Five Ways Harry Potter's Life Could Have Gone Terribly Awry

01. Kidnapped By Sirius Black As An Infant

"I tried ter bring him to you, Dumbledore, but Sirius Black was already there," said Hagrid. "His heart was broken and he was holdin' on ter little Harry like he had nothin' else left in the world. Even if I could have, I didn't have the heart ter try an' take Harry by force."

"Sirius Black!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall. "Professor, he's the child's godfather. Black may be a little wild, but don't you think James would have wanted Harry with him?"

"He was the Potter's Secret Keeper," said Professor Dumbledore. "There was no other way for Voldemort found out to have where James and Lily had gone into hiding. I'm afraid that young Harry is in grave danger."

"He just took off on that great flying motorcycle of his before I could tell him ter at least come and see you," said Hagrid, wringing his hands in frustration. "But if I'd known it was him who gave James an' Lily up to You-Know-Who I'd have done my best ter stop him."

"Ah, well," said Professor Dumbledore. "There was no way you could have known, Hagrid."

By the time they caught up with Sirius Black in London, it was too late. Peter Pettigrew and a dozen Muggles were dead, and Sirius Black had blasted his way through the Aurors who had come to take him to Azkaban. Eyewitnesses had said he cradled Harry in one arm, tears streaming down his face, as he knocked Mad-Eye Moody into a huge glass window before running away.

The next time they found Harry, he was five years old and living in squalor in a small flat in the States. He growled at them like the giant black dog that had apparently been his constant companion. Sirius Black was nowhere in sight; the only person little Harry let close was Professor McGonagall, and that was only when she was transformed into a cat and the dog had left the room. She'd just begun to earn his trust when the black dog came back and attacked her.

No one had known that Sirius Black was an Animagus, but by the time he and Professor McGonagall finished dueling and Black had been hauled off to Azkaban, there were already half a dozen urban legends floating around the wizarding world. Out of all the stories and half-truths, there were only a few sad facts that made it into the Daily Prophet over the years:

Harry Potter was a perfectly bright little boy who couldn't read and refused to learn, despite the fact that Professor Dumbledore was doing his best to teach the child.

His mother's family were Muggles who refused to take him in after he'd lived with a wizard for five years.

If he accidentally came upon Professor McGonagall, Harry would start screaming and try to attack her.

When he turned eleven and the time to enroll Harry in Hogwarts came, not a single wand in Ollivander's was right for him. "Such a shame, really," said Mr. Ollivander, shaking his head sadly. "Perhaps he simply wasn't meant to be a wizard."

After all, he'd never exhibited the least affinity for magic in all the years after Sirius had been arrested, and certainly not before they'd discovered where Sirius was hidden. If Harry had used magic even once, they'd have found him. After that, the wizarding world forgot about poor Harry. He may have been The Boy Who Lived, but he was also The Squib Who Lived. He'd survived Voldemort, but somehow lost his magic.

02. Just Like His Uncle Vernon and Cousin Dudley

"Oh, my handsome young men!" exclaimed Petunia, snapping another picture of Dudley and Harry in their Smeltings uniforms. "Vernon, you get right in there with them!" Petunia and Vernon had sworn to knock all that magic nonsense out of Lily's child when they took him in, and they'd made sure to smother him in decent, honest values, just like her precious Dudley had been.

"And just look how wonderful you both turned out!" said Vernon.

"All right, you two go and wash up now and we'll go to the zoo with Piers before we open everyone's birthday presents." Harry and Dudley both celebrated their birthdays on the same day. The boys broke away and raced up the stairs, shoving at each other with youthful high spirits.

Later that week, Harry was sorting through the post and pulled out a letter addressed to him. "What's this?" he demanded loudly. "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Is this some kind of a joke?" Petunia glanced at Vernon worriedly. If they hadn't managed to stamp out all that nonsense, if they'd been mistaken...

"Hogwarts?" yelled Dudley. "What's that? Let me see!" He reached out to grab the envelope, but Harry clouted him on the head and shoved him back into his chair.

"It's my letter, Dudley, shut up!" Harry shoved another cupcake into his mouth--whole, growing boys had such appetites--and spat crumbs all over as he read the letter out loud. "This is ridiculous!" exclaimed Harry. "What kind of a joke is this? Everyone knows there's no such thing as magic, and I'm going to bloody Smeltings just like Uncle Vernon did!"

Petunia and Vernon beamed at each other proudly. They'd managed to raise two good boys, despite that unfortunate taint Harry had inherited from her sister. "Give it here, Harry," said Vernon, holding out his hand. "I'll take care of it for you."

Harry crumpled up the note and threw it at Vernon, then shoved his chair back. "Come on, Dudley. I'll bet you I beat you at Super Jumbo Killer Death Match 2000 again!"