The Space Between

~ CHAPTER ONE ~

JAMES WAS RIGHT

Night of April 14^th, 1976.

Sirius was leading the way down the tunnel, with James and Peter behind. He could hear Remus' piercing screams somewhere above his head. It was only the fourth time since they had all managed to change into their animal forms and his transformation took a while to get used to.

Peter had nearly been frightened to death the very first time they had come face to face with the wolf. He had scampered back to the castle, not even bothering to change back into himself. They had found him hiding under the sheets of his bed and he had bitten them both before they had managed to talk some sense into him. The werewolf looked all the more impressive once in rat-vision, and it had taken him and James a lot of time and patience to convince Peter to come back with them the following month.

Of course, Remus had no memory of it, but when he learned what had happened, he made them swear that they would leave the Shack if things looked out of control.

"Hurting myself is fine, I can deal with that," he said, "But hurting any of you is not something I want to risk."

They had all agreed--Peter probably more vehemently and Sirius more reluctantly than the other two--but, deep inside, all hoped that it would not be necessary.

The third time, they dared stepping out of the Shack. The wolf seemed calm enough and Peter was the only one saying it was not a good idea. Sirius found the right argument, though, for there was nothing that a mouthful of shiny pointy teeth could not make someone accept. Like before, Wormtail ran down the tunnel and touched the magic knot. While Padfoot made sure the wolf's attention was focused on him, James transformed back into a boy and ran outside. Then, slowly, Padfoot led the wolf down the tunnel and out on the grounds. Prongs was there, ready to intervene if anything went wrong. Don't hesitate to kick me with your hooves, Remus had repeated until James nodded.

Sirius could still feel his heart swell many nights later when he recalled the way the wolf had sniffed the air, looked around and then playfully rolled around in the grass. They had only walked a short way around the Forest, before making their way back into the Shack, but everything had been very easy and they had happily thought about all the places they could go to the following month.

But this time was different; they could all tell right away. Even the tunnel looked different. If it had appeared rather welcoming the previous month, tonight it was gloomy and cold. Not the nicest last thing to see before coming face to face with a werewolf... Peter squeaked and backed off behind James' heels. The latter had not transformed back into a stag and was listening intensely.

"Sirius, wait!" James said. The dog had almost reached the trapdoor and looked at him, cocking his head to the side and growling. He sighed. "For Merlin's sake, I can't talk to you when you're a dog! You can change too, Peter."

Two seconds later, Sirius walked towards them. "What?"

The only light was coming from the trap door, but the full moon was so bright that night that they could distinguish each other well enough. However, he would not have needed his dog-vision to see the doubt painted all over his friends' faces.

"What?" he repeated, sounding a lot more exasperated than when they had left the castle. "Come on, guys, he's waiting!"

"Sirius, I'm not sure we should go in there..."

"Why not?"

A blood curling scream made them all freeze. Sirius and James' heads instinctively turned towards the trap door as Peter took a few steps towards the entrance of the tunnel.

"That's why not..."

Sirius shrugged, turned around and ran back towards the trapdoor, but James grabbed his arm. "We can't go in there."

"We have to!"

"J-J-J-James is...right," Peter stuttered. "And R-R-Remus said so too... We don't have to...to go..."

"Something's not right this time, Sirius. You know that if any of us gets hurt, he'll stop us coming here altogether. He warned us, remember?"

Sirius clenched his fists. "So, because his screams sound different, you're ready to chicken out and leave him on his own, when we had the proof last time that what we did helped him?"

"Don't you dare call me a chicken, Sirius!" James said, doing his best to keep his voice down. "I just don't want anything dangerous to happen!"

"He needs us!"

"I know he does, but Sirius, come back down to earth! What can a dog, a stag and a rat do against a wolf out of control?!"

James took his friend by the arm and pulled him back towards the entrance.

"It worked last time," Sirius whispered, looking down.

"I was there, remember? I know it worked. But Sirius, what if...what if he had just been unusually calm and--"

"He? How do you dare say that, how can you say that?!" Sirius shouted, yanking his arm away. "You know it's not Remus anymore when the wolf takes over!"

James sighed. "Look, don't make it sound like I haven't thought this through, because I have, OK? But all can think about right now is Remus telling us to get out if things looked out of control; those were his exact words! You were there. And right now, forgive me but I don't like the sound of this. I'm telling you, if we go up now, the wolf will rip us apart..."

"Well, if you're going to give up in front of every small hurdle you encounter, I don't know why you agreed to do this in the first place!" Sirius shouted.

"Shhh, he'll hear you if you don't keep your voice down..."

"Great! Let him hear me!" he said even louder, taking another few steps towards the trap door. "I'm here, Remus! I'm coming to help you!"

"This is madness..." said James, shaking his head. "I don't want to be part of this. Peter, I think we should go back," he added, turning towards his friend. "You can do whatever you want, Sirius, but if they find you half-dead by his side tomorrow, you'll have to explain."

James was sincerely hoping that this last argument would make Sirius change his mind, but when the latter replied, "Fine, see you tomorrow," he sighed and walked away.

Sirius cursed them silently but he did spare them a glance. After an extremely brief debate with himself, he took a deep breath and transformed again. A few seconds later, he jumped through the trapdoor and ran up the stairs.

Remus was still screaming. James was right; something was very wrong. By this time, Remus had always transformed and it was only the wolf's howls they could hear. But right now, he could still hear Remus' voice, and the piercing screams were full of pain. Could he really think about turning around, going back to the warmth of Gryffindor Tower and leaving his friend without at least checking on him? No, he could not. It was as simple as that.

He ran down the now almost familiar corridor, looking for his friend. Remus tried to change rooms every time to make sure that some of the furniture in them would remain intact. This time, he was right at the end of the corridor; the only door that had been pushed shut. Padfoot stood in front of it, not daring to open it right away. But when he heard a loud crash and another blood-freezing scream, he gathered his courage, reared up on his hind legs, pushed the door open and tiptoed in, making sure not to go too far.

Remus was on the floor, right in the middle of the room, bathed in moonlight. Sirius had been right, he had not transformed yet and his body was madly twitching on the floor, as though he was having a fit. His hair was dishevelled; his clothes torn in several places; his limbs looked as though they were in the process of shrinking; and the soft down of blondish hair covering them was slowly being replaced by dark fur. And his hands... Sirius could not keep his eyes off them. His long and slender hands were hideously deformed, the fingers much shorter and thicker than usual, hard nails growing out of the fingertips as they gradually transformed into claws. Sirius thought he might be sick when he heard the noise of bones and joints cracking, but for Remus' sake, he stayed where he was.

Suddenly, Remus jerked and fell flat on his back, his hands imploringly held out towards the moon outside. The sounds coming out of his friend's mouth were unbearable and Padfoot lay his head flat on the floor, covering his ears with his paws, but he could still hear them.

Remus rolled over and crawled towards the window, supporting himself on the windowsill. "Go away!" he suddenly shouted, his eyes filled with tears of anger glaring at the silver orb. "Leave me alone; I've had enough of this!" His legs gave way and he fell on the floor again with a loud thud.

Even though his inner voice was screaming against it with all its might, Padfoot changed into a human again and slowly crept towards Remus. The floor was dirty, gritty and splintery so he had to watch where to put his hands down, but that was the last thing on his mind. The boy was still in control; Sirius knew it. It was him that had spoken; the wolf had lost for a second or two and retreated into the dark corner of Remus' body in which he hid for the rest of the month. Maybe, if he could focus on Sirius, maybe...

"Remus?" he whispered, trying his best to steady his voice.

He was answered with louder groans and moans, but still crawled closer along Remus' body, until his face was level with that of the other boy.

"Remus? Can you hear me? It's me, Sirius... Remus, open your eyes."

He sank his teeth into the tender skin of his bottom lip when Remus' body gave another terrible jolt. In the hope that he might stop him convulsing, he grabbed Remus by the shoulders and tried to hold him down. But the boy's strength had started to multiply, and all Sirius did was getting his arm lightly scratched by his friend's growing nails. The wound was not deep enough to bleed, but Sirius gasped and held his arm.

"Remus!"

Suddenly, his friend's eyes opened, focusing on him, and he immediately saw his brow furrow. "Sirius...?" Remus whispered, his voice hoarse from too much screaming. "Wh--What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't leave you on your own. You were making terrible noises... What's happening to you, mate? Why haven't you changed?"

"Get away from me!" Remus suddenly shrieked, forcing himself to get on his hands and knees and crawl away from his friends. "If you want to live, go, just go..." he moaned.

"I swore I wouldn't..."

"You're making it worse..." Remus said between gritted teeth.

"But--"

"GO!"

Remus collapsed on the floor once more, and when Sirius crawled towards him, he understood that the boy had finally surrendered, letting the wolf take over. In a split second, Sirius changed into a dog and leapt back. But he remained in the room, hoping the wolf would remember him from the previous month; hoping it had not just been a one-of.

After a few horrible minutes, once the transformation was complete, the wolf stood on its four legs. Padfoot let out a small yelp and took a few more steps back. The wolf was staring at him, and Padfoot realised with horror that he had somehow managed to put the beast between him and the door. No matter how quick and agile he may have been, he knew the wolf would easily get him if he tried to escape. If only James had not chickened out... Prongs was taller than both of them and it was always nice to know he was around to help, just in case. What can a dog, a stag and a rat do against a wolf out of control? So what could a dog, all on its own, hope to do?

Show him you're not afraid.

He was afraid, very afraid, but he knew that showing any sign of weakness could mean the end of him. The wolf standing in front of him was close to twice his size. He shook his head and barked as bravely as he could. But it was not good enough and i had sounded more like an odd mix between a bark and a frightened yelp. If he had been face to face with a human, he knew he would have been laughed at. But the wolf did not laugh. It did not move either. It remained where it was, completely still, with its piercing yellow eyes locked on Padfoot, breathing loudly. The breathing gradually turned into growling, and Padfoot's eyes widened when he saw the snout scrunching up and the menacing razor-like teeth appearing. Panicking, he mimicked the wolf's gestures, uncovering his teeth and barking a lot more violently this time. The wolf responded.

And then it suddenly hit him. Although he could take the shape of a dog, he did not have its animal mind. What he had just done was similar to pointing a wand at another wizard and whispering the beginning of an incantation. He had only meant to show the wolf that he was not afraid, but he had been displaying obvious signs of hostility, as though he was going to attack.

And now the wolf was ready to do just the same. It had crouched down a little, every muscle in its body tense, ready to jump. When it eventually leapt forward, Padfoot only very narrowly avoided it by jumping to the side. The same thing happened three of four times, until they started scratching and biting each other. Sirius did not want to hurt the wolf, because it really was Remus, but his inner voice kept reminding him that he would be slaughtered if he did nothing. So he tried his best to concentrate on the legs or the back and stay well away of the face. He got slashed a few times on the back by the wolf's claws, but it was never too serious, and he retaliated every time. It gradually turned into a rather playful fight, each of them nibbling at the other's skin without causing much damage, like the ones they had the previous month, when they had allowed the wolf to get out of the Shack.

Just when Padfoot was getting confident that the wolf had indeed remembered him, it suddenly growled menacingly and sent him to the other side of the room with one swipe of its massive paws. He hit the wall and collapsed on the floor with a yelp. Not understanding what had just happened, he got up, his entire body shaking from the shock. Fixing his eyes on the beast again, his heart started racing and he felt the dog equivalent of cold sweat, but he gathered his courage and trotted back towards the wolf. After only a few seconds, he was greeted by the same gesture. The second blow was harder, and standing up on his four legs again was much more difficult than before. He could not understand what had brought such a change in the wolf's behaviour but he was unwilling to admit defeat. The third time, the wolf had enough of him and hit him a lot harder, sending Padfoot's body over the old tattered couch. He crashed into the cabinet behind it before hitting the floor with a loud thud, unconscious. The cabinet rocked, dropping all its content on his back and finally collapsed against the couch, somehow hiding him from the reach of the wolf, which had no one to play with now.

* * *

When Sirius opened his eyes again, he was not Padfoot anymore. He knew immediately when he felt locks of hair against his face, obstructing his vision. He could hardly move, because of the angle the cabinet had formed when it had fallen on the couch, but he managed to squeeze himself out of there, careful not to scrape against anything too sharp. The sun was up, but just so, and he had no precise way to tell what time it was. Five o'clock, maybe. He got up, cautiously, and only let go of the couch when he was sure his legs would not give way.

Then he saw Remus.

The other boy was curled up at the opposite side of the room and the sunlight cast and odd and very dark shadow on the floor next to him. The room felt extremely cold and Sirius shivered, looking round for something he could use to cover himself and Remus. His eyes fell on what must have been old curtains, now reduced to vulgar pieces of cloth by the claws of the wolf. He found one piece big enough for him and threw it around his shoulders. He still felt cold, but at least it was a start. When he found another one just as big, he walked towards Remus. But he froze after two steps and gasped.

"Remus?!"

What he had mistaken for a shadow cast on the old floor boards was in fact a puddle of blood under his friend's body. Feeling as though he might be sick, he turned around and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths in. After a few seconds, he slowly walked towards Remus and knelt down beside him, not knowing what to do. Very cautiously, he held his friend by the shoulders and slowly made him roll over, so he could see his face. It was not a pretty sight. There were several ugly-looking gashes on his forehead and cheeks, and his torso and arms were a lot worse. A particularly deep one ran along the side of his neck, and for a second or two, Sirius thought it might have sectioned an important artery, hence the amount of blood lost. They had never seen Remus right after the transformations; only after Madam Pomfrey had cleaned him up. And now he wished he never had... Remus' skin felt so cold against his fingertips that Sirius really feared the worst for a moment, but then the other boy moaned.

Sirius let out a huge sigh of relief and ran back towards the window to pick up the rest of the rags. He used some of them to wipe the blood on his friend's body, having to stop every minute or so to make sure he would not pass out at the sight of the gashes in the tender flesh. Once Remus was relatively clean, Sirius dragged him away from the blood, towards the window, where the first rays of sun might warm him up later on, and did his best to wrap the biggest piece of cloth around him. It was a freezing morning for April and although he could not actually tell whether the wounds were worse than usual, he did not want his friend to die of cold before the nurse came to take him to the Hospital Wing.

Sirius gasped and looked up. What if she suddenly came in and discovered him there? He would be in for a rough time, he knew it. But could he abandon Remus for fear of detention, or even expulsion, if it came to that? His mother would surely kill him if such a thing happened, but at that particular moment it seemed rather trivial compared to worrying about whether Remus was going to survive or not.

Sirius gasped again when his friend let out a long and agonising moan. "Remus? Can you hear me, mate?" he gently asked, sitting down and wrapping the piece of cloth tighter around Remus' chest to keep him warm.

Remus did not say anything, but he responded to the touch and nuzzled against Sirius' chest, like a baby against his mother's womb. Sirius looked down and smiled for a second. What a sight it must have been! If he felt embarrassed at first, that feeling gradually gave way to another one much stronger, which made him wrap his arms around Remus and hold him close. The other boy's skin felt very cold but soon he could swear that it got slightly warmer against his chest.

He shifted, leaning back against the wall to make Remus lie across his own body. There was one large piece of cloth left, which he managed to wrap around both of them, in an attempt to trap their body heat. Their chests were in immediate contact and all Sirius wanted was to feel the warmth spread from his body to his friend's. But it was not working, and after a few minutes he could feel Remus shivering in his arms again. He tried rubbing his back and arms, but more than once he made the other boy wince, so he gave up. He was feeling outright frustrated. Remus' skin was not getting warmer, he was moaning more and more often but his voice was becoming increasingly quieter. And his teeth were chattering, which proved to be a noise Sirius could not stand for very long at all. He tried everything he could think of, but it all seemed in vain. So he decided to talk to him again.

"Hey, Remus, can you hear me?"

Remus did not reply. His lips had started to turn blue.

"Hang on, mate. You can't...die on me!" he said, feeling his throat tighten at the mere thought of it. "You've been through worse than that, I'm sure... Hang on, Remus, please..."

Remus let out another moan and tried to nuzzle closer to Sirius' chest.

"Remus, talk to me! I know you're cold, I know you tired, and I know you're hurt... But you've got to stay awake! Madam Pomfrey will soon come to get you, but for the moment it's just me, so you've got to talk to me, OK?"

Gently, he dared to let the tip of his fingers run along the soft lines of Remus' face, making sure to avoid the gashes. It did not mean anything; he just wanted to let his friend know that he was there, right there. Gradually, he even let his fingers run through the dirty blond hair, realising that it was something he had wanted to do for a long time. He had more than once stared at Remus' hair, which colour was so different from his own, and wondered what it felt like. Hair came in so many textures; his own, like James', was rather thick and untamed; Peter was much thinner; Snivellus was flat and greasy... As it was, Remus' was just what he had imagined: rather thick and soft against his fingertips.

Remus moaned louder and opened his eyes ever so slightly. "S--Sirius?"

Sirius smiled. "Hey, mate..."

"What are you...d-doing here?" he murmured, his breathing sounding heavy.

"I'm here to look after you."

"Poppy... If she...f-f-finds you..."

"We'll worry about that later, OK?" said Sirius, holding Remus even closer than before. "How are you feeling?"

"Cold."

"I know. I'm trying my best, mate, but nothing seems to warm you up. If only I had my wand, I could light a fire... Maybe I should try to see if I find anything to help in the house?"

"No! Don't go..." Remus begged, his blood-covered fingers grabbing the piece of cloth wrapped around them. His voice was barely more than a whisper, but it sounded so miserable and full of plea that Sirius could not have seriously considered going. "Don't go... Please don't go..."

"I won't, I promise. But you've got to stay awake, OK?"

"OK..."

"Keep your eyes open, come on, mate!"

But Remus had already closed his eyes, and his grip on the piece of cloth loosened. Sirius shook him a bit.

"Remus! You've got stay awake! Stay with me, Remus! Remus!"

Sirius shook him again, but Remus did not react.

"Oh please no, no, don't leave me, Remus... You can't die. Not here, not now... We're only fifteen, for Merlin's sake! Besides, what would the Marauders become without Moony, eh? You've got to fight, Remus!" he shouted, shaking his friend's limp body. His throat tightened and he felt a burning sensation in the corner of his eyes, which he tried very hard to ignore. "Remus, please..."

He stared at his friend's strangely calm face. He let his fingers wander on it once more, tracing the contour of Remus' eyebrows, nose, mouth... He could not bear to see the eyes shut. They had to be open. He wanted those golden-brown suns to look back at him with a sparkle in them as the lips stretched into a smile; the way Remus always looked at him. He had to keep Remus awake, no matter what it took. But he was running out of ideas, and nothing he had done so far seemed to have any effect whatsoever.

"You can't leave us, Moony," he said as calmly as he could manage, stroking the part of Remus' forehead that was not hurt. "You can't leave me... I...I know James would feel jealous if he heard this, because I've known him for longer than I've known you, but you're special, Remus. You're not like everybody else. And I...I don't know how to explain it," he said in a barely audible whisper, looking away, "but there's just something about you that makes you stand out. I know you always feel like you're invisible and no one notices you, but to me there's no one like you. And if...if I didn't have this in my life anymore, I...I'm not sure I could stand it. You heard me, Remus? I...I need you to stay, OK?"

His eyes returned to his friend and he was surprised to meet Remus' gaze. True, he could barely see the pupils behind the half-shut eyelids, but at least they were opened now. And they were staring at him, just the way he had wanted them to, even though there was no smile to go with them. Remus' breathing was laboured and irregular.

"I...don't w-want to go...either..." he said, his voice broken with tears.

"So stay with me, mate, OK? I'll look after you. I'll even stay until Madam Pomfrey gets here if I have to; I don't care. I'll explain everything to her, and I'm sure she'll understand that I couldn't leave you on your own..."

"I'm scared, Sirius..."

"Me too, but you'll be alright, you'll see."

"I'm so c-c-cold..." Remus whispered, doing his best to stop his teeth from chattering too much. "I can't f-f-feel...my legs...or my stomach..."

"What if I tried to take you to the Hospital Wing? I don't know what time it is; you might have to wait for another hour like this."

"No! I can't move... You can't...c-c-carry me... It hurts..."

Sirius moved his left arm under Remus' neck to support his friend's head. "Hang in there, Remus, you'll be alright."

"I feel so tired..."

"No you can't sleep, Remus. Talk to me; keep talking to me!"

Remus closed his eyes again and Sirius reached for his friend's face, desperate for any form of contact that might keep him awake.

He could not get used to the pale cheeks. He did not want to get used to them. The mere idea of it made the blood race in his veins. This could not be; it simply could not be! He wanted to see those cheeks to redden again ever so slightly when Remus was embarrassed. He caressed the one that had not been slashed by the claws. The skin was so cold, and yet so soft, due to the smooth blond down that covered it. He desperately wanted them to be warm again. He wanted the lips to turn back to pink, instead of that horrible shade of blue they were now. He wanted them to part, uncovering the pink gums and the white teeth as a soft laugh came out of Remus' mouth. He wanted them to turn a darker shade of pink when Remus bit them when he was feeling nervous. He wanted them to be sticky because of the sugar quill Remus had just eaten.

He wanted to kiss them.

He froze as that thought dawned on him. Had he really thought that? Yes, he had. Because he had been staring at those lips for the last few seconds, and had indeed felt the sudden urge to kiss them. And no matter what his brain might be screaming at that moment, it might be the only chance he would ever have, and that was all he cared about right now.

He gazed at his friend more intensely. If Remus opened his eyes again, he would not have to worry about stupid things like kissing him anymore. "Remus, wake up," he said tentatively, and yet not trying too hard.

Because, if Remus did open his eyes, then there was no way he would be able to kiss him at all. And he really wanted to. Taking his chance, he lowered his head toward Remus' and closed his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly for the few seconds it took before their lips touched, scared of seeing the open flesh from up close and being put off. He had almost expected to receive some kind of electric shock, to prove to him that what he was doing was very wrong indeed. But all he felt for the few seconds that it lasted was Remus' soft but cold lips. They were so cold... Surely, if he pressed his on them for long enough, they would eventually get warmer, right? He planted another kiss on Remus' lips, imagining that they were not in the Shack on a freezing morning, but outside on the grounds, and they were bathed in sunlight, and it made Remus' hair and eyes glow. Once or twice, he even tried to picture himself kissing a girlfriend on the same grounds, in the exact same setting, but it did not work. It felt wrong and, somehow, he would always return to the image of Remus' face.

He gasped again. Remus' hand had grabbed the piece of cloth again. His eyes were slightly open and his brow furrowed, but he was not saying anything. Sirius stared back at him. His hand had not left his friend's cheek for the whole time, and he felt as though there was no way he could move it away now.

"Stay with me, Remus..." he whispered.

He moved his face closer to his friend's once more, ready to plant another shy kiss on Remus' lips, but he changed his mind halfway through. When their lips touched, the kiss turned into a much hungrier one than before. It was a real kiss, and he meant it. Maybe more than any other kiss he had given before. And when he was about to withdraw his lips again, he decided to leave them where they were, because, really, it was much nicer and felt so right; so much better than on their own.

And the magic happened when Remus responded to the kiss, a few seconds later. Slowly, very slowly, his lips parted to welcome Sirius in, and the latter even felt his friend's neck stretching upwards ever so slightly to meet him. Their tongues tangled shortly afterwards, and to both of them it felt as though this was the most tender kiss they had received; the most tender and perfect one they would ever receive.

Careful not to hurt him, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus again and brought him closer, as close to him as possible, both boys losing themselves in what seemed to them the most meaningful embrace of their lives so far.