The Songfic Series: Rocky Road

Rocky Road

Chapter 6 -Imaginary

Though it was mid-March, a blizzard of snow could be seen dimly from inside the Great Hall. Ginny stared at the falling snow from the Gryffindor table and sighed. It should have stopped snowing by now, and yet there had been fierce storms all week. If Neville complained loudly about missing Herbology one more time, Ginny was going to hit him over the head with her copy of 101 Thing You Wish You Knew About Muggles. She had a feeling no one would be quick to stop her.

The fact that snow was still falling gave Ginny an odd feeling. Like it was constantly reminding her of winter, and all its cold and darkness. It made Ginny feel like throwing back the shutters and letting all the stale air out, to let new and fresh air come in. She sighed again, pulled her shawl closer around her, and went back to stirring her lukewarm cream of mushroom soup, her elbow on the table and her head resting on her other hand.

******

Harry stared at the falling snow from his seat by the common room fire and sighed. Normally he liked winter. In the months when the leaves were changing, winter held a sort of mystic surprise around it, promising fields of sparkling snow, warm nights of fireplaces and hot coco - and Christmas of course. But by now, Harry was sick of it. Winter had overstayed its welcome in his mind. It seemed to him that somehow, he was being punished for something. It made Harry feel like pinning a giant tarp up to every corner of the Earth to hold the snow back. He sighed again, got up and closed the window, and went back to drawing large spirals on what was supposed to be his Potions essay, his free arm propped on the table and his head in his hand.

******

Hermione looked out at the falling snow from underneath her shelter of a few lone trees from the Forbidden Forest and sighed. She felt so free and refreshed. She was overjoyed at the fact that it was still snowing. It seemed like someone somewhere was trying to cleanse the world for her, to transform it into a shimmering paradise. It made Hermione feel like running out from her shelter, throwing her arms out, and twirling about the grounds in hopes of being included in the beautiful cleansing magic. She sighed again, drew her scarf tighter around her neck and pushed her earmuffs down, and gazed smiling at the group of boys tumbling about in the snow. Her life was just about as close to perfect as she could imagine it. Hermione felt like she was living a dream. She was still "together" with Simon, and happier than she could ever remember. Her world was with Simon, and only Simon. Every now and then, she would do a little homework, or make small talk with the other Gryffindors. But now she spent most of her time with the Slytherins. Simon helped Hermione also discover her "true self". Her once radiant, bushy light brown hair was a dull, yet straight dark brown color, almost as deep a brown as her eyes, which were the only thing left of her unchanged. Someone who paid very close attention to Hermione would notice that each day, her skirts slowly got a bit shorter, while at the same time, certain areas of her shirt were getting a bit tighter. But it seemed like Hermione hadn't even acknowledged her change.

That night, when the common room had emptied and the fire was nearly dead, Harry and Ginny sat together in serious conference.

"I'm telling you, it's that Slytherin guy you let her spend lunch with!" said Harry at the loudest tone he could while still whispering.

"Don't blame me Harry, it won't solve this," Ginny calmly replied. Harry lay back in his chair and sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"I know, I know. It's just - I would kill myself to see Hermione get hurt. I don't want that to happen Gin." Ginny flinched slightly at the sound of her old nickname. Harry looked up at Ginny's eyes and found them jammed with emotion: fear, anger, sorrow, and something else... "But what can we do?" Ginny looked into his eyes, still shocked over what he had just said. She knew Harry didn't love Hermione...well, yes, he loved her, but not as a girlfriend. But yet it hurt to be reminded that there was someone else who mattered more to him than her, when she was once his world...Harry's eyes were now stern and serious, with the flickering of the fire reflected in his glasses. "Gin?" he asked, when she didn't reply.

"You haven't called me that in ages," Ginny whispered, barely audible to herself.

"What?" said Harry, cocking his head and moving closer to hear what she said. Ginny looked up and opened her mouth to ask him if he loved Hermione.

At that moment, Hermione came downstairs.

******

For a moment, she just stood there, staring at the two of them staring at her. But then, she regained her composure. "Trying to get a little bit of the old action Harry?" she said smoothly, crossing the room. Ginny swore she saw a vein pop on Harry's temple.

"Excuse me?" said Harry, standing up and resting his hand on the back of his chair. Ginny stood up as well.

"Well, why else would you be in the common room at the dead of night? On another note though, you're lucky I caught you at this point. It's always better to have a room. The next person walking down might not have been me," said Hermione, resting her hand on her hip and ginning at them.

It was the last straw for Harry. Forcefully, he pushed the chair over onto its side, causing Ginny to jump backwards and quickly cast a charm onto the hallway leading up to the bedrooms. Anyone in that direction would not be able to hear what was going on the common room. Harry held his arm straight out with his hand in the universal stop sign before swinging it around to point at Hermione, his finger inches from her nose. "I - HAVE - HAD IT WITH YOU!" she shouted, glaring with Hermione with so much force Ginny was afraid he would lose control and send her flying into a cabinet. "WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Hermione wrinkled her nose in what looked like disgust, if Ginny would let herself believe it.

"Ex-cuse me?" Hermione asked almost sarcastically. Ginny pushed Harry aside and confronted Hermione herself.

"He's right Hermione, you've changed. Your outfit, your appearance - your attitude. You don't even talk to us anymore! I know you've skipped a lesson at least twice, Blaise Zabini has become head of your class, and even though you spend nearly every meal in the library, you haven't passed in almost any of your homework in two months! Why Hermione, Why?" Ginny finished exhaling a breath. Hermione had crossed her arms during her 'speech', and glanced first at Harry, then and Ginny, then raised her eyebrows. Harry took the wheel again, so to speak. He grabbed Hermione by her shoulders.

"HERMIONE! WHAT THE HECK HIS WRONG WITH YOU?!" he shouted shaking her shoulders, his eyebrows knitted. Hermione stared at him for a second in shock, then turned and ran upstairs. Ginny noticed a faint shimmer in the doorway when Hermione ran through the sound barrier, but that was all. As she quietly and slowly walked upstairs to bed, she saw Harry collapse onto the couch. She passed through the barrier, knowing it would be awhile before he went to bed.

******

I linger in the doorway

Of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name

Hermione held her quill in a writing position on her desk in History of Magic the next day, thinking about what Harry had said. His words were echoing in her mind: What the heck is wrong with you?! Hermione felt like she had to ask herself the same question; what was wrong with her?

Let me stay

Where the wind will whisper to me

Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

It seemed like Harry had shaken her awake from a dream the night before. Part of her had always realized the monster she had become, but that part was locked away in another world, separated.

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

And yet, the other part of her was satisfied with this separation, it wanted to be 'bad'. Hermione sighed deeply, feeling as though her mind was at war.

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

She was somewhat at peace when she was locked up. She knew what was going on, she somewhat wanted to stop it, but never did. It reminded her of her childhood, when she would be watching the television when her mother would announce dinner was ready. Even though she would be extremely hungry (her parents only believed in healthy snacks), it was her favorite program she was watching, and she would stay there until her father would come in and shut the television off.

But her father wasn't here this time.

Don't say I'm out of touch

With this rampant chaos - your reality

I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge

The nightmare I built my own world to escape

As she gathered up her books to leave the classroom, her mind was churning with the rusted gears of her knowledge. Was this really what she wanted? Well, she wanted Simon, that was for sure. But she also wanted her friends back. One thing was certain; the television program was over, and now she was ready to go to dinner, metaphorically speaking.

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

She headed up, confused, to the common room. Once there, still pondering over her internal debate, she didn't even realize she had bumped into someone until she realized her books and papers were on the floor. "Oh, sorry," she said out of habit as she and the person bent to pick up their things. Hermione looked up and realized she had bumped into Lavender. She gave her a meek smile. To Hermione's surprise, Lavender drew a sharp breath, gathered her thing quickly, and walked across the room to her friends. Hermione finished picking up her things and headed up to her room. Sweet Lavender, she thought to herself. I wonder what happened to her? Suddenly, Harry's words echoed in her mind again. What the heck is wrong with you?! Oh God, thought Hermione. Am I really that bad?

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming

Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights

Hermione dropped her school things onto her unmade bed and walked over to the full-length mirror in her room that Parvati had made them install last Christmas. She ran her palms down her hair, pulled the front of her shirt together, and wiggled her skirt down, which was already resting on her lower hips. Nothing changed.

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

Tomorrow, she decided in a mental final sort of tone. Tomorrow I'll talk to Simon. I'll tell him I want to change back. He'll still love me. He loved me before I changed, he'll love me when I change back, she told herself firmly. Then, nodding once, she turned and made her bed. Sitting upon it, she did her homework.