Hate You, Hate Me

~Chapter 2 - Ignorance is Painful~

I hate you, Hermione.

I hate how you walk around like you're the only creature that has any brains.

I felt quite sick the next morning. Maybe it was because I knew tomorrow I would be traveling to the home of the king of the death eaters. Maybe it was because I still smelt of Pansy's wretched lip-gloss. Maybe it was because I had thrown up three times last night.

I didn't remember being in the shower but unless there was a rainstorm inside Hogwarts, I must have taken one. By the time I realized this, it was ten o'clock. I was late for class.

I rushed down the long hallway leading to the Potions Classroom. Bits and pieces of excuses spun around in my head. When I tried to put things together, nothing sounded right.

I didn't see Granger in front of me. In fact, I wasn't even aware I had crashed into her until I found myself on the floor. I got up and rubbed my head, trying to remember the makeshift excuse I had finally chosen.

Granger looked up at me from the floor. Her lovely eyes bore into mine. God, I hated that look. My hand stretched out. I couldn't stop myself. She placed her hand on mine. It felt only slightly heavier than a feather and sent chills down my spine.

I hate how the teachers, even Snape, are under your spell.

"Did you hear me?" Granger asked, suddenly.

I jumped. Had she said something? I hadn't been aware of her speaking at all. Damn, I was so out of it.

"Snape let us have all classes off because we were first to finish the potion," Granger said.

"Oh," I mumbled.

I stared at her for a moment, letting it all sink in. Her hair was still straighter than usual, though it had lost much of its magic. Hermione bit her lip and looked at me. Perhaps she was to ask me why I ran out of the Great Hall in a huff. I wasn't going to let her have that chance.

Instead of going back to bed, as I probably should have, I wandered the halls aimlessly. On my way to lunch, I found Potter and the female weasel kissing in the hallway. From the looks of Granger's face at lunch, she had seen them too or had at least heard about it.

I happened upon Granger shortly after lunch. I think subconsciously I had been looking for her. I hated to say it, but I felt sorry for the Mudblood. Her pretty face was stained with tears.

"M-Malfoy?" Granger asked.

I nodded weakly. For the perhaps only the second time in my life, a smart remark did not travel to my lips. I had never seen Granger really cry. I might have laughed if it didn't scare me so.

Granger turned away from me and began walking. My hand once again shot out and grasped the arm of her cloak. I yanked her back. She looked up at me with tear-filled brown eyes.

"You okay?" I heard myself say.

She jerked out of my grip, but I caught her arm.

"I'm never okay, Malfoy!" Granger snapped.

The words sent a harpoon through my chest. I could not explain why, but it did.

"W-what?" I asked.

Granger glared at me and began thrashing in my grasp. I, however, was much too strong for her to escape now that I had a good grip on her. Eventually, she ran out of breath.

"Fine," she said with ragged breaths. "What do you want?"

"To know what is wrong with you," I said more softly than I thought was possible.

"More than you would ever be able to guess," Granger hissed. "So, don't bother pretending you care."

In my momentary shock, Granger pulled away from me and began walking quickly down the hallway.

"It's Potter, right?" I shouted after her.

Granger stopped abruptly and whipped around to face me.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"It is... isn't it?" I asked.

Granger opened her mouth, but at that moment, Professor Flitwick rounded the corner.

I hate how they ignore me now, although I get grades just as good as yours.

"Good Afternoon, Miss Granger," he said.

"Hello, Professor," Granger said, giving a weak smile.

He smiled back at her and walked away as though I was invisible. I glared at him and stuck out my middle finger at his receding form. Granger cringed and looked away.

"Sorry," she whispered after a moment.

"What?" I asked, looking stunned.

"I'm sorry," Granger said, looking back at me. "I know you hate it when they ignore you."

I glared at her. Was she implying that I was jealous of her? HA! Never!

"That's the stupidest thing I have EVER heard," I shouted.

Granger laughed.

"I doubt it," she said with newfound confidence. "You do still hang around with Crabbe and Goyle, right?"

I snorted.

"Yes, I suppose you are right," I said.

It was so strange. We were talking and laughing as though we were friends. And I... I liked it. I had to get out of there!

I began walking away.

"Wait - I wanted to ask you something." Granger called after me.

"Ask away," I said, fully intending on ignoring every word.

"Are you scared?"

I stopped and snorted again, turning.

"What the Hell would I be scared of exactly, Granger?" I asked.

"7^th year," she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I am," Granger continued. "I'm afraid I won't make Head Girl."

I laughed.

"You not make Head Girl?" I asked. "Please..."

I began walking, and she followed suit.

"I probably won't," Granger said. "I've been so busy studying about the LAWFIES Potion that I haven't spent nearly enough time on anything else."

"God, Granger, you are really stupid sometimes," I snapped.

Granger stopped, but I kept going. If she wanted to keep talking, she didn't show it.

I made my way to the library. If I wanted to get away from Granger, this was not the place to go.

Maybe you don't want to get away from her.

What the Hell was that? As if I would ever want to be near Granger... much.

Damn it... what was wrong with me?

Granger entered the room looking even less stable than before. She looked over at me and seemed to consider coming over... but changed her mind. I let out a breath that I had no clue I had been holding.

This same situation happened several times before during the next hour. I spent most of the time staring at Granger while pretending to read a book that I later realized I had been holding upside down. How cliché. I finally did tire of watching her and decided to go outside before I did something stupid... like talking to her.

The air smelled of summer. The warm sun beat down on my frozen body. I refused to let it in. I had done so once before, and I've never regretted anything more.

Crabbe and Goyle were sitting near the lake looking exhausted. They had no doubt just finished their exams and were in need of a good rest. I felt like I had just taken my exams although I had finished mine well over a week ago. My exhaustion was derived from one very annoying little Mudblood.

It felt more like an attack than an exam, however.

A few stray clouds covered the sun, and I felt a cool breeze flutter my robes as I sat down next to the closest thing I had to Granger's Potter and Weasley--Crabbe and Goyle. They immediately invited me to join them in their snacking on some pastries they had pilfered from some Ravenclaw brat.

I took one and regretted it at once upon biting it. My stomach felt sick from the sweet taste I had encountered. I decided to go about eating it slowly. No reason to waste it, after all. And I didn't want Crabbe and Goyle to realize something was wrong. Which they did anyway... eventually.

"Worried about exams, Draco?" asked Goyle, with his mouth full of cake.

"You'll make Head Boy, don't worry about that," Crabbe added in a very mumbled voice.

"Oh, I don't care about that!" I snapped.

The two swallowed instantly. I found it incredibly annoying that all anyone seemed to care about at the moment was all this Head Boy/Head Girl nonsense. Didn't anyone realize that I was returning to the king of the death eaters tomorrow? Or that I was getting quite sick from the addition of pastry to my already upset stomach? Or that I was under serious attack from Hermione Granger?

"We didn't mean to make you mad," Crabbe said. "We were just wondering."

"You've been spending so much time on that LAWFIES Potion this year that you've barely had time for anything else," Goyle said. "We've found exactly 12 secret passages since we last talked."

I knew they were exaggerating, but I still almost felt bad for them. I really was all they had at this school. And while I was certain I would be fine without them, I wondered if they might need someone to cling to in order to function properly.

"But are you really ready to spend another year with Granger anyway?"

I flinched. It was something I hadn't even considered. If I did make Head Boy, Granger and I would be spending a lot of time together. Not only would we be in charge of various tasks together, but we would also be sharing a common room.

"And worse, she'll always be bringing that Weasley to stay with her," Crabbe added, snickering.

I choked on the last bit of pastry.

"What the Hell are you talking about, Crabbe?" I barked once I had swallowed.

"You haven't heard?" Crabbe asked, looking shocked. "I can't believe Pansy didn't tell you."

"Heard what?!" I demanded.

"Apparently, they've been sleeping together since that little trip to Waterfall Island," he answered.

"And where did you hear that?" I laughed. "Sounds like some crazy rumor to me."

Goyle shook his head.

"Pansy saw her sneak into his tent in the middle of the night," he explained.

"Nonsense," I mumbled. "I would have heard her. She was stationed right next to me, after all."

"Sometimes it takes a train wreck to wake you, Draco," Crabbe said, laughing. "Especially when you're dreaming about that girl of yours back home."

I froze for a moment, forgetting the lie I had told them when they started asking me about my dreams. Once I got past it, however, I remembered how Hermione had looked the next morning. Her hair much messier than usual, her cheeks red... and she had not been able to look at me in the eye. And though wanting to dictate how everything else in our project was to be done, she seemed oddly disinterested when we arrived back. She had left with Weasley shortly after mumbling some excuse about the library, leaving me to find a safe place to put the goblet of silver water in which her "precious" bracelet rested.

It hadn't seemed odd at the time... but now -

My heart nearly stopped when the sun suddenly shone again. I couldn't push away my thoughts of her. I shivered despite the warmth. Even if I let it in, it would never be as warm as looking in her eyes. The tormented soul within was clearer then than ever. No matter how much she fought to hide it from everyone else.

***

Dinner seemed to be very awkward for Granger. Her eyes kept darting to Potter, whose eyes were on Miss. Weasel. I now knew how truly stupid Potter was. Perhaps she was slightly attractive, but she was nothing in comparison to the girl sitting right next to him.

Granger didn't eat. She spent the whole time reading... and looking at Potter, of course. Granger's still straight hair fell into her face as she leaned closer and closer to the pages, as though she wanted to be sucked inside. I felt a weird itch in my stomach. A single tear glided down her cheek. Suddenly, she snapped the book shut and looked around almost frantically.

She looked at me, and then away, in less than a second. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. Why was I staring? I didn't care about her. I couldn't... Never.

"You okay, Malfoy?" asked Blaise Zabini, laughing. "Home tomorrow, remember?"

"I'm never okay..." I said, glancing back at Granger, who was staring right at me.