Lithium

I’m so happy

Cause today I found my friends

They’re in my head

"Ginny?"

He leans in close to her face, his green eyes wide behind black framed glasses. He has been saying her name for almost five minutes. She is looking at him, her eyes never leaving their fixed spot. There is a small smile on her face. And she refuses to answer him.

I’m so ugly

But that’s ok, cause so are you

We broke our mirrors

He watches her with weary brown eyes. Her hands are folded primly in her lap, the way their mom had taught her. It has been this way for weeks now. She sits in silence, smiling for no apparent reason. Hermione begs him to talk to Dumbledore. But he makes up a new excuse each time she asks. He knows what will happen. He refuses to let her be put in some hospital. She will come back to him. She has to. He loves her far too much for her not to.

Sunday morning

Is every day for all I care

And I’m not scared

"Ginny, what has happened to you?"

She takes Ginny’s hand in her own. It is cold and still. The hand of a dead person. This thought chills her. She brushes the girl’s fiery hair away from her face, revealing eyes that see nothing at all. Tears catch in her throat. This can’t be the same girl who just a few weeks ago was laughing and throwing snow balls at her brothers. And yet, it is. She thinks of her best friend, her love. She knows that this is killing him. She would do anything to make this go away. But she can’t. And she wonders whether anyone really can.

Light my candles

In a daze cause I found god

Yeah

He sees her from across the hall, and even from that distance, he can tell that something is wrong with her. Her hair is wild and unkempt, her eyes wide and unfocused, and her features blank except the distant smile playing across her lips. Her hand is wrapped around her fork, holding it poised above her still full plate. But she makes no move to eat. She hasn’t in several weeks. What is wrong with her? She didn’t used to be like this. There is one good side to it, though. It seems to be driving the dream team bonkers. But as he continues to look at her, he feels something inside of him twist. He wants her back.

 

I’m so lonely

But that’s ok, I shaved my head

And I’m not sad

 

"Ginny, come on! I’m right here, I know you can hear me. Please, please say something."

 

His hands are on her shoulders, shaking her gently. His green eyes are searching hers. She says nothing, smiling that blank smile at him. He feels a wave of anger wash over him. He shakes her harder.

 

"Why are you doing this?! Dammit, wake up!!"

 

His hands are gripping her tightly as he jerks her back and forth. And that same damn smile is plastered on her face.

 

He is still shaking her when someone pulls him back. He whirls around to face his best friend, and his anger fades, replaced by guilt. And shame. He sinks down into the nearest chair and buries his head in his hands.

 

And just maybe

I’m to blame for all I’ve heard

But I’m not sure

 

He stares into the fire as it dies down. He has been sitting in the same place for an hour, and his whole body is stiff. He wonders briefly whether this is how it is for her. Or if she even notices. Hermione is seated between him and Harry, looking like she might burst into tears at any moment. Harry refuses to even look in his direction, and keeps raking his hands through his hair. It strikes him then how much this has hurt them all. He knows now that it isn’t just he who is affected. He has to do something. Even thinking about it is wrong. He should take care of her. But he doesn’t know how. He can’t.

 

I’m so excited

I can’t wait to meet you there

And I don’t care

 

She can’t ignore the tension. The two most important people in the world to her, and they are both falling apart before her eyes. She hates Ginny. For doing this to them, to her. And she is ashamed of her hate. Of wishing that Ron would just lock her away. His little sister. She feels disgusted with herself. What has she become? Is she really that cold, that cruel?

 

She is torn out of her reverie when Ron stands up. And begins to walk toward the portrait hole.

 

"Where are you going?" she asks, rising to join him. Harry follows suit.

 

"To get help."

 

I’m so horny

But that’s ok, my will is good

Yeah

 

He sees them walking toward the entrance to the Headmaster’s office. Their grim, determined expressions set off warning bells in his head. This has something to do with her, he is sure of it.

 

"Oi, Weasel."

 

They stop in their tracks. All three of them at the same time. A synchronized unit. They turn to face him.

 

"What do you want, Malfoy?" asks the Boy Wonder.

 

He steps toward them but keeps a safe distance. "Where do you think you’re going?"

 

"To see Dumbledore," Weasel answers.

 

"I’m afraid I can’t let you do that."

 

I like it, I’m not gonna crack

I miss you, I’m not gonna crack

I like you, I’m not gonna crack

I kill you, I’m not gonna crack

I like it, I’m not gonna crack

I miss you, I’m not gonna crack

I love you, I’m not gonna crack

I kill you, I’m not gonna crack

 

"What?"

 

Harry watches as Malfoy’s eyes narrow and he crosses his arms over his chest. "I can’t let you do that," he repeats.

 

"Sod off, Malfoy," Ron hisses. "This is none of your business."

 

"Oh, but it is. I know that there is something wrong with your sister. And you can’t handle it. So you’re going to let someone else take care of it for you. Whatever happened to that Gryffindor courage?"

 

Ron’s face goes red. "You don’t know anything about me. Or about Ginny."

 

"Maybe not. But you do. And you know what will happen if you go in there. Think about that."

 

With that, he walks away, leaving silence in his wake.

 

I’m so happy

Cause today I found my friends

They’re in my head

 

I’m so ugly

But that’s ok, cause so are you

We broke our mirrors

 

He knows that Malfoy was right. The fucking ferret actually made sense for once. He still doesn’t know why Malfoy cared so much what happened to Ginny, nor does he wish to explore it. The point is that he can’t do this to her. He turns to face his friends. Reading his expression, Hermione bursts out, "Ron, don’t listen to him. This is the right thing."

 

He shakes his head. "No, it’s not. She’s my family. I can’t let them take her away."

 

"You can’t take care of her Ron. Not on your own."

 

"What do you want me to do?! She’s my sister, my responsibility. I can’t do this to her. Maybe you could, but not me."

 

Sunday morning

Is everyday for all I care

And I’m not scared

 

Light my candles

In a daze, cause I found God.

Yeah

 

Her stomach is twisting in knots as Ron’s expression grows more and more angry. She knows she shouldn’t be pushing. But she just wants this to go away. It won’t as long as Ginny is with them. Dammit, why did Harry have to save her? If he hadn’t, the three of them wouldn’t be fighting now. They would be enjoying their last year at this school. She and Ron would be happy. Harry wouldn’t be so worried. Ginny is practically dead anyway. Would it be so horrible for her to die now? Oh god, what is she thinking? As if to repent her thoughts, she wraps her arms around Ron.

 

"I am so, so sorry," she sobs.

 

I like it, I’m not gonna crack

I miss you, I’m not gonna crack

I love you, I’m not gonna crack

I kill you, I’m not gonna crack

 

Beside them, but miles away. A little girl with red hair and a smile on her face sits in a scarlet chair. She dances in an open field. Her hands lay in her lap. She picks flowers, using delicate fingers to pull off the petals. She sees nothing. She sees millions of beautiful, colorful flowers, a deep red sunset. She is alone. She is never alone. There is someone with her, someone who sits beside her and listens to her stories. Someone who holds her as she cries, smiles as she laughs. The kind of person who she never knew existed.

 

I like it, I’m not gonna crack

I miss you, I’m not gonna crack

I love you, I’m not gonna crack

I kill you, I’m not gonna crack

 

To the world, she is dead. But she is more alive than she has ever been before.