There Must Be More

Chapter 2

Heeding his last words to her, Hermione ran with all due haste back to the castle. Not him too, not him too, were the words that repeated in her head over and over again. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she had begun to think of Severus as an integral part of her life. Those words that she had said to Ron what seemed so long ago now rang true for her ex-professor: "...After everything that's going to happen in the next few months. I need to know that you'll be there." She had come to accept that Ron wouldn't be able to live up to this expectation of hers, but she didn't think she could bear losing another friend.

That she could think of Severus Snape as a friend was still something that surprised and, honestly, frightened her. How just a few days could erase six years of precedence... She would agree, however, that much had been revealed in those few days that justified a repositioning of relationship with the man. Who would have guessed he would be the one she turned to now for comfort? As much as her little act two days before would forever be a source of embarrassment to her, she had to appreciate the fact that he had never brought it up again. She did not dare allow herself to think what might have happened if he had given in to her ludicrous suggestion, although a certain fluttering within her stomach that had made its appearance when she had been looking into his eyes while her lips were mere inches from his lips still most definitely wanted to know.

Hormones aside, this was most definitely not the time to be continuing that train of thought. She cleared the distance between Ron's grave and the main doors of the castle in record time and raced up the steps to Dumbledore's office.

"Fizzing Whizbee!" she shouted at the gargoyle. It stared back at her without movement. "Acid Pops! Toffee Eclairs! Cockroach Cluster! Lemon Drops! God damn you, Albus Dumbledore!" she finally cried in despair. When that finally caused the stairs to emerge, she gasped in horror. Had he heard her? But no, she was soon to find that the passageway had opened to allow Mr. and Mrs. Weasley to exit Dumbledore's office.

"Hermione!" exclaimed Mrs. Weasley. "I really hadn't expected to see you here, but seeing as how --"

"I need to see the Headmaster; it's an emergency," interjected Hermione as an excuse as she ran up the stairs. She had to admit that it had been difficult for her to face Ron's parents ever since he had died. She wasn't sure if they blamed her for his death, nor was she sure herself if she wanted them to or not. There were just too many new emotions that had to be dealt with. Thus, she was almost grateful for this reason not to have to face them at the moment.

"Headmaster!" she shouted once she reached the top of the stairs. "It's regarding Professor Snape; he's been summoned!" She had to give Albus Dumbledore credit; he had barely flinched at the news. Instead, there seemed to be only a further saddening in his eyes.

"I was afraid of this. Please, Miss Granger, sit down and tell me exactly what happened." She did as he asked and told her tale, short though it was. "I see," he responded afterwards. "This has happened much earlier than I had hoped, but even still, all we can do now is wait."

Hermione wanted to spit that last word back in his face, but at the last second remembered where she was and whom she was speaking to. "Isn't there anything else we could be doing in the meantime?" she asked with as much decorum as she could muster.

"Do you have any suggestions, Miss Granger?"

"Don't you have any means of communication with him?" she asked desperately.

"And risk breaking his concentration? Even if you were willing to take that risk, there is the chance that any spell or charmed object we send with him could come under detection." Although there was no censure in his voice, Hermione found cause to lower her eyes in deference.

"I -- I'm sorry, Headmaster. I didn't mean to question your tactics. It's just that...waiting seems so...."

"Passive," he finished for her. "Believe me, Hermione, I understand how you feel. It's in moments like this that I also feel most...powerless." With a start, Hermione realized just how vulnerable Dumbledore was being with her. She then remembered how many other times he must have been in this same situation.

"How do you do it?" she asked.

"Pardon?"

"How do you stand it? Feeling powerless? You're the most powerful wizard in the world, and yet..." She let her words trail off, unsure of how to end her sentence. Apparently Dumbledore knew what she meant, as he answered her after a brief pause.

"I remember, Miss Granger. I remember what state Severus was in when Lily first brought him to me." When Hermione looked up in surprise, he nodded back at her.

"How did you...?"

"One does not need Legilimency to know that he must have revealed much to you for you to trust him so." She wasn't sure how to react to that, other than a slight blush that she couldn't control. He continued without drawing attention to her reaction. "I also remember how he reacted after she died." She waited, holding her breath without realizing it, hoping to hear the story from his point of view, and she was soon rewarded.

"In just the three years since he had left Hogwarts, he had changed so much, and yet so much remained the same. As much as I regretted not being able to save Tom Riddle when he was in my care here, I sorely regretted not having been able to prevent Severus from choosing the life that he had after leaving Hogwarts. Sometimes, I do believe I overcompensate with Harry in that regard," he admitted to her. Her eyes widened in response to being Dumbledore's confessor, but she kept her silence and he continued.

"Of course, after I had caught him eavesdropping at the Hog's Head inn the night Professor Trelawney gave her first prophecy, I feared the worst: that the news would somehow make its way to Voldemort, which it eventually did. It wasn't until late that July, however, that Neville and Harry were finally born. Imagine, if only Lily had given birth to Harry one day later, how different Harry and Neville's lives would have been." Hermione had never quite seen it that way but kept her awe silent. "As soon as Severus had found out that Voldemort was planning on killing the Potter family, he had tried to kill himself. Fortunately, Lily realized how he would react and prevented him from doing so, ultimately bringing him to me. She demanded that he pledge an Unbreakable Vow to her, promising that he would never try to kill himself again, and I became the Bonder." His blue eyes gazed away into the distance. "In all the years that have passed between then and now, I've often wondered at her foresight in this." When he did not speak for some time, Hermione tried clearing her throat to regain his attention.

"I'm sorry, my dear. The oft-repeated ruminations of a tired, old man such as myself are no excuse to ignore a guest." He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, once Lily was satisfied and left to go into hiding, I was left with the responsibility of figuring out what to do with him. Think about it, Miss Granger. Instead of informing us or trying to find help when he realized what Voldemort was going to do, he chose to take his own life. That was the kind of man I had to deal with." Dumbledore let that thought sink in with Hermione before continuing. "Now that he had taken a Vow promising to prolong that life, I realized I needed to give him a reason to live. He had no friends and no family left at that point. The only person he had ever cared for had just gone into hiding, perhaps forever. Of course he could not go back to his old life. Having already imparted crucial information about the Death Eaters' plans, I presented him with the idea of becoming a double agent in the war. I would hire him as my new Potions professor as Professor Slughorn was ready to retire. To cover for the lack of any real information that he could pass on to the Death Eaters, he would tell them that because I had caught him eavesdropping at the Hog's Head inn, I did not trust him fully and kept a tight leash on him."

Hermione finally found her voice and asked, "Was it true? Did you really not trust him?" She had heard Severus tell her why Dumbledore had trusted him, but she found that she needed to hear it from the Headmaster himself.

"I have to admit that at the time, I still had certain doubts about where his heart truly lay. I wanted to trust him, believe me, Miss Granger, but there were lives at stake, and I would not have those lives endangered further because of the foolish trust of an old man. After Lily's death, however, I saw just how much he truly loved her, and it was that love that made me realize that Severus was our man." Much to Hermione's chagrin, he went on before she could savor his last statement. "Of course, since Voldemort was, at least, temporarily defeated for the time being, he had nothing to do but wait, as we are waiting now, Miss Granger. Although his wait was considerably longer than what I hope ours will have to be." And there, he finally stopped.

Hermione looked at the Headmaster, who was looking back at her with those penetrating blue eyes. She dropped her eyes and looked desperately around the room, trying her hardest to avoid his. A clock ticked persistently somewhere in the room and she became aware of the snores of the portraits surrounding her. Her own thoughts went to Severus, of his long purgatory between the time of Lily's death and Voldemort's return: ten long years.

"What was it like for him, those ten years?" she found herself asking.

"It was...hard," the professor admitted. "He wanted the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, to be able to prepare the students for what might come. I agree he would have made a fine teacher for that purpose, as I'm sure you've noticed this past year, but I also knew that Tom had cursed the position. And I needed Severus to stay longer than just a year. He knew it too, but it must have been difficult for him to see his students being sent out year after year without the training he thought they needed.

"And though he's a genius at Potions, he never did have the...patience to work with those less brilliant than him." Hermione found herself nearly grinning at his euphemism.

"He never did make any friends, though, nor did he try. In fact, he did just the opposite. I believe it was his way of defending himself from ever having to care for someone again only to lose them, as with the case with Lily. It took much effort on my part, but eventually, I believe he came to look upon me as perhaps more than his employer."

"Of course he thinks of you as more than that!" interrupted Hermione, before she realized that she had dared to speak for Severus. She blushed again, but the look in his eyes encouraged her to go on. "You should have seen how he reacted when I told him that you might still be alive. I...I think it was the first time I ever saw him smile," she confessed. Dumbledore seemed pleased with her revelation.

"And have you seen him smile again since that time?" he asked with a certain twinkle in his eyes.

Hermione was tempted to tell him it was none of his business, but she replied with a hesitant, "Y-yes?" The twinkle only grew in stature.

"I believe, my dear, that perhaps those smiles have something to do with whom they're directed at as well."

"Professor!" she exclaimed in indignation.

"Now, now. I'm not implying anything inappropriate. In fact, I think it's highly appropriate and about time that Severus found a friend, especially someone as compatible with him as yourself. You realize, I wouldn't be sharing so openly about Severus' life with just anyone. Even Harry himself has never heard a fraction of what I've just told you." And Hermione realized it was true.

"I...I'm honored then, sir. Thank you."

"You're welcome. But please, I don't think I have to tell you this, but he is a very...complicated man, and it will take a while for all his defenses to come down. All I ask is that you don't give up on him, Hermione. He needs you as much as we need him."

As much as I need him, she corrected mentally.

In the silence that followed that statement, Hermione finally found the courage to ask something she'd been meaning to ask for a while now.

"Sir? I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I was wondering... How could you ask him to kill you? Didn't you know what it would do to him?" He then looked more tired than she had ever seen him look, and she almost regretted asking him. But this was something she felt needed to be asked, if at least for Severus' sake.

"I won't lie to you and say that it was easy for me to do. If there had been any other way to prevent Draco from having to commit a murder... I had to make a choice between the possible salvation of a young Slytherin boy and the feelings of one already past redemption."

"Past redemption!" It didn't matter anymore whom she was speaking to and that she had raised her voice. "How could you say that?"

"Miss Granger, before you misconstrue my words --" But she couldn't, wouldn't stop.

"And up in the tower -- why didn't you prevent Harry from seeing what you made Severus do? You could have Stunned him or something. You must have known how he would react. You knew how he felt about Severus!"

"Miss Granger, I --"

What the Headmaster might have said was lost as at that moment, a very faint Patronus in the shape of a moth flew in from the window. It made its way straight to Dumbledore's outstretched hand before vanishing from existence. Hermione knew before he said a single word.

"He's back."