Je t'adore

Hermione lay on her bed staring blankly at the ceiling. She knew that Ginny wouldn't be creeping down to her room tonight, but her ears picked up every sound as the swish of the velvet drape, or the door creaking open. She couldn't believe what she'd done, her mind relentlessly repeating the scene, over and over again.

The one person who actually cared about me, I pushed away. What kind of an idiot am I? I was so caught up in my own insecurities I didn't even notice her. She was just a irritating distraction to my self centeredness. God...I'm a bloody imbecile...I've just lost the person I love most in the world, who LOVES me back, because I'm too selfish to give he feelings a consideration. She wasn't creating any fuss about being outted...it was just me...and now she's gone. I want her...I need her...I love her...

The internal monologue set Hermione's conscience in action. All she could think about was how much she'd hurt Ginny, and how much she loved her. She had to see her, now.

A cool breeze awakened Ginny. She wondered where it had come from, considering the window was closed. Turning over, she saw the drape was open. She wrenched it back, silently cursing her roommate's cat, assumed guilty. Turning over drowsily, sleep started to overtake her senses again when a shadow at the end of the bed caught her attention. As her eyes adjusted to the dark, Hermione came into focus. She was sitting, cross-legged at the end of the bed with her head resting on her hands, watching Ginny through half-closed eyelids.

"What on earth do you think you are doing on my bed?"

The coldness of her voice surprised her. Maybe I'm better at hiding my emotions than I thought

"Ginny, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that this wasn't for the best...it's the greatest thing to ever happen to me... I can't believe I said those things. Please will you put it down to extreme pressure?"

"Hermione. It is clear from your actions tonight, under pressure or otherwise, that even if you do care for me half much as I love you, you'll never admit it to anyone. Apart from me, and yes that's wonderful, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in the closet. Don't try say that it'll end after Hogwarts, because you will have the exact same problem when you get a job. You'll be afraid it will stop you getting a raise, or a promotion. I love you so much Hermione, and I hope you realise that, but I cannot... will not live that way, - denying my feelings for you in public."

"But...I wouldn't do that to you..."

"I have all the proof I need. Please, just leave me alone. I need to be by myself right now."

Then, as if Hermione wasn't there, she turned onto her other side and pulled the blankets over her head. Defeated, Hermione slipped off the bed and crept back to her room.

That night, both girls' pillows muffled identical cries of anguish and pain.

Hermione appeared red-eyed 10 minutes before the end of breakfast the next morning. She'd spent the entire night tossing and turning, tears constantly stickying up her cheeks. She hoped that her dreams wouldn't contain the shattering guilt that reality had, but it followed her everywhere. The dark shadow hanging over her head, grasping at her heart stayed, never leaving her sight. She morosely picked at a piece of toast as Ron bounded in.

"Hi Mione - Do you have any idea what's wrong with Ginny? She's locked herself in her bed. Wait... a locking charm? Who the hell taught her how to do that?" he wondered for a second. Hermione blushed slightly. She'd looked up it specifically for her and Ginny's use, along with some silencing spells because of her paralysing fear of being caught.

"She got that thing you bought her for Christmas - the C.B. player? - playing, and according to her roommates she's had it on since about 5. She woke them all up, and no matter how much they tell her to turn it off she won't answer them. I need to borrow Intermediate Transfiguration off her again but she won't let me in either. Bloody McGonagall set the most impossible homework ever, and I think the thing I need is in that book."

"Why would I know what's wrong with her? I have no idea what's going on. She's a friend but I barely talk to her. Jesus Ron, you're always assuming things."

"Uh...Hermione, you may or may not have noticed that you've become a lot closer with her this year. You two are always together. Barely talk with her? You two have become joined at the hip!" Ron rolled his eyes and laughed at the image.

"Just leave me alone Ron."

She stormed out of the Great Hall, her half eaten toast left on her plate. Ron gaped after her. What did I do this time? Why can I never understand what's going on in girls minds?

He put it down to his own ignorance of women and grabbed a carton of orange juice for Harry before jogging out to the Quidditch pitch.

Hermione was digging herself even further into a pit of self-pity as she ran up the stairs. Not looking where she was going, she collided with another student.

"Sorry."

Moving on, presumed forgiven, a sharp voice interrupts her thoughts.

"Prefect Granger? I'd have thought running was banned on the stairs. It's just so detrimental to the learning processes, and I'm also sure you would never break a school rule," Siria said, in a deadpan tone.

"I... yes... uhh... have to go. Sorry." In the midst of her sorrow Hermione forgot that the German student was causing all her problems at this moment in time.

"No, I actually need to speak with you. Much as I hate the idea, I need your help."

"Look, I don't have the time now. See me in the common room at about 9."

As Hermione approached Ginny's bed, the strains of music from her specially modified C.D player could be clearly heard. Hermione had spent weeks searching shops to find it for Ginny. It was their first Christmas together, and she wanted the gift to be special. Since she'd introduced Ginny to Muggle music, she couldn't get enough of it. She regularly begged Hermione to ask her parents buy C.D's and send them to her. By now she had an impressive collection. She loved the all the oldies, and was often found singing along with Pink Floyd or Elvis Presley. Hermione vaguely recognised the melody she had on, but couldn't place the singer.

Crazy, for thinkin' that my love could hold you,

I'm crazy for tryin', and crazy for cryin',

And I'm crazy for lovin' you...

Ginny had the song on repeat, and it took two repetitions for Hermione to build up the courage to confront her.

"Ginny?"

Her only response was a volume increase in the song.

"Gin... please, open the drape. I need to talk to you. I have to see you. Please?"

"Go away."

"Open the drape first"

"God - Will you just fuck off and LEAVE me alone when I ask you?"

Hermione's jaw dropped. Ginny never cursed. She herself had said she hated the feeling that the words had as they rolled of her tongue. They left an acidic bile-like taste in her mouth. To hear her swear was completely unexpected and stopped Hermione in her tracks.

"No, I will not F- off Virginia. I'm going to stay here whether you like it or not."

"Fan-Fucking-Tastic. Have fun then."

Inside her velvet box, Ginny was leaning up against the headboard, hugging Snuggles, the oversized, fluffy, red teddy she'd received off Hermione on Valentines Day. Most of his fur was damp from tears. She buried her face in his soft stomach to drown her sobs.

Hermione settled herself down beside the bed, trying to think of unlocking spells. Then it hit her - She'd made sure the locking charm they used was impossible to break. She sighed. Ginny was able to stay in there until she wanted to come out.

Time passed. It could have been minutes or hours for all Hermione knew. She stayed in her original position, waiting for Ginny. She'd finished going through the the ingredients for some of the advanced potions she was studying, and was about to start running through the Ancient Rune alphabet, when a small swish signalled Ginny's emergence. Hermione looked up. The flame haired girl was sitting on the bed, eyes and nose stained red. She didn't speak, just watched as Hermione stood up silently and reached out her hand.

"I'm so sorry. I love you."

"Mione, you know I love you but...I just need some space to think. I'm sure you have better ways to be spending your Saturday. I just need a little time to find out what's going on."

Before Hermione could get a word in, she flicked her wand and murmured the locking spell. The cloth slid shut, leaving a flustered girl with the worst words she could have heard reverberating in her ears, her world crashing down around her.

"But... I love you..."