Embers and Envelopes

Embers and Envelopes

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"Hey, Harry. Where's Hermione?"

Great, Ron's here. Why does everyone want to talk to me now? What part of my sitting on the other side of the common room from everyone else do people not understand? I guess Ron's an exception, though. He's used to me withdrawing from people by now. And his question about Hermione is understandable; we do tend to be together most of the time. And he does know that we're a couple now, so we should be together. What he doesn't know is that we may not be a couple any more. My first instinct is to tell him to get the hell away from me, but it's not his fault that I've screwed everything up. And speaking of Ron, how will this affect the three of us? Will it just be him and I now, or will he side with Hermione?

Things wouldn't be so bad if I didn't miss Hermione so damn much. I keep looking over at the stairs to the girls dorms, but there's no sign of her. I haven't seen her since we had the fight. She was so angry with me, and I guess I was just as angry with her. Now I'm sitting here with enough homework to keep me busy for days, and all I can think of is Hermione's crying face. She had tears in her eyes and her teeth were bared at me. I'd never seen her like that before. I did that to her, just like I said I never would. She was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I hurt her. Way to go, Harry. Well, Ron must have gotten the point, he's gone now. If I can't talk to Hermione, I'll have to write to her instead. She may be able to avoid me, but Hedwig will find her. I have to tell her how sorry I am. Even if I've messed up any chance of a relationship, I cannot let her out of my life entirely.

We write to apologize.

We ask to look past life as it goes by.

I know you have sacrificed time, life, and love time to fly.

Please consider all things trite,

Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.

I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix.

How did we start fighting in the first place? I remember Hermione saying we needed to talk after that night in the room of requirement. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous about what she would say. I pictured in my mind her telling me that she regretted ever making love to me, or that she never wanted to do it again. I know I was awful, but she knew I had no experience with girls. Then she started talking about her and me, and what kind of relationship we had now. I liked her using the term "relationship," it made things sound more official. But then she started to talk about Voldemort, and how we couldn't know what the future would hold for either one of us. Well, I knew what we coming then.

I'm sure she had planned to let me down easy, but I didn't care. I told her I didn't blame her for being afraid to be with me, and that I was used to being alone. She tried to tell me I had it all wrong, but I knew she was just trying to make me feel better. Instead of calming me down, I just got madder. I guess I had just been so happy about the idea of the two of us being together that I couldn't handle the reality of my never being with anyone. I said some stuff I didn't mean, and Hermione started to cry. I tried to pretend like I didn't care, but I wanted to die. She ran off to her room, and I collapsed into this chair. I was going to use this parchment to write my Potions essay, but I think writing her a letter would be a much better use for it. I know it probably is too late for a relationship, but I have to let her know that I still love her, for whatever it's worth.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.

Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.

To write this down as means to reconcile.

I wonder how many trips I've made up to the owlery since I've been here. I used to come up here all the time in fourth and fifth year so I could send messages to Sirius. Then there was that time I met up with Cho; that all seems like a lifetime ago now. I hope Cho's happier now, and I'm sure Sirius is. I just hope I'll be happy again, someday. Am I doing the right thing? Will this make me any happier? Was this really all my fault? If Hermione was going to be the one to end our relationship, shouldn't she be the one to feel guilty? I'm the victim here, right? So why do I feel like I've destroyed something so beautiful? No, I am doing the right thing. I could never be truly happy knowing that I had hurt Hermione. I just hope she reads my letter. She has to know how I really feel, and about how sorry I am.

I really do love Hermione. Maybe it's being here in the owlery, but all sorts of memories keep coming back to me. Of all the people in my life, Hermione is the only one that has stuck by me, no matter what. I can't even say that about Ron. She's the most important thing in my life, and has been since the day I met her. I wouldn't even be alive today without her, and I wouldn't want to be if she wasn't in my life. Other girls have ended up hurting me, but she never has. She cares about me, really cares. And now, here I am a pathetic note in my hand to tell her I'm sorry. I know I don't deserve her; she should be with someone she can be safe with, someone who can give her everything she wants. I guess I'll just go back to the common room and give another try to my essay. Wait, who's that at the door?

We write to patch things up,

Maybe not to agree, but to proclaim love.

Let's look ahead and then we'll see the one whose glory never ends.

And based on that we'll see,

There'll be room for change, but gradually.

I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix

"Hermione, what are you doing here?" It's her! God, she is so beautiful. I could stare into her eyes forever. A warm feeling radiates off of her, and I realize that I haven't been warm since I've left her.

"Ron asked me why I was so down, and I told him we were having problems. He suggested that I should write and tell you how I felt. I guess he knew you were doing the same thing. I think we've been set up."

Hermione smiled and looked down at the stone floor. She was looking extremely vulnerable again, and I was reminded of what I needed to say to her. I had been afraid of talking to her about it before, but now I remembered that I could talk about anything to her.

"Hermione, look, I'm really sorry I hurt you. I know you were trying to be kind to me, but I couldn't handle the idea that we wouldn't be together in the way I wanted us to be. I hope we can still be friends. I can't make it without you, Hermione. Please, can we still be friends?"

It's my turn to look down now. I don't think my pride can take a look of pity from her. Instead, I am soon looking at the tops of her shoes, and her thin fingers are lifting up my chin. She's looking at me, but it isn't a look of pity or hurt, she's smiling, and I find myself smiling back at her.

"Oh, Harry. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. You'd never do that to me. But you have to know how wrong you were. I wasn't trying to be kind to you, and I certainly had no intention of hurting you. You were right about one thing, though. I was planning on ending something with you."

I knew this was coming. I considered cutting her off, but I knew that would only be avoiding the inevitable. I took a deep breath and nodded, ready to accept my fate.

"You see, Harry, what I wanted to tell you was that our previous relationship with one another is gone. The one we have now, however, is an even greater one. I love you, Harry. I don't use that word lightly, and I know you don't either. But, if we are going to have this kind of relationship, there are some things that you have to understand. The first thing is about you, me, and the prophecy."

"Hermione, look..." I start to speak, but this time I'm the one who gets cut off.

"No, Harry, you will hear me out this time. You seem to think that you have to be alone because of what may or may not happen in the future. Well, that's just stupid, Harry. None of us know what the future holds for us. How do I know if I'll be alive in a year's time? The here and now is what's important, not the unknown future."

I wanted to correct her on that one. It wasn't the unknown future in my mind. I would either be the killer or the killed, there was no other way. I didn't say anything, though. I had made that mistake before.

"Secondly, you seem to think that my being with you is some kind of a sacrifice on my part, and that I deserve better. Well, again, that's just stupid. Yes, I have spent years of my life getting to know you, I've lain awake at night worrying about you, I've risked my life for you, I've turned down other men who have wanted to be with me, and countless other things along the way. But in return, I've gained the greatest gift of all; true love."

Tears started to well up in Hermione's eyes, but they weren't the hurt tears of last time. These were the tears of hope, a sight that made me feel tears falling down my own face.

"If I would have never let you in, if I would have given up on you, if I would have never risked my life, if I would have taken up with Viktor, or Ron, I would have never gotten to where I am now, with you. But you have to understand me, Harry. It takes two to make a relationship work. If you aren't really in love with me, like I am with you, then this isn't going to work. So, Harry, what's it going to be? Do you really love me?"

I stand in awe. Everything I wrote in my letter sounds stupid now, compared to what she has just said. Once I regain my composure enough, I am able to speak from my heart.

"Hermione, I love you more than I could ever tell you, or ever hope to write down on paper. I know I've been stupid, and I know that I've hurt you, but hearing you say you loved me too, it's given me hope. I can't promise that I'll always know the right things to say, or the right things to do, but I can promise that I will love you the best I can. Who knows, maybe that night in the room of requirement was too much too soon. Maybe we should take things slower. What do you...?"

My speech was cut off by Hermione's lips upon mine. I was a little surprised at first, but it didn't take me long to return the kiss. Her warmth flowing into me caused my heart to melt the ice that had formed around it since our fight, and my hope for the future returned. All too soon, the kiss ended, and Hermione pulled back to look at me with her gorgeous eyes of warm cocoa.

"You know, Harry, sometimes you talk too much. But, I love you anyway." A smile crossed her lips again, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"And I love you, Hermione. But, if I'm not allowed to tell you how I feel, perhaps there is some other way I could convince you?" I wrap my arms around her slim waist and draw her closer to me.

"Why, Harry, I do declare. I hope I'm not dating a sex addict. We just can't nip off to the room of requirement all the time. Besides, the Prefect's bathroom is much closer." And, with a sly wink, Hermione and I run off to continue making up. This wouldn't be our last fight, I wasn't naive enough to believe that, but it proved that we could get past our differences. In the end, love saved that day, just like it would eventually save us all from Voldemort. But, that's all in the future, and as I now firmly believe, it's the here and now that is most important.

If all is said and done and over,

If we don't have to, we're not going to.

Make the change, it's worth the try.

What's broken can be fixed tonight.