She's Not Important

She's Not Important

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I always hoped that things would get better after the final battle. One way or the other, at least it would be all over. One of us would be dead, and the other could finally live their life in peace. Well, so much for that idea. Half the world wants to worship me, and the other half wants to kill me. Not a damn thing has changed. I wonder if I'll ever meet anyone that doesn't either want to die for me, or be the one to finally put an end to me. If it weren't for Ron and Hermione, I don't think my life would be worth living. Still, being alone has become more and more comfortable for me also. I think I spend as much time up here in Astronomy Tower as I do in the common room these days. The fresh air really helps clear my head, and there's never anyone up here. Wait, what was that noise? It sounds like someone crying. I wonder who it is. Good lord is that...it is her. What is she doing up here?

"Pansy, what are you doing up here?"

I can tell that I scared the hell out of her. She must not have been expecting anyone to her here either. I don't think I've ever seen her crying before. I didn't even know she could.

"Fuck off, Potter! I don't need you on top of everything else. Why don't you go see your adoring public? I bet there are girls lining up to be a notch on the Boy-who-triumphed's bed post. Go on; get the hell out of here!"

"Pansy, what's wrong? What are you doing up here?"

"What the fuck do you care? When did you or anyone else give a shit about me? I'm not important. At least that's what I've been told."

"Who told you that? It's not true, Pansy. Everyone is important. Haven't you ever watched 'It's A Wonderful Life'? No man is a failure who has friends."

"Friends? You think I've got friends? I've never had a fucking one. Everyone that I spend time with is a pureblood, and that's the only reason they associate with me. I don't have friends, I have connections. Why do you think I hate Granger so much? You and Weasel are always running around saving her. Everyone thinks the sun shines right out of her firm little ass. Well, fuck all of you. Where is your little girlfriend anyway? I'm surprised you didn't bring her up here for a quick one before dinner. What's wrong? Is it Ron's night to fuck her? He always did get life's sloppy seconds, didn't he?"

"Hermione is not my girlfriend, Pansy. Ron does like her, but he isn't dating her either. But, even if we were dating, I would have more respect for her than to have a cheap shag with her like a common whore."

"Oh, that's right; you're Mr. Wonderful, aren't you? You'd never soil your perfect little virgin Hermione. Nobody would dare to, not with common whores like me around."

"Pansy, I never called you that. I didn't mean anyone in particular."

"Oh no, of course you didn't. Not the great Harry Potter. You'd never say such things. Well, not every guy is like you, Potter. There are plenty of guys that will lie to you. Draco always did."

"What are you talking about, Pansy? Where is Draco? What did he do? Did he do something to you? Hey, don't get so close to the edge! The wind can get pretty strong up here."

"I told you, this doesn't involve you, Potter! The whole fucking world does not revolve around you! I couldn't care less where Draco is, not anymore at least. And I'm sure he doesn't give a fuck about me, either. He got what he wanted. I'm damaged goods now. A girl is either a virgin or a slut, there is no in-between. Well, I don't care anymore; it'll all be over soon."

I don't understand what Pansy is talking about, but I've seen that desperate look on her face before. The last person I saw with that look was Sirius when he was looking at me from the fire of the common room in fifth year. He wanted to come and see me, and I told him not to come, told him that the risk was too great. He didn't care about the risks, he just wanted out. That's the same look Pansy has on her face now. It's no coincidence that she's so close to the edge of the tower, she means to jump.

"Pansy, why don't you come away from the edge? I'm willing to listen to whatever Draco did to you. I'm no stranger to what he's capable of, maybe I could help you. And what about your parents? Aren't they friends with Draco's family? You could tell them about it. Is it about the two of you getting married? Is he trying to back out? What is he-"

"Shut up! Just shut your fucking mouth! Why do you always think you can fix things? Don't you ever just get sick of being alive? The most powerful evil wizards in the world are bent on killing you, and you're standing here trying to help me? Help yourself, Harry. Actually, you should be joining me. My whole life has crumbled all around me. All I want to do is stop the pain for good."

She's still not making much sense to me, but at least she's stepped away form the edge. If I keep talking to her, I might be able to keep her from jumping. I don't know how long I can do that, though. Should I make a grab for her? That doesn't sound like a good idea. Why can't someone come up and help me? Wait, she's looking at me again.

"Draco and I aren't going to get married. That was never in the plan. He just said it so he could get into my pants. His mother sent me an owl. She's offering me then thousand galleons to never contact him again. Think of that, ten thousand galleons to pretend someone didn't exist. I wish I had never existed in the first place."

"Pansy, why would Draco's mother offer you then thousand galleons to stay away from him? I mean, I'd stay away from him for free, but the two of you have been together since day one, what happened between the two of you?"

"You mean the three of us, Harry. I'm carrying the only heir to the great Malfoy family. Can't you see my pregnant glow?"

Pansy, my god, I had no idea. Are they trying to buy you off? Why in the world would they do that?"

"You don't get it, do you? Draco is a Malfoy! They don't have children out of wedlock, especially not with someone like me. That money isn't just a buy off; it's the only way my family can survive. You know about Draco's family better than anyone. When the Dark Lord came back to power, the Death Eaters came to my parents and told them to join. My mother was scared, and she convinced father not to go along with them. The next day, my father's business was destroyed. That business had been in the Parkinson family for generations, and now it's nothing but rubble. I have a little sister that is supposed to start here next year. What is going to become of her? Draco's mother knew we needed money, and she needed for me to disappear, but not before I did something for her. She wants me to go to America and have an abortion. What am I supposed to do, Harry? Where's your solution for that? Huh? I'm worth more dead than alive. My baby will be safe in heaven. I only wish I could go with her. My parents will be sad, but at least they won't have to be ashamed of me. Why am I even bothering to tell you this? What do you care if I live or die? I'm not important to you or anyone else, at least that's what Draco told me."

She's moving back towards the edge now. I was hoping I could convince her to think about what she's doing, but it's obvious that she has thought a great deal about it already. I have to convince her that there are other ways out of this.

"Wait! Pansy, you don't have to do this! Things are never as bad as they seem at first. You're only seventeen! You have your whole life ahead of you; don't throw it away because of someone like Malfoy. Besides, the Malfoy's aren't the only family with money. Don't you read the Daily Prophet? I've been labeled the wizard world's Bill Gates. I could buy the Malfoy family twice over. My godfather left me over a million galleons in his will. I'd be glad to give you whatever money you need. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't have to give up your baby. Please, Pansy, just come away from the edge. We'll talk to Dumbledore; he always knows that to do."

"It's too late, Harry! It's all over. Draco used me up and threw me away. I'm an empty vessel now. My parents can't find out that I'm pregnant; they'd be ashamed of me. Just go, Harry. I told you, I'm not important. Go on and live your perfect life with your perfect friends."

Pansy is looking right at me now. She hardly resembles any image I've ever had of her. Gone are the cold stare and the pug faced sneer that I'm used to seeing in her. It's been replaced by the look of a poor lost soul. I can't help but notice that she actually is an attractive girl, when she isn't looking hateful. I would have never considered describing her as looking "vulnerable" in the past, but that's the only way to describe her now. I've seen this look before also. It's the same one Ginny had on her face when she had attempted to tell Ron and I about the diary back in second year. It must be a look reserved for when a person's life is in grave danger. I shudder to think how many times that look has been on my own face. She isn't playing around; she is really planning on jumping. Wait, is she smiling?

"Do you ever wish you could go back and do everything all over again? I do. I'd do so many things differently. I'd never allow myself to fall for all of Draco's lies. I wouldn't be a pawn in his sick games with his mother. I wouldn't let myself hate everyone so much, especially myself. I can remember being sorted just before you were that first day here. When the Sorting Hat mentioned putting you in Slytherin, I was anxious to get to know the famous Harry Potter. Then I heard you telling it to out you anywhere else but there. It made me feel inferior somehow, like there was something lesser about being in Slytherin house. Draco filled my head with stories about you, about how you were nothing but an arrogant prick that had lucked out your entire life. I grew to hate you, and everyone that you associated with, and now look at us. The boy I've hated for seven years is trying to save me. Do you ever wonder how things would have been different if you had been put in Slytherin? Maybe it would have been you I would have ended up with instead of Draco. I guess things don't always end happily ever after, do they? Goodbye, Harry."

Before I can react at all, Pansy leaps off the edge of the tower into the reddening evening sky. I don't even realize I'm running until I see the edge vanish beneath my own feet. By instinct, I say the only spell I can think of that might help.

"Accio Pansy!"

Time seemed to stop momentarily. Pansy remained stationary half way down to the stone courtyard below. Then, as if her body was tied to a yo-yo string, her trajectory was reversed and she then zoomed back straight into my outstretched arms. I had never tried to summon anything as large as a person before, and I wasn't even sure that I could do it. Pansy also seemed amazed by what had just happened. Her surprise quickly turned to anger as the shock wore off.

"What the fuck did you do that for? Why can't you ever leave people alone? I don't need you to save me, Harry! I didn't ask you to save me. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

She's hitting every square inch of me she can reach, but I'm not about to let her go. Eventually she quits hitting me and starts to violently sob into my chest. I never was good with crying women. I don't know what else to do but continue to hold her. I can't help but feel that if I let go of her, she'd fall apart. I would have never imagined a time in my life that I would see Pansy crying, and I certainly never expected to ever care about it. And yet, here we are. I guess it's true, you should never say never. As darkness begins to set in, Pansy detached herself from my chest and looked up at me. For as vulnerable as she looked before, it's nothing compared to how she looks now. She looks as if the slightest breeze would cause her to float away like a leaf in a tempest.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry about everything. What am I supposed to do now? I don't want to give up my child. It's not the baby's fault that I've made such a mess of things. I can't go home, my parents would go after the Malfoy's, and that would only cause more problems, maybe even deaths. I can't go through this alone, though. Where am I supposed to go?"

I didn't think this far ahead. I had only been focusing on saving her life, not what to do with it afterwards. For all the money I have, I can't change the past for her. What if this was Hermione or Ginny? Wouldn't I do anything I could for them? They wouldn't need my help, though. Not like Pansy does. They would have their family and friends to help them. This reminds me of all the times I would sit on Privet Drive and wish to god that someone would come help me. I would have done anything for someone to help me; it would have made things so much more bearable. I could be that person for her. Yes, we had been enemies in the past, but that was just that, the past. We aren't that different really, the two of us. 'Damaged goods' just about covers it.

"Pansy, look, I won't pretend to know exactly what you're going through right now. I know that I hated it when people tried to tell me they understood what I was going through. What I can tell you is that you don't have to go through this alone, not anymore. I meant what I said before. I've got more money than I'll ever need, and I've got a house big enough to house a small army. You can stay there anytime you need to, and I'll take care of any bills. I'll make sure your parents get whatever they need, and they need never know where the money came from. I could make it seem like they won the pools or something. Give me a chance, Pansy, please. And hey, what better way to get back at the Malfoy's than by going against their wishes? Draco can't hurt you anymore, not if you're with me. What do you say? Are you ready to start your life over? To start living for yourself from now on? Believe me; sometimes living itself is the greatest revenge."

I didn't know if she'd buy any of what I was saying, but she wasn't crying or yelling anymore at least. After what seemed like an eternity she said, in a voice that was barely audible, "ok."

I don't think I've ever been so glad to get back into the cool exterior of the castle. I was so focused on maintaining my watch on Pansy; I didn't even notice the sound of running feet until they were upon us.

"Harry! Where have you been? Ron and I have been looking everywhere for you! Wait, what's she doing with you? What did she do to you?" Hermione asked glaring at Pansy.

I didn't realize that the two of us were holding hands until I followed Ron's staring eyes to our hands clasped together. We must have joined hands at some point, but I couldn't remember doing it. Strangely, it didn't feel awkward at all. I had held hands countless times with Hermione, but I could never remember initiating it. I wonder who had done so this time. Hermione now looks as if she is going to try to protect me from whatever she imagines Pansy has done to me. I'd better do something quick.

"Wait, Pansy and I were just...talking."

"Talking? About what? How you should be the one who is dead instead of Voldemort? How Draco is going to get you? Come on Harry; let's get back to the common room. She's not important."

I can feel Pansy attempt to run away, but I'm still holding her hand. Managing to stop her from escaping, I round on Ron and Hermione, both of whom take a step back when they see the heat rising into my face.

"Don't you ever say that, either of you! How dare you say she's not important? Who said any of us were important? Am I important because I defeated Voldemort? Are you two important because you helped me do it? Does that make everyone else less important? What about Percy? He died in the battle, does that make him unimportant? This petty bull shit is going to end right now. Pansy is just as important as everyone else. Don't you remember what the Sorting Hat said? We are all only as strong as we are united. A house divided cannot stand. It wasn't just talking about fighting Voldemort, it was talking about life. What's more, Pansy is a person, a person with the same feelings as any other person. She's important to me, just as the two of you are. There have been enough bridges burned because of the war; it's time to mend them now. Pansy may be coming to stay at Grimmauld Place sometime also. I know that we can all exist together. It's time to look towards the future, a future that involves everyone."

I could tell that Ron and Hermione thought I had lost my mind. I had grown very accustomed to getting these types of looks. Fortunately, I could tell that Hermione was starting to understand what was going on. Although not very far along, Pansy was starting to take on the look of being pregnant, and Hermione was smart enough to know that there was more to things than I was letting on at the moment. With an understanding look at me, she grabbed Ron's arm and dragged him away. I would talk to them both later, but for now, I wanted to ensure that Pansy got back to her own common room safely. A part of me wished we'd run into Draco on the way. I'd love nothing more than to try a few more spells on humans for the first time...well, on a Malfoy that is.

"Thank you for sticking up for me, Harry."

"Don't worry about it. Hermione and Ron will come around. She didn't mean what she said."

"Yes she did. That's ok. She was only looking out for a friend. It sounded like you were doing the same thing. I'm glad that came out of this at least. I still don't know if I'm going to be strong enough to do all this, Harry. I'm really going to depend on you. Are you sure you want to get involved in this? You don't have to. I've never done anything to deserve this from you."

"Hey, no more talking about the past, ok? Everything starts over from here, a completely clean slate. I'll be whatever you need me to be. Everything is going to be all right. If you want to tell your parents, I'll go with you. If you don't, than you can stay with me. Just promise me you'll talk to me if you start to get overwhelmed again. I'll do whatever I can to help you. Any time of the day or night, I'll come running."

"Thanks, Harry. It will take a long time to clear my slate, but I do plan to be around long enough to do it. I really do feel like I'm starting my life over, for me, and my baby. So, are you ready to start our new lives together?"

Pansy then reached out and took my hand in hers. It felt good to know that I had been able to help her, and having someone to look after would give me something to concentrate on. Ron and Hermione would also help, once they understood what the situation was. I don't know what the future will hold for any of us, but whatever it is; we will all be facing it together.