Surrendering

Surrendering

So here I am, waiting on one of the stony railings of the Astronomy tower. I've been waiting for about ten minutes. I usually arrive at 12:05 (Malfoys don't believe in arriving on time, we just believe in having other people follow the golden rule of punctuality). Then I see that golden red and I know I have it all - looks, money, brains, name and Potter's prized possession.

But today I haven't seen my favourite addiction yet. I start to worry... am I losing my touch already? Am I going to be the first Malfoy who doesn't get what he wants?

Then I hear the faint sound of her tiny pattering feet... unlike her highly ungainly, large and grotesque-looking brother, Ginevra isn't ungraceful. In fact, I'd say she's the closest I've been to a fae-like creature. Fae-like in a highly feisty way though. Maybe that's why she's my form of shot after shot of vodka.

I have no idea why I keep coming back for more, it's not as if she's got the kind of blood a Malfoy would like to associate with, nor is she the most beautiful witch in school. But she's forbidden. I can't have her and I certainly can't be devoted to just her, but I want her and I can't say no to myself.

So here we are...

So, here we are, all alone
As the wine makes you mine for the night
Soft is the way that you feel
And hard is the way that we breathe
In, out, we're moving
Around with the dirt on the floor
I know what I lack is devotion
And I can't fight this off anymore...

She comes to me and sits down right beside me. Her hair is tied up in that horribly messy way, which makes half her hair fall all over her face. I moved my hands towards her face so I could see her innocent angel eyes more clearly and then I see that oh-so familiar flinch. It always starts like that. She feels guilty about doing this to Saint Potter but then she surrenders to the night, to me... to herself.

I kiss her and I know she's all mine... it's a pity I have to leave her today. It's my last day in this mouldy, old castle. Tomorrow I'll leave all thoughts of Red behind me. I wish it could have gone on longer. She's certainly my favourite victim. After all, being with her is so wrong that she seems almost like the most perfect woman for me.

We'll go surrender to the night
We won't look back at our lives
And when you sleep, I'll be there
To kiss your lips, to breathe your air
Right or wrong, it must go on
After this night, we'll leave it all behind

I continue kissing her and divesting her of her robe, shirt and so on, and she continues fighting back (though in vain).

I pull away to take her in one last time but she pulls me back almost immediately. This time I don't want to leave her again. So we take the final step one last time. One last time. Why do I keep thinking that? Because deep down I know it can't go on. Am I suddenly becoming human?

Two hearts beat as one
As I open my eyes
Well do you want me to keep going?
Cause I have already come all undone...

"Alright you can go running back to the love of your life now. I'm done with you. Goodbye then... thankfully I'm not seeing you after this night. So just leave all of this behind you... unless you want a miserable life." I give her this little speech which I've been rehearsing over and over in my head. It still isn't sounding evil enough.

Then I see it... flowing like a sparkly brook down her freckle-splattered white cheek. Then she says those words that finally tell me Malfoys are no gods. All it took was "I'll miss you," to break that ice cold heart of mine into a zillion tiny pieces.

I want to tell her how beautiful she is, I want to say that this was the most perfect night of my life and that sparkly brook ruined it, I want to say forget about Potter,I love you much more, but it can't go on.

I wish I could follow whatever I just said myself. I'll be the one who's miserable, she'll always be there living happily ever after... without knowing that I'd give anything to be the one living happily ever after with her. Stupid Malfoy pride.

Now she's calling
And it hurts me to go
Away from my favourite addiction
There's no way that she'll ever know...

I take one last look of my prized possession, strangling all desire of wanting to go and kiss her again and wipe that now dry tear. I'm still going to wait every night at 12:05 to see that much-anticipated sight of my red-haired angel. I know I've broken her heart and she thinks I'm getting away without a price. I might be... after all I have no commitments towards her and I could come and go any time.

What she doesn't realise is that I need her to make me human and to make my world a beautiful place.

I walk into my dormitory and lie down to sleep... I love you Ginevra... er...Weasley.

We'll go surrendering to our lives
When you sleep, I'll be there
To kiss your lips, to breathe your air
Right or wrong, it can't go on
After this night, we'll leave it all behind
But I'm still feeling
Drawn to you
In my dreams
So it seems
The man in me always
Gets his way
Never pays
For what he's done
I need you now love, love, love
I crave you now love, love, love