Permanent Scars

Chapter nineteen

Draco remained sitting on the couch after Pansy left, his head spinning. He just couldn't take in everything that had happened.

He thought about what Pansy said, about how he seemed to get off on the violence more than the sex that he had had with her. He reflected on his past sexual experiences. Draco searched his memory for a girl that he had had sex with without the violent foreplay. He sat thinking for a long time, but none came to mind. Could it really be true? Had he been more into the violence than the girls themselves? He thought and thought, but discovered that, of all the girls he'd been with, he only truly cared for Pansy and he knew he was definitely not in love with her. The more he thought, the more perplexed he became.

Then there was the situation with Harry. Was it possible that Harry found him attractive despite the scars? After the accident, Draco had given up all hope that anyone would ever find him attractive again. When he looked in the mirror, he only saw a monster looking back.

The idea that Harry, not only liked him, but also found him attractive was almost unbelievable. Yet, all signs seemed to point to just that conclusion. Harry had stroked his face as if he never even noticed the scars. And he had come running up immediately after the incident, pounding on Draco's door, wanting to talk to him. The more Draco thought about it, the more he concluded that Harry liked him, maybe even had a crush on him.

He examined his feelings for Harry and found that it was easier to identify what he wasn't feeling than what he was feeling. He knew that he no longer hated Harry; no longer felt a burning desire for revenge. The hardest part was that he really wasn't sure just what he felt for Harry.

He thought back to when Harry had touched him on the Quidditch pitch. Was it Harry touching his scars, or was it that Harry was gay and attracted to him that had upset him? He told Pansy that he had been upset because Harry touched his scars, but was there more to it than that? He remembered the soft, gentle way Harry had touched him and he felt really confused.

Harry was a guy; a guy that had shown that he was interested in him. Shouldn't he be upset about that? If he weren't gay, wouldn't he feel disgusted by the idea of a guy wanting him, or shocked, or something?

He thought, again, about the possibility that he might be gay. Unbidden, the memory of when he had straddled Harry on the couch jumped into his mind. He could almost feel Harry underneath him again. At the memory of Harry's warm body pressed against his, he could feel himself getting hard. He reached down, still deep in the memory of their bodies pressed together, and began rubbing his growing erection. He was startled when he realized that he'd never before fantasized about any of the girls he'd dated, but that he was sitting here on the couch, his cock stiff, thinking of Harry.

He was horrified that thoughts of Harry had made him hard. Draco struggled with the realization that he was gay. His mind was in a daze. Did he really fancy Harry? And, if he did fancy Harry, what should he do about it? Maybe he would take Pansy advice after all and give Harry a chance.