I Won't Let You Pull Me Down

Watching Me

Long lost words whisper slowly to me

Still can't find what keeps me here

The blackness of the forest engulfs me as I walk through it, my eyes blank and emotionless. With each step I take, the memory of you flashes through my mind. Was it a forbidden love? Was it real? Well I really don't care. All I know was I love you, and I still will wait for you. I had drowned in the sea of your heart and still, I have not found air. But for once, I don't want to breathe anymore... Your presence still seems to find me when I think of you. Your touch, your feel, your voice, all in my head. A ghostly atmosphere plagues me as I break down in the middle of a clearing. These tears are for you. I long for the day you will come back to me.

When all this time I've been so hollow inside

I know your still there

I shiver as a cold breeze blows past me, chilling me to the bone. Suddenly I am reminded of your love. I am reminded of you. You were the coldness that took over me, and never failed to be absent. I put my trembling hands to either side of my head and try to block you out. But your presense is so strong, I cannot ignore it. And it pains me evertime your face flashes in my mind, because I know I may never see the sight of it again. Desire for you surges through my body, and I can almost feel you needing me. You and I were one, and we still are. That's what I need to get away from before you completely take over me.

Watching me

Wanting me

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I must search for you, because you are what I need to go on. But I would do that in vein. You are still here with me, in a sense and it drives me mad because I cannot see or hear you. But when the familiar rush of shivers find their way up my spine, I know you're here. The atmosphere becomes eerie in an almost seductive manner. And all I want is you. But when reality finally taps in, I remember. I need to forget about you, your words, your promises, everything. The very memory of your existence should be cleared from my mind. But it won't go away. And I find myself falling deeper into you.

I can feel you pull me down

Fearing you

Loving you

And I know in my heart I will never, ever be able to depart my soul from yours. For they are entwined for eternity, never to be broken. Maybe that's just what fate had planned for us. Am I trapped? Or am I in love? I cannot tell for your way of caring for me was a mixture of the two.

I won't let you pull me down

Common sense and reality tell told me that you are gone forever, lost somewhere out there known as nothing but a death count. But my instincts suggest otherwise. You were always strong-willed and determined, there was no way in my mind that you had ended up like the rest of them in the war also. There was no way you were dead. You left me that unfortunate day, and you told me never to forget, and to hold on to my will. I said yes because I was so scared. I said yes because I thought that would make you content. But my will is slowly slipping through my fingers, like trying to keep water in your hands for a long period of time. It's just impossible to hold on. But with every fiber of hope left in my body, I will search, and I know I will find you and I know in my heart you'll be all right.

Hunting you

I can smell you-alive

Your heart pounding in my head

I try to walk on, but I feel so weak. It feels that the very thought of you sucks the life from my body. I fall agaist a large tree and close my eyes tightly as the sensation of coming tears burn my eyes. I am lost without you. I am lost when I'm with you. Where in this lie may I come out victor? Perhaps I just cannot. Perhaps I am just lost. Just floating aimlessly around with no destination, and with no goal. Just to be. Just to exist. Warm hands suddenly wipe away my tears and I open my eyes. My heart skips a beat and I gasp in surprise. Your face is in front of mine, and it is glowing brightly. Your skin has always been pale white, but now it has a heavenly auroa around it as if you are an angel here to comfort me and to take away what I am feeling. I'm barely over my first shock when you bring your lips to mine. I've tasted these lips before, and so I do not resist. The sudden return of sweet agony turns my stomach over and I break apart from you. You walk around me and stand close to my back. This just cannot be happening, I think. It's impossible, you're...you're...

"Dead?" says your whispy voice, almost dreamily. I feel your warm arms wrap around my waist and you put your head on my shoulder and begin planting soft, seductive kisses on my neck. I want to break away and run. I want to flee from you, your voice, your touch....But as usual your captivating presence glues me to the spot, immobile. I feel so vunerable. But that's not unusual. Afterall, I am with you.

"Do you want me to be dead, Hermione? Do you want me to be dead so you can feel closure?" you ask, taking off my robes and letting them fall to the ground. I shiver as you run your fingertips on my shoulders. I want you so badly, but I wish you'd leave me alone...It just hurts too much. After all this time, after all these tears, and you coming back to me while I attempt solitude in this sanctuary.

"Do you want to know that I lay among countless others, the life pouring from my body. Do you want to know you were helpless?

"Please, don't," I whisper, pulling away from you.

With no regard to what I had just said, you close around me again and kiss my neck gently.

Watching me

Wanting me

"Don't fight it, baby, I'm here..." you say softly, your hands exploring my body.

I can feel you pull me down

I want to fight it, I want to push you away and run. But I just can't. It feels as though I'm in a trance. My brain is telling my body to get away, but it blankly refused and stayed where it was. My body urged me, my mind warned me. It was such a fierce competition between the two that I began crying. I cried as you pulled off my shirt. I cried as your hands carressed me lustfully, wanting to go further. I could hear you breathe and your breaths were dripping with long awaited desire. I cried as you pulled up my skirt. And I screamed as you lay me on the soft forest floor and put yourself over me, making love to me. Some would have called it passionate. It would have been to anyone else maybe. But to me, it felt like violation. My brain buzzed with so much energy as the climax built, and you moaned loudly. I closed my eyes tightly and let the last of the tears fall.

Saving me

Raping me

Watching me

     ~*~

I opened my eyes and you were gone. The forest was gone, and the emotions were gone. I lay in my bed and stared out an open window, perspiration beaded on my forehead. After panting heavily for a moment, I came to my senses. It was all a dream. A very realistic dream, but it was still just a dream. I fell back into my pillow and sighed in relief.

"Something the matter, love?" you ask as you roll onto your side and put an arm around me, pulling me closer to you. And though I'm so close you you, I feel so far away. But nevertheless, I stay in your arms and rest my head on your chest.

"No..."

But that was a lie. It was only a dream, but it had made me realize certain things. And suddenly I'm not sure about how I feel anymore. I want you, I need you, I fear you. All these years I knew something was haunting my soul, somewhere deep inside, where I wasn't in contact with. After all these years, after all these tears, it was you. And as long as I breathe, it will always be you, Draco.

And though you're still here, still breathing and the blood still flows through your veins, I feel so...

Haunted.

~EnD~