Dirty

I'm so damn dirty. And I don't even really care anymore, because I've stopped regretting it, and I've started going to him every night. I can't even call him by his first name without feeling sick. Draco. It sounds so wrong, so intimate. Saying Malfoy keeps it safe ... whatever it is.

The first time nearly tore me apart with the terrible lust and sensations. I ran into him in the hallway. He placed that trademark sneer on his face and reached out his hand. I thought he would strike me, but he just twirled a strand of my hair in those soft, pale fingers, and I felt a flash of something hot inside me. He stared at me, eyes intent and fixed on mine so I couldn't look away.

He lowered his lips to my ear. "I've been watching you, Weasel," he whispered, his breath hot against my skin. "And I like what I see."

I backed away, but he grabbed my arm, and before I knew what was happening he kissed me hard and quick and shoved his tongue in my mouth, and I didn't even try to stop him because I liked it.

"So you feel something, too," he said. "The attraction, lust, whatever you want to call it."

"Why's it matter?" I snarled, angry at myself.

"Because you're not who everyone thinks you are, and only I can see that. There's aggression in you. I can sense the hunger you try to hide. I see the real you. And that means, with me, you can do anything you want."

It was the way he said those three words. Anything you want. He said them low and quiet and sensual in a way that made me shiver. I followed him, because I was so fucking tired of resisting what I wanted. He took me to the prefect's bathroom, after he'd made sure no one could come in he started kissing me. I think my bottom lip started bleeding once, because he bit it just a little too forcefully. I didn't mind ... I was focused on tearing his robes off. He hurt me when he pounded into me, rough and unyielding. I set my teeth into his shoulder and pressed down until I felt a metallic taste flood my mouth. I guess pleasure mixed with pain is the best kind.

After he climaxed, he put his robes on and started to walk towards the door, but he turned back at me and smirked. "Come find me anytime."

"It was a mistake," I said, vowing to never touch him again.

"But you'll still come back." And with that he was gone.

He was right. One time didn't stop the lust. It gnawed at me until I went to him a few days later. He raised an eyebrow. "Back so soon?"

"Shut up," I said, pressing myself against him and kissing him.

My friends ask me where I go sometimes and I smile and say, "A girl's gotta have secrets."

Ron thinks I have a new boyfriend I'm not telling them about. In a way he's right, but Malfoy could never be my boyfriend. I'm not sure what he is to me. I barely even think of him as a human; he's more of an object I use for my own sordid desires.

I suppose deep down I like being used, and I like using him and hurting him and digging my nails into his back when I scream. Because deep down, somewhere inside my soul, or what's left of it, I want to feel something, even if it is only a few minutes of tainted pleasure and disgust at myself when the pleasure is gone. Malfoy seems to have a different idea about our relationship.

"Sex is power," He said to me a week ago while he unbuttoned my shirt. "Right now I have power over you, because I know what you want." He dipped his head to place kisses on my neck. "In a few minutes, you'll have power over me because you know what I want, and you'll be the one to make me achieve it. All this really is, Weasley, is a tug of war between you and I. The end result is pleasure, but the control is what really drives us to do it." Then he pushed me on the ground, and our trading of power began.

Now, I don't even want it to stop. I'm dirty and it's wrong, and maybe I'll go straight to hell for this. But that doesn't change the fact that I like it.