An Ordinary Kiss

Ginny pushed out of the library doors and sighed. She still had a foot of parchment left to write on Animagi, but Ron had threatened to kidnap her from the library if she didn't show up to the victory party. "Well, I did earn it," she thought, rubbing at her shoulder where she had collided with another player during the morning's match. The Ravenclaw team had trained up a crack team this year, especially the Chasers. They had given her quite a workout and unfortunately, she'd let a couple more goals slip by than normal. However, thanks to Harry, the Gryffindor team had still won. As usual, his capture of the Snitch decided the game and now Gryffindor was in place to go against Slytherin for the Cup.

Smiling to herself as she made her way towards Gryffindor Tower, Ginny thought about how she had ended up on the house team. She had grown up with Quidditch, having six older brothers guaranteed that, but she had never thought much about playing herself. Then one afternoon Harry had convinced her to join their makeshift summer matches out in the paddock behind the Burrow. Her brothers had given her the position of Keeper, knowing that she wasn't the best on a broom, and it turned out that she had quite a knack for it. She supposed that living in a house with Fred and George her whole life had given her a heightened awareness of foreign objects flying towards her. Ginny had not made the team when she first tried out, but the boy who had replaced Oliver had graduated in his turn and this year- Ginny's sixth- she finally got on. Her brothers were terribly proud of her, especially Ron, who had followed in Fred and George's footsteps and become a Beater. Ron also had his twin brothers' exuberance about winning and he had organized the night's celebration, complete with Butterbeer snuck in from Hogsmeade and sweets from the kitchens.

The party was in full swing when Ginny came through the portrait hole. Someone had brought out a Wireless and people were laughing, talking, and dancing to the music of the Weird Sisters. A cheer went up when people noticed her come in. Someone pressed a Butterbeer into her hand, and she was immediately surrounded by a crowd of Gryffindors, all congratulating her and talking animatedly about the match. She smiled at them and tried not to feel too uncomfortable. She had not expected all of this attention when she made the team. Growing up in the Burrow, one would think that she would be used to crowds, but after her first year, she had been wary of people. Her family had drawn up around her like a protective shell, and she had left it pretty much at that. Besides Harry, Hermione, and the Creeveys, she had not gotten to know many of her schoolmates. She was always secretly afraid that people would find out the truth about the Chamber of Secrets and hate her. Now, students whose names she barely knew would come up to her after a match and talk to her as though they knew each other. It was flattering, but it still made Ginny nervous. She fidgeted with the strap of her book bag.

"Hey, Ginny, you're here!" called Ron's voice from across the room, "Come on over, team photo!" Ginny excused herself from the group and made her way over to the rest of the team. They were all smiling and flushed with sugar and Butterbeer. "Thought you'd never come. Honestly, how can you study on a night like this?"

"I think it's very responsible of Ginny to put her school work first," said Hermione, who was standing nearby, "You should think about doing that once in a while." Ron shot Hermione a look that said she was batty, but he loved her anyway, and kissed her on the cheek. Hermione blushed slightly and smiled. Ron grinned back at her and went back to organizing the team in rows for the picture.

Ginny watched the exchange with amusement. She had gotten used to Ron and Hermione's relationship; after all, she had seen it coming far before they did. It was great to see her favorite brother so happy, but lately it had also stirred up an empty feeling inside. She wanted a little bit of that happiness for herself. Having a relationship was a lot harder for her than the other girls in her year, though. Bill always used to say that when she grew up she'd be beating the boys away with a stick, but it seemed to Ginny that her brothers were the ones doing the beating. Her only real relationship, with Terry Boot of Ravenclaw, had ended abruptly after Ron had caught them snogging in the back of the library. No one would tell her what exactly Ron had done, but poor Terry had been so scared he'd written her a very nice letter explaining that he could never be alone with her again. Ever. The Gryffindor boys hadn't even really tried, and Ginny couldn't blame them. Who wanted a girlfriend whose brothers would hex you if you dared anything more than a chaste kiss on the cheek?

After Colin had taken a few shots of the team, they dispersed. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil cornered Ginny. They had a million and one questions about the charms Ginny had used on her hair. It was so long these days that she had to make sure it was very secure during Quidditch. That morning her nerves had woken her early and so she had spent the extra time creating neat plaits and winding them around so that they circled her head like a crown. It turned out adorable, if she did say so herself, but she didn't really want to discuss it. Lavender and Parvati chattered on about holding charms and the importance of wrist movement in cosmetic spells, stopping every once for a sign of agreement from Ginny. She was half-listening, trying to figure out a way to exit gracefully from the conversation when Harry stepped up beside her and took her arm.

"Hello, girls. Mind if I steal this one?" Lavender and Parvati shrugged and giggled, and Harry led Ginny away. "You looked like you could use a save," he whispered in her ear.

"You have no idea," Ginny sighed. "If they knew half as much about other things as they do about hair charms they'd be more clever than Hermione." Harry laughed and steered her towards Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Neville. Neville and Hermione were deep in conversation about good study resources for the N.E.W.T.s in Herbology. Ron, Dean, and Seamus were, predictably, talking Quidditch. Harry and Ginny seated themselves on the floor near them and joined in. It was amazing, Ginny thought, that there was a time when she could not have been this close to Harry and still be able to speak. She was over her silly crush. That wasn't to say that she didn't still feel something for Harry, but the years had brought some perspective and maturity and she realized she was happy with things the way they were. They had become friends. They could talk and laugh and hang out together without her running into walls or accidentally putting any part of her anatomy in the butter dish. She was not his best friend, not like Ron or Hermione, but there were things they could talk about that no one else could understand.

Ginny got the distinct impression that someone was looking at her. She turned her head and met Harry's gaze. They locked eyes for a moment before Ron asked Harry a question and he turned away. Ginny suddenly felt warm. She was fairly sure that Harry had never looked at her like that before. In spite of the warning voice in her head that said it was probably nothing, Ginny began to think through the last week's worth of encounters with Harry. Maybe, maybe there had been something a little different. It could just be her imagination but she could remember a couple of held looks, and maybe an unnecessary touching of the arm here and there. Nothing she had thought much of at the time, she'd been too busy worrying about the Ravenclaw match. No. Impossible. Her imagination was running away with her. She and Harry were just friends. That was how she wanted it to be, wasn't it?

The party wound down. Hermione finally decided to fulfill her duties as Head Girl and shooed everyone off to bed. Ginny was one of the last to leave. She had just pulled her pajamas out of her trunk when she realized that she had left her bag in the Common Room. It was probably fine down there, but she decided to go back for it anyway. She got to the bottom of the stairs and stopped. Harry was alone in the Common Room, sitting in a chair by the fire. He looked up, and Ginny seriously considered running back up to her dorm. It suddenly felt very strange being alone with him.

"I left my bag." She went over to where they had taken the team pictures and picked it up.

"I couldn't sleep." Ginny was torn. That was obviously an invitation to conversation, but she wasn't sure she should stay and talk. She hesitated a moment, and then took a seat in a chair near him.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"Not really." Harry considered the fire for a long moment. "It's just, it occurred to me that there will be only one more Quidditch match after this one. That's it. That is going to be my last match."

"But Harry, just because you won't be at Hogwarts doesn't mean you'll never play Quidditch again. You could go out for a professional team. Any one of them would be lucky to have you."

"I can't do that. You know I can't."

"Why not? You have to do something when you graduate. Well, I suppose mum might let you just sit about the Burrow, but you'd go nutters in a matter of weeks with her for company. Trust me."

Harry laughed but it did not reach his eyes. "You know what I mean, Gin," he paused, "People are counting on me."

"Harry, you can't bear the weight of the Wizarding World on your shoulders. There are so many people fighting on our side- Dumbledore, the professors, my brothers, Sir...Snuffles. They will call on you when and if they need you. In the meantime, you have to live your life Harry. You deserve that." Ginny forgot her trepidation and perched on the arm of his chair, hugging him against her chest. If she had been thinking, she would have known that it was the exact wrong thing to do. She wasn't thinking, and so she was taken by surprise when, the next moment, she found herself staring into his bottomless green eyes. His mouth was on hers before she even knew what was happening.

The kiss was tentative at first. His lips moved against hers and she responded on instinct. His tongue pushed awkwardly through to meet hers. She thought, "He tastes like Butterbeer" and then, "Wait, Harry Potter is kissing me. Shouldn't I be thinking something more momentous?" She tried to concentrate on the feeling of their lips pressed together, their bodies closer than she could ever remember them being. Try as she might, she could not conjure up any feelings that seemed appropriate to the situation. Not the girlish excitement she had felt during that first, admittedly terrible, kiss with Neville after the Yule Ball. Not the flutter in her stomach she had experienced when Seamus had unexpectedly slipped his tongue in her mouth during a late night game of Spin the Bottle in the Common Room when Ron wasn't around. Most certainly not the slow heat that had risen inside her during those stolen moments in the back of the library with Terry Boot. She felt nothing.

It was an alarming discovery. In all Ginny's girlhood fantasies about kissing Harry, she had never counted on this. At best, she had imagined hearing an orchestra play and having sudden visions of red haired, green-eyed children. She'd imagined kisses so sultry she'd go weak in the knees and he would have to support her. Or perhaps a kiss of such delicacy and tenderness that she would feel cherished, and wonderful, and warm all over. She had never imagined apathy. There had to be something wrong with her. She kept kissing him, willing the attraction to spark.

They finally broke apart. "I should go to bed," Ginny whispered, wanting to get out of there, needing to time to think. Harry nodded but instead of releasing her, he kissed her again, more insistently. It was sloppier, more awkward. Their teeth collided with a clack but Harry didn't seem to notice. Ginny noticed; she was aware of every tiny movement they made. Her mind was racing, trying to figure out what in the world she doing. She was finally over Harry, that much seemed clear. If her mouth hadn't been otherwise occupied, she might have screamed at the unfairness of it. She should have been on cloud nine, but instead she was confused and oddly hurt. Harry didn't appear to be having any doubts about kissing Ginny, on the contrary, she got the feeling that he was holding on to her for dear life. The idea frightened her. When the kiss ended, Ginny said the only thing she could think of.

"We're going to need to talk about this." Harry laughed softly.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"But I should really go to bed now."

"Alright. Goodnight, then." He brushed his lips affectionately across her forehead.

"Goodnight." Ginny went up to her dormitory, trying not to run on her way. She had to get away from Harry so that she could think properly. Without even taking off her robes, Ginny crawled on to her bed and drew the curtains. She sprawled on her back and tried to sort things out. Harry had kissed her and she hadn't felt attracted to him, but she had kissed him back. She couldn't explain why she had done that. Maybe she was hoping that she was wrong. Maybe her expectations were too high and kisses were supposed to be like that. Maybe she just didn't know how to say no to Harry. After all, he was such a great guy and she loved being his friend. Friend. The word sounded ominously in her head. "No!" her mind screamed, "Not just a friend, not when I finally have the chance to be more." Ginny rolled off her bed and began to undress silently. It was stupid not to give things with Harry a chance, absolutely stupid. She had to at least try. Didn't the best romantic relationships develop from friendships? Her feelings just needed a chance to develop, was all. A couple of kisses were no basis for not pursuing a relationship with a boy she had loved since she was ten. Yes, she would give it a go. She pulled on her nightgown and slipped into bed, not even bothering to brush her teeth.

It seemed impossible, but she felt even worse after she made a decision about things. Tears welled up in her eyes and began to drip down the sides of her face, into her hair. "Why am I crying?" she thought, "All of my girlhood dreams have just come true." That was true enough, she had dreamt of Harry kissing her by the Common Room fire, but what she now realized was that she had left her girlhood dreams behind her. Ginny had grown older, the world had grown darker, and there had been no more room for hero worship. She had forgotten Harry, the Boy Who Lived, and gotten to love Harry, the boy who helped her with her Defense homework and drilled the Quidditch team in all weather. Love him as a friend, and as a brother. The realization hit her with almost physical force and she clutched at her heart. She was no longer in love with Harry. A bitter noise escaped her throat. He wanted her and she didn't love him. She began to sob quietly, turning her face into the pillow to muffle the sound.

Ginny struggled to control her emotions. There was no reason to get this upset.

She would just have to explain her feelings to him. He would understand, wouldn't he?

Yes, he would, because he was Harry. Sweet Harry, who would tell her not to be upset, that it wouldn't change things between them. Knowing him, he would probably even apologize for kissing her before he knew how she felt. He would find a way to make it his fault, because he always managed to do that. A wave of guilt washed over her. Harry was going to feel terrible and responsible for the whole mess, but it was all her fault. She was little Ginny Weasley and she was supposed to be desperately in love with Harry Potter. That was her function, it was what everyone expected of her. It was what she had expected of herself. Even as she was kissing him, she had been willing herself to wake up and realize that it was the most incredible moment of her young life. She couldn't hurt him, he deserved better than that. She rolled onto her back and took several deep breaths. If Harry wanted to be with her, then she would be with him. It was the least she could do for the boy who would save the Wizarding World, the boy who had saved her down in the Chamber. She owed him her life and she meant to pay off that debt. Ginny's chest began to ache, but she ignored it. If she could make Harry happy, she would be happy, she told herself. She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep, burying the truth in the darkest recesses of her soul- Harry Potter had finally kissed her, and it had broken her heart.