Stupid Girl

I can’t take this, born to break this

----

            Here she comes. I see her approaching in hurried steps, anxious to be standing next to me. Her hair streaming behind her in a rippling river of fire. She wears it down now, ever since I told her that I liked it better that way. Girls like her are so predictable.

            She reaches me and throws her arms around my neck. The slight pressure on my shoulders is familiar and oddly comfortable. I resist the urge to smile, reaching to pull her arms away. They fall to her sides as a worried frown creases her forehead.

"What is it? What’s wrong?"

Her voice is so gentle that I feel a twinge of guilt deep in my stomach. At first, the words won’t come. What’s wrong with you? You’ve done this loads of times before. Why are you losing your nerve now?

"Ginny, we need to talk."

----

            There he is. The stormy gray sky a perfect backdrop to his defiant stance. My feet begin to move faster. The only thing on my mind is being near him, holding him. Only a few feet away, I practically sprint across the small space between us. I lean into him, my arms snaking around hi neck, my hands resting comfortably on the nape of his neck, toying with fine strands of his silver hair. He seems a little tense, but he’s no teddy bear to begin with, so I write it off.

            That is, until I feel his strong, large hands wrap around my small wrists and lift my arms away. I let them drop to my sides. A horrible, sick feeling begins to churn in my stomach. I fight it down. Come on, this is Draco. He’s not exactly known to be Mr Snuggles. He gets like this whenever something is bothering him.

"What is it? What’s wrong?" I ask him.

Something flickers through his eyes, something remotely resembling guilt. He looks at me in silence for a moment, his expression even more distant than usual. Finally, he says, "Ginny, we need to talk."

My heart takes a sickening nose dive and I berate myself for jumping to conclusions. I plaster a tender smile on my face and brace myself.

----

            Oh gods, that smile. I know it all too well. It is the smile that she gives me when I return from visiting my father. After I scream and curse and toss several valuable objects at the nearest wall. When I slump against said wall, my breathing hard and ragged, and feel like the shattered glass around my feet. And she kneels beside me, for the first time making her presence known, and her brown eyes are so warm, and she looks at me the way she is looking at me now. With open concern on her elvish face. It is the smile that she gives me when I lose an important Quidditch match to her house yet again, and I am ready to explode. And when a run in with her idiotic brother or another member of the Dream Team gets my blood boiling. The one that lets me know that she is different that all the other girls that I have dated.

            Can I really do this? Can I really break the heart of this girl? Of course you can! It’s not like you actually care about her. You don’t need her. She is beneath you. A poor, filthy, muggle loving Weasel.

"It’s over," I say through gritted teeth, before I can change my mind.

For some reason, saying it gives me the distinct feeling of being punched in the stomach. I try not to look at her, telling myself to walk away. But before I can, I catch a glimpse of her crestfallen face.

----

The words hit me with the force of a hammer, and I instinctively take a step back. I am almost reeling in shock. So much for not jumping to conclusions. My lips is trembling and I am struggling to keep my emotions under control. He can’t mean it. I must have heard him wrong. This has to be a joke. I manage a wry smile.

"Very funny, Draco," I say weakly.

He narrows his eyes. "I’m not joking. It’s over Ginny. Kaput."

I would laugh at his use of the word ‘kaput’ if not for the fact that I was in danger of bursting into tears at any second.

"But . . ." I trail off, a lump forming in my throat. I swallow several times before finding my voice. "Why?"

He gives me an arctic glare. "Did you really think I was going to stay with you?"

I look down at the ground, tears forming in my eyes, and wrap my arms around myself. Suddenly I am very cold. Taking this as a yes, he steps forward, only inches away from me. I can feel the warmth radiating from his body.

"Stupid girl," he says, his tone full of mock pity. "You actually believed that I cared about you?" He snickers. It echoes in my mind, taunting me. That cruel, hollow laugh.

----

She thinks I am joking. It is rather pathetic, really. Set her straight.

"I am not joking, Ginny. It’s over. Kaput."

Where is all of this coming from? And did I just use the word ‘kaput’??!!??

I see her lips move, but can’t hear what she is saying. The next thing I do hear, however, and it makes my stomach turn.

"Why?"

Why?

Why?

 Why, why why?

One simple question, resounding in my mind. Why am I doing this?

Why are you doing this?? Because she I weak, and pathetic, and naive. And you are not. This is what you do. You break girls like her. This one is no different.

That settles it, then. I give her the coldest look I can manage. "Did you really think I was going to stay with you?"

She quickly glances down at the ground, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. Another slight twinge of unwanted emotion that I bury beneath layers of contempt. She did think that. I cover the distance between us, looking down on the straight part of her ruby red hair. "Stupid girl. You actually believed that I cared about you."

Her shoulders tense up beneath her worn sweater. I search my mind for something that will cast the final blow. My mind takes me back to the first night that we spent together. Lips on lips, skin on skin. Waking to find her asleep beside me. Tidal waves of remorse and pain sweep over me, but I push them down.

Swallowing bitter bile, I snicker and say, "But I have to admit, you weren’t bad in bed." I pause for a moment before adding, "For a virgin."

Her head jerks up. Her beautiful brown eyes are flooded with tears, streaming down her cheeks and trailing over the hollow of her throat. I know that if I were to kiss her right now, her skin would taste salty. Misery, disappointment, and anger are among the many emotions written on her face. I think I may very well be sick if I stay a moment longer.

I turn around, ignoring the frantic beating of my heart, the ache pounding deep within me. And I walk away.

----

I snap my head up to look at him. How can he say that? As if that night meant nothing. As if I was just another name on the list. Another notch in his belt. The image of him, surrounded by his Slytherin friends, all laughing as Draco describes that night in agonizing detail, rises to my mind. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

He looks back down at me for a moment before turning and walking away. I find suddenly that my legs are very weak, as they buckle beneath me. I am on my knees, the ground cold beneath my stocking clad calves. His words circle through my mind.

"Stupid girl. You actually believed that I cared about you."

Tears are now coming in torrents, my breath escaping me in loud sobs. I suppose, when it all comes down to it, he is right. I gave my heart, my soul, my body to him. I should have known better. Should have listened when Ron told me that he was bad news. But, no. I believed that I could help him. And how does he repay me? By breaking my heart and grinding it under heel of his perfectly polished, designer shoes.

Stupid girl.

~* fin*~