Our Little Secret

When you are with him, it is wonderful. His awkward fumbling and the slight blush on his cheeks makes you smile and giggle lightly. His touch is warm and comfortable, something you are so very used to. After ward, he falls asleep with one arm thrown across your stomach and his head nestled into your neck. You smile to yourself, kiss him lightly on the lips, and close your eyes to a peaceful sleep. This is all you know of love. You never think that there could be something more.

Until her.

*

You know of her, of course. You share a bedroom with her every summer. She is growing out of her quiet, shy demeanor. Becoming more outgoing, more lively. There is a sparkle in her brown eyes so like the gleam in his. But it gives you a feeling that looking into his eyes does not. The first time she looks directly at you, her gaze is penetrating, and a blush rises to your cheeks. He smiles at you and takes your hand in his, and you realize where you are and feel a pang of guilt. You brush it away and force yourself to smile back at him.

*

You are sitting in the common room, trying to concentrate on your homework, but you can’t stop staring at her. It isn’t long before she notices, flashing a dazzling smile your way and flipping her glorious blood red hair.

She asks you for help with her homework and sits just a tad too close, making your heart race. What is wrong with you? She’s your best friend, why does sitting next to her do this to you? You stare at the open book, but after a moment you feel her eyes on you. Slowly, hesitantly, you turn to face her. She leans forward and presses her lips against yours.

You pull back, your eyes wide with shock and your mouth open.

"I’ve wanted to do that for a long time," she says.

You nod numbly. "Me too," you whisper.

With a wolfish grin, she kisses you again. Your mind is racing at the same speed as your heartbeat. Is anyone watching? Can they see? But all thoughts quickly fade as her tongue teases your lips.

*

You take her to your room. You explore her body with a sense of wonder and awe. Her legs are smooth and her form soft and when she kisses you there are bursts of light behind your eyes. Her touch leaves trails of fire and you wonder how you never noticed before this year how beautiful she truly is. She is nothing like him. She touches you like she has done this all her life.

Afterward you lay together, side by side, heat radiating from your bodies and limbs entwined.

"I love you, Hermione Granger," she whispers, before wrapping her arm around you and closing her eyes.

*

After that, you meet her regularly. You are often tugged into dark closets for a quick snog between classes, sometimes more than a snog. You are still with him, but now when he kisses you, you don’t see his face behind your eyes. You must be acting oddly, and he must notice, for he frequently asks, "What’s wrong, ‘Mione?"

"Nothing at all," you say, pasting on a happy smile and placing a kiss firmly on his lips.

He never notices that you lie awake night after night. Not even when he is beside you.

*

"When are we going to tell them?"

You turn to her. "Tell them what?"

"About us," she says, lacing your hands together.

A knot forms in your stomach. You honestly hadn’t thought about telling them. You like it better this way. Having a secret. But from the look on her face, hearing that would upset her.

"Soon, I promise."

*

Days pass. They turn into weeks. You still haven’t told them. You can’t bring yourself to break his heart.

"Soon," you assure her, your hands tangled in her hair as she rests her head on your stomach.

"You said that the last time," she says irritably.

"But it’s not that easy. Things have been really difficult for him lately. He’s awfully worried about Harry. I just... I can’t spring this on him now."

"But you will?" she asks skeptically.

You lean down to lay a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Yes."

*

A month passes. She asks you again. You tell her that things are calming down, and you will tell him the next chance you get.

*

That night, he finds you in your room. He whispers that he loves you and kisses you and pushes you back onto your bed. You still feel something with him, even if it isn’t what she gives you. You let him rid you of your robes, sliding his hand under your blouse. You don’t hear the door open, don’t see her until it is too late. He rolls off of you, and you look up to see her standing beside the bed. Her face is ghostly white, her eyes narrow and filled with tears. His ears go scarlet.

"Gin, look, I know it must be weird to see this–"

"Liar," she says, her voice low and soft. "Lying little bitch."

He looks from you to her and back again, noting that her eyes are on you and yours on her. His face falls.

"Oh god."

You look at him, your eyes flooding with tears. "Ron–"

He moves away from you, his face twisted in an expression of anger and disgust. "You— with Gin– Oh god."

You looks back at Ginny, who has her arms crossed over her chest. "You were never going to tell, were you?"

As you stutter over your answer, the tears escape her eyes. She wipes them away angrily. "Well, he knows now. You don’t have to hide it anymore."

"I’m sorry," you manage.

"So am I."

She turns and walks out of the room, leaving you with him.

"Ron, please, let’s talk about this."

But he is already on his feet, zipping up his trousers. He gathers the rest of his clothes and walks to the door. Before he walks out, he turns back to you, and your heart turn over at the pain on his face.

"Goodbye Hermione."

And then he is gone. They have both left you. A sense of emptiness settles over you. What do you have now? Nothing. Harry will not want anything to do with you once he finds out. The three people you love the most are gone. And it is nobody’s fault but your own.