Permanent Scars

Chapter nine

As Harry lay sobbing, his forehead pressed against the bed, Draco groggily began to come back to consciousness.

As the greyness cleared from his eyes, the first thing he saw was Potter, on his knees, kneeling against the bed, crying. It was such an unbelievable sight that Draco thought he must still be unconscious and dreaming.

"Potter?" Draco asked cautiously.

"Malfoy, thank God you're alive!" Harry said, joyfully.

"Why are you here, Potter?" Draco asked harshly.

At the sound of voices, Madam Pomfrey bustled back into the room.

"I see you're awake now, Mister Malfoy. That was a very foolish thing you tried to do. It was lucky for you that Mister Potter found you in time," Madam Pomfrey scolded.

Draco didn't say anything. He only lay in the bed, scowling, until Madam Pomfrey left the room.

"So, Potter, why are you still here?" Draco asked nastily. "You've done your good deed. So why don't you just piss off now back to your Gryffindor mates and leave me alone."

Harry glared at Draco, but said, "There's something I need to tell you before I go. It will only take a second. Do you mind if I pull up a chair?"

Draco said callously, "What in the bloody hell can I do about it if you pull up a chair or not? Do whatever you want, Potter."

Harry walked to the corner of the room, and came back with a large, comfy chair. He pulled it close to Draco's bed.

As soon as he sat down, he said remorsefully, "I feel responsible for what happened. For you trying to kill yourself, I mean. I have been having terrible nightmares ever since the accident happened. I never wanted anything like this to happen to you. I know it isn't enough, but I wanted to tell you I didn't mean for it to happen, and I really am sorry." Harry looked at Draco beseechingly, tears welling up in his eyes. "Please believe that I didn't do it on purpose. I was just distracted. Ginny and I had had a fight and..."

Draco looked at Harry with disbelief. "Do you really think I tried to kill myself because I look like this? Are you crazy? That's the least of my problems."

"I thought the accident combined with the death of your parents was just too much to bear," Harry said, confused. "Isn't that why you did it?"

Draco looked at Harry cruelly and said, "Do you really want to know why I tried to kill myself? I mean really? Aren't you just here to ease your guilty conscience? You feel bad because you caused the cauldron to explode. You want me to tell you it's okay. That I forgive you. That's what you want. What you don't want is to look at real darkness, at a REAL reason to get upset enough to kill yourself. You think I would kill myself over simple vanity? I can see you don't know me at all.

"I'll tell you why I tried to kill myself, but you won't understand. The reason why I tried to kill myself is because I took a good, hard look inside, and what I saw was evil. Evil like the Death Eaters.

"I realized the only thing that made me different from the people that had killed my parents was the Dark Mark. That's it. Can you imagine it, Potter? Imagine thinking like the Death Eaters that killed your parents, believing like they do. Could you live with yourself? Would you even want to? That's why I tried to kill myself. I hate the Death Eaters more than anything, and then I find out I AM what I hate most."

Draco continued spitefully, "You didn't have anything to do with my suicide attempt. I forgive you for causing the cauldron to explode. Now you've got what you came for so get OUT!"

As Harry got up to leave, suddenly the infirmary doors banged open and Pansy ran in.

"Draco, honey, I just heard what happened!" Pansy said as she flew towards the bed, totally ignoring Harry.

Harry looked back at where Draco lay on the bed.

Pansy was sitting in the chair recently vacated by him. She had one of Draco's hands in hers, and there were tears in her eyes.