Acknowledge My Existance

I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I wanted you, needed you, and wished I could be with you, but you were so aloof and never even seemed to look my way.

I tried to get you to want me. I did anything to get your attention, even negative attention. I made fun of your parents and got you in trouble with the teachers, all for you to say my name. For you to acknowledge that I exist. Yet you never seemed to notice how I felt about you, you never noticed when I was being nice to you. You only noticed me when I was rude to you.

So over time, I forgot how to be kind. All because of you. I tarnished the hopes of my parents because of you. Why do you think I never became a death eater? Did you think I actually wanted to help defeat Voldemort? No, it was because you would never have considered going near me if I were a death eater.

Everything I have ever done since I met you was because of you. I tormented you for your attention, made fun of your friends for your attention. You thought I never noticed that you and Weasley weren't Crabbe and Goyle. I noticed, yet I gave you as much information as I knew. It wasn't a lot, but even than my father knew not to trust me.

So, I didn't become a death eater. I even joined Dumbledore and his little group of merry men to be near you. Yet, you never returned one of my advances. You never even acknowledged one of my advances. I think I would have accepted my lot in life if you had actually rebuked one of my advances. Than maybe I would have been able to move on. Maybe I could have found someone who would truly love me. It is your fault that I couldn't find someone else to love me. I still had you on a pedestal. You were someone I could look up to; someone I could dream would love me. As such, I did what I could to protect you.

I tried to warn you at the World Cup during fourth year, but it didn't work. You didn't seem to notice that I was trying to warn you. I joined The Order in fifth year and even saved your life in sixth year, but other than a curt thank-you, you never said anything. It is now Easter break during seventh year, and I am tired of trying to get you to notice me. I'm going to get your attention for the last time.

Therefore, you will never see me living again. I bet you never noticed me with that knife at dinner today. I never put it down for the house elves to whisk away with their magic.

I press the blade to my wrist and feel it dig in deep. The blood oozes put and trails down the wrist towards the tips of the fingers. The action is repeated on the other wrist. The candle light dims and starts to fade, until my eyelids close for the last time. "I will love you until the end of time, Harry Potter", I whisper, and that is the last thing I ever say.