Fate

Chapter 5 - You're Not Alone

"Could you just go check for me, Ron, please?"

Ron and Hermione both wore skeptical looks on their face as Remus once again asked them. Sirius, as Padfoot of course, was looking at them with his best puppy dog face, pleading with them just as well. Hermione finally answered him.

"Why can't you find him?" She narrowed her eyes at them. "He doesn't usually run away like that unless something bad happens..."

"What did you guys want to talk to him about?" Ron inquired.

Remus glanced down at Padfoot who shook his head slightly in the negative and Remus sighed. "It's really not our place to say. Harry can talk to you about it but we need to find him first."

"Find who?" Ginny had just walked up behind Ron and Hermione who both jumped slightly.

"Harry," Remus said shortly.

Ginny's eyes narrowed. "What did you two do?"

Remus threw his hands in exasperation. "It's like you guys think I made him upset on purpose! He's the one who wants to know what's going on and sometimes it's not always pretty."

Hermione still had her eyes narrowed at him but Ron seemed to be warming up to them.

"Please, Ron, just let us take a glance at the map. If we find him and he still doesn't want to talk, we'll leave him alone."

Padfoot whined a bit and nudged Ron's hand. Ron glanced at Hermione and they seemed to have a silent battle of wills until Ron disappeared up the stairs to the boy's dorms.

Hermione whirled on them once Ron was gone and Ginny seemed just as upset. "You two should have known better! Harry's gone through enough already!"

"Yeah, what's the big deal? Is this a, 'let's see how messed up we can make Harry before he graduates' game?" Ginny huffed.

Remus frowned at them. "Really you two...Don't you know me enough by now that I would never do something to purposely hurt Harry?"

"Then why are you making him so mad that he storms off?" Ginny demanded.

Remus pointed an impatient finger at them as Ron came back down the stairs. "He's the one who wants to know what's going on, and he's right, he deserved to know this." He reached out for the map, but Ron held it back quickly, giving him an inquisitive stare.

"Not so fast, Professor. Before you get this, you're going to tell us why Harry was so upset."

Remus sighed and glanced down at Padfoot who wined pitifully and lay down on the ground, seemingly defeated.

"Fine," Remus conceded. "But not here."

The group trudged away from the Gryffindor common room portrait and filed into the Room of Requirement a few minutes later, a tense silence in the air. As soon as Remus shut the door, Padfoot changed back into Sirius, a sulking expression on his face as he practically glared at the three young teens.

"You know, as that map rightfully belongs to us, you really shouldn't have the right to blackmail us with it," he told them shortly, taking a seat by Remus who rolled his eyes.

"Sirius, you're the one who lost the map in the first place..."

"Yeah, yeah, and I'm the one who slipped the dungbombs into Snape's cauldron, I know, I know..."

Remus sighed at his friend's downcast mood but let him stew as he turned to the teens.

"Harry was upset because we told him about what we found on our trip to the Department of Mysteries a few days ago."

All three looked horrified but only Hermione seemed to find her voice. "Why in the world would you go back there!?" She turned on Sirius. "Especially you! That was dangerous."

"I think I pride myself in having enough balance to not trip into the veil," Sirius replied dryly, still rather mad about what was happening.

"No one fell in, Hermione, but the point it we found a body behind the veil...Sirius' body."

As planned, this shut them up instantly and all three seemed horrified, their eyes flickering over to Sirius ever few seconds and he scowled as he noticed it.

"I'm alive, alright? I'm right here! Can't you seem me?" Sirius inquired, annoyed.

"That doesn't change the fact that you're now two places at once," Hermione pointed out. She seemed the only one capable of speech at the moment.

"Well you would know all about being in two places at once, wouldn't you, Hermione?" Sirius bit back. Hermione blushed and turned away, realizing that Sirius was right.

"Please, can we see the map now, Ron?" Remus asked politely, content to let the teens fight it out amongst themselves. Ron's shaky hand held out the map and Sirius reached it before Remus did, snatching it away and activating it with the words and Remus' wand which he had also snatched away. Remus leaned over his shoulder and they both scanned it quickly over before they finally spotted him in one of the West towers, unmoving.

Thrusting the wand and map back at Remus, Sirius transformed and went over, pawing the door until Remus pulled it open and Padfoot rushed out. Remus turned back to Harry's friends, all of whom were looking at him with silent pleading.

"I suppose...?" His sentence was left unfinished as they scrambled out after Padfoot and Remus quietly shut the door behind all of them, following at a slower pace as he was the one holding the map.

----

Sirius reached the door first, still in his animagus form. He looked back to the others and wined slightly, hoping at least Remus would understand. True to their friendship, Remus recognized what he wanted and tactfully held back Ron, Hermione and Ginny while Sirius pushed open the door and quietly padded into the room.

He didn't really remember much about this room. The Marauders had been quiet excited when they discovered it but then disappointed at its lack of secret passages or magical powers. All that was there, or that had ever been there, was a bed, a rug and a desk with a mirror. His eyes traveled over to the bed where he saw Harry laid down on it, curled up in a tight ball. Sirius's heart clenched and not caring about if someone caught them, transformed back into his human form and felt the tears coming to his eyes as he saw Harry.

His eyes were clamped shut tight, trails of dried tears down his face and a grimace on his face. His legs were brought up to his chest and he clenched them with his arms tight. Sirius wondered how he could possibly sleep with his muscles to tight.

He carefully made his way over the creaky floorboards and knelt by the bed, staring silently at his godson.

"Oh gosh, Harry...I'm so sorry..."

His own tears started to fall and he didn't reach up to wipe them away. Standing up, he sat softly down on the bed by Harry, causing him to stir slightly. He jerked fitfully and Sirius recognized that he was having a nightmare again. The escaped convict felt his heart clench at seeing this young boy in so much pain. Not being able to take it as tears formed in Harry's eyes, he reached down and shook him slightly.

"Harry? Harry, wake up..."

Harry bolted awake, much like Sirius did right after one of his nightmares, and sat up on the bed suddenly, his breath coming in short gasps as he glanced at his surroundings. When his eyes landed on Sirius, he froze, not quite knowing what to do. Sirius too, seemed quite at a loss for words and hoped that Harry could read his silent apology in his eyes. He didn't bother to hide his tears and Harry seemed to be trying to control his own as they stared at each other.

Then, a surprise to both of them, Harry's arms flung up, wrapping around Sirius and he pulled him into a hug, obviously not being able to hide his sobs anymore as he cried on his Godfather's shoulder. Sirius didn't mind at all as he held onto Harry tight.

"I'm sorry, Harry...I'm so sorry..."

Harry didn't saw anything, just held Sirius tighter and continued to let the tears fall.

----

Dumbledore looked up at the knock at his door and called for the person to come in. Remus Lupin quickly came through, shutting the door quickly behind him and walking swiftly up to Dumbledore's desk with a worried expression on his face.

"Ah, Remus! What can I do for you?" Dumbledore asked cheerfully, pocketing his glasses and setting aside the papers he had been reading. He saw Remus' eyes dart over to the papers and back up to him.

"Yes, Remus, these are from Sirius. His findings so far that he has been able to get to me."

Dumbledore could see the longing in the younger man's eyes as he looked at the papers, but then snapped himself out of it, turning back to him.

"Albus, it's about Harry."

"Ah, yes, I assume you and Sirius have told him about the body?"

Remus hesitated. "Yes..."

"And I assume he didn't take it very well?"

Remus grimaced and finally sat down in a chair, running a hand through his hair. "How could you tell?"

"Remus, in all my years as your professor and friend, only two things have made you this worried: One of your friends or a full moon."

The werewolf smiled slightly, knowing of course that Dumbledore was right.

"And lately, you and Sirius seem to be more worried about Harry than anything."

"It's just...he did take the news really hard. I know he's already thinking the worst, which I completely understand," Remus explained. "He ran off and for a while we were worried that he ran away, but he was just up in one of the towers." Remus paused for a moment and shook his head slightly. "Sirius is right...this is a nightmare."

"What's that?"

Remus shrugged. "Just an argument Sirius and I got in right after Harry had run off...we got onto the topic of the veil and I got a little...err...shirty with him."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Indeed? Well, I would like one of these days to see a full out argument between you and Sirius. It sounds quite enjoyable."

Dumbledore saw Remus roll his eyes but smile slightly none-the-less. "They're getting more frequent. I'm sure you'll be guest to one of them soon."

"And what is it that you seem so keen on fighting about?"

"You know."

"I do?"

Remus sighed and looked back up to him, finally making eye contact. "Are you going to tell Harry?"

"Ah, I think I know now what this visit is about..."

Remus seemed rather frantic as he spoke. "Albus, please, you can't, at least not now, not at all if I can help it...he...he can't take any more right now..."

"Relax dear boy, Harry is not going to be told any time soon. Especially since we still aren't sure if or how it can happen."

That seemed to calm Remus down a bit and he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. Dumbledore watched how even when Remus was acting like he was relaxed, he never seemed like he truly was.

"Remus? Are you sleeping at all?"

To his credit, Remus didn't move, his breathing just heightened a bit. "No."

"You know that Sirius is having nightmares?"

"Yes." It was very blunt. "I hear him cry out at night sometimes...it...it echoes through the house"

"And what are your nightmares, Remus?"

That got his attention and he sat up, opening his eyes and looking at his old professor with surprise. "Sir?"

Dumbledore frowned slightly, giving Remus a piercing stare until he crumbled. Remus leaned up on the desk, his head in his hands. "Lily and James."

"Ah, I suspected as much."

Remus' head came up quickly and he looked rather angry. "And I suppose you already know why?"

"Remus, please do not be angry with me. I wish to help."

"I know..." his head went back down again. "It's just hard...I keep seeing all these...these scenes..." he looked up. "Can you tell me what Sirius is dreaming about?"

"It's not Lily and James, I can tell you that, but it's rather close," Dumbledore admitted. "He replays the scenes in the Department of Mysteries: when he fell in and when we found the body."

Remus stayed quiet, not sure how to absorb the information and not quiet sure what to say next. Thankfully, Dumbledore knew what to say.

"For your sake, Remus, and for Harry's," Remus looked up, "You must not give up on him."

Remus nodded and remained silent.

"I talked to a few people over at the ministry this afternoon when the meeting broke up and have informed them of Sirius' idea."

"And?"

"And they are, as we speak, doing vigorous studies about the veil."

There was a painful silence for a few moments until Remus finally managed to ask what both of them were wondering.

"How long?"

Dumbledore's blue eyes fell slightly. "It's hard to tell: Anywhere between a week to a year. This is a delicate situation we're dealing with and we must be very careful."

"Professor? Did you tell these people who...?"

"No," Dumbledore shook his head. "I didn't say any names, just that they were people who could help us in the war."

"Oh."

"Do you think they could help us in the war, Remus?"

"Yes, sir. I know it."

----

"You're sure it's you?" Harry's voice was muffled but Sirius still heard quite clearly what he said and understood it perfectly.

"I ran tests this morning just to make perfectly sure," Sirius admitted.

Harry pulled away from the hug and seemed rather embarrassed for a moment, quickly wiping his tears away and leaning back a bit. "Sorry."

Sirius smiled slightly in a very melancholy way and wiped his own tears away. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I just about lost it when I heard...or, I guess, saw the body."

Harry flinched when Sirius mentioned the body and he immediately regretted bringing it up. But if not now, then when? Harry needed to get a grip on this.

"Harry," he reached down and made his Godson look in his eyes. Harry did so, reluctantly. "We still don't know what it means. It could still just be some strange coincidence."

Harry laughed bitterly. "Right, coincidence. Sirius, nothing in my life is a coincidence. It's bloody fate and I'm afraid I'm getting used to it."

"No, Harry!" Sirius said so forcefully that Harry's eyes went a little wide as his Godfather shook him by his shoulders. "Don't...don't get used to it!"

"What? What other choice do I have?" he asked in exasperation. "I'm the bloody boy-who-lived! Bullocks, I have to kill Voldemort! Me, Sirius!" he looked angry for a moment but then his face softened and he broke eye contact with Sirius, he body relaxing a bit. His voice then came out barely about a whisper. "Just me..."

"You're not alone, Harry." Sirius took his arms off Harry's shoulder and leaned back a bit. "Not while I'm around."

Wrong thing to say.

Harry's eyes flashed up at him. "What?! While you're around!? Incase you didn't notice, I went back into the hell of my first 11 years of existence this past summer! You were dead! Dead! And I had killed you!"

Sirius' eyes flashed at that statement, remembering what Remus had told him earlier about Harry blaming himself for his death. He didn't get a chance to talk though, as Harry kept going.

"No one was there! Ron and Hermione, they try, but it's not the same! Remus, he tries, but it's..." he broke off, chocking back a sob and hung his head. "I needed you, Sirius...I needed you and I killed you!" Harry's anger became apparent as the already cracked mirror shattered further and a strong wind whipped through the room. He stood and turned his back to Sirius, clenching his fists and trying to stop his excess use of wandless magic. "Why? Why can't I just have...can't I have my..."

Sirius felt his heart clench as he filled in Harry's unfinished statement. "Your parents?"

Harry's shoulder's slumped and though Sirius couldn't see his face, he saw his shoulder's bobbing up and down slightly as Harry began to cry again.

Not knowing what else to do, Sirius, got up and went to lay a hand on Harry's shoulder. Thankfully, Harry's didn't flinch away, but he didn't seem any comforted by the touch either.

"I know...I'm not your dad..." Sirius said softly. "I know I could never and would never want to take his spot."

Harry still hadn't turned to face him.

"But I am your Godfather...I loved you from the minute you were born...I was there when you took your first steps..." he smiled slightly and chuckled. "You even puked on my robes once."

Harry had stopped crying but wasn't facing him.

"Your mother was hesitant about making me your Godfather, afraid I wasn't serious enough."

Harry turned towards him and smiled slightly at the joke.

"But your dad...he insisted. And you know what?"

"What?" Harry said softly.

Sirius put both hands on Harry's shoulders and stared him intently in the eyes. "I'm so glad he gave me the chance, the chance to be here for you when no one else was. To be the one that you can turn to no matter what. From Voldemort to your latest crush, Harry, I hope you'll always come to me about it."

Harry smiled again.

"And, now listen, Harry, because this is very important: If something does happen to me - don't flinch away - if something happens, I forbid you to blame yourself."

He cut off Harry as he saw the boy start to argue.

"No, you heard me. I've been hearing a bit about your pity party that you've been on for the past few months and I want no more of it."

Harry wisely kept his mouth shut but he looked as if he was close to tears again.

So Sirius reached out and ruffled his hair.

"Besides, why would you think I'd give anyone the honor of killing me but myself? Surely you know me better?"

Harry finally smiled, a real smile, and swatted Sirius' hand away from his hair.