Not the First to Say

    Ron wandered around the halls, relishing the quiet beauty of Hogwarts. He usually didn’t have time to appreciate the castle and its intricacies - it was hard for him to appreciate things, anyway. Life was usually about fun and games for Ron. Ron was lost in his musings when he turned the corner and nearly ran smack into Luna Lovegood.

    He couldn’t help gasping a little, which elicited no response from Luna. ‘Figures, the crazy girl doesn’t even notice there’s someone breathing heavily three centimeters away from her,’ Ron thought. ‘This would be a swell opportunity for me to have a little light hearted prank on Loony.’ He deviously crept up behind her and quickly tapped her shoulder, causing her to sigh.

    “Ron, I know you’re there and are wearing that cloak,” she said in her typically singsong tone. Ron, shocked and somewhat disappointed, pulled the cloak off.    

    “How did you know?”

    “Oh, Ronald, get off it. First, you are breathing so heavily it would require a comatose person to not notice your presence. And I am quite un-comatose.”

    “Fine, fine,” Ron muttered, a blush spreading into his cheeks.

    “You’re kind of feeble, aren’t you, Ron?” Luna suddenly turned and breathily spoke directly in Ron’s face. He took a step back - but not a large one.

    “Oh no! Someone’s coming!” he whispered.

    “Really? Who?” Luna turned around, but Ron threw the cloak over them both just as Professor Snape rounded the corner.

    “Ooh… Snape. I know a secret about him!” Luna whispered. Ron clamped his hand over her mouth, and he could swear he felt her lips press against his hand. Nah, he was imagining. Then why did her hair smell so good…

    Snape passed by, obviously very distracted, or he would have heard Luna’s muffled giggles. Once Ron was sure Snape was out of earshot he removed his hand.

    “Why in bloody hell are you laughing?”

    “I use apple shampoo,” she tittered.

    “Damn it, how did you know what I was thinking? Can you read my mind?”

    “There’s usually not much to read, is there?” Luna was lilting as usual, but Ron wasn’t finding himself annoyed. Strangely, he felt himself smiling.

    “Yeah, yeah. There’s probably some things that aren’t very pleasant in there right now,” he confessed, partially wondering why he was opening up to Loony Lovegood.

    “Maybe you need to tell someone, and by a happy coincidence, I’m here,” Luna suggested. Ron did his best to look nonchalant, but his heart leapt at the thought of opening up to someone new. Luna plowed on, “Do you want to meet in the library before breakfast?”

    Ron tried to look horrified, but couldn’t resist the full-out grin that took over his face. “Sure.”

----

    Hermione was still reading as Ron practically skipped back into the common room. She looked up suspiciously. “What happened to you?”

    “Oh, nothing.” Ron whistled. “Good night, Hermione!” he chirped before heading up the stairs to his room. Hermione watched him go, befuddled. She turned back to her book, which hadn’t had a page turned in it since Ron had left. She had read the same sentence at least forty times now, but she wasn’t seeing the words on the page. She was seeing Snape, his back turned, his shoulders tense.

    Sighing, she slammed her book shut and walked to the tower window. The sun was already coming up, and she’d gotten no sleep. ‘I’ve got to get it together’ she thought. ‘I have an Arithmancy essay due in a week and I’ve barely started.’

    “Morning, Hermione.” She jumped at Harry’s voice behind her.

    “You scared me, Harry.” She turned to him, but he was already walking away. She started to head up for her room to change, but caught a glimpse of Harry‘s eyes, slightly puffy from the night before. ‘I can’t just give up on him,’ she reminded herself. She walked over and joined him at the table. “How about coming to Potions today?” ‘Great way to start out, idiot’ she thought as he tensed.

    “Hermione, get off my back about it. I can’t deal with Snape.”

    “Harry, Professor Snape knows what you’re going through, okay? He’s not going to say anything about it. If he’s mean to you, that’s hardly a new development. Besides, he’s been different… almost… nice lately.” She couldn’t keep her voice from taking a wistful turn, which thankfully was lost on Harry.

    “If I go today, will you leave me alone about it?”

    “Yes. All I’m asking is for you give it a chance.”

    “Fine. Now excuse me, I’m going to go beat my head against the wall.” Harry pushed his chair back so hard it fell over, making Hermione jump. He stormed past her and slammed his way up the stairs. Hermione sighed again and went back up to her room. Potions was the first class of the day, and she wasn’t at all sure she could handle it.

----

    “Oh, it’s another beautiful day of Potions!” Ron exclaimed as they walked into the dungeons. Snape’s head snapped in his direction.

    “I’m pleased to see you’re so excited for the lesson, Mr. Weasley,” Snape sneered.

    “Oh, Professor Snape! Even you couldn’t ruin my mood this fine morning!” Ron bellowed, practically leaping to his seat. Snape shook his head in confusion and decided to simply abandon the issue. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hermione enter the room, pulling behind her a struggling Harry.

    “Miss Granger… Mr. Potter, good of you to grace us with your presence,” he smarmed. Harry clenched his fist but walked past Snape silently, not looking at him. Snape put a hand up as Hermione walked past. “What happened yesterday afternoon, Miss Granger? That won’t be happening again. Is that in any way unclear?”

    Hermione blinked and slowly shook her head. “No sir,” she whispered, tears in her voice.

    “Good,” he clipped. “Take a seat. All right, class,” he turned his attention to the lecture.

    Hermione sat down in shock. Ron was still grinning like a fool, whilst Harry was shooting death glares at her. She was mentally kicking herself for expecting any different from the king of cold. As the lecture continued, Harry’s mood darkened, he was gnashing his teeth and rolling his eyes with every sentence Snape uttered.

    “Cool it, Harry,” she whispered, barely able to keep from crying. The last thing she needed to see was Snape tearing into Harry.

    “Cool it? Hermione, you said he’d been nice lately!” he hissed back. Ron went on taking notes--wait, Ron was taking notes!

    Hermione did a double-take. “Ron? What has gotten into you?”

    “I had a splendid morning, Hermione. Really great!” he couldn’t keep his voice to a whisper. Suddenly, Snape stopped his lecture and turned to the three. Hermione sunk into her seat, staring at her lap to avoid those piercing eyes. She could feel the tears in her eyes again. ‘Go away, you cursed things!’ she thought, biting her lip so hard she feared she would draw blood.

    “Perhaps you three wouldn’t mind staying quiet while I speak?”

    “Sorry, Professor!” Ron said loudly, his smile still going on. Snape’s eyes flickered over Hermione, and he sighed inwardly as he took in her heartbroken face. He caught himself and returned to his lecture.

    ‘Severus Snape, you unforgivable fool,’ he thought to himself.

------

    “Thanks for keeping your cool in class, Harry,” Ron said later, as they got ready for bed.

    “Whatever. I didn’t feel like dealing with the fallout if I lost it.”     

    “Well, mate, at least one good thing has come of all this. You’ve realized your actions have consequences.” As soon as it came out his mouth, Ron regretted it. Harry stiffened and went completely silent. Ron couldn’t even hear him breathing. He started to apologize when Harry turned around and socked him directly in the nose.

    Leaving Ron laying bewildered on the floor, bleeding, Harry tore out of the room. He kept running, out of Gryffindor Tower, down the halls of Hogwarts. He felt the scalding tears on his cheeks but did nothing to stop them from flowing. He ran straight out of the castle onto the lawns, not caring that he was breaking rules. He just kept running, his legs burning, his lungs on fire. He wanted to run until his heart burst--since it usually felt like it wanted to, anyway.

    It was only a tree root that prevented this little meltdown from being successful.

    Laying flat on his face, Harry started to laugh a mirthless, woe-is-me type of laugh. “This is so typical,” he muttered into the grass.

    A softly cold voice floated from somewhere near him. “Fallen on your face yet again, Potter?”

    ‘Even more typical,’ Harry thought sullenly. ‘The second to last person on earth I care to see right now, finds me face down in the mud, having a nervous breakdown.’

    “Don’t worry, Potter. I’m not going to go turbo on you,” Draco continued. “In fact, I came out here so I, too, could lay on the ground and weep.”

    Harry raised his head in disbelief. Surely Draco was mocking him. But there was no sign of malice on the boy’s face. Just grief. Harry pulled himself to a sitting position and shook the grass from his hair. “So we both just want to be alone, then,” he said. Except even as he said it, Harry knew it would take a mighty act of will to get up and walk away from Draco.

---

    “You don’t know where he went?” Hermione asked Ron for the fifth time as she pressed a new pack of ice against his nose.

    “Ouch, watch it Hermione!” Ron hissed as she jammed the ice against his swollen face. “I said I don’t know. He just ran out of here like a madman.”

    “You should go to see Madam Pomfrey,” Ginny piped up. They were all gathered in the common room, discussing the Great Harry/Ron Punch-Out.

    “It isn’t that important,” Ron insisted. He grabbed the ice from Hermione, who was still pushing it painfully onto him. “Just let me do it.”

    “Sorry, Ron.”

    “What’s going on with you today, Hermione?”

    “I could ask the same thing of you. First you sing and skip your way through the day, then you get knocked flat by your best friend, whom you keep insisting is getting better!”

    “You’re the one who nearly went into tears when Snape looked at you!”

    “Shut up, Ron!” Hermione threw the box of tissues she was holding to the ground. “Just shut your fat mouth for once, please!” She could feel herself close to crying again, but she didn’t.

    “Hermione, I’m sorry,” Ron said more gently. “We’ve all got some stuff going on, don’t we?”

    “What’s this I hear about Luna Lovegood?” Ginny burst in, as if she’d been waiting all night to ask. Hermione turned very interested eyes upon Ron, who went beet red.

    “Um, uh… see, it’s…”

    “You’re seeing Luna?” Hermione asked incredulously.

    Before Ron could answer, Harry burst into the common room. He was covered in grass and shaking very slightly, looking quite tousled and dazed. For a second, everyone’s tension lifted and they all began to laugh uneasily. Their laughter became heartier as Harry joined in, clumps of grass falling to the floor as he shook with laughter.

    An awkward silence descended as the laughs died off. Harry slumped into a chair and looked sadly at Ron’s swollen face. Ginny, sensing she was not welcome, quietly slipped out of the room. The other gathered students joined her, as finally it was just the old trio, looking at each other uncomfortably.

    “I’m really sorry, mate,” Harry managed. Ron shrugged.

    “Me too.”

    “I hate you both, you know,” Hermione remarked quietly. They both smiled tentatively, and she returned their smile hollowly. “Ron’s seeing Luna,” she added. Harry’s eyebrows practically flew off his face.

    “Luna? Lovegood?”

    Ron just smiled.

    “Well… good for you, mate.”

    “Meanwhile, I sense a rosy glow about you this evening, Harry?” Hermione pressed, anxious to keep the lively environment. She needed this, she needed a warm and lighthearted conversation with her two best friends.

    “I might have… an interest. The only thing is… I hate him.”

    “Him?” Ron exclaimed. Hermione just nodded.

    “Draco?” she guessed.

    “No way, Hermione,” Ron burst. “He’s a prat-” he stopped when he saw Harry’s face. “Draco?” he whispered uncertainly.

    “I don’t know. It’s…. very new,” Harry answered uneasily. He shifted his eyes to Hermione, who had turned a faint shade of pink. “What about your love life, Herms?”

    “I wish I knew,” she muttered.

----

    Professor Snape wandered the halls, looking for students to abuse. An old pastime, and one he had neglected recently. He was doing his damnedest to feel like the old Snape. It wasn’t working very well, as he passed a portrait of a rather fetching young woman and immediately thought, ’Hermione.’

    He felt almost guilty for the abrupt way he’d spoken in class. She hadn’t intended to hurt him, after all. She was trying to make him feel good about himself, even. She had no way of knowing the wounds she had opened.

    Everyone knew him as the greasy-haired, mean-spirited Potions master. But he had been loved once, hadn’t he? Could nobody understand that his life had once been very, very different?

    ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself,’ he scolded. He found himself wandering outside the castle. Perhaps some fresh air would help.

    Nothing in the world could prepare Snape for what he saw in the distance. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy sitting on the grass, talking. Peacefully, it seemed.

    Watching the boys gently touch hands, Snape felt something very close to revulsion. It was soon replaced by a longing and then a realization that the last thing he needed to see right now was a happy couple. With a half-disgusted sigh, he turned and went back into the castle. Perhaps he’d prepare himself a sleeping draught. All the better to forget these foolish feelings.

----

    Morning came, much to Hermione’s chagrin. Harry, Ron and she had stayed up into the early hours of the morning, basically sitting in silence. But for the first time in the last few months, it was a comfortable silence. Although the occasional nervous glance was sent Harry’s way, there were no raised voices. There was mostly funny banter about Ron and Luna, Harry and Draco, and lots of pressing to get Hermione to confess who she ‘had a thing for.’ She had kept silent on the point, changing the subject. It wasn’t hard to outfox Harry and Ron - they often lapsed into silence, which was just fine with Hermione.

    ‘How can I tell them I’m interested in Professor Snape, of all people? Harry hates him. Ron will lash me harder than he did about Professor Lockhart,’ Hermione reasoned. She wasn’t keeping it from them for her sake - she knew it would upset Harry if he knew she was in love with one of the people he hated the most. Before they’d retired to bed, Harry had promised to go to Potions again.

    “I’ll go just one more time. If he does anything--”     

    “He won’t, Harry. I promise,” Hermione assured him, wondering exactly how she would manage that one. “I’ll talk to him.” ‘Right. That should go over well.’

-----

    Hermione peered cautiously around the edge of the door. Professor Snape was in his usual sullen mood, gathering the necessary materials for that day’s lecture. She took a deep breath. ‘You’re just going to ask, respectfully, if he can work with Harry. You have Dumbledore’s blessing. Do this, Hermione,’ she coached herself. As Snape turned around, she gave a little squeal and pulled her head out of the classroom. “Get a hold on yourself!” she whispered sternly. She cleared her throat, smoothed her hair, and entered the dungeon.

    “Professor Snape?”

    He turned quickly, as if startled, and dropped his vial when he saw her standing there. “Blazes,” he muttered as his foot began to swell from the spilled substance. He deftly pulled his wand and murmured something Hermione couldn’t make out. He looked at her sharply. “Well, now you know what we’re working with today,” he remarked grimly.

    “I’m sorry I startled you, Professor. I only wanted to talk to you about-”

    “Let me guess… Potter?”

    Hermione tried not to register her surprise. How did he always know what she was thinking? ‘Oh, gods, I hope he can’t tell what I’m thinking!’ she blushed. Trying to regain her composure, she stammered, “Um, yes, Harry. See, um…”

    “Miss Granger, I have rather more important things to do than stand here whilst you fall all over yourself.” He turned away from her, levitating the pieces of broken vial to a basin. Hermione watched his dark hair swing into his face as he bent over the basin with his wand, repairing the vial. She swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat and choked out a few words. What they were, she didn’t know, because they were hardly audible. Her mind was completely deserting her, she reflected. Professor Snape raised a hand - a strong, white hand, Hermione noticed - and pushed his hair back from his face. Hermione gave an involuntary sigh in response to this, then bit her lip in horror as Snape’s head jerked at the sound of it.

    “Miss Granger, is something the matter?”

    She could have sworn there was a smile playing about his lips, but his concern was so sweetly mocking, it was more likely a smirk.

    “I just,” Hermione swallowed again, trying to get back her dignity, “wanted to ask you to--if you please, that is--not to, well… torment Harry as you usually do, sir.”

    “Torment? I don’t believe that is what I do, Miss Granger.”

    “I’m sorry, Professor, I didn’t mean any disrespect. I should, I’ll just, go now. That’s a good idea, yes, go now,” she half muttered to herself, turning to go. With one long stride, Snape appeared before her. She almost gasped again but managed to contain it.

    “Miss Granger. You came here to ask me for a favor, and you’ve not yet done it. Not adequately, at any rate. I would like to see some of the determination it is rumored you possess.”

    Hermione swallowed hard again. Was he - was he being, almost, accommodating? ‘He’s giving you a second chance, take advantage of it, you fool!’ she cursed herself. With a half-smile, she tried to meet his eyes but stared vaguely at his forehead - his smooth, beautiful forehead - instead. “Sir, could you please try to make class less of a miserable experience for Harry?”

    “That’s a tad better. Yet, I feel as if you want to say something entirely different to me. Hurry and do it, before I lose my patience,” he warned, and she felt sure he wasn’t merely being coy.

    “Please don’t be such a monumental ass to Harry!” she blurted, immediately clapping her hands over her mouth. She felt herself going red again, and she was about to apologize when the sound of Snape’s laughter stopped her dead. It was an entirely new sound and it played delightfully over her ears.

    “That’s what I’m looking for. Fifty points from Gryffindor for insulting a professor, and don‘t allow one strand of overly bushy hair to enter this room late.”

~

    “Harry, promise me you won’t kill Snape today. You’ve got to give me time to find a truly horrible curse, so he’ll suffer!” Hermione burst into the common room, fuming. Harry looked at her in shock, Ron smiled his lopsided mum-I’m-a-good-boy smile.

    “What happened?”

    “That blasted man! I know he’s a professor, and I don’t even know what I’m thinking insulting a teacher! But… oh… I could KILL THAT GIT!” she screamed, throwing her bookbag across the room. A very surprised Neville just barely missed being clocked on the head with it.

    “Hermione? Are you… well, are you Hermione?” Ron asked, rather bravely given the amount that Hermione’s nostrils were flaring.

    ‘Oh, I’m bloody Hermione all right. Oh, I thought I hated Rita Skeeter. My hatred for that witch is positively cuddly next to what I feel for that greasy jerk! I can‘t even believe I actually--” Hermione was interrupted with the entrance of Professor McGonagall.

    “Miss Granger, will you join me in my office? I should very much like an explanation.”

    “What has Hermione got to explain?” Ron cried.

    “Not that it is any of your business, Mr. Weasley, but there has been an apparent loss of firty house points. Deducted by Professor Snape, for the disorderly conduct of Hermione Granger.” A note of amusement played in her voice, but she appeared very grave.

    “Fifty points?” Neville squeaked.

    “I thought Snape only hated me that much!” Harry exclaimed.

    Professor McGonagall shot a generalized disapproving look around the room before motioning Hermione to exit.

    As they settled into Professor McGonagall’s office, Hermione had begun to calm down a bit. She took a steadying breath for good measure.

    “I have a bit of a problem with Professor Snape lately,” she admitted.

    “Oh?”     

    “Harry refuses to go to class, as you know, and I’ve done my best to make him. I finally convinced him, on the basis that Professor Snape had been, a bit more, manageable lately. But, Professor Snape was back to his old horrible self.”

    “Is that all?”

    Hermione looked sharply at Professor McGonagall. Was it possible she knew…? After all, she was an older woman. She had experience in things like this. ‘Matters of the heart’ Hermione half-joked to herself.

    “Well, there is something else, yes. But I’m not entirely sure I should tell you.”

    “It’s certainly up to you, Miss Granger. Although I would like to remind you that anything you tell me will remain confidential unless you are being harmed in some way.”

    “Not being harmed, no. But,” she sighed. There was no easy way to say this, especially to someone who was usually so stern and hard-nosed.

    “Miss Granger?”

    “I have a crush on Professor Snape,” she blurted, her eyes firmly on her lap, her cheeks blazing.