All I Want For Christmas

12 Grimmauld Place, London

December 24^th, 1996.

Remus Lupin was lying awake in bed, on his back with his arms folded under his pillow. It was nearly midnight and he had not managed to shut his eyes for a single minute. He thought everybody around him must have been asleep and it was driving him crazy to know that he surely was the only one still awake. Molly had made them a nice dinner for Christmas Eve, but the real feast would be the following day, when Harry and Ron would come from Hogwarts on the Knight Bus and join them. Hermione had been invited as well, but she had already made plans with her parents long before that.

Remus was happy at the thought of seeing Harry again and giving him his present. He had come across it completely unexpectedly some time in October, while cleaning. He did not even know that Sirius had kept it. It was a diary that he had had while they were at Hogwarts. It was a gift from Remus, in their sixth year. He had not read it entirely to check its content, but he knew that Harry would be happy to have it. And if there happened to be any mention of him in a more-than-friendly way that might prompt questions from Harry, then maybe it would finally lead Remus to tell him all about the real Padfoot and Moony...

He shifted and rolled over to his side, bringing the blanket and sheets up to his chin. Apart from Mundungus snoring in his room somewhere on the right, he could not hear anything. For a few seconds, his eyes remained locked on the ceiling, as though they were somehow trying to see through it. There was no one in that room; there had been no one for the last couple of months. If Remus had finally managed to detach himself from it, he had objected to anyone else moving in. Everything had been left as it was and the door had been boarded up.

He squeezed his eyes shut in order to stop thinking about it and waited for several minutes, hoping sleep would finally come to him if he remained completely still. But his mind had decided not to let him rest. He turned over again, hiding his head under the blanket, and in a desperate attempt, even under the pillow. But nothing would do, so he rolled on his back again.

"This is insane," he said aloud with a sigh.

Reluctantly, he flung the blanket to the side and got up. Less than a minute later, he had put his dressing gown and slippers on, and had stepped into the corridor. His steps automatically took him down the stairs and into the kitchen. Only then did he really start wondering what he was doing. He stared at the room around him for a minute, then chucked and shook his head. Not even trying to stop himself, he opened several cupboards and put a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the table. With another chuckle, he placed them on the corner closest to the fireplace and sat down on the nearest chair. He drew out his wand and lit the fire, knowing very well that he did not have to worry about anyone coming down the chimney. Before long, his eyes were locked on the dancing flames and his mind wandered away. He did not hear the door opening.

"Who's down here?"

He turned around in a flash. "Molly!"

"Remus? What are you doing here?"

But before he had time to say anything, her eyes fell on the corner of the table. Remus saw her lips slowly forming an O and he blushed in anticipation, but she stopped and gave him a warm motherly smile. As though he felt the need to justify himself, he started speaking.

"The first year after we left Hogwarts," he said as he stared at the floor, "I surprised Sirius in the exact same situation on Christmas eve... Not that he believed in Santa Claus anymore," he added with a slight chuckle, bringing a smile on her lips. "You see, he had always done so and --"

"Remus, I have raised seven children, so believe me when I say I know what you're talking about...And believe it or not, but all my boys sat and feel asleep in front of the fireplace with Ginny when she was younger!"

He chuckled again and looked straight at her. "I miss him so much..."

"I know," she said, sitting down beside him. "And I also know that there's probably nothing I can say that might make you feel better right now. But if you need to talk to anyone, Remus," she added, seizing his hand, "I will always be here to listen."

"Thank you, Molly. There's just so much I would like to get out of my chest that I wouldn't really know where to start..."

"And believe me when I say that we all miss him. It is true that him and I had many fights, but it doesn't mean that --"

"I know," he interrupted with a gentle smile, squeezing her hand. "He liked you as well."

They smiled at each other and watched the fire for a few minutes, and then Molly spoke again.

"Right, I'd better get back to bed, or I won't have any energy tomorrow! Make sure you get a few hours of sleep, Remus."

"Yes, I will. Goodnight, Molly."

After she left, Remus went back to contemplating the flames. He sighed, rested his elbow on the table and his head on his hand. After a while, his eyes wandered towards the table again. He looked at the cookies and the glass of milk, smiling.

"I can't believe I was that stupid..."

He shook his head, grabbing the plate and the glass, and had a bite as well as a sip, before returning to the fire. He could not have said for how long he sat there on his own, holding the glass in his hands. But after a while, he noticed a change in the fire. The flames became bigger and gradually lost their wonderful warm colours. The temperature suddenly dropped and the fire started producing a lot more smoke. Remus' eyes widened as a streak of smoke slithered its way out of the fireplace and towards him. A beautiful smile then stretched his lips when the face of a seventeen-year-old boy materialised in front of him.

"I thought you would enjoy it," it said.

"Hello, Sirius."

"But you know, I'm not sure Santa would be happy to discover that you've been nibbling at his snack..."

Remus' eyes followed Sirius' gaze towards the cookies.

"Oh..."

"So anyway, how are you doing?" ghost-Sirius asked.

"OK, I suppose. But I miss you so much... You know, I've actually told myself many times that I'd give everything I own if I could have you back for Christmas. I know it's a completely pointless wish but --"

"It's the thought that counts," said Sirius with a gorgeous grin. "Merry Christmas, Moony."

"Merry Christmas to you too, my dear Padfoot. So are you going to come back and haunt me like this regularly?"

Before the ghost had time to reply, Remus heard the noise of glass shattering on the floor and he jumped on his chair. When he looked down, he realised that he had dropped his glass, and when he glanced at the fire, the flames were as vivid as ever.

"Well, at least I was actually dreaming this time..." he said, bending down to pick up the shards.

~ FINITE INCANTATUM ~