When I go

"Why, Hermione?" Harry hisses angrily, his hands balling into fists. For all he hates snakes, he tends to emulate them when angry, and he is definitely angry now. "Of all... of all the men in the world, why does it have to be him of all people?"

Hermione is completely serious, and not a shred of humour flashes in those brown eyes. In fact, it is even more strange that the fury is also absent. Time was that neither Harry or Ron could make such statements without her blowing up. Now though, now it is a strange calmness that he does not recognise. That he he does not like, either. "Because I care about him," she says simply. "He loves me, and I love him. I cannot, will not put him in danger by actively fighting anymore. Three years of war is enough of it for me. Children, adults, so many bodies come through the clinics." She is haunted by the scenes that she sees daily as a field-mediwitch. "He is the only one who can take my nightmares away," she admits after long moments. "With him I can close my eyes, and not be worried about what is waiting for me on the other side."

Harry is angry now, the familiar rage bubbling up until he can contain it no longer. "Yes, but why him? Why not someone like, like Ron, or anyone else?! Why, why did it have to be Draco Malfoy?"

Now her eyes flash, as he had been missing before. Her eyes flash, and she springs to her feet. "It is Draco because I want it to be!" Her voice is shrill will emotion. "Who are you to dictate who I can and cannot give my affections to? It is he to whom I choose to share my life, and yes, share my bed too. I do not have to ask permission to make decisions in my life, Harry. I don't have to ask anyone, because it is, and has always been my life and my choice." Hermione'a hands, as well as her voice are trembling now. She is trying, just trying to stop herself from hitting the man who is supposedly one of her best friends.

He sighs, all the wind gone out of his arguments. Harry stands awkwardly, brushing his face with his hand. It comes away grimy. "You'll stay with him through the war then," he says grimly. It is not an accusation, nor is it a question. Just a statement of fact.

She nods calmly, also back to composed. That is just another thing that she has learnt from Draco Malfoy. "Wearing your emotions all the time will get you killed, Hermione," Draco had said seriously. "If you keep doing this, and let the wrong person know what you are thinking, I am afraid I won't be able to help you." She has taken this to heart, and now she tries to keep herself in control. For the most part it works. "I will stay," she agrees. "If he is injured, I will help him as best I can. You have to understand, Harry. They aren't just faceless monsters in the dark, anymore. They bleed when they are injured as easily as you do."

Harry decides not to dispute this, her mind is made up, and he would only waste his breath. He knows what they are, and regardless of her words, he doesn't believe that they are as human as she says. How could they live with what they did, otherwise? Suddenly, he arrives at a terrible thought. "You won't help them, as you do us?" he enquired, worriedly.

Hermione's face shutters even more. "I will not seek them out, if that is what you mean." She says stiffly, arms wrapping around her waist tightly. "However, if they bring injured people to me, I must tend to them. To do anything less would be an affront to the medi-oath I was required to swear. And I will not compromise my oath for anyone at all."

His eyes are dark for a moment, before brightening with renewed hope as he comes to a new conclusion. "Will you spy on them for us then?" he asks. "With Snape," he spits the word, as if it were posion, "gone back to Voldemort, we have no one to tell us anything. It would be so useful if we could know what they were planning." He knows the answer she will give, even before the last of the question leaves his mouth. It is in the way her body stiffens, and her head rises proudly, even as he can almost see her spirit wilting. Now he wishes that he had never asked it, seeing the pain it brings her.

"You know I would do anything for you, for the cause, Harry," Hermione says, her eyes sad. "But I won't do that, not even for you."

He watches silently as she turns on her heel, and walks out of the warehouse one more time.

Now he knows this time he has ruined his last chance. She won't be back again.

Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no I won’t do that.