Obsession

Obsession

A slender figure stood a silhouette in the pale dawn light. He spoke. His voice was calm. "I know I should have come to you sooner, I've loved you forever, but I always thought you hated me. You acted as if you did. But there was a moment, in October, when I knew you could feel the same way I did, if you would just let yourself. One morning, I think it was Halloween, when our eyes met across the great hall, I knew you could love me. Your gaze was so intense it hurt to look into. Yet I couldn't pull away. I was captivated.

"We met that same day, in the corridor. Do you remember? We talked. You said you needed help. I said I needed you. You were shocked but you didn't turn away. When I reached for you, you came willingly." A faint smile danced across the boy's lips. "Whenever we were together sparks flew and we were happy. But now you're gone love. You don't hate me anymore, but you don't love me either... Maybe you never did." The boy clenched his hands into tight fists at his side.

"My entire life up till now has been lived without love. I never had the love of a parent. Neither did you. As a child I was starved for attention, but I didn't want anyone to know that I had not been loved. You see, despite everything I loved my father and mother. But I didn't know them, and they didn't love me. When you were with me I was whole. You taught me how to love and to be loved. I gave myself to you, body, mind and soul. But I wasn't enough for you. You needed something, or someone more.

"You came to me one day love, months after our first encounter. You were sad, so I tried to comfort you, but you pushed me away. You said it was over, that you couldn't do this anymore, that you didn't want to hurt me. I didn't believe you. I didn't want to. I knew I could never live without you. When I asked you why you said you cared for me too much to lie to me, and that you didn't love me in that way. I was angry, I told you to get out, that I never wanted to see you again. You left without a backwards glance." The boy chuckled hoarsely, "you always did try to let me have my way."

"When I saw you with HIM I was angry. I knew it would happen, but I didn't imagine you could move on that soon. I told myself you didn't matter to me. I told myself that you were nothing, that there was someone else for me in the world. I tried to date someone else. I played the field, but nothing satisfied me. I knew I needed you, and only you could make me complete. And I decided then that I would have you no matter what.

"I was angry love and very VERY drunk." Again a rueful smile danced across his face. "I think I drank more alcohol that night than in the rest of my life combined. I didn't know what I was doing, I was out of control. I saw you with him, in an alleyway. You were snogging, as you always were when I saw you two together. I don't know what it was that made me do what I did, something in me snapped." A single tear dripped off of his chin and splashed softly on the stone floor. "I pulled out my wand and I killed him, he didn't even see it coming.

"You didn't see me do it love, I was gone before you could gather yourself to look. But I saw you, the look on your face, you looked so shocked and terrified and . . . miserable and I hated myself for what I had done." The boy's thin frame shook with the force of contained sobs. "I tried to make an excuse; I said I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing. I tried to blame you. I said you made me love you too much, with a jealous possessive love, so I couldn't let him have you. But I knew it was I who had made myself fall for you. I was the one to blame. He didn't deserve you. He was a player, and I was certain he would play you, like you had played me." A sob escaped his lips and trembling he sank to the ground. "You talked to me at the funeral; you told me that you were sorry that you had hurt me. You said you had loved him and that you knew how much it hurts to lose someone you loved.

"I felt so guilty. I said I wanted to be there for you, while you were hurting. You used me then love, and I let you. I even encouraged it. You needed someone to take away your pain. I knew you would. And I needed you to need me. I didn't care why. As long as you needed me I was whole. So I wanted you to use me, I drove away anyone who I thought would come between us. I felt guilty for what I had done. But I thought I had gotten away with it. After all I had you now, that was all that ever mattered to me.

"You started to pull away. Why was that love? I know you didn't know about HIS death, no one knew. After all, it was blamed on Dark Wizards, everything bad always was. I was angry, again you had pulled away from me. The tighter I held on the more distance there was between us. I wrote to you, I wanted you to meet me. You didn't want to, you needed your space, but I insisted, so you came. I took you to the forest, we walked and I talked about us. I told you I couldn't live if you didn't love me. The look in your eyes, I'll never forget it, was so pained. I knew you didn't love me, you never had and you never would, but you didn't want to hurt me again. I hit you. I wanted you to feel the pain that was raging inside of me.

"You weren't expecting the blow. You fell to the ground and I followed you. Your skin was so soft against mine, your lips were wet with blood, but they were soft, so soft. I knew you couldn't resist me anymore and your body responded to me so well, I had broken you. When I was done I kissed you one last time. Your lips had begun to grow cold. The blood no longer flowed from them. I closed your eyes and left you there. I was satisfied. You were mine, always and forever, no one else would ever have you. I walked back to the school grounds the long way. I needed to make them believe that I had never been with you. It wasn't hard to do.

"It took them days to find you. I hid you so well." The boy's eyes lit up with the fierce light of pride. "The funeral was held at the school. I didn't cry for you, I couldn't, but everyone else did. People tried to comfort me, but I couldn't let them near. I knew I had done this, and that it was terrible. But I was not guilty. I loved you, so I killed you. It made sense to me. I couldn't let you go, not to someone else. If I couldn't have you then why should anyone else." The boy emitted defeated sigh, "I was wrong about one thing. I thought I could live without you, as long as you weren't with someone else. But I could never survive if you weren't a part of my world." His long slim fingers reached for the knife slung in his belt. "I'm sorry love for what I did to you. I miss you, but I know I will be with you soon, because I love you."

The silver blade of the knife glistened brightly in the early morning light. Held by a steady hand it cut easily through the pale flesh at the underside of the boy's arm. Red blood spurted out in rhythmic bursts and splattered the marble grave stone in front of him. With his good arm he made another slash, this one on the inside of his thigh. The blood pooled around him. Pain seared through his body and he leaned heavily against the cold marble. He made not a sound as his life drained slowly out of his body. A river of red ran over the grass, bubbling over the grass and small stones. His silver eyes became glazed and he slumped to the ground, leaving a trail of crimson blood on the stone that read: Harry Potter 1987 - 1999. A great wizard, an even better friend.