Turning Point

Turning Point

Sirius is crying; crying and unable to stop, because it hurts so much. Much more than he has even known it could hurt. All the hurt that has always been covered by jokes and laughter and his “devil-may-care”-attitude is pouring out of him. All those years where he has barely acknowledged that “something” isn’t right, coming to the surface. The breaking point has been reached. The absolute comprehension of what his family has done to him: Those that should have loved him and stood by him; always, betraying him. The war and what it is doing to him and his friends, who are the only thing he has left. Those doubts he shouldn’t have, because Remus would never betray them, but which he hasn’t been able to completely put aside until now. And finally, finally everything has come to the surface and he is shaking and he feels naked and still he continues to tell him, tell him everything, tell Remus everything, because absolutely everything needs to be said, needs to get out, needs to be out in the open even if that means that he will never stop talking, stop crying. He is crying; crying and unable to stop, because there is this ocean of tears he has never cried inside of him.

Remus can only sit there and hold Sirius in his arms. There is a strange light in his eyes, but no tears. He has cried before, because he is a werewolf and because he has thought that in the end, when it comes down to it, he will be alone. But not much, because he is stronger than that and because at the moment he still has his friends, even if he is oh so afraid of losing them, because there’s the war. And war can take your friends away in even worse ways than killing them and Remus can already feel it start. He doesn’t want anybody to die of course and he can understand that James has to put Lily and Harry first now. He can even understand that Peter is afraid. But those looks, those strange looks that Sirius has been giving him when he thought that Remus wouldn’t notice. They have been eating away at him. But now Sirius is here in his arms and Remus is strong, but the reason he isn’t crying right now isn’t that he’s stronger than tears or that he doesn’t feel with Sirius, because he does, because Sirius means so much to him that he hasn’t dared think about it until now. No, the reason he’s not crying is that he suddenly has hope. Hoping was something he has never dared before, but now he is hoping for a future. Until now he has lived his life one moon at a time, but now he wants to go further. He wants a real life, a good life a life he has never ever dared hope for (but does now), a life with the boy he is holding in his arms in it. He wants Sirius.

Then, sometime later, they do not know how long but it is starting to get light outside and it was still night when Sirius came, Sirius is able to look up. He looks into Remus eyes and leans forward and Remus breath catches and he is unable to move and then Sirius’ lips are on his and he is sure that he is dreaming or dead, or… because life simply cannot be this wonderful and then he can’t think at all. Suddenly Sirius pulls back and he looks like he is about to say that he’s sorry and Remus can’t have that. Suddenly he is able to move again and he puts his hands to the sides of Sirius face and crushes their lips together, so hard that it hurts, but he doesn’t care and neither does Sirius. And now there are tears in Remus eyes, because he is so happy, he cannot believe it, and his tears mingle with Sirius’ tears and they can taste the salt on their lips. They cling to each other, but in the end they need to breathe. They part, reluctantly, and look at each other. They both start to talk at the same time, very fast and embarrassedly and then they stop and smile and their smiles are like the sun that has risen outside and the tears have stopped. All isn’t right, but everything’s better and there’s hope now.