My Paper Heart

MY PAPER HEART

Chapter One:

Something He Cannot Feel

An enchanting smile from across the hall, a secretive seductive glance from across the room; all they ever shared in public. As much as they felt like they needed each other, they barely ever showed the want to anyone. Whoever had initiated this relationship, anyway? Whoever would have thought this type of relationship could ever exist? Who would even call this a relationship?

*~*~*~*

Harry entered the room and he glanced around nervously. Changing his gaze momentarily to the window high upon the outer castle wall, he saw that the moonlight fell on him, exposing half of his face to the piercing brightness. The light abbreviated the blackness of Harry's hair, the shape of his glasses, and the fierceness of the lightning bolt scar. Moving on his feet, Harry shifted just out of the reach of the moon, once more almost disappearing into the darkness.

And, like the sun rising after a night of war, the other boy appeared from an opposite doorway. Folding his arms in a menacing manner, Draco Malfoy gazed at the supposedly great and wonderful Harry Potter. Raising one side of his mouth to form a sneer, the quick tongued boy walked towards The Hero.

"Not so wonderful now, are you?" Draco maliciously commented to the nearly quivering boy. "After what you did to my father, you should be thankful that I'm even here."

Raising his head to face Draco, Harry parted his lips, no idea of what he planned to say, only to feel them covered by Draco's. One body pressed against the other, a boy's lips moving across the smooth skin of his lover by night, everything felt so alive. Their pulses raced, their lips grew more fervent. The longer they were away from each other without their midnight escapades both boys grew more desperate, the next meeting would always be violent, rushed, and almost frantic.

*~*~*~*

As the morning dawned, new and forbidding, Draco stood from the floor, leaving Harry to fidget uncomfortably, the lonely feeling rising by the second, just like the sun. As Draco pulled on his now wrinkled dress shirt, he looked back at the quiet boy asleep on the cold concrete floor. He turned away from Harry, and pulled the door open quietly. With one last look back, he quickly pulled the door shut behind him.

Harry sat up to see the door click shut; so, once more, he was gone. Together during the night, enemies by the morning light; that's how it was. Collapsing back onto the ground, Harry inhaled deeply, a racking sob reverberating throughout his entire body.

Draco was always the one to leave.

-Please just don't play with me

My paper heart will bleed

This wait for destiny won't do

Be with me, please, I beseech you

Simple things that make you run away

Catch you if I can-

Games were always apparent in the 'relationships' that Draco hosted. He could never admit anything past true lust, if that. If a problem arose, if somebody was asking for something more than a lustful word; he would escape. A look too loving in a lover's eyes could be the minuscule trigger Draco needed, ensuring a improvised plan for his quick route to freedom.

Harry stood begrudgingly from the floor and pulled his clothes on, feeling the faint warmth that surrounded his previously naked body. After he completely dressed, he pulled the chamber door heavily open and exited into the student body hallway, once more the enemy of his lover.

Heading directly towards the Great Hall, Harry felt his stomach grumble for the third time that morning. As he stepped into the Great Hall, his eyes immediately swiveled to the Slytherin table, where Draco sat; inconspicuously watching Harry. Since Harry knew that sitting at the Slytherin table was impossible, he dejectedly headed for the Gryffindor table, sliding in next to Ron.

The day proceeded slowly, with depression written across Harry's face almost permanently. The few times that Harry was able to view Draco, he saw that Draco constantly looked perfectly content and malicious. Never once did his expression falter from normality. While Harry watched Draco, he discovered how much he needed him. Even if it were only a sneer sent his direction, it would have made his day increase in all of its entirety.

*~*~*~*

Harry rushed to their meeting spot; terribly anxious to see Draco again, longing for the feel of their bodies, their hands together. As he leaned against the wall just inside the door, he clutched at the stitch in his side and concentrated on breathing. He fidgeted, counting the minutes - the seconds - inside his head. Drumming his fingers along the cold, concrete wall, he felt the time pass inside his head, and his mind grew more and more worried.

"Maybe he isn't coming," he whispered to himself, over and over.

Harry sank to the floor and leaned his head against the grooved walls, his mind defeating himself. A deeper depression slowly spreading throughout his body. His foot twitched and his eye blinked, and he sank lower onto the floor.

Suddenly, the door banged open and Harry jumped in shock from the loud noise. The platinum blonde boy looked around the room, until his piercing eyes landed upon the scared, and wary child crumpled on the floor. The silver eyes widened ever so slightly as he noticed the heap of depression upon the stone flooring.

"You're still here?" his voice held slight disbelief.

"Why wouldn't I be?" unwavering devotion seeped into Harry's words.

"Because . . . because I'm so late," finality in the tone suppressed the joy he felt.

Standing up, Harry looked into Draco's eyes as much he dared. In the dark, unexpected eyes, he saw a shiny tear slide down the well defined and pale cheek.

-Tears fall down your face

The taste is something new

Something that I know

Moving on is easiest when I am around you-

After the tear falls it cannot be recalled, and Harry stared unceasingly at Draco's exposed emotions; normally so bottled up inside. Harry could see that something inside Draco was breaking; rupturing, exploding everything he leaned upon into something impossible and unimaginable. Slowly, Harry lifted his fingers to Draco's soft cheek and wiped the tear clean away from his skin.

Momentarily, Draco closed his eyes, merely enjoying the soft touch. But too quickly for both of them, Draco's eyes opened and he slapped Harry's hand away.

Trying to achieve a cruel tone of voice, Draco spat at Harry, "Potter. I've decided that this has come to a standstill." It was clear that by "this" he meant the tentative relationship that they had attempted to establish without using words of commitment. "It'd be best if we both went our . . . our . . ." he paused. It seemed as if he was reflecting over the recent history with Harry. The sensuality and sexuality that they had shared; the cold, lonely nights that they had shared with each other, but most of all, Draco reveled in the obedience and longing that Harry had always bestowed upon Draco. "I think we should . . . we should stop this."

Gaping at him like a fish out of water, Harry's mouth automatically started to flap wordlessly. Apart was something Harry knew he couldn't bear. "But," he managed to whimper, "but why, Draco?"

"Potter," he said, mustering up a cold tone, "I just don't think this is working; you're just . . ." Draco fumbled, "not my type."

After a moment, Draco turned away, almost reluctantly, and pulled the door open slowly. Pausing a moment, he looked back at Harry who stood there, struck dumb. Once again, Draco turned away and he left the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

-So bottle up old love

And throw it out to sea

Wash it away as you cry-

Late in April Harry sat at the Gryffindor table. It had been almost three months since that night when Draco had said those final parting words. Every day was a living Hell for Harry. Something he couldn't bear was upon him all of the time. Everyday, Harry tied to think of some way that he could convince Draco to come back. His dreams were outlandish and lovesick. He never tried any of them.

*~*~*~*