Secrets

"You have to stop this, Harry." Hermione had come into his dorm again, and thrown open his bed curtains. "It's been a week. You've got to stop. You've changed your way of getting to classes, just to avoid running into her. You mope through all our classes, and as soon as lessons are over you come up here and sulk. You haven't said two words to Ron or me all week. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out of bed."

Harry looked at her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Hermione let out a cry of frustration. "You and Ron are both going to have to get over that. I promised not to tell. And we can all see how much good it did when you two did find out. I was hoping that she would come to her senses before you figured it out."

"She didn't."

"Obviously. And I'm sorry that you've been hurt by her, but I think you're being awfully selfish."

"Me?" Harry asked, slightly shocked.

"Yes, you. You don't see how much you're hurting her by being such a big baby. I thought you cared for her."

Harry stood up; she was just getting him angry now. "I'm not being a big baby." His eyes flashed defensively. "And I think she's the one who's hurting me, so why don't you go talk to her?"

"I thought you were her friend."

"I'm not the one who decided we weren't!"

"So just because she's with someone else-"

"It's Malfoy!" Harry couldn't believe he was hearing this.

"I'm aware of that! I can't believe you two - Ron's acting the same way now that Ginny didn't listen to Mrs. Weasley's letter. I expected it from him. But you - I thought you knew better."

"Knew better than what?"

"Don't you think Ginny has enough to deal with without worrying about how much she hurt you? And don't you think that someone she had considered to be a best friend should be there for her rather than ignoring her?" Hermione looked at him with such disappointment that Harry started to feel somewhat guilty. He pushed the feelings aside.

"It was her choice to be with him. What does she need me for?" he challenged.

Hermione shot him a look of disbelief and shook her head sadly. "Harry, you're my friend. But sometimes, you can be awfully stupid." She gave him one last look and left.

"This is not my fault." Harry told himself bitterly.

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Ginny didn't feel real anymore.

It had been okay when he had avoided her. She didn't have to see him. She didn't have to look him in the eye. But now that he ignored her, it hurt so badly.

He didn't see. He looked past her; he looked through her.

She remembered what it used to be like. Whenever he saw her, she felt there.

Not anymore. She wasn't there now. She wished-

No. Draco - he was there. And she was his. That was all that mattered.

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Hermione's words seemed to have some sort of affect on Harry. He started talking again, joking around again, and even laughing. And if Ron and Hermione tried, they could almost pretend Harry was back to normal. But the way his laughter always died off a moment before it used to, and the way his eyes always drifted to the spot where Ginny should have been spoke volumes about how Harry really felt.

Hermione's eyes said as much to Ron as she looked at him over Harry's shoulder. Ron shrugged slightly as he positioned his chess piece.

Harry took a while, deciding on his next move. And then he seemed to freeze.

"Harry?" Ron asked. "Are you going to stare at the board, or are you going to make a move?"

But Harry wasn't staring at the board. Ron followed his gaze across the room towards the entrance to the common room.

Ginny was frozen, staring straight back at Harry. She looked like a tiny animal caught in a bright light. Ron glanced back at Harry. He had the same expression on his face.

"Hi, Harry," Ginny said softly, looking very small and very frightened.

Harry didn't answer, and he didn't look away. He just continued to stare straight at her. Ginny opened her mouth as if to say something, and then closed it, blinking rapidly. She lowered her eyes and turned away, exiting the common room.

No one spoke. Harry continued to stare at the spot where Ginny had been.

"Hi Ginny," he said. He was so quiet they could barely hear him. He got out of his armchair and headed for his dorm.

Hermione and Ron watched silently as Harry began his slow ascent up the stairs. About four stairs up he stopped. He turned and stared again at the entrance to the common room. Then he took a deep breath and walked straight past Hermione and Ron and out the portrait hole.

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She'll be there, he thought as he climbed the steps that never seemed to end. She has to be. She always goes there when she's upset. She'll be there.

He continued to climb, unaware of anything else but her. She has to be there.

At last, and much too quickly, he reached the end of the stairs. Harry couldn't breathe. He turned the corner and stepped into the Astronomy Tower.

She was there. Crumpled on the floor, leaning against the balcony's stone railing, her knees hugged tightly to her. She was rocking back and forth slightly. Her eyes were closed; there were traces of tears running down her face.

And Harry forgot everything that had happened. He forgot about Malfoy, he forgot about what happened in the dungeon. He forgot that they hadn't spoken in weeks; he forgot that she had hurt him. He forgot about everything but the fact that she was hurting, and more than anything he wished he could take it away.

"Ginny?" he asked softly, easing himself down next to her. She flinched slightly when she heard his voice, and she didn't open her eyes. Maybe she wouldn't want him here.

"Harry?" she asked shakily. She kept her eyes closed. It seemed almost like - like she was afraid if she opened them he wouldn't really be there. But no, that couldn't be it. "Harry? I-Is that you?"

"It's me, Ginny," he said, wondering if he should just get up and leave. "I-" He didn't know what else to say. She slowly opened her eyes. Her already wet eyes filled with tears again.

"Harry," she choked out as she buried her face into his shoulder and flung her arms around his neck, sobbing.

At first Harry tensed, unsure of what he should do. He patted her head awkwardly. But after a moment, he realized how perfectly she fit right there. He shifted a little, bringing his other arm around her and bringing her a little closer to him, hoping she wouldn't mind. She didn't seem to, and she clung a little tighter to him.

"H-Harry, I'm so s-sorry I hurt you, I'm s-so..." Her voice was muffled against him, and he couldn't exactly hear the rest of what she was trying to say, but it was enough. He felt like a big selfish prat. He shouldn't have acted like such a baby, ignoring her and sulking. He should have been there for her. He started smoothing her hair with his hand, and he realized absentmindedly that it still smelled like strawberries.

She cried for a long while, and Harry held her the entire time.

He thought about a lot while she was crying. He thought about how different things had been just a few weeks ago, and how he wished they were like that again - laughing and teasing and talking for hours.

He thought about how he didn't understand anything, and he wondered if he wanted to anymore.

He thought about Malfoy, and as he did, his hold on Ginny tightened a little.

He thought about how right she felt here, and how he didn't want to lose this. And he thought, more than anything, about how much he didn't want to lose Ginny.

Slowly, Ginny's tears subsided. Harry didn't let go of her.

"Gin?" he asked. There was a pause.

"Mhmm?" She sounded tired and dreamy. Harry hesitated. He needed to say this.

"I don't..." He stopped and swallowed. She lifted her head and looked at him with those deep chocolate eyes of hers.

"Harry?" she asked.

"I don't- I don't want to lose you," he said awkwardly. "No matter what happens with you and - and Malfoy- I want you to know, I- I want you to know-" He stopped, feeling like a very big idiot.

But Ginny just gave him a soft, small smile. He hadn't seen her do that in a long time. He really liked it when she smiled. She leaned her head back on his shoulder. She felt so soft.

"Thank you, Harry."