Tete-a-tete

Tête-à-tête

Chapter six: Paint it Black.

"...No colors anymore I want them to turn black."- Rolling Stones, Paint it black.

It was getting dark when they started out. Hogsmeade was coated with a light snow that glittered and coruscated in the streetlights. Severus and Florence walked along briskly, making quite a pair with her small shuffling steps, his spider-like shamble. They talked as they walked along.

".... So I understand that a demon called Prygve the Eviscerator enjoyed feasting on raw entrails. But why must the Summoner join him in such a disgusting repast?" Florence asked.

"Because," Severus replied. "If you don't eat it with him, he thinks there is something wrong with it. He won't trust you and he will spirit you off to his own dimension, after he gouges out your eyes with his razor sharp claws of course."

"Aaaah, the gouging part sounds unpleasant! I'm rather fond of my eyes, they’re my best feature," she nodded. "And besides how is one going to find an unbaptized baby these days?"

"I'm getting cold, Midgen," Severus said, rubbing his hands together. "Were you planning on wandering the streets of Hogsmeade until one or both of us lose extremities to frostbite?"

"No," she said. "I was thinking that we should stop in someplace warm and have a butterbeer or something. I have six galleons my father gave me for spare quills.”

"Fine, if that's what you want to do," he sighed. "But I'm not squandering any of my hard earned money on you."

"Hard earned is it now?" Florence said with a short giggle. "You made it by helping other people cheat."

"Yes," he said. "However I had to write those essays. Not to mention all the time I spent looking up those answers for the answer keys and enchanting them to look like cartoons of Potter doing something obscene with his broom."

"I was the one that drew that cartoon..." she grumbled.” So how about some royalties then?"

"I gave you credit where credit is due, your name is still there," he smirked.

"And a fat lot that's done me! I keep getting threatened and glared at," she said. "Isn't that is supposed to be your department?"

"It's getting darker and colder every moment you talk, let's go find some place warm," he muttered.

"Yes, lets," she gasped out as a cold wind started whipping around her legs.

Florence smiled when she saw the warm light and the sign for the Three Broomsticks. The wind, which had started up, was not relenting; she relished something warm filling her insides.

"We're going there?!" Her companion spat out with nothing but contempt and disgust in his voice.

"Yes," she answered. "What's wrong with the Three Broomsticks?"

"Nothing, just everyone goes there," he sneered.

"That's because it's the only place to go," she sighed. "Well, the only reputable place to go. Do you want to go in or not?"

Severus hesitated for a moment, and then the cold breeze picked up once more. He shivered.
"Fine, I'm so cold we'd better go somewhere."

As they approached, they saw Potter, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin inside through the frosted windows. Each one of them had a girl inanely giggling by his side--even Lupin.

"So, it seems morons travel in packs," Severus said.

"Let's see, the brunette with Black is Coela Morgan," she said.

"She's in your house right?" Severus asked.

"Yes," Florence sighed. “And I've met legumes smarter then her. The blonde Potter's with is Artemisia Burkes, Ravenclaw."

"Didn't Filch catch her last week in a broom closet with her hands down Clive Bridgegate's trousers?" Severus smirked.

"Well, at least we know why Potter picked her," Florence said with a grin.

"Pettigrew is with Bertha. Who else could he get?" Severus said.

"Ewww, why don't they get a room? Ooh, they got Lupin a redhead, I've seen that girl around Morgan, they must be friends," Florence said. "I have classes with her. Do you know who she is?"

"That would be Lily Evans. She's a Gryffindor, she sits next to me in Ancient Runes," he said. "She isn't so awful, considering..."

"Considering what?" Florence asked.

"...She's a mudblood, and an uppity one at that,” he sneered.

"Oh," Florence sighed. "She looks rather bored. They must have dragged her along as a date for Lupin."

"So are we going in?" he asked.

"Of course," she said. "It's freezing out here. But-" she paused.

"But what?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Potter's crowd is in there," she muttered biting her lips. "And I don't fancy providing them with easy entertainment."

"Only you would Midgen. I am not as high strung," he said.

"So are we going in, then? Forfeiting our dignity and safety for warmth, then?" she said.

"Well, I would but you draw to much attention to yourself. After all, you did draw that rather nasty cartoon of Potter," he said.

"Yes, but you are at far greater risk then I," she said. "You are the traditional target of their most flagitious behavior, and besides you distributed said cartoon."

"If we go in, they will see you and attack us. We'll be forced to defend ourselves, and end up expelled," he said.

"I think your logic is flawed. Why would we be expelled, if they attack us?" she said.

"Because, Midgen…Potter and Black are popular and handsome. Their families are very wealthy and have lots of influence in the school. Lupin is sickly, he'll get sympathy. Then there's the fact that we hexed Pettigrew and Bertha in November. Top it off with that cartoon you drew, and last but not least their dates will stick up for them," he said.

"So are we going to stay out here until they leave?" she said.

"Yes," he replied quietly.

So they waited and shivered in the darkness. With growing venom, Severus watched the patrons of the Three Broomsticks. Cheerful, warm and free from discomfort, they drank, talked and caroused, especially the four Gryffindor boys. Potter was disgusting. Self-righteous Potter, who thought he was much better than the rest of them because he could play Quidditch. Then there was Black, who was cocky because he happened to handsome and rich. Nearby sat their fat, useless little toady, Pettigrew. Lupin who was so quiet, so sneaky…who seemed too sick to lift a wand, yet got better grades than him. Why did those bastards get all the luck? Why did they have girls flock to them? He shivered in the cold, tucking his hands deep in his pockets. His bony fingers found the letter, and he was reminded of its contents. They have never known a day of pain in their lives, he thought bitterly.

Well, this sure is fun, mused Florence sarcastically. Minute after minute had gone by in the cold and darkness, with neither one of them saying anything. She had three choices--watch Potter and his friends, watch the street, or watch Severus. Watching the street was boring--nothing but people walking to and fro. Watching Potter's bunch was risky. If one of them happened to see her through the window, they would spring into action, eager to bestow punishment upon her for the cartoon. The only reason I drew that was to cheer Severus up, she thought. I didn't want him to show everyone. She could, and did, watch Severus. It was something which Florence had done often enough, always when she was sure he wasn't paying attention and always circumspectly. But now watching him wasn't as enjoyable. He was hunched up against the cold, with his hands in his pockets, his breath was visible in white puffs, and he was shivering worse and worse with the chilly weather. The wind was blowing his hair about, and the barely contained sorrow on his face was awful. Something had happened, something he wasn't telling. She wished she could hold him, warm and comfort him with the heat of her breast take away his pain and sorrow, bury it deep within her. But he would never let her in, never consciously demonstrate his vulnerability…

Her train of thought was interrupted by a voice that came from behind them.

“Hello,” said a dulcet, well-bred, and most decidedly female voice. “Severus is that you?”

Florence turned around to see Bellatrix Black standing before them. Something was off about her. There was the conspicuous absence of the usual make-up she wore. Without it, her face looked tired and rough. Not even a whiff of her rose perfume. She was dressed in a long, thick black robe, which revealed nothing of her figure at all. And her long dark hair was drawn up into a very plain practical bun.
Severus, of course, didn't notice. He had immediately straightened his posture at the sight of her, and was flattening out his hair as he stuttered, “Oh, h-hello, B-bellatrix yes it’s-it’s me, uhhh… Severus.”

“How are you then?” she asked, she was now smiling.

“Me?” he said, as if genuinely surprised she was addressing him. “I’m fine; really fine…well perhaps a bit cold.”

“And who is your girlfriend, then?” Bellatrix asked, her eyes moving over to Florence.

“Well, uhh…that’s Florence Midgen,” he said. "but she's not my anything really. She's just…ummm…here."

He wishes I wasn't here. Not that I blame him really. It's like introducing your house elf to the Minster of magic, Florence thought.

"Oh, don't be that way Severus! It's very nice to see that you have friends," Bellatrix said, looking over at Florence. "Did he say your surname was Midgen? Are you related to Professor Midgen in anyway?"

"Yes, I'm his daughter in fact," Florence said.

"Oh really. That's odd, I seem to recall that his daughter's name began with an M," she said.

"Well, my first name begins with an M," Florence said, not daring to utter such an ugly name as Malvina. "I prefer to be called Florence. It's my middle name."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, but I really should be leaving. I'm meeting some friends at the Hogshead and it's getting very nippy out," she smiled, then added with her dark eyes twinkling. "Would you like to come along? They'd love to meet the artist behind that hilarious James Potter cartoon."

Florence couldn't believe her ears. Are we really being invited by Bellatrix to spend the evening in the Hogshead with her cool, rich, pureblooded friends? she thought. Yes, we are and they think my cartoon is funny! Oh, but what will they think when they meet me? I mean, I'm not that witty all the time and they are so mature, and rich, and pretty and pureblooded. I'll make a total fool of myself. And father told me never to go The Hogshead. No, we won't go.

Florence sighed and gave her answer. "Well, I don't think-"

However Severus cut her off mid sentence. "Yes, I- mean we would love to."

"Splendid," Bellatrix said flashing them a smile. She walked off at a brisk pace, and Severus trailed a few paces behind. Florence watched their retreating backs, hovering on the decision whether or not to come. But as she watched him walk away her decision finalized, she would come with them, because of him. She needed him, and so she hurried to catch up.

It was a singularly odd experience walking along and chatting with Bellatrix. Severus remained quiet, too worried about making a fool of himself to speak.

"So, tell me about your family." Bellatrix cooed. "I know that Midgen is a very old pureblood name, though not as prosperous or glorious as some bloodlines."

"All we've produced are scholars and librarians." Florence said, smiling a bit. Why exactly was Bellatrix so interested in her?

"Yes, but the role of scholar or librarian is not to be underestimated," Bella retorted. "I know all about it. My fathers Arthimancer for many years was a Midgen. Why don't you tell me about your Mother's family?"

"Well, my mother is from Canada, her maiden name is Bailey. It's a pretty old pureblood family over there from what I understand," Florence smiled nervously.

"What is considered pureblood over there usually has very muddy origins," Bellatrix said. "Many mudbloods and halfbloods were sent over to the Americas, two hundred years ago. It was considered a humane way to clean up all the impurities in the wizarding world."

"Oh, I knew that but I don't think that's the case with my Mother's family," Florence said. "Remember the youngest children of many pureblood families also went over to seek their fortunes."

"Ah yes, you’re a much better scholar of history than me. It's hard to focus Binns droning on like that," Bellatrix said. "So what is the case with your mother's family?"

"I think it's the latter rather then former. I heard her mention something like that," she said lying faultlessly.

"Well then, it wouldn't matter either way really, we have to treat all American pureblood families with the same respect as any ancient line over here," Bellatrix said.

"Thank you," Florence said. "I never thought I'd be discussing my family with you of all people. You are so popular and gracious, shouldn't you be getting dressed for some fancy party, instead of strolling around Hogsmeade with the likes of us?"

"Oh, no, my life isn't all glamour and champagne," Bellatrix laughed. "I enjoy spending time having a few drinks with some friends from the Thomas M. Riddle Foundation at the Hogshead."

"The Thomas M. Riddle Foundation? I don't think I've heard of that. What do they do?" Florence asked.

"Thomas M. Riddle is a wonderful man, a very powerful and wise wizard. I've had the privilege of meeting him in person on a few occasions. He is extremely dedicated to preserving the traditional wizarding way of life, at all costs. And I am one of the many people who help him carry out his noble work," Bellatrix said. As she spoke, her dark eyes glimmered with pride and dedication.

"Ah, interesting," Florence said feeling slightly uneasy.

"It's hard work," Bellatrix sighed. "But it must be done. Mudbloods have all but ruined us, by bringing their silly muggle ideas and culture into our world."

That sparked Florence's interest. "Did you know," she said." That the whole concept of the 'Dark Arts' is a muggle one? It's wholly based on muggle black and white morality. I'm working on a paper-"

"Midgen, I don't think Bellatrix wants to hear about your pet projects," Severus groaned as he cut her off midsentence.

"Quite the contrary, Severus," Bellatrix said her eyes shimmering. "It sounds fascinating, please do continue Florence."

Florence did. She had never found a more attentive audience then Bellatrix Black. Then again, the only people she told about it were her parents and Severus. Bellatrix hung on every word and talk of her paper carried them right to the door of the Hogshead.

Florence felt a sense of dread as the sign above the door creaked ominously in the wind. The windows looked darker than those at the Three Broomsticks. Florence didn't know if she liked the look of it.

"Here we are," Bellatrix sang out in a cheery voice.

She pushed open the heavy door and they entered. It was small, grimy and dim. It looked like it had never been cleaned. The tables were all lit with small stubs of candles. The bar was small, and the bearded man polishing a glass was scowling. Only the patrons' hands could be seen clearly. Surprisingly enough there was a jukebox in the corner. It was playing an inappropriately perky song. Bellatrix hailed a group of friends at a large dim table in the corner and rushed to join them. Severus and Florence followed after.

Florence was introduced to people she had heard of in passing--the Lestrange brothers, with their dark hair and eyes; Wilkes who was pasty and fidgety; the small and wiry Nott; Avery, who was blonde and rosy cheeked; the chestnut colored hair and twinkling eyes of Evan Rosier, and the huge, sullen Dolohov. They all nodded or mumbled a polite greeting. Bellatrix seated herself between Wilkes and elder Lestrange. Wilkes flung his arm around her shoulder almost immediately and kissed her full on the lips. She only made feeble laughing protestations.

During this display Severus's lip curled, his shoulders tensed and his face turned ashen. None of the others noticed this, or the surly way he sat down, banging his bony elbows on the table. Florence sat beside him. They both were silent. The others talked about in jokes and other innocuous topics that neither Severus nor Florence knew anything about. Severus wouldn't talk to her--he was too busy watching Bellatrix. Florence sat there very uncomfortably.

Finally, during a lull in the conversation, Rosier turned to Florence and said: "You aren't the same Florence Midgen who drew that cartoon, are you?"

"Yes," she answered in a small voice.

"You drew that cartoon, right?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"That was brilliant," Roiser said a smile spreading on his features. Florence realized he was very handsome, in the classical sense. She wondered why Bellatrix wasn't dating him, instead of Wilkes and then realized he was paying attention to her.

"I'm glad you thought so," she continued smiling.

"My name is Evan, by the way," he said offering his hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she said brightly, taking his hand and giving it a shake.

"So do you have anymore cartoons?" he asked hopefully.

"No I'm sorry," she said, "I've got too many other things taking up my time."

"Really? What? Tell me!" Evan continued interestedly.

"Well you know, schoolwork and research on a paper about the history and legalization of the Dark Arts," she said.

"Florence, I'm sure Evan doesn't want to hear about your silly little projects," Severus said suddenly.

"No I don't mind really, it sounds interesting," Evan said.

"Trust me, it's not," Severus muttered.

"Severus," Florence groaned.

"Florence, I don't want you to embarrass me in front of these people," Severus whispered to her.

"But he's nice and he sounds interested why can't I-" she started.

"Do you think he actually cares? I know what these people are like," he hissed. "He's just going to laugh at you behind your back."

"Oh," she deflated slightly.

"You're just going to make a fool of yourself. Be quiet," Severus continued in a low nasty voice. "And alienate me from my house mates. Do you want that, Midgen?

"No, I don't, I'll be quiet," Florence said.

"Good," Severus said.

She turned back to make up some excuse to Evan, but found he was engaged talking to Avery about Quidditch teams. She sat in uncomfortable silence for a time.

A pockmarked and surly woman came up to them with an apron and a notepad.

"You lot want drinks?" she snarled.

"Yes," replied Wilkes. And they proceeded to order.

Finally the barmaid got around to asking Florence.

"Two butterbeers if you please," Florence said.

Severus elbowed her hard in the side. "On second thought only one butterbeer," she said.

She looked at the others, they didn't seem to mind, only Severus had glared at her through a curtain of dark hair. The barmaid turned to receive his order.

"I'll have a fire whiskey," Severus said in a determined voice.

Florence waited for the barmaid to balk and scold him, telling him he was too young to be ordering that. But the barmaid didn't even blink. She just took down the order and left.

"Fire whiskey, Severus?" Wilkes said, "Isn't that a bit too strong for you?"

"Just because it's too strong for you doesn't mean no one can handle it," Bellatrix purred, her teasing voice was edged with malice.

The barmaid brought over the drinks. Florence barely touched her butterbeer, she didn't feel like drinking it. The others sipped at their drinks. Most of the other boys had pints. Bellatrix had ordered some Raspberry schnapps. Severus was examining his shot glass, ominously. He took a sip and pulled a painful, disgusted looking face.

"I guess the little guy can't handle it," said Avery.

"Looks that way," added Wilkes. "They call it fire whisky for a reason, Severus."

"It's all right Severus. If you can't drink it, maybe you should get a gillywater or a butterbeer," Bellatrix cooed.

That did it. Severus looked at the shot glass, filled with the amber liquid. With grim determination he lifted it to his mouth and swallowed it down in one gulp. He was doubled over from it, holding his stomach and throat, a disgusted, pained _expression on his face. Florence rolled her eyes and shook her head. I'm not embarrassing him, he has no trouble doing it on his own, she thought. Then the others cheered and Bellatrix flitted over and kissed him on cheek.

"Good show," Nott said.

"Impressive," murmured one of the Lestrange brothers.

Wilkes was flushing with indignation. "Well, if he can do it, so can I."

The others laughed and shook their heads at him. "I'll prove it, and you lot may scoff, but let's see what you can do. And you too, Severus. Let's see if you can do it again. Barmaid, over here! Pour another round of fire whisky for all."

"Dearest, I don't care for fire whisky," Bellatrix said silkily, taking his arm.

"All right then, give the girls raspberry schnapps," he ordered.

The barmaid nodded and when she came back, she brought a tray with all their drinks. Wilkes snatched up his shot glass and gulped down the fire whisky, slamming the empty shot down on the table and glowering at around at everyone.

Severus swallowed down his shot, grimacing less than before. The other boys followed suit. The older Lestrange brother drank his with the most ease.

"This is nothing," he said with contempt. "In Durmstrang we drank vodka that makes this fire whisky look mere water."

"Oh really? snarled Wilkes. "I suppose you needed something to distract you from all the fleas."

The Lestranges muttered something, the older one reaching for his wand. Wilkes reached down for his own wand. It looked as though a duel was going to break out for a moment. However, Bellatrix placed her hands on their arms.

"Please boys, we are all friends here," she said smoothly.

That seemed to calm them down, their arms fell limp and they muttered apologies to each other. Bellatrix sipped at her Raspberry schnapps. She licked her lips afterwards, savoring the moment. She was the very image of equanimity.

In conscious imitation, Florence drank her raspberry schnapps. The liquor was very sweet and delicious, burning in her throat as she swallowed. Soon her body was flooded with this odd kind of warmth. She could hear her heart thumping and feel all the blood rushing through her veins.

"It's good, a very sapid calefacient, if I do say so myself," Florence remarked.

"I'm glad you enjoy it. Raspberry schnapps is one of my favorite drinks. A special pleasure of mine," Bellatrix said, her eyes glimmering in the dim light.

"I can see why you like it so much," Florence said taking another sip.

"Well, we're almost done here, I say we get another," Bellatrix smiled.

"I don't think I have enough money for-" Florence started. She really didn't want another drink, the first was enough, it made her stomach churn. She didn't want to get intoxicated, and make a fool of herself, not in front of these older cooler, people. Her lack of funds was a good excuse.

"It will be my treat," Bellatrix said softly.

"Thank you," Florence said. That settles it, she thought I'll have to have another, It would rude to reject any kindness from Bellatrix.

Florence had just finished fourth (or was it her fifth?) glass of schnapps. She felt so warm inside, her head was swimming, her stomach ache was much worse and now everything had become really funny. Maybe it was because they were all drunk or was it because she was drunk? It didn't matter. She kept giggling.

"Midgen, stop that. You're acting so drunk," Severus sneered pointing a finger at her he was swaying slightly.

"You're the one who's drunk, you- you," she burst out giggling. "Grallaltorial teratosis!"

And that sent her into a another fit of giggles, which she tired desperately to rein in because people were staring.

"Very wrong, per usual Midge," he said. "Alcohol does not afflict me at all, and I've had more than you," he blinked. "Both of you. I could drink any of you under this table right, now."

"No, no I've had enough, it makes me ill," Florence said. "I don't want to be sick."

"This is what happens when you give fourth years, booze," snickered Wilkes.

"Oh like you were any different in your fourth year," Rosier said.

"I was," said the elder Lestrange.

Bellatrix had ordered an early end to the drinking contest, since they couldn't get too pissed. For some reason they listened to her. However she surprised everyone by getting a bottle of fire whisky brought to the table for Severus, she said he was the clear winner and kissed him on the cheek again. And he seemed to want to finish it off.

Suddenly, Nott gave a cry of pain and seized his left forearm. He was whimpering and gripping it tightly. The relaxed, almost casual atmosphere of the group vanished instantly, as all of the older Slytherins rose to their feet.

"What's going on?" Florence asked. "Is he all right?"

"Fine," gasped out Nott. "Just an old Quidditch injury, it acts up sometimes."

"Yes, we should take him to the infirmary now," Rosier said a bit awkwardly.

"Oh, but we're having such a good time," Florence said. "I know a few pain easing charms. I can help if you like."

"No, no, no," Avery admonished. "We should get going, he should be in the infirmary. We'll take him."

"We'll be going then," Florence got to her feet.

"No, you stay here," Bellatrix said. "You're having a good time, and we have a few other things to do, boring things. If anybody asks tell them we were with you the whole time."

"Fine... we'll do that..." Florence said.

"Of course, Bellatrix, anything you want!" Severus called.

"Splendid," Bellatrix smiled.

As the others left the Hogshead, Severus watched Bella leave with a wistful loneliness.

"I think we should be going back too," Florence said. "I'm feeling rather ill."

"No, we have to stay," he said. "I told Bellatrix... I promised, jussth a few more drinks."

A few more drinks, turned into a lot more, things were becoming less funny the alcohol was wearing off. He didn't talk much now. He just read his letter over and over again. When she tried get his attention, he brushed it off. Someone had put the song Paint it Black on the jukebox, the Hobgoblins were doing a cover of it. Florence had heard it some muggle band had written it from her housemates. She liked it, though. Or liked it until Severus began singing along. It was soft at first, but as the song went on he got louder. It was one long off key moaning dirge. People were staring at them, and Florence felt an acute upsurge of embarrassment.

"Severus, stop it. You sound awful," she hissed to him.

"No," he whined. "You don't understand, Midgen thish song- this song is my life... everything is black... I see black... all the colors are black..."

"Could you sing a little softer perhaps?" she asked.

"No!" he spat. "Stupid Midgen the song is over now, you made me miss it!" he gave her a hard shove and her chair tipped over, and she fell to the floor.

She got to her feet and brushed herself off. He had gotten up and was putting another sickle in the jukebox.

The song was over for the fourth time, and Midgen told him it was time to go. But he had to stay. Couldn't they see this song WAS him? When it ended and Midgen lead him away he was on the brink of tears. He wanted to listen to the song again.

"That song is me! I need it," he protested a they walked down the nearly deserted streets of Hogsmeade. "'I look inside and see my heart is black' thatsh's my heart... I have no heart."

"Look, we should get back to Hogwarts, I know there is this secret passage behind the mirror on the fourth floor..." she started. "Your going to be very angry abut this in the morning."

"I made such a fool of myself in front of Bellatrix!" he said as he stumbled along. "But she doesn't want me, she never will...I'm too young, too ugly and too poor, they'll all so rich...she'd never want anyone like me. My family lost its money a long time ago, it's a good pureblood name... but... we're poor, so poor. Bloody Father can't keep a job, he always embezzles or steals, or shags the bosses' wife."

"Oh," she had never heard him talk like this, it was so odd.

"He spends all the bloody money on himself, buying himself new clothes and things.. Never mind our roof leaks, we have no heat and the rats. And Livia needs medicine, she's sick she's got asthma, but we can never afford a proper healer or the right potions half the time. She's getting worse..Mother always believes his lies when he gets fired. She always thinks it's her fault when he yells at her or hurts her. Why the is she so devoted to him? He's a bastard, he's a leech he's sucking away blood. But she loves him! She cries when he leaves. He leaves for months, with no note, no explanation... she's happy when he comes back. I asked why once, when I was small she told me she loved him! She loves him! Why, after all the misery he's caused her? Love, that word just disgusts me...I hate it. It's a moronic concept..."

"Love isn't all that bad, Severus," she said.

"Yes, it is!" he said. "Yes, it is... I hate it... I got this letter from home, this letter.." he took out the letter from his pocket. "This is the worse letter ever, it's just bad."

He waved the letter around and then collapsed on the ground. Florence grabbed his hand and pulled him up with some effort. His hand was warm, but hard and bony. His black hair was flecked with white snow. He didn't even complain, and that's when she realized he was crying. Not loudly, but with silent tears running down his face. It worried her. She was now supporting him, his arm looped around her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"This letter..." he held up the letter again.

"What's it say?" she reached for it.

"No, you can't read it, it's mine, it's addressed to me," he whined, and drew it his chest. He jerked away and almost unsteadied her.

"Alright, it's your letter," she sighed.

She had to find the start of the secret passage. It was in the cellar of Scrivenshaft. In the dark, the town looked unfamiliar. Severus was still murmuring Paint it Black, in between sobs. He was lighter than she thought. He smelled strongly of booze and sweat.

The quill shop's basement was locked and it took more than a simple Alohomora to undo. It was cold and late, and they had been drinking. They would get in big trouble for this. They walked down into the darkness. She tried to remember where the door to the passageway was. There were boxes and boxes of quills. She felt around the floor and found a trap door there. She opened it and began to descend into the darkness.

She pulled him down with her, but he hesitated. Once they were both inside, she closed the trap door. It was very dark. She pulled out her wand and said: "Lumos."

Slowly they made their way back. Florence walked on and on. Suddenly she realized she no longer heard his footfalls behind her. Her heart thudded in her chest. What's happened? she thought. What if he tripped and fell? What if he got lost? Oh, I should have been watching him more closely, I'm such an idiot.

She doubled back and found him, sitting hunched up against a wall crying and reading the letter by the light of his wand.

"Severus, what's going on?" She asked concerned.

"My Mum," he sobbed.

"What's wrong with your Mum?" she asked.

"She's sick," he said.

"Well, you can tell me about it while we walk," she said taking his hand, to pull him up.

"No, I want to staysh hereish," he slurred.

He grabbed her hand and yanked her down next to him. "You staysh here, don't go way... don't go way... I need you here.."

He grabbed her and pulled her into a one armed hug.

She was surprised and a little frightened by his affection. He wants me, he needs me, she thought. He must really mean it... His body is so warm...

"Fine, I'll sit right here then," she said.

"You're a good friend Midgen, a good friend, a good friend... even if you are a complete minger," he muttered. "Of course, I have no other friends, I'm weird and I'm ugly, I'm smart and I'm poor, your the only one who cares for me... so I'm stuck with you..."

Stuck with me? He can't mean that he's drunk he's rambling... she thought but they say there is truth in drink though...


She didn't like this, she had to change the subject. "What about your Mum?"

He started sobbing again, "My Mum is sick, she can't do this...this was her fifth miscarriage, the fifth one! She keeps getting pregnant, she shouldn't she's too weak. I don't want to see her hurting...and she's hurts so much. Father lost his job again, only had for two bloody months. I love my Mum. She shouldn't be having children...she shouldn't..." His words became garbled at this point. "All worthlesssh, all sickly. I had an older brother... I had an older brother... he died when he was two... then there's Livia she has bad lungs, she's always coughing always, always wheezing, she's so smart... but its expensive...Agrippina she's the littlest...she's a squib, a squib! She has no future. And there's me, I'm so ugly, and so gawky I can't do anything... I can't play Quidditch or anything... My Mum won't survive through another pregnancy. I don't want Mummy to die..."

And he began to weep harder.

I knew it was bad but never this bad, she thought. Oh, Severus, oh you've suffered so much, I didn't know all those times I've complained about my petty troubles, when you had things so much worse.

"There, there," she said, she held him closer and let him cry onto her robes, patting his back.

Finally he stopped and she got to her feet, letting him lean on her shoulder for support.

"Now we should get going. It's late," she said.

"I'm worthless, I'm not even a good friend like you..." he wailed.

"Yes, you are, you're great to talk to, and you spent all your money on floo powder for me," she said.

"No I didn't. I lied to you..." he moaned. "I spent most of it on earring for Bellatrix, I didn't even have the nerve to sign my name to the card for her... pretty onyx earrings... she wears them all time and never knows.... I only spent what was left on you..."

"Oh," her heart sank when she heard this, maybe he didn't really care for her at all, she was just an after thought to him and he was the world to her. "Look we're almost at the end."

They had just emerged from the tunnel and where standing in the fourth floor in front of the mirror when he said: "Your not a minger, you're quite... nice... not pretty... but nice and I want to kiss you."

"You do?" she smiled, she had been waiting for this, hoping for this, he still wanted her despite everything.
He leaned for the kiss, she didn't mind his sour breath, on his tear stained face. They were about to kiss, when they heard foot steps coming up the hall.

"Oh shit! Filch!" he exclaimed and broke away, running in the opposite direction.

And she was left standing there, watching him run away, feeling ill and awkward.