A Swashbuckling Romance

The two pirate captains sat huddled around a small fire. The island was chill as night began to fall, and there was still tension between the two. They had hardly spoken to each other since their knife fight on the shore. Harry wondered how the idea of working together with Draco Malfoy had sprung into his mind as he watched the other man sullenly poke through the sand with a stick. He also greatly felt the absence of Ron. He kept remembering times when they sat up together at night around a fire just as he was doing with Malfoy.

What would Ron think if ‘e knew who I was sharin’ me evenin’ with, I wonder? Harry sighed. Malfoy glanced up at him briefly, then continued his sand exploration. It’s true though. What’s the use of killin’ each other…I couldn’t bear to be alone, stranded on an’ island, at least not with what ‘appened last night. I’m sure Malfoy doesn’t mind the company either. Arrggh, curse Malfoy! Harry bent forward, his forehead against his knees, and furiously rubbed his head with frustration.

Malfoy looked up at him, one eyebrow raised. “Problem?”

“No,” Harry mumbled.

Malfoy surveyed the circular designs he had made in the sand, and stabbed his stick into the middle of one. He rested his arms on his knees and watched Harry fidget and mutter to himself.

He smirked. “I think you have a problem, Captain Potter.”

“What are ye talking about?” asked Harry with glowering eyes.

Malfoy shrugged. “Remind me again why you didn’t kill me?”

“Don’t ye care about yer mates?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“This is part of it.”

Malfoy frowned. “Not particularly. I never get close to my men.”

“Don’t ye enjoy the company of others?”

“No, I do not desire a strong, handsome Weasley to fulfill my every beck and call.”

“That’s not what I meant. An’ get that smug look off yer face, if ye know what’s best for ye.” Harry gritted his teeth. “Like I said before, what’s the point? Sure we ‘ad some rivalry in the past, but now we‘re both alone. We can both benefit ‘ere if we can set aside all this petty bullshit that’s between us.”

“I see.”

“Think of the pros.”

“Yes, it does seem reasonable. However, I still can’t understand the sudden loss of your grudge against me.”

Harry was quiet for a moment. “It’s not really a grudge against ye… just what ye stand fer.” A dark look passed across his face. “Who ye stand fer…”

“Ahh.” Malfoy nodded in understanding.

“We’ve ‘ad our battles, but what do they matter now? We’re alone, stranded, and there’s a large treasure trove waitin’ fer our greedy paws.”

“The pirate in you comes out after all.”

Harry made a face at him and they dropped back into silence.

******

The next morning, Harry and Malfoy were scrounging for fallen coconuts and other edibles. They had both woken up quite early due to their rumbling stomachs, and decided they would meet back at their camping area to split whatever they found.

After about an hour, Harry returned to their camp with two coconuts only to find Malfoy sitting there already.

“Find anythin’?” Harry asked.

“Coconuts must not be falling this time of year.”

“We could always climb the trees…”

Malfoy snorted.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Don’t wanna get yer prissy breeches damaged?” he jeered, pitching a coconut at Malfoy.

“Shut up, Potter,” Malfoy snapped, as he caught the coconut that Harry threw at him.

Harry sat down opposite Malfoy across the extinguished fire and rolled his coconut in his hands.

Malfoy eyed his fruit warily. “What do I do with it?”

“Ye don’t know?” Harry sighed and started bashing his coconut against a nearby tree trunk. Malfoy stared aghast. The fruit finally broke and Harry cradled both pieces in his hands, trying to keep the liquid in. “See?”

“Ah…”

“Jus’ watch me.” Harry lifted a half of the coconut to his mouth and tilted his head back slightly. After taking a swig and smacking his lips, he noticed Malfoy’s intent gaze.

“What?” Harry said, while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Malfoy quickly shifted his eye to the tree trunk near Harry. “Nothing.”

Harry took another swig.

“It’s strange. I would have never thought I’d be sitting anywhere drinking coconuts with one of my greatest enemies,” said Malfoy.

“Well ye ‘aven’t touched yers yet,” Harry said, pointing to Malfoy’s coconut.

Much bashing and grunting later, Malfoy managed to crack his coconut open. As he tasted a dribble, Harry said, “Ye jus’ kept gettin’ in our way. Couldn’t go anywhere without bumpin’ into the Serpent, like ye were followin’ us.”

“Why would I want to follow your pathetic little ship? You were following us. Always trying to get your hands on our booty.”

“Malfoy, as ye saw before, I ‘ad me own map fer the treasure on this ‘ere island. Where’s yers?”

Malfoy pulled the hide map out of his coat pocket and lifted it for Harry to see. “Right here.”

“Where’d ye get that?” questioned Harry with suspicion, feeling at his breeches to make sure his was still there. It was.

“I’ve always had it.”

“Well, I’ve always ‘ad mine too.”

They blinked at each other.

Malfoy tucked his map back into his pocket and returned to his coconut. “Bah.”

Harry eyed Malfoy as he put his own map away. They sat quietly drinking until Harry’s stomach gurgled loudly. “What I could really go fer right now is some meat.”

“Argh, meat.” Malfoy suddenly remembered something. “I saw a boar.”

“What?”

“When I was looking for coconuts, I thought I saw I saw a boar running into some foliage.”

Harry nearly dropped his meal. “A boar!”

“We should hunt it!” Malfoy exclaimed.

“We?” Harry grinned.

“Fuck, Potter, I could eat you if I wanted!” Malfoy stood up and looked down at the gaping man. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s track that beast down!”

Harry scratched his head nervously. “Uh, okay.” He stood after digging his knife out of his boot.

Malfoy ran past Harry then suddenly stopped and turned back. “Potter… Do you know how to track?”

“Yer ‘opeless!”

******

Harry and Malfoy were crouching in the bushes side by side. The wild boar was a short ways off in a clearing in front of them, snuffling in the dirt. The creature was massive, ugly, and made both their mouths water.

“Good Lord!” Malfoy hissed. “It’s fucking huge! I don‘t remember it being this large!”

“Well, mate, we’re in luck!” Harry grinned, his eyes dark with excitement as he gripped his dirk tightly.

“How shall we go about this?”

“I’ll sneak round t’other side, and ye can wait ‘ere. We’ll rush at it together.”

Harry silently skirted around the edge of the clearing. When he was opposite of Malfoy across the glade, he crouched down and waited. They peered at each other through the bushes. Malfoy’s eye was wide. It was obvious he’d never hunted for himself before.

Suddenly the boar lifted its head and stood still. It could sense them. Now was the time. Harry nodded his head once in Malfoy’s direction, and lunged out of the bushes, dirk raised.

The boar squealed and bolted away from its attacker only to find Malfoy in its path. This continued on for some time within the clearing as they tried to block the boar from getting away. It managed to run past Harry’s legs and both men took off after it.

“Spill her blood!” screamed Malfoy, shaking the dagger in his fist.

Harry laughed heartily and nearly rammed his head into a tree branch.

After awhile, the hog became tired, its large body unaccustomed to predators. Soon the men had it cornered near some large boulders. Harry flung himself onto its back and it screeched and shook itself violently. The hog crashed onto its side and crushed Harry against a boulder.

“I could use some ‘elp ‘ere!” Harry yelled, trying to get a firm hold on the potential meal.

“I… uh…” Malfoy approached the struggle cautiously. Harry was grimacing as the animal pressed his back against the rough surface of the rock.

“Curses!” grunted Harry. He wrapped his legs around the squirming beast, lifted his dirk, and brought it down hard, stabbing into the tough flesh of its breast. The animal screamed as Harry repeated the action. He kept a strong grip on the dying animal as its writhing slowed down.

“Is it dead?”

“Jest about…” Harry let go and sat up breathing hard, his legs sprawled over the beast. “Big ‘elp ye are.”

“Shut up, Potter.” Malfoy crouched down next to the fallen boar and stared at its open eye. “You’d think I were a nancy landlubber,” he muttered.

“Nay, mate, yer jest a terrible pirate on land.” Harry nodded toward the knife in Malfoy’s hand. “‘ave a go at it. Slit its throat fer me.”

“What?” Malfoy stared at the bleeding creature with disgust. “Isn’t it already dead?”

“Gotta slit its throat, cleans the creature out.” Harry grinned.

Malfoy grimaced, but he was determined to prove to Harry that he wasn’t as inept as it seemed. He pressed his blade against the tough flesh of the creature’s throat and sliced. Warm blood gushed over his hand, and he pulled it back, his eyes clenched.

After a moment, Malfoy opened his eye. Harry was grinning at him broadly.

“This is so barbaric,” muttered Malfoy, wiping his hand and dagger on his pants.

“I’ll make an ‘unter of ye, yet,” said Harry, laughing. “Look at ye… dirtyin’ yer breeches like that.”

Malfoy’s lips tightened. He rose quickly, turned, and strode away in the direction of their camp. Harry hefted the beast onto his shoulders and followed.

******

After its disembowelment, the meaty, roasting meal that was the boar hung suspended over a fire pit, a thick spit thrust down its throat and out the other end. Harry had done this moments earlier, grunting with exertion as Malfoy turned away looking slightly green.

“Blimey, mate! This’ll make a fine feast.” Harry looked greedily on the sizzling flesh of the beast as he slowly turned it on the spit.

Malfoy had retreated to the far edge of their camp clearing, pacing, and every now and then glancing over at the boar with revulsion.

“Ahoy! Why don’t ye come turn this ‘ere spit with me?” Harry said, eyeing the other man with amusement.

“I think I’ll pass, Potter. My masculinity has already suffered enough blows today.”

Harry snorted. “I dunno about ye, but the sight o’ that blood jus’ gushin’ out its neck got me all turned on.”

“Good God, Potter. You can’t be serious!” Malfoy put a hand to his forehead.

“Only kiddin’, o’ course.” Harry continued turning the spit, a massive grin plastered on his face. “Really though, when I lugged that beast on me shoulders, its juices dribblin’ down me chest…”

“Christ! Potter, please…”

“An’ when me dear ‘earty Ron came back from a successful ‘untin’ trip, damn, I dunno what came o’er me…”

Malfoy stared at Harry, a palm over his mouth. He breathed deeply before removing his hand. “Look, unless you want me to starve and find the treasure on your own, I suggest you shut up.”

“Won’t this be delish?” Harry slapped the back of the boar with a wet smack.

Malfoy shut his eye firmly and inhaled. He appeared to be either fighting the urge to hurl or to kill. And then his stomach growled. “When will it be ready?” he murmured weakly, his eye still closed.

“Nine hours.”

The thought of spending nine hours listening to the barbaric rogue chat on about dripping flesh and his sick sexual desires nearly drove Malfoy to tears. Harry seemed oblivious to the agony he was causing.

“Oh, Fuck,” muttered Malfoy.

******

Malfoy ended up taking a stroll on the beach for quite a few hours to clear his mind after Harry explained the many uses of a turkey leg during a moment of passion. His intense hunger, failure at being a proper pirate, disgust with pork that looked too much like pork, and the sickening way Harry carried on conversation, was too much for his mind to handle.

Gad, I miss having men that were too afraid to speak to me. It’s bad enough I’m stuck with Potter, but he could at least have the decency to keep his revolting sexual feast stories to himself. He raked fingers through his hair. I must look terrible. I certainly feel terrible. What kind of dread pirate am I where I can’t even kill a damnable pig without feeling nauseas.

Malfoy sneered at a crab that had just scuttled near his foot. It’s all Potter’s fault. Must be. My sea life was luxurious and perfect before we had our first encounter. And this treasure is supposed to be mine! How the hell did he get a map?

He glared at his blood stained trousers and Harry’s ghastly blood statements repeated in his head.

Potter. Bah!

******

The delicious crackle of fire filled Harry’s ears as he continued turning the spit. He’d give it another hour. The sun was nearly set and Malfoy had not yet returned.

If I’da known Malfoy was so squeamish I would ‘ave used that to me advantage long ago. This treasure ‘unt ‘oliday ain’t ‘alf bad… that is, if I try not to remember ‘ow I got ‘ere in the first place… Harry sighed as his mind wandered to Ron. Though campin’ with me old enemy is fun, tis nothin’ like company with Ron. Me ole child’ood pal…an’ when we met again in Southampton… I jus’ knew… Jus’ knew ‘e would be me right ‘and man… and…

Harry looked sadly on the roasting hog, and the beast’s vacant eyes stared back, the look of death. He turned his head away quickly.

And… I musn’ let meself get too attached. That’s me problem, I get very attached, and it’s ‘appenin’ again. An’ with Malfoy, of all the bloody pirates. Malfoy’s so vulnerable and ‘e don’t know it. If it weren’t fer me ‘e would be better off down Davy Jones’s Locker, a watery grave would be much better off than rottin’ alone on this empty island.

His eyes scanned the surroundings. Dusk had passed. Gad, where is that swab? The prospect of spending a night alone, turning a dead creature on a spit, was terrifying at the moment. Being alone was the last thing Harry ever wanted.

With the sound of snapping twigs came a most welcome sight, as Malfoy suddenly appeared in the camp clearing. His eyes immediately fell on the beast, and he smiled with relief when disgust failed to hit him.

“I’m quite famished,” said Malfoy, sitting down in his usual spot. “So famished I can’t feel anything else.” His slate eye pierced the meaty back of the hog.

“Thought I’d scared ye off. Thought I’d never see ye again.” Harry smirked.

“You did scare me off, Potter.”

“Couldn’t ‘andle me blunt manliness.”

“Don’t remind me. Please.”

“Righto! Don’t want ye to starve now, do I?”

“How much longer?”

“‘Bout three quarters of an hour.”

The clearing was quiet for a bit, except for the crackling of the fire.

“So how did you come across your map?” asked Malfoy, breaking the silence.

“That would require me life story.”

“Well, we’ve not much else to do. Do tell.”

Harry sighed. “I don’t come from a long line of pirates like ye do. I was born in a fishin’ village. Me parents worked in the fish market as muggles when they weren’t doin’ Ministry business. They were investigatin’ the massacre of an entire ship of wizards when they found the map. They were goin’ to turn the map into the Ministry… and then it ’appened.”

“What happened?” Malfoy asked, when Harry had stopped speaking and glared at him with narrowed eyes.

“Voldemort ‘appened. Yer predecessor. When ‘e caught wind that me parents ‘ad the second map ‘e came after us. While ‘is men plundered the village ‘e attacked me parents in our ‘ome. Me parents ‘id the map in me breeches as soon as they ‘eard the cries from the village.” Harry paused a moment. “Voldemort was a coward. A bloody coward.”

“Why do you say that?” Malfoy frowned.

“Ye must not know everything ‘bout yer dear Voldemort. ‘E was a failure of a pirate. ‘E didn’t even own a sword.”

“What?”

“That’s right, ‘e killed me parents with the killing curse. The only way ‘e murdered. Pirates never kill by magic, but ‘e did.” Harry spat. “Jus’ like that, without a duel, they dropped dead. An’ ‘e ‘ad the nerve to call ‘imself a dread pirate. Bah!”

“Why was this unknown to me?” hissed Malfoy, unbelieving.

“I suspect yer father kept it ‘ushed up when ‘e became captain of the Serpent. Wanted to fix the ship’s reputation. But the Ministry knew. ‘E was lucky ‘e died that night. The Ministry would ‘ave tortured ‘im in unspeakable ways then ‘ung the body in a gibbet cage on display. Bein’ a pirate was bad enough, but ’e was an abomination. Shamed the pirates, ’e did.”

“Wait, Potter. He died that night? The night your parents were killed?”

Harry’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “Couldn’t kill me.” Harry lifted the hair off his forehead with one hand to reveal the lightning bolt scar. “I didn’t die.”

“It was you!” gasped Malfoy.

“I was jest a kid. Dunno ‘ow it ‘appened, really.” Harry realized he had stopped turning the spit, and quickly went back to it.

“Well, this is certainly an interesting development. To think I’ve been spending my time marooned on an island with the man that killed my predecessor. I had no idea it was you.”

“So ye see why I loathe what ye stand fer. The most despised rotter of the seven seas.”

“And then what?”

“What?”

“How did you become one of us?”

“Ah, the classic story of an orphaned lad becomin’ a pickpocket. I stole to survive. I was always ‘idin’ from the Ministry, even wore a bandanna round me forehead in case someone was lookin’ fer me. Found work on a merchant vessel when I was ‘bout thirteen and got me sea legs. Our ship was attacked by pirates and I was taken captive. They took a likin’ to me. I went from scrubbin’ the deck to orderin’ others to scrub the deck. I‘ve kept the map with me me whole life. When I became captain of me ship, I decided it was time to look fer it.” Harry shrugged. “And that’s that.”

“May I ask… where did you meet Ron?”

Harry grinned. “One of me rogue friends when I was but a lad. Met up with ‘im later an’ invited ‘im to join me ‘ands.”

Their stomachs rumbled simultaneously.

Harry nodded at Malfoy. “And you?”

“My tale isn’t nearly as entertaining. Is the beast almost ready?”

“Not yet. Enough time to tell yer tale.”

“Very well. I was raised by my mother, Narcissa, in London until my father took me on his ship. I was fifteen at the time. I became a pirate. He died of lead poisoning. Cheap tins, you know? The scallyfucker was quite fond of caviar. He gave me the map before he died.”

“That’s it, eh?”

“Pretty much.”

“Our vittles should be ready now.” Harry rose and twirled his knife in his fingers.

“Ah!” Malfoy joined Harry and they stood together gazing at the fat beast.

“The stomach’s got some of the most tender meat.” Harry demonstrated where and how to cut and soon the two men sat side by side eagerly scoffing down roasted pork. Grease dribbled down their hands unheeded.

“Jus’ what I needed,” grunted Harry, licking his fingers clean.

Malfoy went back for more. “I’m lucky I got deserted on this island with you, Potter. Ron or any of your other mates would have killed me. You feed me.”

“Don’t press yer luck.”

“Perhaps we’ll start searching for that treasure tomorrow, hmm? It must be grand if Voldemort went on a murderous rampage because of it. We’re deserving hands, don’t you think?”

“Yer better than that scurvy dog, though I ‘aven’t made ye a man yet.”

“Am I close?”

“No.”

******

They slept at opposite ends of the fire. At least Harry slept. The wild boar, still suspended over the pit, seemed to glare at Malfoy with its glazed eyes. What was just an irritable annoyance soon had him breathing quickly, his eye wide and burning, too afraid to look away from the silent beast he had bled.

Harry turned and mumbled incoherently in his sleep. Malfoy squirmed.

******

If Harry had noticed Malfoy was slumbering a mere foot away from himself when he awoke in the morning, he kept his amusement silent, though he allowed himself to smile the entire day.