Ailment

Ailment - Chapter One

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Tuesday, the twenty-fifth of March, 1997. It was warm even though it was nearing ten o' clock in the evening. In the grounds of Hogwarts, a lone figure could be seen under a willow tree.

Draco sat perfectly still. He was waiting for someone. He'd received a letter that morning from his best friend, Harry, asking if they could meet at ten o' clock. Draco had nothing better to do and since they had called their truce a little into the fifth year, the two boys had met up every week. At first this to enable them to be able to trust each other but their relationship soon turned into something of a friendship. This friendship increased after the fall of Voldemort in April of 1996 and Draco confessed a great deal about his life to Harry, who did the same in return. It was known around the school that they were friends now, though it was doubtful if many people knew how close they were. Despite being able to talk to each other freely whenever they wished, they continued to meet once a week by themselves to talk without prying ears. This week, Harry had asked to meet on a Tuesday instead of their usual Friday. Draco didn't know why; the letter gave absolutely no indication of the reason Harry wanted to meet him but he had come nonetheless as it was another opportunity to see him on his own.

He checked his watch and sighed. He had come early and now he had nothing to do for ten minutes. He closed his eyes and leant his head back on the trunk of the tree. He didn't hear footsteps but he looked up when someone or something tapped his knee lightly.

"Hi, Harry. You're early," Draco said, watching his friend drop to the ground in front of him.

"You're earlier," Harry replied. "What aren't you telling me?" he asked bluntly.

"Straight and to the point as usual," the slight blonde muttered.

"Would you prefer I danced around the subject?"

"No."

"Then tell me."

"I can't, Harry."

"So there is something, then?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

Draco frowned and squirmed a bit under Harry's inquisitive, though concerned, gaze. "Because... it's complicated. There's not just one thing, if I'm being completely honest."

"Is it your grandfather? Is he pressuring you and your dad again?"

Draco gave a short bark of humourless laughter. "Yeah right! Didn't I tell you? I got a letter a few days ago from my grandmother saying that, for one, he was dead; for two, that he renounced his following Voldemort and all evil doings and he confessed all his sins and for three, his dying words were that he wished we could forgive him and that he loved us."

"Oh. Aren't you bothered?"

"Not hugely, no. I have to go to the funeral at the weekend but I'm not inconvenienced in any other way except that I have to fill in a shitload of forms to do with my inheritance."

"You're not upset?"

"I suppose I am in a way because despite what he did to us, the evil bastard did love us all and he never did anything to hurt Mum, Amelia or my nan... she's alone now. I think Dad's going to take her back home to live with him and Mum."

"Oh right. Are you sure you're not upset?"

"I told you; I am in a way but I doubt I'll shed any tears. Maybe at the funeral when I'm surrounded by family something may come out but at the moment I barely feel anything for him."

Harry didn't speak for a minute. "What else?" he asked softly. Draco sighed.

"Why do you have to be such an curious little bastard?" he asked. Harry knew he wasn't being insulted but was dismayed to hear slight anguish in Draco's voice as well as humour.

"I don't know. Probably because I care about you and I'm worried that you're fretting over something and refusing to talk to anyone about it."

"I don't think I'm the only one fretting, Harry. Why don't you tell me what you are keeping from me?"

"Okay. I'm keeping my feelings about certain people from you," Harry told him simply.

"Elaborate, please."

Harry sighed this time. "Some feelings... or emotions... I hold for certain individuals, rather a certain individual, have changed over the last few months. That's all you're getting until you tell me something."

"Fine. I feel numb. Your turn."

"My feelings for you changed. You're the certain individual. You go."

"I don't know whether to trust you with the secret I have. I'm sorry if that sounded mean but it's a big fucking thing that I'm keeping from you," Draco told Harry, his eyes starting to shine slightly. "Your turn again."

"Things have changed and I'm scared of whether to voice the alterations."

"Is it my turn again?" Draco asked, his voice quiet and broken.

"I don't want you to have another turn, Draco. I pushed you too far. I don't want to upset you any more. I'll take another turn," Harry took a deep breath. "There's different things you can feel for people. Things you feel for family, friends, enemies, for your elders... In my head, you've sort of... switched your group. You don't seem to be in the friend group anymore."

"What are you saying?" Draco asked, panic evident in his voice.

"No, Draco, don't worry. I'm not saying you're not my friend anymore... I'm saying I think you've become more than that," Harry muttered, looking at the ground, toying with the daisies in the grass. Draco was stunned.

"Harry?" he said timidly. The boy looked up. "Sit next to me," he commanded. Harry nervously shuffled over to sit next to his friend instead of opposite him. Draco reached out with his hand, laying it on top of Harry's own. He stroked Harry's skin with his fingers and Harry turned his hand over. Draco entwined their fingers and lifted Harry's hand to his mouth. Harry watched, mesmerised. Draco kissed the boy's hand softly before putting their still intertwined hands on top of Harry's leg. "Is that what you're saying?" he whispered. Harry just nodded slowly. "Harry, I don't profess to know a single thing about relationships, as you well know, but I think I might want the same as you. However, you have to understand how scared I am of these types of things. I mean, I haven't even kissed anyone before."

"I know. And I do understand."

"As long as you do."

"Do you want to kiss someone?" Harry asked shyly after a slight pause. Draco smiled, not having seen him so timid for a long time and never when it was just the two of them.

"I think so."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Y-yes."

They turned to each other and Harry looked into Draco's eyes, which were slightly wide in anticipation. Harry leant over and pressed a light but firm kiss on the corner of Draco's mouth. He saw Draco's eyelids flutter slightly and pulled back. Draco stared at him for a moment before he turned around in his seat, facing Harry more fully so he didn't have to turn his head. Harry did the same. Draco lifted his free, though shaking, hand to Harry's face and traced the line of his cheekbone and then ran his fingertips over his bottom lip. As Draco rested his hand on his neck, Harry leant forward and claimed Draco's lips softly. As Draco began to hesitantly return the slight pressure being applied to his mouth, they both closed their eyes. Harry could practically feel the innocence in Draco and he slowly began to move his lips against the blonde's. Draco released Harry's hand and ran his fingers up his arm before cautiously sliding them into his raven hair. Harry carefully slid one arm around Draco's waist and gently tugged him a little closer. At the same time, Draco shuffled forward and ended up partly in Harry's lap. Harry smiled and sucked on Draco's bottom lip slightly before pulling out of the kiss. Draco smiled at him and rested his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Do you want me to kiss you again at any point in the future?" Harry asked, his fingers dancing up and down Draco's back.

"I want you to kiss me a lot at many different points in the future..." Draco replied. Harry smiled again and pressed his lips to Draco's forehead. They sat in comfortable silence for a few seconds until Draco stiffened, as though in realisation of something, and stood up abruptly. "... But I can't let you," he said brokenly, his eyes welling with tears. Harry stood up also.

"What are you talking about?" he asked in obvious confusion.

"I care about you deeply, Harry, I do but... Fuck! I should never have let you kiss me."

"Why? You said you wanted it."

"I did... I do... but... I can't let anyone get too close to me."

"Why not?"

A tear fell from Draco's eye. "Because of... because of my secret."

"Draco, you're not making any sense. What's going on?"

"I can't tell you, Harry. I can't, you'll hate me, I can't do it," Draco said, frantically shaking his head repetitively.

"You're scaring me, Draco. I won't hate you, I promise. There's not many things you could tell me that I'd hate you for. Tell me, please, I'm worried about you and this isn't helping!"

"I'm dying, Harry!" Draco cried. "That's what's going on! I have cancer! I'm fucking dying and I don't want you to suffer any more than you have to by getting even closer to me than you already are!"

"Draco, I..."

"You what? You think I'm fucking invincible to disease, do you? You haven't got a clue what's been happening to me and I don't know if I want to let you find out!" Draco shouted, tears streaming down his face. "Everyone who knows about this just says the same thing. I don't need yet another person to tell me that I'll pull through this or that I'll be the one to live through this!" he yelled. Suddenly, he fell to his knees and sobbed. He buried his face in his hands and simply cried. Harry stood for a moment before he sat next to him and tentatively put a hand on his back. "I'm so sorry, Harry," Draco said once his sobs were slightly more controlled. He dropped his hands to his lap. "I should have told you before but I didn't know what to say and... I'm dying. We can't be together the way you want."

"Why?"

"Because you shouldn't have to deal with my illness and if we get together, it'll hurt even more for you when I die than if we're just friends."

"Is that really what you think?"

"Yes!"

"You're wrong. If you're dying and I never had the chance to be with you, I'd be just as devastated as if I did have the chance."

"You don't need this shit in your life, Harry," Draco said.

"I need you in my life, Draco! Do you really want to break this off before it's even started?"

Draco didn't answer for more than two whole minutes but Harry didn't say a word nor move a muscle. "No. I want this to carry on," Draco whispered finally.

"Then talk to me. At least do that. Tell me about it."

"Do you really want to know?" the Slytherin asked. Harry nodded. Draco looked at his lap while he talked in an almost emotionless voice. "I have a disease. I was born with it. It's called Delson's Syndrome. It only affects wizards. I don't know why I have it. My sister doesn't, my parents don't. It's just a random mutation or so I'm told. I didn't catch it off anyone because it's not contagious. It means my immune system is deficient and I'm overly susceptible to terminal diseases. For some reason, I'm not any more prone to common colds and flu than other people but if I do get them, they can be a lot worse and develop faster than in other people. I have cancer; a group of tumours in my stomach. I got cancer because the cells took advantage of the deficiency in my immune system. Having Delson's also means I have weak bones and I get violent nausea and fainting fits. It's the reason I'm epileptic as well. There isn't a cure for the disease although research is moving fast. The best that can be done at the moment is to control it and help prevent getting any other diseases or tumours. The oldest anyone who had it lived was to the age of twenty-six but the average age of death is nineteen," Draco finally looked up. "There. Now you know. Do you really want a relationship with me now?"

"Do you really think I'm so shallow that I wouldn't?"

"I don't know. I don't even know why you wanted to go out with me before you knew I was ill."

Harry smiled slightly. "That's because you're oblivious to your own charms. Draco, of course I still want to be with you. All this means is that there's something I want to help you through. Yes, it's very upsetting to hear all this but I wouldn't shun you for it. Why would I do that?"

"Other people have," Draco muttered, wiping his face with the sleeve of his robes.

"Well, I won't. Come here," Harry said, opening his arms. Draco gratefully fell into his embrace.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought you'd do anything like that. I shouldn't have thought you'd start avoiding me like other people did."

"Shh, it's okay," Harry murmured comfortingly. Draco looked up.

"Do you honestly still want to be with me?" he asked almost inaudibly.

"I honestly do. You mean too much to me for me to hate you because of it like you said I would. I don't care if you have an ailment, Draco. You're still the person I fell for," Harry told him. He felt Draco's figure slump in his arms. "What is it?"

"You're so bloody sweet. How do you do that?"

Harry laughed. "I don't know. How do you drive me insane without doing anything?"

"I didn't know I did."

"Exactly. You don't know you do that, I don't know how I'm sweet. I'm sure a lot of people think I'm a bastard but who gives a shit what other people think?"

"Definitely not me," Draco remarked. "You're not scared that you'll catch what I have from touching me now, are you?"

"What? Don't be silly, Draco. You told me it wasn't contagious and the last I heard, you can't catch cancer off of anyone by touching them."

"Some people don't think that way."

"I'm not just some people. Am I?"

"No. I like the way you talk about this."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't mince your words or try and make it sound like it's all fluffy bunnies and red roses. Not many people I know are this frank about it. You just talk about it the way it is."

"I don't see a reason not to... Shit, this is a lot to take in, you know?"

"I know. I'm sorry I let you find out like this. I should have taken more time to explain a-"

Harry put a finger to his lips. "For now, just let me be with you. We can talk about it properly soon, not now. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it anymore right now," Draco agreed. "So... can we pick up where we left off?" he asked quietly.

"I think so," Harry said with a caring smile. He placed a light kiss on Draco's cheek.

"What were you going to do next?"

"I was going to ask you a question."

"What were you going to ask me?"

"I was going to ask if you'd go out with me. Would you like to be my boyfriend, Draco?"

Draco nodded with a small smile. "Yes. I would love that, Harry. Can I ask you how I did for my first kiss?"

"Yes," Harry said simply. Draco looked at him expectantly. Harry grinned. "Ask me then."

Draco rolled his eyes but he blushed slightly. "How did I do for my first kiss?" he asked, not meeting Harry's eyes.

"You gave me the best kiss I've ever had," Harry replied.

"Don't be an arse, Harry. You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"But you've been with loads of people."

"And haven't really cared about any of them. That's why your kiss was the best one I've had. I'm telling the truth, I promise," the Gryffindor told him earnestly. "You're a natural anyway." Draco blushed further.

"Well, whatever you think... I think I need more practice," Draco said coyly.

"Let me ask you something first?" Harry asked. Draco nodded. "How was your first kiss?"

"It was amazing. It was with this boy with black hair, green eyes, glasses and a funny scar on his forehead. He's in Gryffindor and he's a bit of an arse sometimes but he's wonderful nonetheless." Draco grinned. "There's nobody I would have preferred to share my first kiss with. Or my first anything," he added sincerely and, yet again, shyly.

Harry smiled at Draco's words and the blonde shifted further into his lap. This time it was Draco who leaned in first, although with extreme apprehension. He placed his lips over Harry's and they kissed gently again. Draco placed his hands once more, one in Harry's hair and the other on the side of his neck. Harry's hands went to Draco's waist. As Draco became more familiar with having somebody's lips on his own, Harry brought them both softly to lay on their sides in the grass and he pulled Draco closer against his body. Draco slowly inched the hand that was on Harry's neck down to Harry's thigh and Harry cautiously opened his mouth and slowly ran his tongue across Draco's lips. Draco gasped and Harry pulled back from the kiss.

"Was that too much?" he asked worriedly looking over Draco's face, taking note of his slightly flushed cheeks.

"No," the smaller boy replied, shaking his head. "It was nice but... unexpected. Bloody hell, I feel so stupid."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what to do. I must look like such a stupid twat. I'm sixteen and I don't know how to kiss someone for fuck's sake."

"You don't hear me complaining about what you've done so far, do you?" Harry asked. "Don't worry, Draco. Just... follow your instincts. Relax. If it gets too much, tell me and I'll stop. Okay?" Draco nodded. "I don't want to push you too far when it's your first time with someone."

"I'm happy with everything as far as this."

They kissed again and this time, Draco opened his mouth to allow Harry's tongue to caress his own. He haltingly returned the soft caresses and startled himself when he let out a quiet little moan. His surprise was apparently obvious as Harry laughed a little into the kiss and rolled onto his back, pulling Draco on top of him. Draco ended the kiss slowly.

"Did I really make that noise?" he asked breathily.

"Yes, I believe so. What's it like up there?"

"Hmm... well, it's comfy and the views looking down are quite nice. It's a bit windy though. And a bit cold."

"It's getting late, too. We should get back inside," Harry said, pecking Draco on the lips quickly. Draco rolled off of Harry to let him get up but he himself stayed on the ground. "Are you okay?" Harry asked, holding a hand out to him. Draco took the proffered hand and let Harry pull him to his feet.

"I really think I am," he said softly, entwining his fingers with Harry's again and squeezing his hand. Harry walked Draco back to his room and they stopped outside the door before Draco went in.

"Do you have this room for reasons other than your being a prefect? Do you have this room because you're ill?"

"Yes. I couldn't handle being in the dorms. When I was due to start here in my first year, I was really bad with the Delson's and my epilepsy. I woke up in the middle of the night, having fits and stuff so my parents asked for a separate room away from the dorms for me. I didn't want to let anyone know I was ill and I wouldn't have been able to hide it if I was sharing a room with other people."

"But what happens if you got sick in the middle of the night, like you said? You're all alone."

"Yeah, I am. I like it that way. I don't know how it works but there's a charm or something that lets Severus know if I need help or anything. But apart from that, I like being on my own in there. It's nice to have my own space and to not worry about other people sharing it."

"As long as you don't mind being on your own."

"Being with you is the only company I like better than my own. Some people draw equal but... not you."

Harry smiled. "Do you want people to know about this?"

"Um... I don't really care. People know we're friends so how about we don't actually say we're together but we don't hide it either?"

"Okay. I will tell Hermione, though. Is that okay?"

Draco nodded. "I was going to ask if you wanted to, anyway."

"Is there anyone you want to tell?"

"I'll tell Amelia and mention it to my parents when I next write to them, maybe. Apart from that, who would I tell?"

"What about Blaise?"

"No. I owe him this since he didn't tell me about him and Dean."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Your face was priceless when we caught them kissing."

"Hmmm," Draco said, preceding a yawn.

"Time for bed, methinks," Harry observed. Draco nodded, opening his door.

"Thank you, Harry."

"What for?" Harry asked with a frown.

"For being with me. For asking to be closer to me. For not turning me away when I told you what I'd been hiding."

"Don't thank me for it," Harry told him. He put his free arm around Draco's waist and tilted his head down for a short kiss. Draco sighed.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to get tired of you doing that," he murmured, smiling softly. Harry kissed his cheek.

"Go to bed, Draco. I'll see you in the morning?" he asked. Draco nodded and squeezed Harry's hand once more before he went into his room.

"Goodnight, Harry."

"Night, Draco."

Harry smiled at him again and Draco shut the door. Harry stayed for a second with an inane grin on his face before checking his watch and quickly returning to Gryffindor tower.

"Where have you been?" Hermione demanded as soon as he got through the portrait hole. She spied the mindless grin and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Go to my room, Harry," she said. Harry went without question and she followed him up the stairs. She shut the door behind her and he fell onto her bed.

"Oh, I just had the best night of my life," he said with a sigh. Hermione sat next to him.

"Who have you been shagging?" she asked. Harry sat up abruptly.

"What? Nobody!"

"Don't lie. You told me you were going to meet Draco but you've been shagging! Look, your lips are all red, your hair's even more messed than usual and you're smiling idiotically. Who was it?"

"I wasn't shagging! I was telling the truth; I went to see Draco!"

"But you're all flushed and... OH!"

"Hermione, shush!"

"You kissed Draco!"

"Hermione!" Harry hissed.

"Sorry. But you did, didn't you?"

"Yes. I did. I asked him first and he wanted me to do it. We're kind of... boyfriends... now."

"Oh my god! That's great, Harry." Hermione exclaimed, hugging her friend.

"I know, Mione. And he's just so sweet it's unbearable. He was so nervous that I got nervous about kissing him."

"Why was he so nervous?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Can I trust you with Draco's secrets?"

"Yes, of course. He's my friend as well."

"Okay. Well, he's kind of never... it was his first kiss."

"Oh!" Hermione squealed. "That's so adorable!" she said. Harry smiled but it faltered when he remembered the other things that had occurred that evening. "Harry? What's wrong?"

"What? Oh... nothing, Mione. Or rather, it's not my place to tell you. I'm sure you'll be told eventually but I can't tell you now."

Hermione waited a few seconds before she nodded, taking into account Harry's serious tone. "All right, Harry," she said softly.

"Did I miss anything while I was out?"

"Ugh, just Ron having a row with Dean about Blaise again," Hermione huffed. Harry smiled dryly.

"What did it take to stop him this time?"

"Ginny slapping him round the face."

"When will he learn?" Harry said, unfortunately only half-joking, as he shook his head.

"About the same time he learns to accept Draco for who he really is," Hermione said softly, giving Harry a sad smile. Harry returned the look before yawning widely. He directed a pleading look at his friend. Hermione rolled her eyes, getting her wand out. She transfigured a couple of ribbons on her side table into a pair of pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt and threw them at Harry. He flashed her a winning grin and went into her bathroom.

When he was done changing, he gathered up his clothes and put his ear to the door.

"Are you decent?" he called. He heard a muffled 'Yes' and so returned into the main room. Hermione was already in bed and she held up the blankets for Harry. Harry got in and kissed her cheek. "Thanks Hermy," he muttered before instantly falling into a deep sleep. Hermione smiled affectionately and removed his glasses from his face, depositing the new thin black rectangular frames on the bedside table before she too went off to slumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~