Agent Granger, CIA

CHAPTER IX

"Scars and the Reason"

Ron knocked softly of Draco's closed door. Draco heard him, but was too bitter to let him in.

"Draco," said Ron, resting his forehead against the cold wood. "I'm sorry."

I tear my heart open...

Draco scoffed and emptied his fifth bottle of beer. "Aren't you always, Ron? After you fuck everything up? Do you think an apology will make it all okay?"

I sew myself shut.

Ron tried the knob, but it was locked. "Maybe you're right. I'll stop the potions this month...okay? Will you please just talk to me?"

My weakness is that I care too much.

Draco sighed and dragged himself across the room. He unlocked the door and returned to his bed, clutching his bruised rib.

And my scars remind me,

That the past is real.

Ron opened the door and entered the room, taking up as little space as possible. Draco glared at him and demanded, instead of requested, that he sit down. "I just don't understand," he began, staring hard at his feet. "Why can't you ever think about anyone but yourself? I've always been here for you, Ron. I've taken care of you for over a decade now...don't you think the least you could do is try and understand me and my feelings?"

I tear my heart open,

Just to feel.

Ron bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Draco heaved an exhausted sigh as he conjured another bottle of alcohol. "And if you just came here to show me your apologetic face, you can leave. I've seen enough of those to last me a lifetime."

Drunk and I'm feeling down,

And I just wanna be alone.

I'm pissed 'cause you came around;

Why don't you just go home?

Ron shook his head, like he had something important to say, but he remained silent. "Draco...I really didn't mean to," he said at last. "I don't know what came over me! I'm really, really sorry..."

His apology only deepened Draco's fury. "Stop saying you're sorry! That's all you ever say to me. I'm sorry about this, I'm sorry about that. Why don't you start thinking about how you can doing things so that you don't have to apologize for your actions?!"

'Cause you channeled all your pain,

And I can't help you fix yourself.

"I'll repay you for everything after I find the cure. Maybe Hermione just gave us what we've been waiting for...I'm going to make everything alright again, Draco. I swear. I won't ever hurt you or anyone else again."

Draco gritted his teeth. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Ron. You always tell me you're going to change...but you never do. And I really don't know how I should react anymore!"

You're making me insane,

All i can say is:

"Give me one more chance! I need you here for the next transformation. Please, Draco. I need you to stay..."

Ron was practically on his knees begging him now. Draco gasped painfully and closed his eyes.

I tear my heart open.

I sew myself shut.

My weakness is,

That I care too much.

"This is the last time, Ron. I swear it. If Hermione's potion doesn't work, then I'm giving up on the cure, and you."

And our scars remind us,

that the past is real,

I tear my heart open,

Just to feel...

"People have died unnecessarily because of you, Ron. And my own cousin," Draco clenched his jaw and took in a deep breath. "How am I ever going to apologize to him? I've been so wrapped up in making sure that you're okay. I've lost myself helping you...and I don't even know why."

I tried to help you once,

Against my own advice.

I saw you going down,

"Would you rather return to the way you used to be? Everyone hated you, Malfoy," spat Ron, sick of hearing Draco's complaints. Draco looked pitifully at him, knowing that he was starting again.

"I think I was better off then, than I am now. Now, I don't even know who I am, I'm just someone trying to find himself by helping his friend. After my father died, I never had the time to sort things out. I buried myself in your problems...just to forget what had happened...I dedicated my whole life to you once you came to me. And all that I've gotten in return is more demands and punishment."

But you never realized,

that you're drowning in the water;

So I offered you my hand,

compassion's in my nature.

Tonight is our last stand.

"If life with me is so bad, then why didn't you leave? You're right! It's not like you're benefiting from me anyway," Ron shouted angrily, clenching his fists. Draco rose to meet his friend eye to eye.

"Here you go again, think before you do something you'll regret, Ron. Don't be an asshole."

I tear my heart open.

I sew myself shut.

My weakness is,

that i care too much.

Ron sneered as his emotions overwhelmed him. He threw a fist at Draco, whose reactions were a bit delayed by all the alcohol he had just drank. Draco fell to the floor, having the wind knocked out of him. He laid there, finding that it was much more comfortable than standing up.

And our scars remind us,

that the past is real,

I tear my heart open,

Just to feel.

Draco slowly raised himself to a pushup position and looked up at the man towering over him.

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

and I just wanna be alone...

He scowled and tackled Ron onto the floor, straddling him. He wasn't going to let him win again. He wasn't going to feel sorry for him.

You shouldn't ever come around,

why don't you just go home?

He threw a punch to Ron's face, over and over again, until blood splattered the both of them.

'Cause you're drowning in the water,

and I tried to grab your hand.

"I'm sick of this, Ron! I'm sick of you! I'm sick of always letting you get what you want!" he yelled, continuing to bloody up the redhead.

I left my heart open,

but you didn't understand!

"You fix yourself! I don't know how the hell I expected to help you. Fix your own goddamn problem. Fix your own goddamn life!"

I can't help you fix yourself,

but at least I can say I tried.

Draco rolled off of him, covered in blood, and out of breath. He steadily rose to his feet, making visible effort to keep his balance.

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life.

"I'm moving out. You can keep the damn house. I don't care. I give up. You've exhausted me, Ron. I'm so exhausted..."

I can't help you fix yourself,

but at least I can say I tried,

I'm sorry, but I gotta move on with my own life!

Ron moaned and rolled onto his side. He didn't have the power to stand up, so he remained on the floor. Draco looked down at him and sighed.

I tear my heart open.

I sew myself shut.

My weakness is,

that I care too much...

And our scars remind us,

that the past is real,

I tear my heart open,

Just to feel.

Taking nothing but a jacket, Draco disapparated from the Mansion for the last time.

**

Jordan was surprised to see Draco appear in his house.

"Do you always enter people's home uninvited?" he asked, after he had screamed like a little girl.

"Usually," Draco replied with a grin. Jordan observed his rattled condition and sat him down on a chair in the kitchen while he fetched a warm, wet cloth to clean his wounds.

"H-have you seen Hermione...?" asked Draco with a very delicate voice.

Jordan looked up at him, brushing a cotton ball soaked with rubbing alcohol over his knuckles. Draco winced, but didn't make a sound.

"She just came over and left. She seemed pretty upset," Jordan told him, sighing loudly. He wrapped his red hand with a cloth and neatly tied it at the end.

Draco bowed his head. "My head hurts," he mumbled. Jordan laughed as he moved to the other hand.

"Serves you right for getting into fights, at your age."

"I wasn't thinking straight. I just...he just pissed me off so badly. I had to beat him up."

Jordan nodded his head. "Ron?"

"Yeah," Draco whispered in return. Jordan stood up, finished being the doctor. He grabbed a pack of ice from the freezer and handed it to Draco.

"Hold that to your face. You have a pretty nasty bruise there."

Draco obeyed and began numbing his cheek. "Thanks."

Jordan nodded again. Silence fell on them and he took a seat next to Draco. "You need a place to stay?" he offered kindly.

Draco shook his head. "I was planning on talking with Hermione later...things are really messed up between us right now. I don't know what to do..."

"If you love her, then you don't need to know what to do. It'll just happen."

Jordan removed the pack of ice from Draco's hand. "Go. Go make sure she's okay..."

Draco looked at him gratefully and nodded his head.

**

Hermione was already in bed when Draco crashed into her apartment. She slid off her bed to investigate what happened. The sight of Draco sprawled on her living room table froze her at the doorframe.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. She didn't know whether to be happy or mad. Draco limped over to her and collapsed into her arms, holding her with every intention of not letting go.

I'm not a perfect person.

"I'm sorry if I did anything wrong," he whispered. "I'm sorry if I ever caused you pain. I'm sorry if I let you down. But I'm not sorry that I love you."

There's many things I wish I didn't do.

But I continue learning,

I never meant to do those things to you.

Hermione's eyes bulged out with unshed tears. She laid her cheek on Draco's shoulder and held him close to her. "I love you, Draco..." she said as the first stream of tears dripped off of her chin. "But we can't be together..."

Draco pulled her apart and shook his head, he was on the verge of tears too.

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you know;

"No...We can be together. I've changed. I'm not who you knew back at Hogwarts, Hermione...I've changed."

I found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you.

She bit her trembling lip and wiped her tears. "I know. But Ron--"

"You still love him?" Draco said incredulously.

Hermione shook her head. "No. But I owe him so much. He's done so much for me that I didn't know about. And being with you makes me feel like I've betrayed him...I hurt when I think about us together, Draco. I can't just move on overnight and be okay with the idea that I'm in love with his best friend."

"Are you saying that it hurts you to love me?"

Hermione cried, no matter what, her heart still ached. If she loved Draco, she felt guilty for betraying Ron, but if she didn't...she couldn't breathe...

Draco repossessed her in his arms. "I wish I knew what to do..."

I'm sorry that I hurt you;

It's something I must live with everyday;

And the pain I put you through,

I wish that I could take it all away,

And be the one who catches all your tears.

He kissed her lightly on the head, and trailed gentle kisses down to her nose.

That's why I need you to hear:

Their eyes connected, and in that one moment, all their sorrow and pain evaporated into the air.

I found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you...

Hermione kissed Draco, desperate to escape her tortured heart. They stumbled into her room, neither pulling away for air.

I'm not a perfect person...

Draco open his eyes as she became gentler with her mouth. She slowly slid the jacket off of his shoulders, moving her kisses down his neck.

I never meant to do those things to you,

And so I have to say before I go:

Draco moaned softly and helped her take off his shirt.

That I just want you to know...

He found her lips again, as she rose back up to his face, and trapped her in a passionate kiss, driving her insane and wanting more.

I found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new,

And the reason is you.

Draco skillfully undid her pajama top and laid her on the bed.

I found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do...

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispered, out of breath, but determined. She nodded her head without hesitation, pulling him in for another kiss.

And the reason is you.