I Won\'t

The hours following Hermione's dreadful scene in the Astronomy Tower were a blur. She distinctly remembered waking up once or twice, seeing random colours and blurry figures, but nothing more. She was sure she had heard Harry and Madam Pomfrey's voices. And she believed she heard Dumbledore and McGonagall as well, but wasn't sure about that.

The following morning, Hermione awoke in the Hospital Wing with a pounding headache. She drowsily sat up. The sun shining through the window nearly blinded her.

'Oh, good,' Madam Pomfrey said cheerfully. 'You're awake.'

Hermione nodded and rubbed her temples to relieve the pain she felt.

'You gave us quite shock last night,' Madam Pomfrey said as she poured Hermione some medicine for her headache. 'Of course, it could only be expected after what you've been through.'

Hermione did a double take. What I've been through? Oh, no, not Harry.

'You know?' Hermione said out of shock.

'Yes,' Madam Pomfrey sighed. 'It's terrible about your parents. I, myself, lost my parents at a young age. They worked with potions though. Very risky job.'

Hermione nodded half out of relief. Harry had kept quiet. Hopefully.

'Your friend, Mr. Potter asked me to give you this.' Madam Pomfrey handed her a neatly folded piece of parchment. 'He stayed by your bedside all night, but he had to go to classes this morning.'

Hermione nodded and took the piece of parchment from Madam Pomfrey. She waited for her to leave Hermione with her parchment and medicine before unfolding the parchment to read it.

Dear Hermione,

I can't believe what I see. You're lying in the Hospital Wing, completely motionless. Shock of the news about your parents, my arse. I saw your arm. I know the truth. We need to talk. Meet me in the Room of Requirement at lunchtime if you can risk it.

-Harry

Hermione placed the letter in her lap and rubbed her temples again. Then, out of complete curiosity, she pulled up her sleeve slightly. She didn't want Madam Pomfrey to see. The red marks were still there.

Harry hadn't told anyone. But nothing could be worse than Harry knowing. He wouldn't be happy. And, for once, Hermione agreed with him. She wasn't happy with herself at all.

*~*~*~*~*

Hermione spent all of her time before lunch trying to convince Madam Pomfrey that she was well enough to leave. And, after much arguing, Madam Pomfrey let her go.

Hermione headed straight to the Room of Requirement on the seventh floor. Harry was waiting outside, in front of the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.

Harry, upon spotting her, walked past the wall across from the tapestry three times and pulled the door open, motioning for Hermione to enter. She quickly moved inside and sat down on the couch. Harry closed the door behind them and turned to her.

Hermione looked up at her nervously. She felt like a little girl waiting for a punishment from her parents. 'I'm sorry,' she said, looking back at her feet.

'For what?' Harry snapped. 'For lying to me? For pretending you were okay? For nearly killing yourself?'

Hermione shook her, still staring at her feet. Her eyes began to fill with tears. 'You don't understand,' she sobbed quietly. 'You need to understand that it's different this time.'

'Forget it,' Harry said, turning away from her. 'I don't care. Find a new boyfriend, and a new best friend.' He headed toward the door.

'Harry! Wait!' Hermione yelled, sobbing harder than before. Harry stopped.

'Why should I?' he asked, turning to face her.

'Please, don't do this to me,' she whispered. 'I need you.'

'You need me?' Harry laughed. He shook his head and shoved his hand into his pocket. 'All you need is your bloody quill!' Harry threw the quill at Hermione's feet. 'Don't think I didn't figure it out, Hermione. I'm not stupid. You could've gotten yourself killed.'

'You're right,' Hermione said angrily. 'Is that what you want to hear? Well, do you know what I want to hear?'

Harry didn't say a word.

'I want to hear my parents forgive me,' Hermione shouted, 'for being such a horrible daughter!'

'Oh, Hermione,' Harry said calmly, sitting down next to her on the couch. 'This is more about them than I realised, isn't it?'

Hermione nodded weakly. 'They were so against me being with you, and I just couldn't imagine ever being away from you.'

'Neither can I,' Harry agreed. 'But I still don't understand why you'd do something like this. Especially after you took care of me so much when Umbridge made me do this.'

'I know,' Hermione said, rolling up her sleeve and feeling the indentation her work had made. 'But I just didn't want to listen to my parents, and then when I found out that I'd never see them again, I felt like nothing really mattered anymore. In my mind there was only one other alternative.'

'What was that?' Harry asked anxiously.

Hermione looked down at her feet. 'Jumping off the Astronomy Tower.'

'What?' Harry roared.

Hermione looked up at Harry. 'Harry, I'm going to ask you something because I know that you know what I'm going through, so bear with me,' she said, figuring out exactly how to say what she wanted to ask. 'Have you ever just wanted to end everything... because you know that if you do... you'll see your parents or Cedric or...' Hermione paused, not sure whether it would be wise to bring him into this. 'Or Sirius?'

Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Hermione looked away. She knew that she had touched a very sensitive nerve by mentioning Sirius.

'Yes,' Harry said calmly. 'During the battle in the Ministry. After he went through the veil.' Hermione couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was the first time he had mentioned Sirius.

'So, you understand what I'm going through?' Hermione assumed.

'I guess,' he said. Harry picked up her arm and ran his fingers along the indentations of the words. 'How long?'

'Since your birthday,' Hermione said, staring up into his green eyes. 'Every night except one. The other night, after the party at headquarters.'

'Oh, Hermione,' Harry whispered and pulled her into his arms. 'Everything's going to be okay.'

Hermione cried into his shirt, feeling so warm from his embrace, but so cold for how she felt. 'I'm sorry,' she whispered hoarsely.

'It's okay,' he said again. 'But, can you promise me something?' He pulled her away to see her face.

'Anything,' Hermione said.

'Promise me that you'll stop this.'