Hope

Part Five: In need

Harry's POV

You're wearing a ridiculously silly grin after that kiss, and are still so surprised at yourself for being so daring, but very gratified that Draco seemed to melt under your lips. You think things are definitely looking up and your mind drifts imagining how the two of you might be together. It doesn't seem so disrespectful now.

When you finally enter the classroom half hard and still with that silly grin on your face, what you see there wipes it away, and the dread feeling in the pit of your stomach kills any feelings of happiness you had. You had forgotten that Zabini was spreading the news of your sexual preference around the school, but now it hits home with full force. Someone has written on the board at the front of the class - 'Potter is a fag' and has drawn a rather graphic stick figure picture of someone, obviously yourself, fucking an anonymous boy.

You almost can't believe that these students, most of whom are your friends, can be so callous. They are all laughing at your discomfiture and you almost turn and run, but you are not a brave Gryffindor for nothing, and so you don't. Instead you walk to your seat and ignore everyone, quietly wondering why you are even thinking of bothering to save the wizarding world by becoming a murderer if the same narrow-minded ignorant prejudices will abound.

Despondently you finish classes for the day, each one becoming harder to bear, the jeers and taunts far outweighing the gestures of support you receive, and even the odd proposition or two. By nightfall, you have even forgotten that you kissed Draco and that he kissed you back, his taunts and insults make you see red, they seem so real and intentional. As you throw yourself down onto your bed, you finally let go the emotions that have been building all day. You sob great tears into your pillow and wish you had never been born.

Things continue along like this for weeks but gradually the taunts die away. Well most of them do. Only Malfoy seems to continue with his, provoking you intolerably, until you crack and throw yourself at him, punching him in the stomach as you both fall to the ground. Your face is red with anger and you are shaking, because he kissed you back dammit and now... things are back to where they were before any kisses.

When you are pulled apart by Snape and both given detention, your anger turns dangerous and you feel your body turn cold with it. You look at Snape's face with a shudder and see concern there instead of usual intense dislike and the cutting insult that was about to come from your lips is halted. It's then that you realise that the cold was different. It was the kind of cold that gives you goose pimples and makes the hair on the back of your neck start to rise. It was a warning that something wasn't quite right. So, you ask what the matter is, to be told that Professor Dumbledore wants to see you immediately.

You nod and with a glance at Draco, you head off to the headmasters Office. Half an hour later, you stumble almost blindly back to the Common Room. You have until morning, and then you must join with the Order and attack a Death Eater camp they have found. They think that Voldemort will be there and so they insist that you accompany them. You have never been so scared in your life. The last thing on your mind is detention with Snape. You doubt you'll even return from this anyway, so no need to worry about detention.

You think it's fate that when you enclose yourself in your bed, with the drapes charmed for silence because you think you might spend the night awake, restless and in tears, you find Draco sitting at the end of your bed. For the longest time, you look at each other and then wordlessly you fall into his arms. He catches you and holds you close. He asks you no questions and you don't think to ask why he's here, how he knows that you need him, or even how he got in, you're just grateful that he is.

He holds you gently, awkwardly at first, as if he's not sure of what he should do. When you finally relax into his arms, he does too with a sigh. Then you feel tentative lips on your forehead, they send fire through your scar and you almost whimper from the contact. Haltingly, you tell him of what will happen in the morning, of how scared you are that you won't survive. You are surprised when he clutches you tighter and his lips caress your face, brow, eyes, nose, and finally they claim your own in a fierce kiss that takes your breath away in its intensity.

Before you think about what you're doing you stretch out on your bed, pulling Draco down beside you. Your legs wrap themselves around his and you hang onto him for dear life, aware that whatever it is between the two of you is still so very new, but not caring, just needing. You spend the next half an hour searching the inside of his mouth with your lips and tongue, exploring the shapes and textures of his face with your fingertips and lips, and traversing the length and hollows of his neck and throat with your mouth and your teeth.

You are unaware of the noises you make, but you know that his sighs are like nectar to you, and too soon he stops and pulls back to look at you. He looks flushed, is breathing heavily, and his lips are swollen from your kisses. In that moment you think he is quite possibly the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. He tells you that he knows you will return from this battle, he has every confidence that you will. He says that you are too strong, too brave and too clever to be beaten by some stupid Death Eater. Then he cradles you in his arms and rocks you to sleep. For some reason, you believe him and you want nothing more than to lie here, safe in his arms forever.

Part Six: Too soon

Draco's POV

When you follow Harry to class a few minutes after he kisses you, and see what some student has written on the board, you curse Zabini all over again. Then, still astounded that you hadn't hated that kiss, you think that maybe the ridicule that Harry will suffer might give you some breathing space to think about it. So, you join in with the laughter and the taunts and provoke him at every opportunity. You must be seen to do this anyway, to keep up appearances after all, because to go easy on Harry would arouse suspicion and that's the last thing you need.

You think that you'll wait until all the fuss dies down before you try to see him again to continue with your plan, and you hope that not too much ground will be lost. In the meantime, you examine why you kissed him back and why it felt... good. You had never kissed or been kissed by a boy before Harry, not like that anyway, so you really have nothing to compare it to, but it had felt nice. Well, nice enough to let yourself feel that making Harry fall for you so that he will save you might not be all that bad after all. Not that you like him of course, but you need him.

After a few weeks and the fuss has begun to die down, you make the mistake of pushing Harry too far and he catches you with a good hit to the stomach as he throws himself at you, angry and red-faced. Then as you are dragged apart and given detention, you catch Snape's face and it's almost like you can hear the atmosphere change. Something has happened. Something big. As Harry goes off to see Dumbledore, you wrack your brain for a way to find out what has occurred. To see such a look of concern on Snape's face, whom you know with certainty hates Harry, means that the world as you know it is about to change.

Short of declaring an interest in Harry, or openly opting out of the life your father mapped out for you, both of which are completely out of the question, you discover that there is no way to find out what is going on. The only way is to somehow sneak into Gryffindor Tower and wait for him. So, you bribe a first year and threaten that you'll hex him into next week if he tells anyone, and you sit on his bed and wait.

When he arrives looking totally broken and lost, you know. There is a battle coming. It makes you panic. It's too soon, you tell yourself. Harry isn't bound to you enough yet; he doesn't care enough about you yet. Your training keeps your face unreadable, but inside, your stomach is swirling and you think your wonderful idea for Harry to save you may all come undone. The next thing you know is that you find your arms full of the Gryffindor and as a reflex action you catch him and hold him close to you. It feels strange to hold Harry like this, not unpleasant, just strange and when you feel him relax it bolsters your confidence. You can still use what time there is before he goes, to cultivate what you do have into something more.

The tentative kiss you place on his forehead makes your lips tingle and you wonder if it's from the scar that your lips caressed, or if it's just Harry, or if it's your imagination. He tells you what he must do come the morning and how scared he is. You think that maybe you are just as scared as Harry is. You need him to come back. You need more time to make him yours. Some other battle at some future date can have him, but for now he is yours.

Kissing Harry has become decidedly interesting, you decide as you are lying next to him and his tongue and lips and teeth are all over your face and throat. He clings to you and, for the plan of course, you enthusiastically kiss him back and are astonished at the sounds that emerge from your throat. The kissing is becoming more and more pleasurable, his lips are soft but demanding, his tongue smooth and insistent and despite yourself you can feel your whole body begin to respond.

That's enough to break the kissing and you stop, because this is too close, too intimate and just too... much. He looks disheveled from your kisses and you think that something inside you might break if you keep looking into those eyes. You need some time to breathe, to think, and to just not feel anymore. Besides, Harry needs to be reassured that he will win, he needs his fears allayed and he needs his hope reinforced. So, you do what you have to and tell him that he is too strong, too brave and too clever to be beaten by any stupid Death Eater and you rock him in your arms until he falls asleep.

Some time later you gently, disentangle yourself from his arms and raise yourself up off the bed to stand and look down at him peacefully sleeping. There is a certain pride in seeing him sleep, looking like he has no worries in the world. You did that, you tell yourself with a small smile. You made him feel safe enough to sleep. With the weight of the world on his young shoulders, you made him feel secure. There is still a frown on your face though as you make your way back to the Slytherin dorms, and your own sleep is nowhere near as peaceful as Harry's.

Come morning, you look and feel like shit and so you beg off classes. There is no way you are going to be able to concentrate anyway, not with Harry off fighting somewhere - and possibly dying. There is still much apprehension in you that Harry might not come back. If you gave yourself permission to think about things logically you would see that if Harry did win this battle and defeat Voldemort, then he will already have saved you. If you gave yourself permission to look a little deeper then you might also see that the reason you want Harry to come back is that you want him to come back to you. But then, you never have thought terribly logically when it came to Harry, and so those admissions go unacknowledged.

You spend the day lying on your bed or pacing the dorm room wondering what it is like for Harry. You imagine the hell of battle, or you try to because you have never taken part in one, and you bite your nails down with worry. There are images of Harry lying dead in a field somewhere, they flash past you with annoying frequency until you shake your head and determine to think positively. Then comes a picture of Harry standing victoriously alone on a black and smoky field of battle. That's a better picture and you think that after all, Harry would rather rule that day in hell, than not fight at all and spend his life living under the threat of death.

With that comforting picture stored in the front of your mind, you settle back to wait, and to hope.