Fate

Chapter 34 - No One Can

"I had my suspicions, when you first came," Dumbledore began, addressing all of them as they sat in the Room of Requirement, "that you had come back for a reason. After all, my older self would not send you back without some reason."

"The reason was good enough," Sirius said quickly, sounding somewhat impatient. "Even one of them would have been good enough but we had four."

Harry saw Sirius' eyes flicker over to him for a moment, probably to check on how he was taking all this, but Harry made sure to not show much of what he was feeling. He knew his face was perfectly blank, while his insides were churning. He had geared himself up for this possibility, but the thought of it actually being true...he wasn't sure how he would react to Dumbledore's tale.

"And all four were very noble and good, even heroic reasons, Sirius," Dumbledore assured him. "So, you came back to save those four lives...trying to correct the past, assuming that if there was even the slightest chance to make your world, our future, better, that you had a duty to do that." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled over towards them, Sirius especially, and he smiled a bit. "And I could not be more proud of how far you have come, and how far you were willing to go."

Harry tried to blink back his own tears as he looked over at Sirius himself. Remus had reached up, putting a hand on his shoulder as Sirius practically locked eyes with the headmaster.

"Unfortunately, there is always a side to magic that we are too blind to see, a side that we often don't want to and don't end up considering," Dumbledore said gently, moving his gaze across all of them now. None of them responded, so he continued. "We often refer to Fate as an unpredictable force, but she has more power than we give her credit, and is actually the exact opposite of unpredictable."

"It was Fate, wasn't it?" Sirius spoke up, his voice sounding harsher than Harry thought necessary, but he could understand why. "We were supposed to come back." The last sentence was more of a statement than a question, but Dumbledore still nodded in answer.

"Yes, you were. But not for the reason's you originally thought you were supposed to."

"Then why!?" Sirius flared out. "Why put us through this? For all we know, if we hadn't come back, James and Lily would still be alive in our time. Arianna would still be alive, and Emily-"

"It's not healthy to think of that, Sirius," Dumbledore's firm but gentle voice interrupted. "It does not do to dwell on dreams..."

Harry felt a bit calmer at that statement, remembering the Dumbledore from his time telling him the exact same thing. He had been right then, and thought Harry didn't want to admit it, he was right now. But that didn't make the pain any easier to bear.

Remus, the ever voice of reason, pulled Sirius back into a sitting position. "You're not helping anything by being angry, Sirius," Remus reasoned.

"It's sure making me feel better," Sirius shot back.

"Is it really?"

This time Sirius had no answer. Harry turned from them back to Dumbledore and saw that the old wizard was now gazing at Harry himself.

"How are you feeling, Harry?" he asked gently.

Harry felt several emotions flicker across his mind: hurt, anger, pain, remorse, guilt, regret, hopelessness...

"I...I don't really know..." he admitted. "I mean, I suspected that this could happen, I mean, after all, during my third year I got my fill of time travel and it should have clicked earlier that it would turn out like this."

"What?" Sirius said quickly. "Your third year-"

"When you escaped," Harry said quickly. "Remember? Hermione and I saved you using her time turner..." he trailed off and looked away from all the penetrating eyes that were now focused on him. "The patronus..."

"That's right," Remus hissed out, sounding very upset with himself as he shook his head slightly. "You conjured the Patronus to save yourself, cause you remembered it happening before." It was Harry and Remus' turn to look at each other. "You didn't change the past, though. It had already happened."

Harry nodded. "Just like Hermione and me saving Buckbeak and Sirius. We didn't go back and correct Buckbeak's execution and Sirius' sentence, we completely prevented them and so even when we thought that Buckbeak had been killed, he hadn't, cause I had gotten him away in time, and even when we were scared because Sirius was about to receive the Dementor's kiss, we had just gotten him and Buckbeak to safety, so there was no reason to worry."

"But Harry, there was a reason to worry," Remus interjected. "You see, without your worry, you would never have gone back in time and none of it would have happened."

"Exactly, Remus, exactly," Dumbledore interrupted. "There had to have been a desire to go back and change the past, otherwise you never would have tried, and therefore, from the sound of it, too many innocent people would have died that night."

"And in this situation," Dumbledore continued, "You all had the need again, the desire and want to go back and change the past. And you have done so, even if you feel that you have not."

Dumbledore looked over to Snape. "Yours is probably the most interesting, as your purpose was to come back and save your own self from death, as well as convince him to be a spy for the Light."

Snape raised one eyebrow in question and Dumbledore nodded, smiling a bit. "I met up with young Severus Snape in the ministry not twenty minutes ago and he requested to meet with me this evening."

Harry had to feel a little bit of happiness as Snape let out a relieved breath and let himself show a little more emotion than usual as Harry saw a single tear in the corner of his eye. A tear of relief no doubt. Harry might not have known exactly what Severus Snape had accomplished throughout the years as a spy for the order, but he suspected it was more than Sirius, Remus or Harry could imagine.

"No offense, Headmaster," Sirius said after a moment, "but this isn't exactly all playing out in my mind." Harry had to at least agree with that statement. Dumbledore might have answered some of their questions but in doing so he had created about five hundred more. "How is it that Remus and I didn't have any memories of our older selves coming back in time? And how do you explain the fact that the circumstances of both Emily and Arianna's deaths are, well, different from what has happened in the last few days?"

Harry watched Remus out of the corner of his eye, watching the werewolf shudder a bit when Sirius said Emily's name associated with "death". It dawned on Harry that Remus had figured out that Emily was going to die no matter what and the emotions that flickered across the ex-professor's face most definitely showed the horror of that thought.

"And what about Peter?" Remus added, trying to push back his own emotions. "We've exposed him to everyone. How could he possibly betray Lily and James now?"

Dumbledore's face drooped a bit and he looked very grave as he spoke. "I suppose that Fate will work everything out," he said sadly, "and I see no possible way to save your friends at this point. They were meant to die, meant to die so that Harry could live."

Everyone turned as Harry scooted back in his chair instinctively, getting more of a shock from that statement than he realized. His eyes were wide and filling with a few tears.

"No...no, please..."

It's not true...it's not...I can still save them...

He heard the thoughts racing through his head as he numbly stared at the Headmaster, wishing and desperately hoping that he would wake up soon.

He heard someone speak, but didn't find a reason to respond. He vaguely saw Sirius stand up and go over to him, kneeling by his chair and wrapping his arms around him, holding him tight. He started to feel the tears from Sirius' eyes fall onto his shoulders just as he realized his own tears were finally starting to fall.

"I can save them, Sirius....I can save them...." His voice came out in quiet whispers between the sobs that began to rack his body.

"I'm here, Emeralds," Sirius whispered gently, realizing that Harry was just blubbering and needed to hear those words. "Moony and I will always be here for you..."

Harry hiccupped slightly, trying to get a hold of himself as his sobs died down as he listened to Sirius' soothing voice over and over again.

"You'll never be alone, Harry," Dumbledore said gently, but Harry didn't look over at him and kept his face muffled in Sirius' shoulder. "There are too many people here who care for you."

Harry sniffed, finding the courage to pull away from Sirius and look up at Dumbledore. Sirius kept a hand around his shoulders, which Harry was grateful for. "They're still going to die? No matter what we do?"

"I'm afraid so, Harry."

Sirius grip around him tightened and more than ever, Harry was grateful for his presence. It was strange that just moments ago, Sirius had been in blind rage and grief himself, but the mere sight of Harry being distressed seemed to bring him right out of it.

Just like a parent.

At that thought, Harry felt his heart slow down a bit as it became easier to breath and though the tears did not stop, some of the sadness did leave.

----

He was standing again in the Death Chamber, the fight raging around him as he looked about in confusion. He saw Moody, Kinsley, Tonks, Remus, Neville...they were all fighting.

His eyes strayed towards the center of the room where he saw the now familiar sight of Bellatrix and Sirius dueling in front of the veil.

He knew what was going to happen. He could stop it.

But somehow, his legs weren't working. He struggled through thin air that felt more like quicksand and could only scream out as once again he heard Sirius' familiar line.

"Come on! You can do better than that!"

Sirius' expression changed seconds after, the beam of light pushing him backwards into the veil.

Harry heard someone screaming and suddenly realized it was himself, still struggling to make it to his now disappeared Godfather.

He finally seemed to break free of the invisible force holding him and was sprinting towards the veil, determined to follow Sirius through and bring him back out.

But right as he was about to go through, a hand reached out and grabbed him, making him stop.

"Harry? Harry, wake up! It was just a dream!"

He felt like he stumbled a bit, reflexively jerking forward and amazed to still feel Remus' arm around him, holding him back from following Sirius into the veil. It wasn't until he blinked a few more times that he saw that it was not Remus ho was holding him.

It was James.

Overwhelmed a bit at the suddenness of seeing his dead parents again, Harry jerked out of James' grasp, trying to act like he didn't notice James' hurt look when he pulled away.

Why was he still wearing his glasses anyway? He wondered, realizing that everything in the room was clear and that his round glasses were perched a bit haphazardly on his face, like his had slept with them on.

Oh. Right.

After the kerfaffle had died down after the funeral, Harry and 'Sirius' had been practically dragged into beds to rest, even though it had been a full day since Voldemort's attack and Harry was feeling just fine. Harry had done his best not to fall asleep, knowing that the nightmares would follow, but it looked like his struggles were in vain.

Getting in control of himself quickly, a task which became easier and easier after each nightmare, Harry glanced over at the two other people in the room with him.

Lily looked as if she had been crying, her face red and her eyes puffy. James looked almost numb to the pain he was obviously feeling, trying to block it out just as Harry did.

It was harder than he imagined, seeing them again. And because they weren't supposed to know about the "little" conversation in the room of requirement, Harry couldn't tell them outright why he looked so sad when they came into the room.

"How's Remus?" Harry asked at once, trying to keep the focus off his latest nightmare and also worried for the younger version of his friend, whom he had not seen since Emily's disappearance.

"As best as can be expected," James spoke up, pulling up a chair and sitting next to Harry's bed, Lily sitting next to him. Harry wasn't exactly sure why they had come to see him. "He wants to go out looking for her himself, but Dumbledore says we should wait till we get some kind of ransom note." James didn't look like he agreed much with Dumbledore's opinion. "He's sure that Voldemort won't hurt her until Remus is there to watch, but neither Sirius nor I are quite sure of that anymore, especially after what happened to Arianna."

"Why is he doing all of this?" Harry had to ask, trying to get at least one of his questions answered. "Going after the three of you?"

James' face darkened and Harry saw Lily's hand reach out and grasp her husband's, giving it a small squeeze of support.

"Well, let's just say that Peter wasn't the only one who was given an offer from Voldemort."

Harry felt the pieces connect enough that he didn't press the issue. It was obviously a sore spot for James. He thought back to when they had first come back, finding James and 'Sirius' in the forest and James' words.

"I'm sick of you bloody Death Eaters! You can tell your master that my answer is still no!"

An answer....Harry could only guess the question that Voldemort's follower had presented before James. The very thought of it made Harry want to blast something apart himself. How dare he? How dare Voldemort be so presumptuous as to think that James or Sirius or Remus were going to join him...

Because Peter did.

And like it always did, the blame circled back around to the little rat, and Harry felt even more of a desire to wish he had let Sirius and Remus finish the job all those years ago in the Shrieking Shack.

"How are you feeling, Harry?" Lily's concerned voice broke in, obviously trying to change the subject, not that Harry or James minded.

Harry waved his question away, not really used to the obvious parental concern. "I'm fine. I've been through worse, it's not like it's that big of a deal."

Wrong thing to say.

"You've been through worse?" James said incredulously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Er...nothing," Harry tried to cover up.

James and Lily both looked at each other for a moment and Harry was perplexed to notice a whole conversation pass between them without either of them so much as batting an eyelash.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" Harry's head snapped up at his father's voice.

"What was that just then?"

"What?" Harry asked, playing dumb.

"Your nightmare," Lily pressed. Harry looked over at her his face going a bit dark, the same way James' had when Harry had brought up his last question.

"I really don't want to talk about it," Harry answered gruffly, looking away from both their concerned gazes. "It's my problem to deal with."

"But we can help you-" Lily reached forward to lay a hand on Harry's knee, but he shoved her arm aside before she could reach him.

"No you can't!" It was probably too harsh, but Harry didn't much care at the moment. The conversation from the Room of Requirement was playing and replaying through Harry's mind. Now was not the time to get close to these people. Not when he was just going to have to say goodbye to them soon anyway. "No one can."

Harry didn't look up, but he had the feeling that his parents were once again having a silent conversation with one another. This time it ended with a light pair of footsteps standing up and walking quietly out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

"Harry?"

Harry looked up, confirming his guess that James was the one left in the room. He thought about feeling a twinge of guilt over what he had said to his mother, but then reasoned that it didn't much matter in the long run. None of it did.

"We just wanted to tell you that your mother and I are both very proud of you." James continued talking as Harry felt a few tears prick at his eyes. "Of who you've become....despite all that you've gone through."

"Thanks dad," Harry said softly, his anger seeping out a bit. James probably had no idea what those few simple words meant to Harry. He remembered, since he was a little boy, thinking and wondering and hoping that his parents were proud of him, of the choices that he had made in life.

"Dumbledore told me....he said that you know about the prophecy?"

Harry nodded.

James looked away again and Harry had a feeling that he was trying to blink away his tears so that his son wouldn't have to watch him cry. Harry, however, didn't mind at all. Seeing James Potter before him, a man with so many emotions, with a smile in his face or tears in his eyes, all of it only furthered Harry's love for his parents. Seeing them as living, breathing human beings, being so full of familiar emotions and trials and loves, it held a special place in Harry's heart every time he thought of it.

"Lily and I found out about two months before you were supposed to be born," James began explaining. "It was such a shock, such a..." James hung his head in his hands. "Merlin, we were so scared."

Harry reached out a hand, laying it on James' shaking shoulder causing James to look up at him quickly. They stared at one another for a moment.

"Me too," Harry whispered.

At once James' arms shot forward, wrapping tightly around Harry and pulling him into a fierce hug.

It was different from the hug that he had gotten from Sirius a few hours before. Less familiar, but no less meaningful. Harry felt himself relax completely in James' grip, his subconscious knowing that this, in actuality was his father, and that a hug from a father was not something to be taken lightly, especially when you had grown up without one.

"You were born to do this," James said firmly, "and even though I wasn't there for you for so many years I'm here now, Harry," his voice dropped to a whisper, "and I'm not leaving you again."

Harry's arms tightened around James as he buried his head into his father's shoulder. And he though he didn't sob, he felt the tears begin to fall as he realized that no matter how much both of them wished it, what James had just said was never going to come true.