Letters

Letters by Harlette003

July 5

Dear Harry,

This is my first entry in my new diary. I am going to give you a faithful account of all that has happened since... since you died. Was it really only three days ago.

Did you know that it was me who found you? Did you know that everyone can't understand? But don't worry, I can.

I know what you did to defeat Voldemort. I know you had to give away a part of yourself to do it. I know you had to kill so many people. I know that you couldn't live with that.

I was surprised in a way, that you did not do it sooner. It took you six months for the guilt to finally catch up to you. But then, I suppose I pushed you over the edge, didn't I. Me trying to get you to move on when you weren't ready. I'm so sorry, Harry. Can you ever forgive me?

I remember I was going up to my room and I heard Hedwig going berserk upstairs. I went to Ron's room and found her flying around in frenzy out in the hall; smart bird, that one. The not you attached to her. I read it. I can still remember every word.

To all who are dear to me,

I hope you can understand what I am doing. I hope you can see that I cannot live with my guilt any longer. Perhaps I'm being selfish, maybe a little bit depressed; but I have to do this.

I have used a locking charm on Ron's door. Alohamora won't work on it. When the spell finally wears off, it will be because I'm no longer here.

Hermione, you have done so much for me over these last years. I couldn't have survived even my first year without you.

Ron, you're my first and best friend. Never forget that.

Ginny. I love you. I always will. Don't ever give up and don't ever give in. Most importantly, don't blame yourself.

None of you should blame yourselves. I did this for me.

I want you all to understand that I love you.

Love always and goodbye,

Harry.

You were right; you did do it for you. Did you even spare a thought for the rest of us? Did it occur to you that, not only would someone unwittingly find you dead in my brother's room, but that they might be scarred for life, that they might never recover from seeing you lying in a pool of blood with your wrists all slit open?

Well I saw you. I found you. I'm the one that's never going to recover.

So that's why I bought this diary; so I can tell you just how much I hate you for what you did. If it wasn't for Malfoy catching me as I left Ron's room, I probably would have thrown myself off the roof.

I'm crying. I can see the tears ruining the page. Isn't it funny how the word "tear" (to cry) and "tear" (to rip) are spelt the same? I just realised.

That's what you have done. You've torn my soul in two. Now I have to put myself back together again... and everyone knows it takes a lot more time to mend than it does to break.

Oh, Harry. You know, don't you? That I don't really hate you? I guess you do.

Your funeral is in an hour. I have to go.

I love you.

Until next time,

Ginny.

September 17

Dear Harry,

It's been two months since my last entry. I know that's horrible of me. But I just couldn't bring myself to write again. I didn't know what to say.

So much has happened. You know that Ron and Hermione were engaged. They got married two weeks ago and are living in London. Fred and George are back at the joke shop and Bill and Fleur are holed up quite happily in Derbyshire. Percy and Penny are still living in London, but we see them all the time. Charlie got transferred to Ireland. He's really happy... and I think he's dating a girl called Ella. That leaves only me at home. Mum and Dad are here of course.

You know that Draco (yes, we now all call him by his first name) lives here now... since he has nowhere else to go. He refuses to even think about visiting Malfoy Manor. The idea seems to sicken him. I think it encompasses everything he tried to get away from; his father, the Death Eaters, Snape, all of that.

It's been good though. He helps out around the house... does odd jobs and all the stuff dad can't do anymore because of his back. It turns out that once mum showed him the ropes, he has a knack for cooking. Mum actually lets him help her. She seems to love having her around; just helps to fill up the house I guess.

You never would have known it at school, what our family would turn out like. Neville (who turns out to be quite a good friend to Draco) and Luna are around practically every few days; we see quite a bit of Remus and Tonks; even Professor McGonagall (oops, I'm supposed to call her Minerva) is around generally once a fortnight. It's a little eclectic really. But I like it...

I still wish you were here. I miss you every day. I just know that you would love our family just as much as I do.

I'll write again soon,

Ginny.

January 6

Dear Harry,

I'm so sorry. I haven't written in almost four months and it can't be at a worse time. I feel like I've betrayed you.

Draco kissed me this afternoon. We were sitting in the garden talking about Fred and Angelina's wedding (it was yesterday) and he sort of just... kissed me.

Oh Harry, I'm so, so sorry.

From Ginny.

February 29

Dear Harry,

This will be my last entry. A pitiful attempt at a diary if I do say so myself; only four entries over a year and a half.

I am writing now to end this chapter of my life. I cannot move on while I am feeling guilty about not writing you.

Twenty minutes ago Draco asked me to marry him. I said that I had to think for a moment and then I realised I have to do something before I can say yes. I have to stop this diary and move on. I have to let you go.

I love you Harry. Never forget that. I will always love you. Don't misunderstand me though. I love Draco with all I have to give. There will always be a place in my heart for you... but I need to allow my heart to be given wholly to Draco. I know that by ending this diary I shall finally be free to love him unconditionally, the way I know I can.

And so I say goodbye, Harry. For the final time, I say goodbye.

Goodbye,

Ginny.

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