17 Going On 7

Chapter 7
Facetious

Lily slowly opened her eyes and gasped to see two chocolate brown eyes staring into her own eyes, just inches away. "'Morning, Evans." James Potter grinned.

Lily moaned and sat up. "Well, if it isn't the damned Potter boy whose fault this was in the first place!"

James looked away suddenly and then back at Lily, hurt in his eyes. "I'm really sorry about that, Lil," he said quietly. "I wish you hadn't ... well, attempted to ... storm out like that. I hate it when we argue."

Lily grinned. "You say it like we're married!" she giggled.

"Oh, no, no, Evans," James replied with a grin. "I think we've settled the fact that it'll never happen."

A light pink brushed Lily's cheeks as she said defensively, "I didn't mean it literally, Potter. I was being facetious."

James raised an eyebrow. "Facetious?"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, facetious! It means ... sarcastic."

James nodded and laughed. "Oh, so you learned that word just to bug me, did you?"

"Of course I did."

James smiled, but just as he did so, Eliza Jonston came bursting through the infirmary doors. "Oh, no!" she bellowed. "I heard my James was in the hospital wing!"

James shut his eyes tight and took a deep breath - a calming tool that did not go unnoticed by Lily. "I'm visiting my friend here, if you don't mind?" James said in a rather angry voice.

Eliza took a deep breath. "Fine," she said firmly. "But you've been spending a lot of time with that Evans girl, James!"

Lily sat up further and shouted, "I'm right here!"

"Duh!" Eliza shouted back.

James, who had been sitting in a chair by Lily's bed, stood up and turned to face Eliza. "Eliza, don't treat my friends like that or you'll find yourself dateless, and not just for the ball, but for the rest of your life. I'm sure it'll be no trouble at all for my friends, who all dislike you."

Lily snorted in protest from her bed and muttered, "Dislike?! More like hate or loathe!" She leaned back on her pillows and watched as Eliza's face color changed ten times before she turned on her heel and stomped out.

Lily looked up at James, who was still staring at the door, fuming. "Thanks," she whispered.

He turned around and looked at her. "I didn't do that only for you. I also did it for my own sanity." Then they both burst out laughing, as if James dating Eliza had been a good laugh (and not a good reason for pissy pants) since the day it was announced.

***

Chloe grinned over at Allie and Sirius. "It's cute," she sighed.

Allie gave her a confused look. "What's cute?"

"You and Sirius," she said. Sirius choked on his food, but managed to swallow it. "I mean, not only did you save Lily and James' friendship, but you bonded further while doing so. Isn't that cute?"

"No," snorted Remus. "I think it's disgusting."

"Well, I think it's cute!" Chloe hissed at him.

"Say, where is James?" asked Mel, shoving a spoonful of scrambled eggs into her mouth.

Eyeing her distastefully, Allie answered, "He's visiting Lily. I reckon it'll be a while before he comes back, and hopefully he'll have Lily with him."

With those words, the doors to the Great Hall burst open and a very furious Eliza Jonston came storming in, her two best friends, Madeline and Cacy, following her closely. "Eliza, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it!" Madeline cried. But Eliza just turned around and shot her a nasty look.

"Incoming!" cried Chloe, diving under the table and pulling Mel under with her. Allie turned around to see that Eliza was heading right for her, and her eyes seemed to shine red with anger. Remus and Peter, obviously as startled by such an angry Eliza as Chloe had been, dived under the table. The three peeked their heads out over the bench to see what was going on.

"You're t-terrible!" sobbed Eliza, but the tears (which had suddenly burst out as she approached Allie) were clearly fake. "I c-can't b-believe what you d-did to p-poor J-James!"

Allie turned to Sirius as if asking for help on the matter, her lips sealed tight, and begun shaking with suppressed laughter. "What did we do to p-poor J-James?" Sirius mocked her.

"L-Locked him in a r-room with that n-nasty E-Evans!" wailed Eliza.

Chloe almost dived out from under the table, but Remus and Mel held her back. Peter was too fascinated with the scene to care much for what anybody else was doing. "Stay!" Mel hissed in Chloe's ear, pulling her back by her ankle.

"If you dare insult Lily again, I'll have your neck!" shouted Sirius.

"Is th-that a th-threat?!" screeched Eliza.

"You better believe it is!" Sirius shouted back. Everybody in the Great Hall was watching the scene, more than half of the population shaking with suppressed laughter.

"Well, I won't stand for it!" sobbed Eliza.

"Enough!" a voice game from the professors' table. Everybody looked up to see Professor Dumbledore glaring down upon the group of arguing students. As he was a rather new Headmaster to the school, most were quite afraid of him, but he seemed like a nice man.

"Mr. Black, Miss Jonston, Miss Wilshire? Come with me, please?" came McGonagall's shaky voice.

***

"So, did you get detention for it or something?" James asked that night, after hearing the story from Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. "Nah," he said smoothly. "Basically, McGonagall scolded us until Eliza left, then she pretty much told us good job but to be more discreet next time."

James glared. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Realizing what he'd just admitted, Sirius turned red and put his hand to his mouth.

"It means that you and Lily have got to get together!" Remus answered. "I mean, think about it, mate! Even Professor McGonagall is counting on it!"

James shook his head. "That's only because she wants us to set a 'good example' at the ball. Everybody knows that the idea of Lily and me together is hopeless."

"You're just gonna give up? Just like that?" asked Peter. "You've spent almost all of your time at Hogwarts trying to win over Lily Evans, and now that you've almost completely got her, you're giving up?"

James nodded. "Yeah, 'just like that'. I know enough about Lily to know that she's happy that I've given up. And I don't blame her."

Sirius sighed. "Fine. So, what about Eliza? Are you going to dump her yet? I mean, we all hate her..."

"Yeah, I know," muttered James. "But I'm not dumping her."

"James, you don't even like her!" cried Remus. "It's not fair to you, her, or Lily!"

"I though I told you I gave up on Lily!" James said loudly.

"How many times do we have to remind you?" asked Sirius. "You're still friends. And Eliza is a bitch to Lily even more than the rest of us."

"Well, I'm going back to my dorm," James spat. "You finish bashing my girlfriend - I'm going to bed."

"Oh, so now she is your girlfriend?!" Sirius yelled after him, as James slammed the Portrait shut and headed back toward his dorm.

***

Lily walked over to Sirius from behind and smacked him in the back of the head. He spun around the second her hand made contact with his head. Rubbing his head, he asked, "What the hell was that for?!"

"Why aren't you and James talking?!" cried Lily.

"Because James is a stupid git and I'm not talking to him until he dumps Eliza!" Sirius replied, still rubbing his head.

"Oh, whatever," muttered Lily. "You've been friends as long as I can remember, and you've never actually fought. Now that the stupid bitch Eliza has come along, you're going to let her ruin your friendship? That easily?"

"Yeah, well, there isn't much I can do about it," mumbled Sirius. "James is too headstrong."

Lily tried not to show her surprise to Sirius' big vocabulary as she spun around on her heel and stomped off.

Eliza showed up beside Sirius and whispered, "Somebody's got a big vocabulary, but a little dictionary." Sirius elbowed her hard in the ribs and stomped off the opposite way Lily had.

***

Eliza looked over at James. "Jaaames?" she said in her whiniest voice. "Are you ever going to take me on a real date?"

James looked up from his book and glared at her. A slip of paper had fallen out of his Potions book when he was walking down the hall and one of Eliza's friends had found it. It just so happened that it had been from the beginning of the year when he'd written down the password, so now Eliza had all-access to the Head Boy and Head Girl common room.

"Hello? James?" Eliza cooed.

Damn my cursed short-term memory!, James thought as he continued looking through his book. "Maybe."

"Oh." Eliza's face fell and she pushed a lock of blonde hair out of her face. James rolled his eyes. I can't believe I actually used to like blondes!

Just then the door flew open and Lily came stomping into the room, taking no notice of James and Eliza's little study party. She grabbed one of her Muggle psychology books off the table, went to her dorm, and slammed the door.

Eliza let out a stifled giggle as she watched Lily slam the door. "Wow, talk about a hot head!"

James glared at her. "I'll be right back. I have to make sure she's okay." He got up to check on Lily, but Eliza grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.

"Step foot in that room, James Potter, and I'll make sure you never have kids."

"What? By breaking up with me? You think I'd actually have kids with you?" laughed James.

"Oh, no, there's other ways." Eliza's enjoyment of the situation was perfectly clear as the meaning of what she said hit James like a bag of bricks. His face paled and he slowly walked back over to his chair and sat down.

Then Lily's door flew open and she came out of the room. She threw the book back on the table, grabbed James by his tie, pushed him onto the couch, and kissed him right on the lips.

Eliza's scream would have been heard throughout the castle if the Head Boy and Head Girl common room didn't have silencing charms on it.