Better Than Nothing

The day he got married was a turning point in my life.

I know, you would think that it would be a turning point in his life, and I'm sure it was, but it was almost more so for me.

I was able to pretend that it wasn't happening - up until he said those two fateful words: "I do."

He wasn't saying them to me.

I don't know why I expected it, though. It wasn't like we'd ever made a commitment to each other. We were friends, that's all. Nothing more.

At least, that's what I kept telling myself. That's why I waited so long.

Too long.

In my defense, it was a difficult decision to make. They were my best friends, I loved them both. How could I ever choose between them?

In the end, I didn't really choose. They chose for me.

It had always been the three of us, from the very beginning. We were the Golden Trio. We were a team. It had always been that way, and I was perfectly content to let it be. Why did it have to change?

I suppose it was selfish of me to want them both for myself. I should have known that it was impossible, that eventually they would leave me. I should have chosen sooner.

But by the time I realized it, the decision had been taken out of my hands.

I watched in envy and heartbreak as they both began seeing other girls. Girls who were pretty, funny, and charming. Girls who were all the things I never even dreamed of being. Girls who took away the two most important people in my life.

I didn't really have anything against those girls. They were very nice - I liked them - but they were trespassers. Intruders into my perfectly constructed circle. How dare they come and destroy everything I loved, everything I had worked so hard for?

I never found it easy to make friends, so I cherished the ones I did have. Especially my boys. They were everything to me. They were the reason I woke up in the morning. They were the reason I kept going on the days when all I wanted to do was give up.

And suddenly, they were gone.

Oh sure, physically they were around. But emotionally, mentally, they were elsewhere. Not with me.

At that point, I would have been happy if only one of them had chosen to stay with me.

But neither one did. I was left behind.

I had become superfluous. Unnecessary. Unwanted.

And instead of fighting for what I wanted, I retreated in the heat of the battle. I let my fear take over and I convinced myself that I was better off without them.

Well, almost convinced myself.

No matter how much I tried, I couldn't deny it. I loved them both so much. They were my life, my breath. I needed them, and I knew they needed me. So I summoned up the remains of my valor and determined to get them back into my life. They were a part of me, and living without them was like living with a section of my heart missing - completely impossible.

I tried everything short of sabotage. I refused to be vengeful, but I would be purposeful. I exhausted every venue, every possible idea that came into my mind.

But it was over. I had lost.

The day Ron got married was the turning point. I realized that part of what I loved was gone - what was the point of trying to maintain my grip on the other part any longer? I had nothing. I was defeated. Defeated by love.

The irony did not escape me.

So, after watching my best friend and his bride exchange their vows, I said a tearful goodbye to Harry and walked away.

He didn't let me.

"Hermione, wait."

Wasn't one goodbye enough? Now he wanted another?

"What is it, Harry?"

"I need to ask you something."

Why did he have to make this harder? Why couldn't he just let me walk away?

"Harry, I have to go..."

"It's important. Please, Hermione."

I would have given anything to avoid this prolonged agony. But I couldn't deny him anything.

"Alright, Harry."

He reached out and wiped a tear from my cheek.

"I've missed having you around."

I'd missed him too, but I couldn't admit it. It would only make things worse.

"I've been thinking about us, Hermione. Maybe it was because of Ron's wedding, I don't know. But I want to be with you... I want to marry you."

I was stunned. He wanted to marry me?

"Harry, are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure. When it's right, you just know."

But was it right? I didn't know what to think. Just moments ago I had said goodbye to both of my best friends, I had given it all up...

He was watching me with those eyes... those green eyes that pierced my soul and captured my heart.

I loved him, I really did. It wasn't the type of love that was accompanied with passion and fireworks, but it was love.

And it was better than nothing. I didn't want to live with nothing. I wanted to live with love. I wanted what he was offering.

"Will you marry me, Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry. Yes."

He took my hand and smiled - I could see the contentment in his eyes.

Yes, it was definitely better than nothing.