if you're not ready to."

"It's not that." Harry backed off. "I've been stupid. I shouldn't have done this. It's just not right for you to love me. I may spend my entire life, however much there is of it, being hunted and attacked and possessed."

"I don't care," Luna said. "So you're a target! That doesn't mean that you can never have any happiness. I'm willing to risk it!"

"But I'm not willing to! I do care about you, Luna. I care a lot, but I wind up hurting everyone who loves me!

"Harry, you're the one who's hurting! Why won't you let me help you?"

"It's not fair of me to let you kiss the hurt away when I'm in no position to give you anything more! I don't want you to die for the love of me. I couldn't bear to see anyone else I love die because of wanting to stand beside me!"

"Shouldn't that be my choice?" Luna asked hotly. "I'd rather die knowing I died for the best cause there is than live a lifetime an do nothing with it!"

Harry kept backing away slowly, shaking his head slowly. "No. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. It's not right."

"But it feels right. You know it does!"

"Now it does," Harry admitted. "But I still should never have let you close enough to care. Oh, Luna, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

And Harry turned away. His eyes tearing and his throat burning, all he could do was run. As Luna heard Madam Pince calling after Harry furiously to slow down, she sank to her knees and began to sob in the dark corner that had seemed so safe a few moments earlier.

Harry, his thoughts all in a jumble, raced through Hogwarts looking for an empty fireplace. He found one in a deserted classroom. Searching the mantle frantically, he found what he was looking for- a pot of emergency floo powder. He reached for some, then hesitated. He felt horrible guilty about Luna. He cared about her so much. At times he wanted Luna so desperately it hurt. But he couldn't let himself love her with all he had hanging over his head. He wanted it over.

Dumbledore was no closer to coming up with an answer than Ron was at inventing a broomstick that would fly to Jupiter. Harry had always had to find his own answers. He got angry, then, about how he'd been coddled, and stalled. No one could do this but him. And he was going to do it his own way. A wave of fear swept over him, but he beat it down. Taking a pinch of floo powder, he tossed into the fireplace. As the green flames sprang up, he said very clearly, "The House of Meditation" and vanished in a crackle of fire.

Brushing the soot off his robes, Harry looked around. He was standing in a small hut. On one side of the fireplace he saw some kitchenware, neatly stacked. In the opposite corner was a large, comfortable looking bed. There was a table and a couple of chairs on the other side of the room. Going through the only inside door, Harry found a small loo on one side, and a storeroom on the other side containing a jumble of foodstuffs, potion ingredients, cauldrons and spare robes.

Harry went back into the main room of the hut, and sank into a rocking chair before the fireplace. All he had to do was wait. A sudden noise caused him to draw his wand, as a figure appeared, whirling before him.

"Luna!" Harry yelled, as she fell forward. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

She stood up, coughing a bit, catching her breath. Her pale eyes were glittering with unshed tears.

"I knew it! I knew you were going to leave! When I remembered you mentioning this place, I knew I'd find you here. Oh, Harry, how could you just go like that?"

"Luna, YOU have to go! I have to do this, and you can't be any part of it!"

She shook back her long hair. "Do you think I'll let you do this all alone?"

"I have to, Luna. I'm the only one who can."

"Whatever you have to do, I want to be with you. Harry, I really do love you. I can't turn off the way I feel. It's too late. "

She came into his arms, then, and he held her close. Closing his eyes. He whispered, "I love you, too. There! I've said it! But either I have to die, or he does. I don't want you to see that!"

"If you died, I'd want to die, to! If you die, it's over for all of us, anyway. And if you win, I want to be at your side. I need to be with you, Harry."

Harry stroked Luna's bright head, and turned her face to his. He kissed her, gently at first, then deeply.

"Love me, please!" Luna whispered.

"I do, Lu. I really do," Harry said humbly.

"That's not what I mean. I want you to make love to me. I know it's not supposed to be this way. But this may be the only chance we ever get." She slipped her hand behind Harry's neck, and he let himself be swept into her kiss.

Do I want to risk dying without this, he asked himself, and he knew the answer was no.

Chapter Ten: The Day Everything Changed

Harry stirred as a sliver of light came through the dusty window, hitting him in the eye. He became aware of something incredibly warm at his side, and opening his eyes saw Luna curled up against him. Never having woken up with a girl before, Harry felt strangely shy. Thinking of the night before made him blush.

He wasn't regretting it, but he was very unsettled in his mind.

Luna stirred, and opening her eyes, simply said, "Hi."

"Hi." Harry didn't know what to say, and finally ventured to ask her if she was all right.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Harry said honestly.

"Oh, it's always like that the first time. You were sweet, really. Thanks for taking your time."

"I didn't know what I was doing!"

"Well, you did fine. How about some breakfast?"

"Okay." Harry, tried not to look as she got out of bed and picked up her robes. When she'd gone into the bathroom, he quickly pulled on his own clothes.

"Harry?"

He turned and found her standing in the doorway.

"What?"

"Was I all right? You're not sorry, are you?"

"No. I'm not sorry. You were amazing. But I still don't know if you should stay here. It's too dangerous."

"I told you...I won't leave you. Now get cleaned up while I conjure us up something to eat."

Harry was surprised at how starved he was and how marvelous everything tasted. "You're a good cook."

"I ought to be. I've been cooking since I was nine. After my mum died, Dad was lost. Put him in the kitchen, and he doesn't know which end of his wand to use."

Harry swallowed his last bite of breakfast. "I'd like to meet him."

"You will. He's wanted to met you ever since Rita Skeeter did that interview with you for the Quibbler. He always believed you, you know."

"I appreciate that, Luna. That interview made all the difference in the world. It changed everything."

After breakfast, they went for a walk. The sun was bright and the woods were very green. They walked along quietly, holding hands. They had nothing to say, but that was all right. Once Luna looked up at Harry, and her expression was so soft that in that moment, she looked more beautiful to him than he ever had imagined possible. Never having seen the world quite the way he was seeing it now, Harry tilted her face up to his, and kissed her, neither of them noticing the small grass snake that crossed their path.

They were almost back to the hut, when a hooded figure appeared in front of them.

"This is no time for a romantic date, Harry Potter," Voldemort hissed, that strange red glow around him.

Harry pulled out his wand, and tried to push Luna behind him, but she stood at his side very calmly, looking at Voldemort almost curiously.

"You have destroyed my plans, and you have destroyed my Death Eaters. You have destroyed my hopes. It is time for me to destroy you. It is my only chance to give meaning to my cause." Voldemort eyed Luna from behind his dark hood. "Your little friend can watch you suffer, Harry Potter. That will give me pleasure. And when you have suffered, I will kill her, and then I will kill you."

Luna looked at Voldemort calmly. "You shouldn't talk about me as if I can't hear you. It's rude."

Harry and Voldemort both looked at Luna as if she'd lost her mind.

"You aren't going to kill me. You're not going to kill Harry. I won't let you. He doesn't deserve it. You destroy lives. Harry touches them. You can't win. You don't understand that, because you don't understand love. But it's true."

"Truth is like power," Voldemort said slowly. "It depends on who holds it. You will see that before you die, and you WILL die."

As Voldemort drew a wand, Harry cried, "Expelliarmus!" but to his horror, nothing happened.

Voldemort laughed. "Such a puny spell cannot penetrate my new shield, temporary as it is. Only a powerful curse can do that, not your strong point, boy! You never have quite enough resolve to carry those through."

Voldemort then cried, "Crucio!"

Harry had felt pain before, but this was a hot, searing pain beyond anything he'd ever experienced, even when possessed. Voldemort was putting seven years of hate into this one spell, and Harry felt it all. As he collapsed, he was vaguely aware of Luna still standing beside him. He heard the words, "Avada Kedavra!" and saw a green glow shoot past him. Then he heard nothing more for a long time.