Dumbledore's Legacy to the Half-Blood Prince

Dumbledore's Legacy to the Half-Blood Prince

Chapter Four: Crucible of the Dark Lord

mytabSnape pushed aside the vulnerable image of his mother at Hogwarts; he would deal with that information later. He needed to maintain his customary impenetrable emotional wall as he would be in the company of the Dark Lord that evening. Snape began to read the sheaf of research notes that lay under the journal entries. He was amazed at the calibre of the notes his mother had written. The paper was better than the seventh year DADA student essays he had graded last year. The interpretations, comparisons, and extension of research both back and forward in time were all exemplary.

mytabSnape read through the detailed notes and committed them to memory. He then re-enchanted them back into Herbology notes, and finally back into the wooden bookend, which was Banished to the trunk. A Patronus seal was used to secure the battered leather trunk, which still smelled musty even after its airing. Snape mused that Dumbledore's ingenuity with devising new uses for a corporeal Patronus over the years had been quite astonishing. His kestrel Patronus landed on his wrist before twinkling out of existence.

mytabSnape efficiently packed up his potion kit and books with a summoning spell, and then cast an "Evomeratus" Charm to remove the imprint of recent magic. As he surveyed the attic space to ensure he was leaving no trace, his eyes stopped on a crumpled photo under the table he had just cleared.

mytabHe picked up the photograph by hand to avoid spilling more magic into the air and smoothed it out as he stared at the moving figures.

mytabThe black and white photo showed a woman with two children, one a scrawny, dark haired boy of about six or seven, and the other a tiny blonde toddler, hanging onto her mother's knee as the boy tickled her. The baby's mouth moved in a silent giggle as she looked up at her brother's face. She was wearing a little frilled shirt adorned with rosebuds. The woman picked absentmindedly at the hem of her dress as she gazed at her two children.

mytabSnape let the photo waft to the floor in a series of little zigzags as his hand twitched. His grandmother had taken the picture a few weeks before THAT day.

mytabThe day had started off well. Seven-year-old Severus had come home from primary school, eager to show his grammar paper to his mother. Above the carefully printed sentences was a large gold star. During recess, the plump girl that sat behind him had smiled when he caught her eye. And best of all, David Binson's gang had not ambushed him on the way home from school. Things were looking up.

mytabAll thoughts of his day disappeared when he stepped through the ill-fitting door at Spinner's End. A tall, dark-haired stranger, enveloped by a black velvet cloak, was talking with his mother in the shabby front room. Eve, now thirteen months old, was taking some tentative steps and crowing with delight at her progress. She was wearing her pink rosebud shirt.

mytabWhen the stranger looked up at Severus, the boy gasped. It was if Severus had been plunged into ice-cold water - he felt fear greater than any he had ever felt. The man grinned, a gruesome rictus that seemed to split his face into two halves.

mytabEileen had none of her normal vagueness; she was rigid and white with fear. She asked Severus to go into his room in a high-pitched, jerky voice, but the stranger interrupted her and beckoned to him with a thin, white hand. The man's features seemed blurry somehow, as if they had melted in the sun, and the whites of his eyes were a ghastly red. As Severus took slow, unwilling steps towards the outstretched hand, the man took him by the upper arm and looked deeply into his eyes. The white hand on his arm felt cold but burned like fire. The stranger grinned again, as if surprised and pleased with Severus.

mytabWith greedy excitement, the man asked, "Your second child is worthless - a common Squib - but I can sense great talent in this one... has he been introduced to...?"

mytab"Never...and he never will be!" stammered Eileen. She was shaking with fear, but the look on her face was adamant.

mytabA very ugly look spread across the visitor's face, but it vanished a moment later. He added a silken threat, "Now, now...you know how deeply I care about you, my dear. You are very special to me."

mytabThe room seemed much lighter after the cloaked man had left. When Severus checked outside, there was no sign of the visitor, but he did notice his father, newly arrived, fumbling with the door flap of Mina's coop. The kestrel was flying low, in agitated circles. Her nest in the coop was filled with three perfect, speckled eggs.

mytabSeverus was driven past his fear to speak to his father. "Dad... what are you doing? Is it broken?"

mytab"This bloody bird, making messes in the back yard, dive-bombing me... I've had it." As Tobias stepped back from the flap he had jammed, he covered his head against Mina's beating wings. "THAT'S IT!" he yelled, and grabbed a broom. Mina was now on the flap's perch, hopping about as she frantically pecked the entry in a vain attempt to open it. Severus stood in horror, mouth open, as he watched.

mytabThe second violent jab of the broom hit Mina dead-centre, crushing her against the coop, and her lifeless body fell to the ground. Tobias grunted with achievement as he discarded Mina's body in the garbage bin. He hauled the sobbing Severus into the kitchen with him.

mytabTobias swore as he heard Eve's wails in the front room. Severus and his father could see Eileen bent over the baby, who had knocked her forehead against the wooden couch leg. Severus had never seen his father look quite so angry. Tobias walked heavily towards Eve, knocking Eileen out of the way. He had just swung Eve roughly up into the air when there was the sound of a tremulous voice behind him.

mytab"PUT HER DOWN!"

mytabWith an expression of disbelief on his face, Tobias turned and saw his small son glaring at him with his hands in fists by his sides. The baby in Tobias's arms reached out to Severus as she sobbed his name. Eileen looked from her husband to her son with shock and fear on her face. The energy in the room seemed to coalesce as Tobias took a step toward Severus. Purple and orange streaks, shimmering like the Northern Lights, hovered near the ceiling.

mytabAs Tobias moved toward Severus, he brushed by the heavy mahogany cabinet. There was a starburst of green light. Tobias gripped the cabinet shelf apparently to keep himself from falling, and with an agonizingly slow and ponderous sway the cabinet began to tilt away from the wall. When the horrendous crash had ebbed into silence, Severus could see that all was still. There was complete silence for a moment.

mytabEileen rushed towards her husband and child and wrenched the heavy cabinet off them with a breathless scream. She feverishly checked them for any sign of life. Severus stood behind her, stunned, and stared at the scene.

mytab"Evie...? Mum...?"

mytabEileen turned to Severus and screamed, spittle flying from her mouth. "What have you done... what have you done? You monster!" She began to sob, holding her baby in one arm and clutching at her husband's shirt with her free hand.

mytabSeverus came a few steps closer, still in shock, with silent tears streaming down his cheeks. "Mum...?"

mytabEileen pushed herself to her feet and grabbed her son by his collar. She pushed him violently down the hall and into his room, and closed the door with a final slam. It seemed to Severus that she could not bear to look at him.

mytabOutside, leaning indolently against the window frame, Voldemort smiled to himself as he replaced his wand in his pocket.

mytabIt was the last time Severus's mother touched him for many months. She slept most of the time and, when awake, moved through her life as though she were an automaton. Both the house and Severus soon began to show signs of her neglect. The smells of unwashed clothing and rotting food in the refrigerator intensified in the small house. Thick, ugly weeds choked the flowers in the small garden.

mytabFor the first few days after "the accident," Severus found that he could barely stand to be alive. He wanted to erase himself, to cease to exist. While he waited in vain for some sign of forgiveness from his mother, he felt as if the excruciating pain would eat him alive. In his mind, he saw his father and Eve fall onto the floor over and over again. He heard Eve's voice calling out to him to save her. And he knew he was a murderer. If not for him, his father and his sister would be alive.

mytabSeverus finally made himself clean out Mina's coop and bury her eggs, now grown cold. The tears trickled unnoticed down his cheeks as he picked up each speckled egg. He remembered how Mina would nudge her eggs before settling down on them contentedly. He began to wish he were dead.

mytabBoth his teachers and the kind plump girl in his class seemed confused at first by the changes in Severus, and then later expressed impatience with his increasingly sullen attitude and lack of personal hygiene.

mytabSeverus learned that poor grooming had one big advantage: it kept most people away. And the people that were attracted, like vultures to a half-dead sheep, were only too ready to add to the hatred that Severus already felt for himself. David Binson and his friends first seemed excited with this apparently vulnerable target, but Severus no longer reacted easily; it was only when they called him a coward that a stricken look appeared in his eyes. One of his teachers called him "worthless" when he accidentally spilled the feed for their classroom guinea pig. Severus did his best not to react; he simply absorbed the damage of the daily insults and shoves. He couldn't take a chance of repeating what he had already done. He believed his mother. He knew he was a monster.

mytabEileen sent him to her parents by train as soon as the school holidays began, and soon he was spending all of his weekends at the Prince mansion as well. The Princes did not appear thrilled to see this unkempt, unattractive boy, but they tolerated his presence. On the first day with his grandparents, they complained about his mother and how she had ruined all of their hopes. They also showed him her school trunks in the attic and informed him that he was a wizard, and what that really meant. The two violet-cloaked Princes continued to maintain quite a physical distance between themselves and their grandson, as if he were contagious, and looked as if they smelled something rotten whenever he inadvertently came near. Despite their disdain, they informed him he would likely be going to Hogwarts when he was of age, and supplied him with a beginner's Primer for Elementary Magic and Eileen's discarded wand to practice with. And finally, they left him alone with relief stamped on their faces.

mytabSeverus began reading the primer in a desultory way up in the attic; he was just relieved to be away from the gloom of Spinner's End and the tensions of school. After reading Lesson One: the Principle and Application of Colour Conversion, he changed the text color of a practice paragraph using the borrowed wand and a muttered "Pigmentus".

mytabAnd for the first time in many days, he was unaware of his pain. He was absorbed in what he was doing and had regained a tiny bit of himself in the process. And an odd thing happened: he began to carve out the beginning of a niche for himself. With that first moment of success, he had found a way to distract himself from how very unlovable he was. And he had found something he could do well.

mytabOver the next four years, Severus learned a great deal of magic in the Princes' attic, including many Dark curses from Alwerner's books and scrolls. He developed a belief that this was his destiny - that the Dark magic had created him. He could not think of any other reason for what he had done to his family. Gradually, he found that life had become bearable again; empty, but bearable. By the time the letter from Hogwarts came to the Prince mansion, where Severus was staying for the summer holidays, he was only too ready to go.

mytabThe beginning of his journey to Hogwarts sealed Severus's fate. He had just found himself a seat on the Hogwarts Express as far away from the other children as possible. He was excited about going to a place where he could use magic and develop his skill. He felt a small kernel of hope that he might fit in among wizards.

mytabSeverus was proud of the initials "S.S." that he had magically affixed to one of the Princes' spare trunks, even though it and all of its contents - robes, books and supplies - were secondhand items. His wand alone was new: ironwood and unicorn hair, 11 1/8 inches long. It was an unexpected gift from Minerva McGonagall, the Transfiguration professor, who had come to acquaint him with his preparation for Hogwarts. His situation of having a magical mother who refused to have anything to do with magic and grandparents who were indifferent to him had made Severus a special case. Professor McGonagall's no-nonsense manner had agreed with him much better than a cheery approach would have.

mytabSeverus was sitting in his compartment when a handsome, black-haired boy about his age burst in. The contrast between the two boys was extreme. Severus's pinched face was white from so many days in the Prince attic, his black hair was unkempt and greasy, and his robes were so faded they looked brown. The other boy, now excitedly peeking through the open door and down the corridor, was the picture of a healthy youth in satiny black robes and a crisp white collar. Severus could see the expensive shine of the boy's leather shoes.

mytab"Hey, mate!" said the newcomer to Severus. "Have you seen anyone run down the corridor?"

mytab"No, I haven't. Get out of here!" growled Severus, trying to look tough. He wanted this smiling boy to leave. He was everything Severus was not.

mytab"That's a fine way to talk. What's your problem?" His face grew serious as he gave Severus an appraising stare.

mytabThe next instant, the partially closed door slammed open and a second boy sprinted into the compartment. "I've got you now, James! Take that!" yelled the boy, aiming his wand and shouting "Conglacio!" This boy had a wild, excited look to his face and he was laughing with enjoyment. His aim was rather poor, though, and the freezing hailstones that had materialized out of thin air smacked into both James and Severus.

mytabJames yelled, "Sirius, you bloody idiot!" and dodged the hail with a wide grin on his face. With a wave of his wand, he conjured a slushy water balloon and sent it towards the laughing Sirius. Severus was repelled by the sound of their laughter, and reacted from a deep core of fear inside of him. He wanted these boys to leave NOW.

mytabAs one of the hailstones struck between his collar and his neck and melted into an icy trickle down his back, Severus stood and, without thinking, cast "Dolorata!" The second boy immediately doubled up in pain with stomach cramps. Severus felt a little horrified at what he had done, but it felt good to have gained some control.

mytabWhen James realized what had happened, he turned to look at Severus with a puzzled look. "What the bloody hell? Look, he didn't mean to hit you with that ice! Pack it in, all right?"

mytabSeverus stood defiantly still.

mytabWith another look at his friend, James pointed his wand at Severus, and started to say "Embera...". He was interrupted when Severus rapidly aimed a curse at him, which caused a hot, painful sensation on his wand hand. James looked down to see a blistered burn on his hand, and then looked back at Severus with an angry expression. He pointed his wand again and said "Tarantallegra!" Severus started to lurch around as his legs danced crazily. James laughed at the sight.

mytab The next moment, a plump witch with untidy blonde hair and an agreeable face poked her head into the compartment, having been alerted by all the commotion. She looked surprised to find the three boys in varying states of distress, and appraised Severus with a curious look. She quickly ended the effects of the various spells with a firm "Finite Incantatem" and introduced herself as Professor Sprout. After asking their names, she continued, "I am simply appalled at your irresponsible behavior. You will each report to me for detention at 8 o'clock tomorrow evening. If ANY of you even PICK UP your wand during the rest of this trip, I will see that you DEEPLY regret it." She told James and Sirius, in no uncertain terms, to return to their compartments IMMEDIATELY. With a scowl on her pink-cheeked face, the professor stalked out of the compartment.

mytabSeverus sat glowering on the seat next to the window. He kept his gaze on the scenery flying past him. After all, it was all their fault.

mytabBefore leaving, Sirius turned and stared at Severus. He tenderly rubbed his stomach as he said, "He's mental. Dark curses! James, what do you want to bet that he'll be a Slytherin?"

mytabJames also turned to glare at Severus and said in a low voice, "You don't know what you're in for, mate. Bloody Death Eater!" Severus felt his eyes well up with tears; he knew now that he wouldn't truly fit in anywhere.

mytabThe sullen boy's unshed tears were reflected in the window, and Sirius called out "Snivellus!" in a mocking tone. He followed James out into the corridor and down towards their own compartment.

mytabAs the years passed at Hogwarts, Severus Snape developed a life in which he was able to leave his hatreds and fears behind only when he was absorbed in his studies. This also was the only area in which he could bear to receive any encouragement or praise. He worked hard to be the best in his classes, but more often than not James Potter or Sirius Black surpassed him easily. They exhibited their talent with effortless grace in class, laughing as they played jokes on each other. He saw their popularity and light-hearted approach to life as arrogance, even though he was so envious of those qualities that it felt as if he was being eaten alive. Everything seemed to come so easily to them. Severus felt a deep, festering anger each time he saw them receive glowing praise from the teachers and admiration from their classmates.

mytabAt first the two Gryffindor boys, often joined by onlookers excited by the hunt, seemed to think it was their mission to torment Severus. Instead of being protected by his defensive Dark curses, his use of them seemed only to further provoke James and Sirius. He grew to hate the two boys, and finally all Gryffindors, with an intensity that engulfed him. Severus took what he had learned as a child and twisted it into a deranged fanatical hatred. He made choice after choice to focus on the wrongs that were done to him and turned a blind eye to any scrap of compassion, trust and affection. He was starving in the middle of the feast that was Hogwarts because he refused to pick up a spoon.

mytabHowever, Severus did form an alliance with some of the other Slytherins who had no desire for actual friendship. It was a mutually useful relationship, nothing more. The other Slytherins soon found they had a reliable source for innovative jinxes or potions. And in turn, Severus learned many things, including the cunning and very delicate art of placing blame on others - and exposing enemies. When one of these efforts led to his near-encounter with a werewolf, he found that the worst imaginable thing had happened. He had incurred a life debt to the person he hated most, James Potter.

mytabEach choice Severus made took him closer to Voldemort. By the time he left Hogwarts with eleven NEWTs, his spirit had become so dulled that he didn't even blink when he made his oath to the Dark Lord. He had automatically held out his left arm for the painful brand of the Dark Mark, and his only thought was, "This is my destiny." He had completed the journey that was forged by the Dark Lord eleven years earlier in the front room at Spinner's End.