On My Own

Out of the shadows she emerged and grabbed a nearby pole, leaning heavily into it. As she leaned her head against the pole she could feel her hair blowing around behind her, getting tangled with loose dirt and leaves, but she didn't care.

As she thought, oblivious to everything, a small and lithe shadow creeper stalked up behind her. The small fingers reached out, searching for a purse or some sort of money carrier. As soon as she felt the light touch of the fingertips she spun around and faced the thief.

"I have no money," she hissed at him.

The boy stared at her disheveled appearance; she's more of a mess than I am, he thought to himself, she must have been through hell.

When the boy did not respond she advanced on him menacingly. She opened her mouth slowly and forced calm, paced words out, "Isn't that what you want, thief? You wish to take money from others who have just as little as you!"

The boy curled his upper lip up at her. She doesn't even know what she is talking about. I've been through just as much as she has. The boy gave her a rude gesture before turning and running down the street.

Ginny tried to pursue the boy, but then she felt her legs give way and she knew that she didn't have the strength for a chase. She fell to the ground still leaning against the pole. A woman ran by, running for shelter from the blithering cold and wind, but Ginny ignored her and she only sunk closer to the pole.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see pairs of feet walk by quickly, sometimes they came steadily, but soon there were no more feet walking by and Ginny was all alone on the dark street at a very late hour.

And now I'm all alone again,

Nowhere to go;

No one to turn to.

Did not want your money sir,

But cannot hear 'cause I was told to.

And now the night is near,

Now I can make believe he's here.

Ginny turned to face the other direction and she remembered him; the one who was never there for her, but yet, was always there to save her. As the city had deteriorated, the thieves multiplied, where serious fights broke out daily between children, and diseases spread faster than gossip once had, he had always been around, always loving. But he wasn't loving her. If she was in danger, he would protect her. If she was sad, he would comfort her. But if she loved him, he wouldn't notice. He wouldn't notice for the world, not when there was that other girl in his life. Hermione.

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping

I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping.

The city goes to bed,

And I can live inside my head.

She could almost feel Harry crouching next to her, talking to her, seeing if she was hurt. Harry always thought of her as a friend, someone who he could talk to, someone who he would give his life to her and in return he would expect her to give her life if it was necessary to save him. That was just how Harry was. He always had extreme friendship or none at all. Even though Ginny was happy for their friendship, she longed for more than just that.

On my own,

Pretending he's beside me.

All alone,

I walk with him 'till morning.

Without him,

I feel his arms around me.

A strange, ghost-like, warmth settled around Ginny, it felt like Harry's arms truly around her. Whenever she was alone she could feel his arms around her, she could feel his breath on her ear, his fingers around her arm. She could feel everything in his absence, and the thing she felt most was her heart breaking.

Ginny could hear Harry's voice, could hear his laugh, she could hear his frustration. But most of all she could hear Harry talking to Hermione, could hear Harry speaking in the quiet tones that he spoke to Hermione with. She could hear Harry and Hermione laughing together as they always did, quietly and sweetly.

Stop torturing yourself, Ginny told herself tearfully. He'll never be yours, stop thinking about him. It just hurts you more.

But still Harry came into view, leaning over Hermione, peering uninterestedly at a book she held in her arms. The Weasley table appeared, laden with food and everywhere there were red heads and amongst them Harry's raven hair stuck out. He was digging in enthusiastically into the food Mrs. Weasley had made for their special feast. And she could see Harry sprawled out tiredly on the Hogwarts lawn with a sleeping Hermione, her head on Harry's chest.

A tear slipped down Ginny's unguarded cheek. Don't do this, Ginny, stop thinking about him! Thoughts of Harry still came unbidden. He was like a disease, he was always there and infecting her; infecting her with despair, wistfulness, romance, passion and love. He always made her lost, but at the same time he was there to help her find her way.

And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me.

In the rain,

The pavement shines like silver.

All the lights are misty in the river.

In the darkness the trees are full of starlight.

The rain came and splattered against the ground, forming puddles and Ginny could feel the rain soaking through her pant legs, tattered cloak, and old shoes. Ginny stood slowly and she leaned against the pole for a moment before gathering her strength and moving forward. The falling rain gathered in the lower pavement spots, making the concrete more beautiful than it could ever be in the sun.

Turning and looking down the empty street; she couldn't see anything moving at all. The air shimmered and she could see Harry again, but this time it was as if he was actually at the end at the street, walking towards her. She started to run to him, but she stumbled on a crack in the pavement and she fell on her knees. Arms thrown out to catch her they were wrist deep in an old puddle, her hair flew into her face and she started to cry once again, the pain of love once ever evident.

Sitting back on her feet, she brushed her hair out of her eyes, leaving dirt tracks across her face, and she looked down the street to where she had seen the image of Harry. Surprisingly he was not there anymore, having disappeared in her haste to reach him.

And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know:

It's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him

And, although, I know that he is blind.

Still I say,

There's a way for us.

I love him.

It still felt as if she could be with Harry, even if she knew she couldn't. She could imagine what Harry's kisses were like, and she could imagine what his feather light touch would feel like on her body. She could conjure the images of her and Harry walking together, fingers intertwined. And it pained her and Ginny flung herself onto the ground, pounding her fists on the wet ground.

The sobs cam soon; they were empty, painful things to hear, and they truly sounded as if they were being ripped from the depths of her heart.

As the sun dawned Ginny wiped her eyes free of the tearful pain. People soon started across the previously deserted streets that had been the location of the young girl's grief. They were oblivious of her pain and they stalked by, only glancing curiously at the girl curled upon the ground.

But when the night is over

He is gone; the river's just a river.

Without him the world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere the street is full of strangers.

"Excuse me, miss?" said a young, clean adult to Ginny. The woman offered Ginny her hand. "Do you need help?"

Ginny slowly uncurled and look suspiciously at the woman's hand. Ginny cautiously slid her hand into the woman's and let the woman pull Ginny to her feet.

"Thanks," Ginny mumbled and retracted her hand, attempting to brush off the front of her ruined robes.

The woman nodded, and, with one more look at Ginny, she walked away.

I love him, but everyday I'm learning:

All my life, I've only been pretending.

Without me, his world will go on turning.

His world that's full of happiness that I have never known.

I love him,

I love him,

I love him,

Ginny started down the road and headed for the outskirts of the city, looking for an appropriate place to Apparate to The Burrow. But she dreaded the return; everyone was at the Burrow, her family, Hermione...and Harry.

But only on my own.