Listen To Your Heart

Listen To Your Heart

Chapter One-Deep Secrets

I sat in the Gryffindor common room reading a book. I had both my legs tucked on the couch out to the side. I reached up and pulled my hair over my right shoulder. It hung down against it in gentle waves.

I was so into reading the book that I didn't see a group of people entering the common room until one of them came over and playfully put his hand on the opened book page, obscuring my vision from the story.

"You're reading way too much," James Potter grinned teasingly.

"Leave her alone, James," sighed Remus Lupin.

"Yes what is your fascination with Gillian?" Lily Evans demanded plopping down on the chair.

She scowled at James as he grabbed the book from my hands and turned it over so he could read the title.

"Les Arinus," James read aloud. "A Romance novel? Is this the fifth one you've read in the past 3 months?"

"James lay off alright?" snapped Sam Hairston as he came over to James, snatched the book from James' hands and placed the book back in mine. "Leave her alone for once. So she likes reading. At least she's educated."

Remus' lip twitched at that and he came over to the couch, taking a seat next to me. My feet touched his thigh.

Sam was scowling at James also.

"I was only asking a question," James said defensively. "Is that against the law or something?"

"No," Sam continued. "Just when you torment her about it."

"Does it bother you that I read?" I demanded turning to James.

James looked at me startled.

"No..." his voice trailed off but I threw my book at him.

"Then leave me alone," I snapped as I got up and stormed from the common room.

I stood in the hallway with my arms crossed on top of the windowsill. Outside, the snow came down heavily and already thick blankets covered the ground. There had to be at least 3 inches already.

I pulled my robe tighter around me and hugged it against my body. A cold gust of wind blew my hair over my shoulders. A shiver ran down my spine.

My name is Gillian Ross. I'm 17 years old with shoulder length dark blond hair and blue eyes. I was dressed in the Gryffindor robe and uniform. The gray pleated skirt reached my knees. I also had on the gray sweater vest with a V neck, (around the neckline was the maroon/gold stitching of the Gryffindor colors), a white shirt underneath the vest and the maroon/gold striped tie. Over that was the black robe with the Gryffindor crest embroided on it and black Mary Jane shoes.

I sighed. I really wasn't mad at James. I knew he was just teasing and curious. I was just upset because something happened over the summer that I haven't told anyone yet. I was scared. I wasn't sure they'd accept me after I told them.

My parents didn't even know. I knew they'd go crazy if they found out and probably more than likely kill me.

I sighed again and rested my chin on top of my arm and stared out into the whirling snow outside.

A few moments later, I sensed someone standing next to me. I raised my head and looked. It was Sam.

"You alright?" Sam asked worriedly.

He had short, wavy, thick dark brown hair and brown eyes. He folded his arms over the front of his robe. Sam was tall, thin and had a calm, caring personality. He also had a good sense of humor and always made me laugh. He was at least six feet tall.

"I'm fine," I muttered.

"James can be a bit much," Sam said sympathetically.

"It's not James I'm upset with," I said quietly.

"What's wrong then?" Sam prodded gently.

I hesitated.

I couldn't tell him yet. I was a bit unsure of whether or not I should tell him just yet or wait.

The next thing I knew, Remus came out of the common room too.

"She okay?" he demanded automatically as he came over to us.

"Yeah," Sam said turning to him. "She said she wasn't upset with James. I think something else is bothering her."

Remus looked at me. We held each others' gazes for a bit.

Remus broke the gaze and turned to Sam.

"She'll tell us when she's ready," Remus said slowly. "It's probably just all the stress from N.E.W.T.S coming up and everything."

Sam nodded.

"Right,"

He came over to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Just don't let James get to you. I think most of the time he's constipated," he said softly.

I managed a small chuckle as he turned and headed back into the common room, leaving Remus and I alone in the corridor.

Remus came over to me. He was the same height as Sam was. Remus had a more down to earth personality and he loved following the rules. He never second guessed helping others and he didn't ask for anything in return.

"I hope whatever is making you upset isn't me," he said looking upset himself and concerned.

I looked at him shocked.

"Now why on earth would you think it was you?" I asked shocked.

Remus looked down at the floor and shifted his weight onto his other foot.

"Because I'm always telling you to study," he said. "I just don't want you to fail the exams."

"No," I said softly shaking my head. "It's not you...or Sam, or James, or Lily, or even Peter. It's something that happened to me over the summer."

Remus looked at me curiously.

I hesitated. I knew I could trust Remus to keep it quiet until I was ready to tell the others.

"Let's go to the library and talk," I said.

Remus nodded and we walked to the library.

SAM.

Remus and Gillian didn't return to the common room.

"Where'd those two go?" I asked curiously.

"Probably out taking a walk outside," James suggested grinning. "You know Remus doesn't feel the cold like we do. Probably keeping Gillian warm."

Lily smacked James up the back of the head.

"What?" James asked looking at her innocently.

I fell silent deep in thought.

Truthfully, I loved Gillian very much...I just never told her. I fell in love with her last year. The whole group of us met in our first year and we've been best friends since then especially since Remus is a werewolf. We were Animagi's but no one else knew except Professor Dumbledore. James changed into a stag, Sirius Black changed into a black dog, and I changed into a black and white border collie. Sirius wasn't around at the moment because he was caught setting off dungbombs in the Charms classroom and was serving detention. He should be around shortly though. But I also could see that Remus liked her as well. Of course, he doesn't know I'm in love with her also. I could see why he would like her. She's a terrific girl. She's smart, funny, kind, caring, thoughtful and just an overall amazing person to be with.

"They probably did go for a walk," Lily said gently. "Why are you so worried?"

"No reason," I said quickly and shrugged.

Lily and James eyed me shrewdly.

GILLIAN.

Remus and I sat in the library at a table. He was sitting across from me, his blue eyes locked on mine. He had short, dark brown hair as well.

I nervously twisted a ring on my finger and kept my eyes on it. Remus crossed his arms on top of the table and never took his eyes off of me.

"So what's wrong?" he asked immediately. "Can I help you?"

I snorted.

"I seriously doubt you can help me with this problem," I said. "Unless you can magically take it back."

He looked at me confused.

I avoided looking at him and launched into the entire story.

"See, over the summer I spent it in London right? I told you guys at the end of last term how I got a job helping out at the local Muggle movie theater. I met a cute Muggle guy named Sean. He and I hit it off and we went out a few times. My parents didn't approve of him because he wasn't from a magical family."

Tears began forming as I explained this to Remus. "One night we spent the night together because my parents and I had a row about him. They said that they had nothing against Muggles, but if I wanted a proper family and things, I would need to date someone from the wizarding world. I told them that it didn't matter than Sean and I liked each other and my Dad just blew. So I left the house and spent the night with Sean."

I took a deep breath and felt myself shaking violently. The tears began streaming down my cheeks at this point. Remus continued to watch me with concern and never interrupted me.

"We ended up sleeping together. A few days later, I found out that I was pregnant. I told Sean what happened and he completely bailed on me,"

I burst into tears.

"I tried contacting him, but he wants nothing to do with me now,"

Remus' expression changed to a grimace.

"I can't even tell my parents! They'd kill me for sure! I have no where to go!" I sobbed hysterically as I crossed my arms on top of the table and buried my face into them as I cried. "I was also scared to tell you guys because I was afraid that you'd want nothing to do with me anymore."

I continued to sob.

"Gillian," Remus said quietly as I heard the chair scrape on the floor as he got up and he came around the table and sat down beside me. I felt his arm around me. "Of course we would still love you and care about you! I can't believe you would think something like that! Sean was a jerk and I know your parents would be angry, but I'm sure they would support you either way."

I raised my head and looked at him.

He threw his arms around me and drew me close. I rested my chin on top of his shoulder. Remus' embrace tightened.

"I'm here for you if you need me alright?" he whispered in my ear. "I won't tell anyone unless you say its okay...alright? This will be our little secret okay?"

I felt myself smiling as the tears continued to stream down my cheeks.

SAM.

About a half an hour later, Remus and Gillian entered the common room. Remus had his arm around Gillian's shoulders. Her blue eyes were red and puffy. It was though she had been crying.

Immediately I picked up on it.

"Gillian? Why were you crying?" I demanded getting up from the couch and going over to her.

"Oh," she said offering me a smile. "I just broke down with all the stress from the upcoming exams. Remus calmed me down."

I raised an eyebrow at her. I could sense that that wasn't what had happened.

I was just about to ask her what really happened when Sirius entered the common room.

"Man, that was fun," he said sarcastically as he flopped down on a chair. His short, wavy thick black hair fell across an eye. He was grinning at Gillian and Remus, with his arm around her.

Sirius was handsome. All the girls loved him. James's short, black hair was untidy as usual. He also had hazel eyes. Lily's auburn hair was pulled into a ponytail and her emerald green eyes were narrowed at Sirius.

"Well," she said slowly. "That should teach you not to set off bombs in a classroom."

Sirius nodded.

"I know next time not to get caught," he grinned.

Lily just exhaled loudly.

"Whoops," Remus said checking his watch. "Time for History of Magic."

Everyone grabbed their bags and we left the common room.

GILLIAN.

I felt Sam's eyes on me as we all began walking down the corridor. Remus and Sirius were walking ahead of us. Sirius was laughing and telling him about a new prank he had in mind. James and Lily were a head of them. Behind Remus and Sirius, were Sam and I.

"Gillian," Sam said slowly as he gently pulled me aside. The others kept walking, unaware that Sam had pulled me aside. "Please tell me why you were upset earlier. I know it wasn't aimed at James."

I paused.

"I can't tell you just yet," I said quietly.

"But I'm guessing you told Remus," Sam said shrewdly.

"Yes," I said nodding. "He's the only person that knows as of now."

"I understand," Sam said, his tone becoming cold. "Perfectly."

"Sam..." I began but he just shook his head and went to head off down the corridor, but I grabbed his elbow.

"Please," I pleaded earnestly. "Don't be like this."

Immediately, guilt flooded his face.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I want to know what's upsetting you."

I hesitated.

"I'll tell you after class,"

He nodded and we headed off to class.

I told Remus that I was going to tell Sam about what happened. He passed the note back to me saying "okay".

After class, Lily, James and Sirius headed back to the common room. Remus stayed with me while I explained everything to Sam.

When I was done, Sam had a shocked but sympathetic expression on his face.

"Oh Gil," he said quietly. "You should never be afraid to come to us with a problem. We're here for you alright?"

Sam opened is arms and drew me close in a tight embrace. He had to bend down a bit because he was much taller than I was. I rested my chin on top of his shoulder.

"So," Sam said after he released me 5 seconds later, "You're two months pregnant then? Remus and I are the only ones that know?"

I nodded.

"I think you should tell the others too," Remus said earnestly and kindly. "You know now that we're not going to abandon you."

I smiled.

"You're right," I said. "Let's go."

So we headed back to the common room.

Lily, James, Sirius and Peter all listened intently without interrupting me.

When I was done, Sirius swore.

"Sean is a prick," he muttered.

I managed a smile.

"I can't believe you would be afraid to tell us!" Lily said jumping up and throwing her arms around me. "We would never do that!"

After a round of hugging, I began feeling much better now.

We all headed off to bed.

SAM.

I climbed into bed and stared up at the ceiling. I wondered what was going to happen now. I dozed off and dreamed:

Gillian and I were standing outside St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

She was angry.

"I can't believe you told them!" she cried enraged. "I TRUSTED YOU!"

"Please," I saw myself plead. "It was the right thing to do."

"Yeah and now they probably want NOTHING TO DO WITH ME NOW!" Gillian roared as she angrily stormed to the curb and a taxi pulled up. She climbed in and slammed the door.

"Gillian please!" I cried rushing over to the taxi but it already had begun pulling away from the curb. Just as the taxi passed through one of the intersections, a large SUV sped through and slammed into the side of Gillian's taxi, pushing it sideways into a pole.

I stood, completely shocked and I began trembling.

"NOOOOOO!" I howled.