I Won\'t

Hermione's breath caught in her throat. Her heart hammered hard din her chest and her hands were shaking violently. 'Yes, Professor?' Hermione managed to say.

'Professor Dumbledore, as you know, is in contact with your family and the Order,' McGonagall started. She seemed to be avoiding whatever news it was that she had for Hermione. 'And he is informed of any information concerning You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters.'

'Yes,' Hermione urged her on. She had a feeling she knew what was coming. Please, not that. Anything but that.

'It is most unfortunate that I must be the bearer of bad news. It seems that Death Eaters have attacked yet again,' McGonagall explained. She looked close to tears herself, almost as bad as Hermione's heart felt. 'And your parents have been found... dead.'

Time seemed to stand still. Hermione felt a whirlpool of emotions. She didn't know where to begin. She was devastated that her parents were dead. And angry that the Death Eaters had killed them. But then, she was mad at herself. Mad for not telling them that she was sorry or that she loved them.

'It seems that the Death Eaters from the attack on July 31^st may have been involved,' McGonagall told her.

'Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy,' Hermione said. 'They killed them, didn't they?'

'It seems that way,' McGonagall said delicately. 'We have no proof, of course, but we can safely assume...'

Anger-filled tears welled in Hermione's eyes. Malfoy's words came back to her. You just wait until tonight. This is what he meant.

McGonagall got to her feet. 'I am very sorry, Miss Granger,' she said quietly. 'But if I hear any information in regards to those involved in the attack, I will let you know.'

'Thank you, Professor,' Hermione said, shakily getting to her feet.

'Miss Granger, you will not be required to finish your rounds in the Astronomy Tower,' McGonagall said. 'You are welcome to stay here, if you'd like. Or you or welcome to head back to the Gryffindor Tower.'

'No thank you,' Hermione said, shaking her head and wiping tears from her face with her face. 'I'd prefer to finish my rounds.'

McGonagall did not seem too sure about this, but Hermione didn't give her a chance to argue about it. She quickly left the office, leaving Professor McGonagall wondering about her well being. She couldn't bear to talk to her. McGonagall didn't know how she felt. No one did.

Once outside McGonagall's office, Hermione leaned back against a wall and let herself slide down to the floor.

Hermione bit her lower lip and squeezed her eyes shut but tears still slipped from her eyes. Why didn't I tell them that I was sorry? Why was I so fucking mean to them? All they wanted to do was protect me! She suddenly gasped as a searing pain stretched across the scar on her arm. And, as if it were a sign, ideas began to form in her head. She had never felt this way before, not even those nights when she had used a razor to cut herself during first year.

Breathe. Don't panic. Don't do anything rash. But something else took over her. Go to the Astronomy Tower. There's only one way to make all the pain end.

Hermione couldn't find a comeback to match the dark side of her conscience. So, she did just that. Hermione headed up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. The tower didn't seem nearly as far away this time. She ran up the stairs, ignoring Peeves' taunts. 'Oh! Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!'

Hermione reached the door to the Astronomy Tower and threw it open. Much to her surprise and happiness, it was empty. She let the door shut behind her.

And then, Hermione let her instincts take over. She headed to the closest window and undid the latch. She pushed the window open, letting a warm summer breeze blow in along with a horrible wave of grief.

Hermione moved directly in front of the large window. She climbed into the window frame. The wind smelled like the pine trees in the Forbidden Forest. The sky was beautiful. Stars twinkled in the sky and all that was left of the moon was a tiny sliver.

'Mum, Dad, I'm sorry,' Hermione said out into the night. She looked down. It was a long way to the ground, over a hundred feet. Hermione knew if she jumped, she would see her parents again.

But Hermione held back. Is this really how I want to end my life? By jumping off the Astronomy Tower? The terrible, twisted side of Hermione's mind took over again. It's either that or never see your parents again. That's what you want: to see them.

But what about Harry? You love him, don't you?

Once again, Hermione was torn between the two most important things in her life: her parents and Harry.

Hermione stepped down from the window frame. She sat down on the floor and buried her face in the palms of her hands. No matter how much she wanted to see her parents, she couldn't leave Harry. Instinctively, Hermione pulled her quill and parchment out of her handbag.

I won't jump.

The blood trickled down her arm.

I won't commit suicide.

Harder, she dug into the parchment.

I won't leave Harry.

'I won't!' Hermione screamed as she scraped the quill across the parchment as hard as she could.

And, as if by fate, the door opened. 'Hermione, what are you - '

Harry stopped dead in the doorway and stared at Hermione with her rolled up sleeve and bleeding arm. Hermione dropped the quill to the floor and stood up to explain herself.

'Hermione, what have you been doing to yourself?' Harry asked, already knowing the answer. He walked toward her. He was angry with her. But more disappointed than angry.

'I - I - ' Hermione stopped, feeling the world beginning to spin. And suddenly, Hermione's knees gave way and she collapsed into Harry's arms, her life flashing before her eyes like a little movie. And before she knew it, it was over.