Glitter, Glass, and Beauty

When I was eight years old, I had a pet rabbit.She was beautiful, with soft golden brown fur and large black eyes. Padma and I would spend hours on end stroking her, watching her nose twitch and laughing as children do. She told me all that she knew about rabbits, and I just smiled and admired the creature. Padma knew lots of things. But I was more interested in beauty than in knowledge.

One morning, I awoke to find my beautiful rabbit laying dead in her cage. Padma held me as I cried, whispering in my ear that she probably had felt no pain. The loss was a heavy weight in my stomach, my first taste of reality. And I didn’t like it at all.

~*~

I never quite understood why I was placed in Gryffindor. Sure, I was brave when I had to be. But I opted to separate myself from reality. To bury myself in a world of glitter and glass and beauty. Where things were fragile but never broken.

When Voldemort returned, I was terrified. I spent the last night of my fourth year in Padma’s bed, falling asleep to her hushed whispers and soft touches.

~*~

In sixth year, we were called to Dumbledore’s office. Padma held my hand tightly as our headmaster looked at us with a somber expression on his wizened face. I felt all the color drain from my face as he told us that our parents had died battling the dark lord. I squeezed her hand , digging my nails into her flesh, and felt her do the same.

We held tightly to each other that night, realizing fully for the first time that there was a war waging on outside the castle walls. She did not attempt to soothe me with logic. Even she could not find it.

~*~

Seventh year was pure chaos. Hogwarts fell under siege. Students were soldiers. Padma and I were proud members of Dumbledore’s Army, marching onto the battlefield behind Harry Potter. There were flashes of green light all around us, bodies falling to the ground. If I could have, I would have held on to her hand the entire time. But she slipped out of my reach, her wand held at ready, and I knew she was prepared for war. I wish I could have said the same.

When the smoke cleared, I wiped the back of my hand across my face, which was stained with tears and dirt and blood. I was so weak I could barely stand, but somehow I found it in me to walk. I made my way around the field, my gaze traveling over the fallen figures on the ground. Broken and mangled bodies, and so many lost, and I realized that I wasn’t sure who had been victorious, because I had expected to see Harry standing proudly over Voldemort’s corpse, but that had not happened.

That is when I heard it. Cheering. At least a hundred voices, chanting, and though it was distant and muffled, I could tell that it meant nothing good for us.

The voices drew closer and I ducked behind a tree and when they marched past me I nearly retched. Death Eaters, carrying the bloody body of Harry Potter over their heads like a trophy. Voldemort walking ahead of them all, his red eyes glittering.

I waited until they had passed. It was obvious they were heading for Hogwarts, undoubtedly planning to make it their own palace. I then crept out from my hiding place and continued my search.

I passed so many of my friends. So many of my enemies. Poor little Lavender, she was turned inside out by the Cruciatus Curse. Seamus was obviously struck by the Killing Curse, and under the circumstances he came out lucky.

When I finally found her, my heart was broken. I was sure nothing could be worse than the things I had already seen. But I could never have been prepared for the sight of her motionless body, her dark eyes wide open and empty.

For perhaps the first time, I was alone. Truly alone, and in a world where everything was about to change. And there would be no one to hold my hand, to stroke my hair and kiss away my tears.

Pain washed over me like a tidal wave. I was drowning, too tired to kick my way to the surface. I pointed my own wand at my heart and surrendered to the blinding light.

~*~fin~*~