I Won\'t

Hermione made her way through the crowd of students, saying good-bye to their parents, to the luggage carriage. She dropped off her trunk and carried Crookshanks onto the train with her.

Hermione could feel people staring at her. Her eyes were, surely, red and puffy from crying. And there was no doubt that some of the students had seen her argument with her parents. It was hard to be talked about. And she knew it would happen. This had to be exactly what Harry felt like.

Hermione hurried to the loo, where she locked herself inside and sat Crookshanks on the ground. She looked in the mirror. Sure enough, her face was red and blotchy. 'Oh, bugger,' she muttered, burying her face in her hands. Warm tears began to slide from her eyes. Why did I fight back? I said I wouldn't, and now look what it has cost me.

Hermione leaned back against the wall and gently slid to the floor. Cut! One half of her mind was telling her one thing while the other side was telling her something else. No! Don't cut!

The quill was just in her handbag. She remembered putting it there only an hour ago. It would feel so good. Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. It would be admitting defeat.

Knock! Knock!

Hermione jumped, hitting her head on the edge of the sink. 'Ow!' she yelped.

'Is someone in there?' It was Lavender.

'Just a minute!' Hermione called, looking at herself in the mirror yet again. Her face was even redder than earlier. She didn't have time to dwell on it. She quickly picked up Crookshanks and her handbag and opened the door.

'Oh! Hermione!' Lavender said cheerfully. She then frowned. 'Are you all right? You look like you've been crying.'

'Oh, it's just allergies,' Hermione lied. She didn't have allergies. 'Seasons changing tends to do it.'

'Oh, I see,' Lavender said. She had fallen for it. 'Well, I guess I'll see you later then?'

'Yeah,' Hermione said as she headed down the hall past full compartments.

'Hermione,' A familiar, mystic voice said.

Hermione turned around to find Luna Lovegood speaking to her.

'Oh,' Hermione said, sounding a bit more shocked then she would have liked. But, after all, Luna Lovegood had never been the first to stand up and greet her. 'Nice to see you, Luna.'

'Harry and Ronald aren't here yet,' she said dully. 'You can sit with me if you'd like.'

Hermione considered turning down her offer, but she couldn't find a good enough reason for this. 'Thanks.' She followed Luna into her compartment.

'Are you Head Girl?' Luna asked casually.

'Yes,' Hermione said proudly. 'And Harry's Head Boy.'

'How wonderful,' Luna said, not sounding as enthusiastic as she should have. But, then again, this was Luna. 'Have you seen him and Ronald this summer?'

'Yes,' Hermione said, raising an eyebrow at Luna suspiciously. 'Harry was staying at my house, but then' - Hermione paused. She couldn't explain about the Death Eater attack or the Order. - 'We went to Ron's house for the second half of the holidays.'

'And, how is Ronald?' Luna went on.

'Er,' Hermione said. 'He's fine, I suppose.'

'That's good,' Luna said. She was quiet for a moment before saying, 'He's quite attractive, Ronald.'

Hermione blinked furiously. 'Excuse me?'

'Oh!' Luna said, losing her usual bored voice. 'Did I say that aloud?'

Hermione laughed. 'Yes,' she said. 'Do you fancy him?'

'I suppose I do,' Luna said, her voice returning to its normal tone. 'You aren't dating him, are you?'

'No,' Hermione said, a bit shocked by this question. 'Actually, Harry and I are dating.'

'Oh, that's lovely,' she said unenthusiastically. 'And he doesn't have a girlfriend? Ronald, I mean.'

Hermione opened her mouth to tell Luna that Ron couldn't get himself a date to the Yule Ball, let alone ask a girl out on a real date, but she was interrupted.

'Did I hear my name?' Ron asked, who was standing in the doorway, followed by Ginny and Harry. He was staring at Luna, who stared at him, oblivious that she was being spoken to.

'Luna, here, was just saying how happy she was that Harry and I were dating,' Hermione said, grinning. She spotted Harry and Ginny grinning as well. Ron, however, was almost as oblivious as Luna had been only seconds ago.

'I still don't see what that has to do with me,' Ron said.

Harry hit his forehead against his hand at Ron's stupidity. Ginny, on the other hand, took matters into her own hands. 'Ron, you stupid git!' she cried. 'Will you take Luna into a different compartment and snog her!'

Harry snorted into his hands. Luna's eyes widened, and she made the face that most people make after swallowing a piece of gum. Hermione grinned even wider.

'What? Why would I do that?' Ron asked. Luna looked a little put out, and Ron seemed to notice this. 'Not that you aren't a lovely person,' he said quickly. 'But the point is, you guys, is that Luna has no interest in snogging me.'

Harry leaned over, and whispered in Ron's ear, 'I think she fancies you, mate.'

'She does not fancy me,' Ron said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Luna. 'Do you?'

Luna stared at the ground, slightly embarrassed to be put on the spot. 'Actually, yes,' she muttered.

'Really?' he said, sounding surprised in a happy way. He thought about this for a moment before saying, 'Luna, would you liked to take a walk with me?'

'I would love to,' Luna said, sounding more excited than she had ever been.

The two of them left the compartment, leaving Harry, Ginny, and Hermione there. Harry sat down next to Hermione and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

Ginny made a face of disgust. 'I feel incredibly uncomfortable here, so I think I'll go find someone to snog. There's always Blaise.'

'Zabini?' Harry said. 'Isn't he a Slytherin?'

'Harry, just because someone is in Slytherin doesn't automatically make them a Death Eater,' Ginny said. She had no idea how much that statement reminded both Harry and Hermione of Sirius.

'But does Ron know that you're going around snogging random blokes?' Hermione asked.

'Are you kidding me?' Ginny gawped. 'But why does he need to know? Does it really affect him?' Ginny smiled and winked at them before leaving down the hall, closing the compartment door before she left.

Hermione shook her head at the thought of Ginny and stared out the window. Parents were waving to their children and saying their good-byes.

'What's wrong, Hermione?' Harry asked.

'What makes you think something is wrong?' Hermione asked, turning to him.

'You just seemed distracted,' he said.

'And just because I'm a bit distracted automatically means that something is wrong?' Hermione snapped.

'Sorry,' Harry said, turning away angrily.

The train began to pull out of the station.

'No, Harry,' Hermione said calmly. She couldn't believe how rude she had been. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I know you're just concerned.'

Harry turned at her and smiled. 'Yes,' he whispered. 'Because I care about you, Hermione.'

Hermione managed a smile. 'Thank you, Harry.'

'No problem,' he said. 'Now, tell me, what's the matter?'

'It's just my parents,' she said nonchalantly.

'What's wrong?'

'We just had a row,' Hermione explained. 'It's not that big of a deal. They're just concerned, like you.'

'Concerned about what?' Harry asked. But Hermione knew what he was hinting at. She knew he was worried that she was cutting again, but Hermione wasn't about to tell him that.

'My safety,' Hermione muttered.

'What do you mean?' Harry asked.

Hermione sighed. She didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to talk about her parents or their fears. She wanted to have a normal conversation about school or the weather or even Quidditch. 'They didn't want me to go back to Hogwarts. A bit like Seamus' problem back in fifth year, really.'

'They didn't think it would be safe after the Death Eater attack,' Harry assumed. Hermione nodded. 'Well, I can't say I'm not used to it. I mean, just about everyone thinks I'm either off my rocker or unsafe to be around.'

'And then, when I convinced them to let me go back to school, they tried to make me stay away from you,' Hermione explained. Tears were blurring her vision yet again.

'So, you were arguing about me?' Harry said. He sounded annoyed. 'Just because I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, and Voldemort is out to get me, you find it necessary to argue about me?'

'I was sticking up for you!' Hermione yelled. 'I told them that I would never stop seeing you!'

'But, Hermione, they are your parents,' Harry told her. 'They're just concerned about you. They want you to be safe. You can't just ignore them!'

'They don't care about me!' Hermione laughed. 'They don't give a damn about me. All they care about is how it reflects on them! My mother said it in the car!'

'I don't care, Hermione,' Harry argued. 'They have every right to be worried about you! Why can't you just accept the fact that they might care more about you them you'd think?'

Hermione let out a deep sigh. 'You know what, Harry?' she huffed. 'You wouldn't understand!' Immediately, Hermione wished she could take it back. 'Harry, I didn't mean it like that - '

'No,' Harry said sharply. 'You're right. I don't understand. Unlike you, Hermione, my parents are dead. I never had a chance to get mad at them. They never had a chance to make me angry. And I can't understand why you'd just push them away. They love you, Hermione. Don't wait until it's too late to care about them back.'

Harry stood up and left, slamming the compartment door behind him.

Hermione hit her head against the back of the seat. Harry, don't leave me here. Don't leave me here alone. I don't want to be alone. She knew that when she was left alone was the only time she would use her quill.

She bit her lip hard, forcing back tears, but eventually letting them slip out and roll down her cheeks. Her hands curled up into fists and shook violently.

Finally, she pulled her quill out of her handbag, along with a piece of parchment. And today was no different. She wrote the same words she had written for the past month. This time, they were for much different reasons.

I won't breakdown. I won't give up. I won't go after him.