Black Sheep

There are many crazy things that I have done, but perhaps none as crazy this.

I'm certain that I'm sane. I'm so very sure of it. But this is wrong. It's real, but wrong. How could this happen to me? I would have never imagined this to happen. But it did.

Maybe I am insane. It's sick. My mother would never forgive me. And as for my father... Well, I choose not to go there. But I can't hide from this. I know I'm not hallucinating. In all its repulsion, it's true.

I, Bellatrix Titania Black, am in love with my cousin.

It started with a simple kiss. I thought nothing of it. We were fourteen. Fourteen-year-old boys get aroused very easily. Once they want something, nothing stops them. Especially not my cousin.

Sirius Black was a philandering, flirtatious little git. I hated him for being such a social person. I could never be a part of anything the way he was. Despite his parents' hate for him, just about everyone else loved him. Even I.

Wherever one heard the name Bellatrix Black, they would always turn up their noses, glare coldly, or scoff and walk away. What was so horrible me that everyone could see? How could people who didn't even know how I am, even when I couldn't? Is there some hidden flaw of mine that I can't see? But all the same, no matter what I did, they all hated me. Especially him.

Was it so wrong to love someone? God knows if he knew it. I damn well know he does now. But knowing that only made him hate me more. It depressed me. Everything depressed me, goddamnit. I never really belonged anywhere.

My place was middle among three girls. My eldest sister, Andromeda, was the responsible voice of reason. Even though she wasn't in Slytherin, Mother loved her. Ravenclaw was a reputable house, now wasn't it?

Father's favourite was Narcissa. She was a spoiled, bratty conceit. Everyone bowed to her whim. She had them all wrapped around her perfectly manicured fingers, staring down her spindly little nose at them with her beady gray eyes.

I was the rebellious one, the one who didn't belong. I held no favor in my parents' eyes, and I may well have been someone else's child.

Narcissa, two years younger than I, referred to me as a dirty, messy, loose woman. She often told Andromeda she felt pity for me, because she doubted that I would ever hold any beauty. Andromeda simply nodded, almost sympathetically.

I know Andromeda didn't meant to agree with her, but Narcissa was a manipulative little bitch.

You can see how we think of each other.

I really never considered myself ugly, but I wasn't gorgeous like Narcissa. I didn't ever really care, though, until now.

Andromeda was pretty, short honey hair and almond-coloured eyes. Narcissa had insanely curly, white blonde hair that she had kept long. "Princesses keep their hair long," Father told her. And Narcissa was his princess.

They were both thin, perfect. Andromeda was willowy, tall. Narcissa was this petite little thing with perfect dainty little hands.

I was neither. I was a bit taller than average, not entirely thin, even a little chubby in the face. My skin was so pale, I looked sickly. And my black hair, sometimes curly, sometimes straight, didn't help the fact.

I was the black sheep among the Blacks.

Family gatherings were always the same. Narcissa would be too busy being fawned over, pampered, doted upon, Andromeda was talking with the adults, busy with her little Nymphadora. No one knew she married a Muggle. I knew. I always knew.

Everyone was too busy to associate with me. Except for Sirius.

The day of my sixteenth birthday was no different. Until he came.

"You've done some growing up, Bella," he said.

I looked up at him through my hair, which I had managed to avoid getting teased like hell. (My mother insisted that I have large curly hair.)

He was always attractive, with shaggy black hair, and gray eyes that were a hundred times lovelier than Narcissa's.

I gave him a slight shrug, unsure of how to respond.

He placed a hand on my arm, "Walk with me?" he asked.

I nodded, so unaware of what would happen. I let him take me, and we both didn't know.