One Hundred Years

One Hundred Years

I'm 15 for a moment

Caught in between 10 and 20

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

Dearest Hermione,

It is now summer, and yet I cannot find the energy to get out of the house. I do not know why, but I'm plagued with heartache.

And yet, I'm so sure of the reason because it's right here, staring me in the face. You. I miss you.

It seems like ages since I last saw you, decades since we last touched, and centuries since we've last kissed. I know we did not end on good terms, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I'm sorry.

For a while now, I've been sorry. I wonder what you're doing now. I can almost see you in your room, lying on the bed with a book in your hands, and I find myself wondering when I will see you again. And I smile, because soon summer will be over, and I will be greeted with your laugher once more. Tonight seems endless though, and I'm feeling as if tomorrow will never come.

I am wishing for you to be with me tonight. Are you wishing for me, too?

You've given me more hope and faith than I could ever ask for. I never thought that I had given you anything in return, but I now realize you do have something of mine. You've had it for a long time; I just didn't realize it until now.

My heart is in your hands now.

I love you,

Draco

Draco quickly blots the ink on his newly written letter then rereads it. He loves her but as he reaches out for his owl, he finds that he cannot muster up the strength to send the letter. He crumples it at first, throwing it to the corner and thought of how stupid he's been. Why would someone like her ever love him in return? But then he picks up the letter again, and opens a drawer in his desk, taking out a small silver box. He places the letter in an envelope and writes in his usual flourish print, "15 years, August 30, 1995," before placing it into the box on top of all the other letters he never sent.

'I miss you, Hermione. Do you miss me, too?'

--

I'm 22 for a moment

She feels better than ever

And we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars

Dearest Hermione,

You'll probably be in London by the time you receive this letter. It's only been an hour since you've left but it has felt like years. I miss you already.

I know you're going to see Potter. And I know that you still love him. Slowly, but surely, my heart is breaking as I let you go to him. It seems like we're fifteen all over again.

I lost your love a long time ago, and I've never had the courage to do something about it. I still love you, Hermione. My heart has never left you. You do not know how much it has hurt all these years to watch as you go out with one jerk after another. I've always stood by you on the sidelines, hoping, wishing one day it'll be me by your side. I know you only see me a friend, though.

I can remember the last time we were together. I called it a mistake; you didn't argue with what I said. I can pinpoint it down to the exact second when you kissed me because I know that I'll never forget that moment. I waited six years for that kiss, and I'm not about to wait six more years for another one.

Forgive me. I can't get you out of my mind, my heart, or my soul. You are a part of me that I will never be able to rid myself, nor do I want to because I never want to forget the only woman I've ever loved.

Don't break my heart now. Please.

I love you,

Draco

Draco gets up off his chair and walks over to his owl. He thinks about sending the letter, but it never happens. He takes out the silver box he's kept for so long and looks at the growing pile of letters. He slowly opens the lid and places the one he just wrote inside. It's marked, "22 years, April 10, 2002". Then, he places the box back into his drawer. No one will ever read these letters.

'I miss you, Hermione. Do you miss me, too?'

--

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

It is a Hogsmeade weekend and everyone Hermione knows is there, but she stays behind because of a boy, a boy that she may love, and a boy who would never love her back. She waits alone until he arrives. Suddenly everything seemed so much brighter. She had never thought Draco Malfoy could make her feel this way. His kisses burned her lips, and his words made her heart flutter.

Her friends always tried to convince her to come with them. They told her this was the year she was supposed to live a little instead of staying behind to do homework. Hermione knew they were wrong because she lived the most on those weekends. They meant the world to her.

So did he.

--

I'm 33 for a moment

Still the man, but you see I'm a they

A kid on the way

A family on my mind

Dearest Hermione,

I broke my last promise. I waited for you to make a move. I made a promise in a letter I never sent eleven years ago that I would not wait six more years for a kiss from you. I lied. I didn't act for another six years and watched as two more flew by before we kissed again. Ever since you got back from that trip to London, you started going out with Potter. Along the way, you ended up breaking my heart.

I remember the night when he broke it off with you. You were crying in my arms in this very room. I wish I had said something then. A year later, I found you in my arms one glorious morning, and I wish it had stayed that way. This time it was you who called it a mistake. And so, my heart broke a little more.

Then something we didn't expect happened. We had created a life, Hermione. You and I. I can almost imagine her with your beautiful eyes and curly brown hair. We agreed that from then on that we would be a family. She was all I thought about for nine months. She was beautiful.

I haven't seen you since the incident. I cannot imagine what the pain must have been like for you. I know I died on that day. I can still remember what the doctor said to me when he walked out of that room. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Malfoy. We lost the baby.'

Two months later, you were packed and ready to go. You said you wanted to see the world, but I knew better. You wanted to escape from here, from me. I never found the heart to leave this place. I wish I did, though. I wish I could go after you.

Every now and then I get letters from you, and I write back faithfully but I'm not sure of anything with you gone.

I visit her every day.

I love you,

Draco

Draco folds the letter carefully and places it inside his jacket. He walks two blocks before he reaches his destination; a small cemetery on the side of the road. It was a little block of devastation amongst the bustling noise and happiness of the streets. He walks to the grave of his daughter. Their daughter. He kneels down and places daises on the grave. Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Hermione Malfoy. On the way back to his apartment, Draco decides that he must send this letter. But by the time he gets back, night has fallen and his owl is already out hunting. So he gets out his silver box and marks this letter as he had with every single letter. "33 years, September 15, 2013" He closes the box and puts away the letters he'll never send.

'I miss you, Hermione. Do you miss me, too?'

--

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

Dearest Hermione,

It feels good knowing that you're coming home. I've already cleaned prepared your room for you. To tell you the truth, I never had the heart to change anything, so everything is still exactly as you left it.

It's been five years since I last saw you. I still remember the fight which prompted you to leave again. You were getting married. I remember wondering for the next three years if you had actually gone through with it. Then on that one day two years ago, I got a letter. 'I didn't marry him.'

Now, you're finally coming back. Not much has changed with me, you'll find. What they said to be the best years of our lives, we spent apart from each other. I just want to stay with you for the next hundred years.

I went to visit Elizabeth again last week. I'll always think that I don't go enough. I suppose you're dealing with it just the opposite way. You've never been to her grave, not once. I can't blame you for that, for it breaks my heart every time I go, too.

How are you, Hermione? How are you really? I don't want "fine" for an answer. I've lived a quarter of my life. The magic in our blood may keep us alive twice as long as muggles, but I feel as if I'm about to die tomorrow. I don't want to die. I don't think I could bear not seeing you ever again. I don't know how I did it all these years, but I don't ever want to live without you again. I want a family. I want a life with you. I want another chance.

You were always the type to give second chances to everyone around you. I've known you for years and though it's not as long as Potter or Weasley, I know what's in your mind. I just wish I could see what's in your heart. I just hope it's me.

I've waited thirty years for my second chance.

I'm tired of waiting, Hermione. This time, I'll make sure I'm the one who makes the first move.

I love you,

Draco

Draco ties the letter to his owl's leg. This time Hermione is going to get the letter, but the owl returns a few hours later, the letter still on his leg. Hermione must be on the plane already. So Draco unties the letter, and takes out his silver box. There are some things that he did not believe in, but he knew that fate clearly had not wanted any of these letters to be sent. So he adds on "45 years, June 5, 2025" and places the letter on top of all the others.

'I miss you, Hermione. Do you miss me, too?'

--

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy, Time to lose yourself

Within a morning star

Draco is mad at her for some reason, and she can't figure out why. He's being intolerable, so she simply storms away. She never meant to start an argument with him

She sinks down onto her bed, crying silent tears while hoping that her dormmates won't wake up. It has been a week since the argument and today is the first time he didn't come to her during a Hogsmeade weekend. They never argue when they are alone together, but there's a first time for everything.

Hermione can't help but wish that Draco had come and apologized. There is only one more Hogsmeade weekend left before the term ends. She doesn't know what she would do if he doesn't to say goodbye.

She has fallen deeper than she meant to.

--

15 I'm all right with you

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

Hermione is on her way home. It's all over. As she sits in her parents' car watching the rain fly down, she can't help but wish she is out in the rain. She would've rather been slowly drowning than feel the pain.

Draco had broken it off. No reason, no explanation, nothing. It had been such a trivial argument and now she would never have those cherished meetings again.

She doesn't think she can live without him. Hermione knew her heart was already gone. She had unknowingly given it to Draco a long time ago. Now, she just wishes that he would feel the same.

But that is the point, isn't it? He doesn't love her.

--

Half time goes by

Suddenly you're wise

Another blink of an eye

67 is gone

The sun is getting high

We're moving on...

Dearest Hermione,

I love you. I miss you. I need you. Please come back.

It's been almost two years since you left to take that job in the states. I wish you didn't go. I had promised myself that I would not let you go, but in the end, it did not matter.

They say that the best times of your life is in your twenties and thirties, but I disagree. The twenty years that you spent here have been the best times of my life. I only live when you are here with me, Hermione. I wanted to tell you that I loved you during those twenty years but somehow every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out.

If my suspicions are correct, and I'm sure they are, you're back with Potter. It's funny, whenever I have my chance, I don't take it, but once it passes, I would do anything to get that chance back.

I'm always thinking of you, no matter where I am. Are you thinking of me, too?

I'm due to visit Elizabeth soon. I suppose it's good now that I've cut down the visits to once every year. Over the past twenty years that we've spent together, you never once went to her grave. I'm still counting the times that I go. I can still tell you down to the exact second when I found out about the incident. Just like how I can tell you exactly when I fell in love with you.

Come back to me. I'm waiting for you. Please.

I love you,

Draco

Draco places the letter down onto his desk. Another owl brings him a letter, and he opens it. It is from Hermione. She is going to marry Potter. Draco looks at the letter he wrote and feels an uncontrollable urge to rip it into pieces, but he doesn't. He picks up his pen and writes "67 years, January 31, 2047". Maybe some day his letters will be sent. Draco places the letter into the silver box and puts it away. Though he is still considered young in the wizarding world, Draco suddenly feels so old. His only love is getting married. And this time, nothing would stop her.

'I miss you, Hermione. Do you miss me, too?'

--

I'm 99 for a moment

Dying for just another moment

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

Dearest Hermione,

By the time you read this, I'll probably already be dead. As you know, I had decided to take on being an Auror again. I got hit by a particularly nasty curse. They haven't told me yet, but the doctors say that I only have a few more days left to live. Here I am, dying on the hospital bed, and still writing letters to you.

I've only lived half my life. One hundred years less than you'll live. I'm sure you'll make it past two hundred. Most extraordinary witches like you do. I suppose I've always seen this coming. Death was always waiting for me. But before it takes me, there is something I want you to know. I love you, Hermione.

I've enclosed a key with this letter. You'll find that it opens the first drawer to my desk. Inside, there'll be a silver box. I want you to have it. Maybe one day you'll discover the password, and then finally my letters will be read. I'll even give you a hint; this is the word that describes everything I love about the world, everything that means anything to me.

I know that they've informed you of my condition and that you're trying to get here as I write this, but I know I'll be gone by the time you get here. Apparation has been suspended for these two weeks into the city of London, and it may be just as well that other magical ways of arriving take longer than the muggle transportation you're using. It seems the fates don't want us to meet one last time. I can only imagine what you look like, beautiful as ever with your brown locks and warm eyes. I miss you. I've missed you for the past thirty years.

I'm glad you never married Potter. When that letter came from you, I could feel as if a weight was lifted off my heart. You told me that you didn't know why but you just couldn't go through with marrying him. I'm just... glad.

Find your happiness and take it. I didn't act on my feelings for all these years, and I regret not being able to hold you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me.

When I was younger, I would've never imagined I would die at 99, but ever since you left all those years ago, a part of me has already died. My soul was dead a long time ago, and perhaps now my mind can find peace, too.

I just have one last wish. Visit her, Hermione. Let go.

She misses you. As do I.

I love you,

Draco

Draco musters up his strength and ties the letter to the leg of his owl. Then, it's gone. Just like that. He finally sent his letter. He knows that almost half-way around the world Hermione will be reading the letter soon. Her flight would be due in London in about two hours. By then, he'd be one hundred years old. By then, he'd be gone. At least now his letters will be read. He never told her the password to open the box, but he's sure she'll figure it out, because she is the one who means everything to him. Then, he closes his eyes, and for a second, he can feel her presence in the room.

'I miss you, Hermione. Do you miss me, too?'

--

15 there's still time for you

22 I feel her too

33 you're on your way

Every day's a new day...

Just as Draco had predicted, Hermione is in London two hours later, running down the street to St. Mungo's, his letter clutched in her hand. By the time she arrives, he's already gone. She bursts into tears because Hermione knows that she's lost the only man she ever truly loved.

Two days later, she's at his apartment, opening the drawer and finding the silver box. It takes her two more months to open the box. She realizes that it's her name one night when she's rereading his last letter. She opens it to discover a thousand more letters inside. It takes her a year to read them all, but she does. Every night she sits on his bed with two boxes of tissues by her side reading the words he never had the heart to send.

She cries because she never realized how much she needed Draco. They had made up after fifth year but agreed to just be friends. Hermione wishes that she could've just told him that she loved him then, that she had always loved him. She wishes that he had sent just one of these letters, because it would've only taken one to bring her to his side.

She had never thought the man she loved would love her back. Now it was too late.

It was time for her to write her own letter.

--

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

Dearest Draco,

I love you. I always have and I always will. All your letters have been read. I just wish I had known before this. I suppose I always knew but just didn't want to admit it. I was afraid that if I was wrong I would be hurt, but now I know that not asking at all, not acknowledging it at all was so much worse.

I always thought I was happy, but I was wrong. I never realized that all I needed and wanted was you. My life has been a tragedy. I have felt happiness and loss, and there were moments when things were so clear but I could not see. Living life without you is something I don't know how I could bear.

I never married anyone, Draco, because I was married to you. That night when we slept together, we had gotten married. I never told you because I thought you'd want it to be annulled. I loved you too much to let you go, and so I thought by not telling you, I'd always have a little bit of you with me, even if it was just a last name.

We could've had a family if Elizabeth lived, a real family. I suppose that's why I never visited her because I could not bear to be reminded of everything I lost when I lost her. Because when I lost her, I lost you as well, Draco.

You are my best friend, my confidant, and the only one I'll ever love.

My heart aches as I write these words, but it must be done.

Goodbye.

I love you,

Hermione

Her pen touches the paper one last time to address the envelope as he had done to all those letters he never sent,"100 years, September 15, 2080". Hermione places the letter into the silver box. On the same rainy day she places the box onto Draco's coffin. She is the only one who's there to watch as Draco is buried. After it's over, she walks over and places a red rose onto his grave. She stands there in the rain without an umbrella, whispering to the wind, hoping that somewhere out there, Draco would hear her. "Even the gods are crying for us... we were meant to be Draco, I just wish I realized it from the beginning." Hermione walks over to the grave next to his, a single white rose in her hand. She places it on the gravestone. "Elizabeth Hermione Malfoy, beloved daughter." A single tear rolled down her cheek. She had come to visit her daughter for the first time. It was finally time to let go.

'I miss you, Draco. Do you miss me, too?'