Not Lost Anymore

The night air is cold against my face and neck as I pick my way along the sidewalk, careful not to lose my balance. It's a full moon tonight, and the sky is just slightly overcast, enough so that I stay under the lamps, dodging the shadows. Pushing my way through a small revolving door, the warm air hits me in a wave, scents of chamomile and chai filling my nostrils. I breathe in deeply, exhaling in relief before plopping on the nearest squat, cushioned stool aside a dainty table. It's a small tea shop, my spot of relaxation on the outskirts of London. It's where I come when I need to be alone, need to be away from everyone and everything. I close my eyes for a moment, and as I try to decide between a small mug of earl gray or citrus, I suddenly become aware of someone standing behind me.

I feel a tap on the shoulder, and I start, turning in mild surprise. A man about my age stands in front of me. His blond hair is messy and unkempt, thrown about by the wind, his tattered trench coat hangs loosely off his broad shoulders, revealing baggy black pants and an ill fitting beater. Dark circles hang below his heavy lidded eyes, giving the impression of an insomniac, his chiseled features looking weathered and weary. Not recognizing him I frown slightly, my solitude interrupted, and open my mouth to speak, but no words ever escape my mouth. Sooty lashes reveal gray eyes that draw me in, and everything stops. Suddenly I'm thrown into the depths of my memory, into places I swore I'd never go again, something warm and dangerous bubbling up bubbling up in my chest. The world spins into a blur, and I'm drowning in a pool of gray, falling into those eyes and in that instant I know. I suddenly realize that I've stopped breathing, and I suck in a trembling breath that escapes in a soft whimper. My knees are suddenly weak, but I hold myself steady, tingling and tense, all my sense snapped to attention, and I force myself to speak calmly. My voice only shakes a little.

"Hello Draco."

The beat of my heart pounds in my head as his cool eyes address me, his face set in a mask, in "the mask", and I search his face for a window, for a tiny crack in its collected shell. I bite my lower lip, a nervous habit that I abandoned in school, and suddenly there is a tiny break, a small touch of endearment in his eyes, and that is all it takes. Someone watching him might see a calm, collected young man, but looking past his façade I see how nervous he really is. He struggles for control, tries to set his expression once more, continuing to look straight into my eyes. A long moment passes, and I am suddenly very grateful to be sitting down on the sturdy stool. I wouldn't trust my own legs to hold me up under his penetrating gaze. Finally, in a voice clearly undecided, he speaks.

"Hello Ginny."

The words hang in the air, and I suck them in, trembling at the sound of my name rolling off his tongue. It's been so long since I have heard it that way... A small shiver run up my spine and I stare up at him, wide eyed, uncertain, an electrical currant running through my veins. I would have thought after all these years... but no, the effect his voice always has on me is still hauntingly the same. He looks down at me, his face unreadable, his eyes searching, obviously just as uncertain as I as to what comes next. Bits of words and phrases flash through my head, so fast I cannot hold on to them, just as pictures play, little pieces, like a film without sound. Memory suddenly floods my mind: Draco, his lithe body strewn across the couch, a small smile on his lips, one finger bent, beckoning me to him. Draco, seated on a small blanket decorated with candles and two glasses of wine, a single rose in his teeth, grinning up at me like a child waiting to be rewarded. Draco, his warm, hard body pinning mine to the wall of the deserted corridor, kissing me hungrily. The images that push up into my head fill me with a sudden longing, and all at once I want to jump up, wrap my arms around him and feel him hold me again... But I sit rock-still. It's always a game with him, always a careful, tantalizing dance, and I don't want to misstep. So I let him lead.

Slowly, carefully, our eyes still locked, he extends his arm and offers his hand. I stare at it for a moment, running my gaze over the long, slender fingers, his smooth, pale skin. After a moment's hesitation I slowly lift my hand, placing it in his, and involuntarily tremble at the touch of his warm, slightly rough skin. Closing my hand tightly in his, he draws me to my feet and we walk as if in a dream out into the night air, leaving the safe, familiar coziness of the tea shop behind. The coldness stings at my cheeks and nose but I barely feel it, my entire body numb to everything but his hand grasping mine. We walk together under the full moon, skirting through dark alleyways that I never dared cross at night, never even considered a possibility. But with Draco anything is possible. I am not scared. He leads and I follow, two lost souls flying through the night, holding on as though I will never let go, never asking where we are going, never really caring to know. Buildings and sidewalks and streets go by, our feet skimming lightly over the pavement, barely making a sound, the full moon lighting our way. It what seems like hours must be only minutes, or perhaps it's the other way around? I cannot tell the difference, my sense of time, of everything, is reeling. Suddenly we are at a bridge, climbing the slow wooden arch, and in the middle, he stops. I lean against the wooden railing, my hand still gripped tight and warm in his, and gaze out over the water. The lights from the city in the distance trickle and dance over the surface of the dark water, playing on the tiny waves along the banks. The air is still and fresh, and there is not sound but the soft waves lapping against the shore. I glance up and my breath catches in my throat at the sight of the moon, shining purely down, a perfect "O", surrounded by gathering clouds. Suddenly I sense him looking at me, can feel his eyes. I turn my head and gaze up at his face. The moonlight glances off his pale, blond hair, a sharp contrast with the dark night, and in it his face looks almost surreal as small shadows drift across his striking features. His deep, gray eyes almost seem to hold a light of their own as he gazes down at me, his perfect lips in a small, crooked smile.

"Ginny..." He says softly, so quiet I almost can't hear the question in his voice. I open my mouth to speak, but the words won't come. They stick in my throat as I gaze up at him, desperation slowly rising. He gives me a long, searching look, and I feel my knees beginning to weaken again as he speaks. He turns towards the water, gazing out into the night.

"It's just been so long..."

I can hear the loneliness in his voice, the longing, and...the sadness. His profile is silhouetted against the night sky, stars dancing, and all at once I find the right words, the only words. I slowly reach out with my free hand, gently cupping the side of his face and turning it towards me. His eyes are dark pools of gray as I gaze into them, before whispering softly:

"Kiss me, Draco."

Without hesitation he cups my face in his hand, tipping it slowly upwards, and, leaning in, he claims my lips with his own. Sensation overwhelms my body, white fireworks exploding behind my eyes as I kiss him back hungrily. All the frustration, all the emotion, all the memories pour into our kiss as I cling to him, every part of me reeling. This is what I want. This is what I waited for. And this is what I never found again until now. His strong arms wrap around my waist as I run my hands behind his neck and up through his soft hair, my fingers winding themselves in the flaxen strands. I moan softly as his tongue slips between my lips, and I open up, letting him in, our mouths in a slow, feverish dance. Suddenly his lips are gone, leaving me to taste nothing but the night air, but before I can miss them they are drifting slowly down my neck, dusting soft, sensuous kisses in their path. I inhale sharply at his hot breath on my shoulder, his tongue tracing my skin, slowly, tasting. When he reaches my cleavage, his mouth darting between my breasts, I can hardly contain myself, my back arching to meet his giving lips, a rising burning in my body. Then his hands slide down to my bum as he lifts his head and pulls me closer, kissing me once again, his lips soft and salty with my sweat as they cover my own. I kiss him back, losing myself in him. My whole body is electric, on fire, and for the first time since I can remember I feel alive. I feel him slowly waking me up, coaxing my body to life with every soft flick of his tongue, every stroke of his hands. He pushes me up against the wooden railing, and I writhe against him. I slide my hands from his neck, moving them down over his muscled chest and underneath his shirt. As I run my hands over his flat, toned torso, working my way up to his chest I feel him shudder against me. I smile as he kisses me harder, his hands holding me firmly, and when I softly flick my thumb over one tight nipple he gasps, and his hips buck against mine. I can feel him hard against me, and his hands move from the small of my back to my waist, where he barely dips a finger under the hem of my blouse, stroking the skin there and causing me to tremble. He draws small shapes around my bellybutton, and when his finger slides into it, tracing small, sensuous circles, I suck in my breath. Then his hands slowly, agonizingly, work their way up over my thin cami towards my neck, stopping to cup my breasts. My breath comes in little gasps as he gently squeezes each one, lovingly, gently, before dipping his hands beneath the thin cotton. His fingers play with my bare nipples, stroking them, teasing them, so they stand in little firm buds, causing my head to pitch back in ecstasy, a low moan escaping my lips. Almost when I cannot take anymore the stroking stops, and his hands slide back into a comfortable position on the small of my back, and he pulls me into another kiss. It is slow, aching, releasing, and once more I find myself drowning in his touch.

He draws away from me then, and tilts his head to look down at me. I can see his skin is flushed even in the cool night, his eyes alive and dancing, his pale hair tousled from my hands, his lips in a pink, swollen pout. Neither of us know what to say, and we simply stare at each other, lost for words. Something passes between us, small, subtle, and permanent, any trace of doubt suddenly erased. I reach up and kiss him again, with more purpose. With the kiss I promise myself to him, hope desperately it speaks the words I cannot say. When I pull away, he looks somber, serious. His voice is low and hopeful when he speaks.

"It's always been you. From the moment I wake to the moment I close my eyes, I see your face. I've tried to forget you, tried to move on, but no matter how hard I tried it never went away. You never went away."

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes flickering towards the sky, almost in silent prayer. I slowly reached my hand up, sliding my fingers across his sculpted jaw. He looks back down at me, his eyes oceans of gray.

"I have always loved you," I whisper softly. He pulls me close to him, wrapping me in his arms and leaning my head against his chest and we stand there together under the stars for what seems to be forever, the water whispering beneath us. Then he lets go and steps away from me. His eyes are alight with a certain fire, his tone passionate.

"Come with me, Ginny."

I gaze up at him, his face shining, full of purpose. I blink.

"To where?" I ask in wonder.

"To anywhere! Everywhere!" He says with excitement as I stand, rooted to the spot with the possibility. In that moment my world flashes behind my eyes, my job, my empty apartment, my lonely cups of tea and romance novels on cold winter evenings. And I know then, as I gaze up at his loving face, that I will follow him anywhere and everywhere, to the ends of the earth and back.

"Take me with you," I whisper. He smiles a slow, beautiful smile before reaching for my hand, and with only the moon as witness we fly off together into the night, the darkness swallowing us whole, not lost anymore.