Somewhere Only We Know

Remus wandered slowly through the Forbidden Forest, gazing at the trees around him and remembering the times when he and the other Marauders had ventured through here, both in human and animal form. He was only half-seeing as he stepped over a fallen log and continued on his way.

He knew it wasn't entirely safe to be here, but it was quiet and full of the memories he half- longed for, and half- wanted to lock up in his mind forever.

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

The forest had been a hideaway for him, as well as for his friends, when they had been at school. They were young, adventurous, and carefree. He sometimes thought that perhaps it was those characteristics that had lead his best friends to their fates.

But he always shook that troublesome thought away. Peter wasn't even someone he considered a former friend at this point. James had met his fate under circumstances beyond his control, he remembered with a pang of emptiness in his chest.

And Sirius... Sirius had been the one to introduce him to the others, to make him feel at home at Hogwarts. He died trying to save his godson. That wasn't any characteristic from when they were children, that was love and sacrifice.

I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

He kept walking, until he reached a saddeningly familiar spot. It was a small clearing, a little overgrown now, with the trees closing in. But it brought back the memories of being younger, coming to this spot to plot new pranks, practice charms, and a favorite spot of theirs to come to as animals, chasing each other around the boundaries of their clearing.

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

He stood at the edge of the clearing and stared wistfully around, his body in the present but his mind in the past.

He remembered when he was a newcomer to this group of friends, and was invited along on a 'little adventure', as James had worded it. That was the day they'd found this clearing and dubbed it the official place of their friendship.

He remembered James and Sirius attempting to teach him a new charm they'd invented, only to have it backfire quite literally in their faces. It took weeks for their eyebrows to grow back.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me

He remembered when James had told them that Lily had finally agreed to go out with him, and Remus could still recall quite vividly the look of apprehension on his friend's face as they discussed what he could do to make sure nothing went wrong.

He remembered all the times Sirius told them about the new girl he was head-over-heels in love with, only to have that girl be cast aside about once a month when Sirius met someone new.

And he remembered the day James brought them down here and told them, seriously, that he was considering marrying Lily soon after school.

Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

He crossed the clearing slowly and his gaze fell on the four large rocks they'd dragged here when they were in second year, still arranged in their lopsided circle. In third year, they'd carefully etched their names into each one, marking their spot in the circle.

He ran his fingers over the neat, carefully carved 'Remus' in the rock nearest him. He moved over to the spikier carving 'Sirius' on the next rock, remembering how Sirius had been excited that this idea was his own, and as he gazed, he could almost see Sirius' form bending over the rock with his beloved little knife and working quickly.

Then, he moved to the, admittedly slight larger, rock that was James'. Almost surprisingly, James had had neat writing, and his fingers traced slowly over the cursive 'James' engraved in the center.

Last was Peter's rock. As much as he now loathed him, he was reminded of the small, pudgy boy who had carved 'Peter' here so many years ago.

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

With a sudden feeling of overwhelming heartache, Remus felt his knees unable to hold him up, and he sank down on the ground with his head in his hands.

After sitting quietly for some unmeasured amount of time, he gave a shuddering breath and leaned against one of the rocks, running a hand through his hair.

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?

Sometimes remembering was just too much. Once in a while, at times like this, he felt as if he wanted to rip out his heart so these memories could no longer cause him pain.

This could be the end of everything

And now, with the war rapidly approaching and the feeling of danger and fear in the air, he felt both a need to shut up these memories forever, as well as a need to relive them.

He gazed once more around the clearing, then he stood and, brushing leaves off his trousers, went slowly back to the edge of the trees.

He turned one last time to wave goodbye to this place, and as he did, he could have sworn he could see the faint outlines of four boys; a tall, thin one sitting on a rock and reading, two dark-haired ones dueling and dodging sparks from each other's wands, and a small, pudgy one building a card castle out of Exploding Snap cards.

So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

He smiled slightly and turned, walking back down the path out of the forest.